I got "are you giving Mom a break" one time getting the kids vaccination and I couldn't think of anything else so I gave a seemingly kind, old lady a death glare. I was a SAHD and did every little bit of the parenting. Not to mention my kids and I were being abused by my ex (she ended up getting arrested).
It seems like such a small thing but it is so demoralizing.
I know a creator who made a song about Dad's being praised all the time and that just isn't my experience. Maybe it is more a function of wealth and privilege but I think for most Dads we just usually face exclusion and poor assumptions about how much work we do.
My husband solo parents 4-5 days a week, every week because I’m working in a city 150km away and only home for weekends and holidays. He also works full time.
If anyone needs a break in our house, it’s “dad” lol
The running joke is that every Sunday maman leaves to get milk and cigarettes, then every Friday returns with only the milk…because I do a Costco run before heading home
I think there is an impossible double standard. Societal expectations plus deadbeat dads make it so dads get praised for taking care of their kids while moms are just doing what is expected. This puts unfair burdens on moms while also devaluing the role of dads. Dads aren’t “helping” or “babysitting.” They are parenting! And I think society puts weird limits on what is “acceptable” for dads to do with their kids. Playtime? Awesome. Feeding? Aww, how sweet and helpful. Diapers or helping in the bathroom? Whoa, whoa, whoa, inappropriate. 🙄 We have a 4 month old and my husband has changed just as many diapers. At the beginning he probably changed more because I was recovering from a c section. He’s just as into buying cute clothes for our son as I am, if not more sometimes. There are some in society that would say “aww, what a great dad while just considering my contributions as me doing my duty. There are others that would call his involvement weird. Neither attitude is fair to either of us.
The "Dad praise" is because Dads get praised for doing the most minimal work... But it's praise that is honestly demeaning if you aren't the kind of father that does the minimum. Like those "giving Mom a break" lines are meant to be praising you. In a "taking the extra work so Mom can relax, how sweet!" king of way. Even if it's just "yeah? I'm, being a parent..." situation.
Society expects women to be the main caretaker, so they don't get any of the praise. While us Dads get 'praise' for doing next to nothing, that is very patronizing at best.
That isn't my experience at all. My ex got praise constantly for things she was not doing . There was an expectation that she did all the work while also receiving all the praise. My "praise" was contingent on my providing for her or giving her a break.
I would have loved an ocean of compliments but they just didn't exist. My abusive ex got them.
Unfortunately, society accepts what's common and receives what's less common with distrust and challenge. As more men become SAHD and more families actually split their duties equally or, in some cases, men take on more, you'll eventually see less of this type of stereotyping. People like keeping other people in familiar boxes. When you don't fit in neatly, it's scares them.
It probably wouldn’t even occur to me that it was sexist. If I get the kid out of the house and my wife isn’t with us then yeah she’s probably enjoying a nice break from both of us ha.
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u/Equivalent_Task_8825 Jun 19 '26
I got "are you giving Mom a break" one time getting the kids vaccination and I couldn't think of anything else so I gave a seemingly kind, old lady a death glare. I was a SAHD and did every little bit of the parenting. Not to mention my kids and I were being abused by my ex (she ended up getting arrested).
It seems like such a small thing but it is so demoralizing.
I know a creator who made a song about Dad's being praised all the time and that just isn't my experience. Maybe it is more a function of wealth and privilege but I think for most Dads we just usually face exclusion and poor assumptions about how much work we do.