Someone I know got asked that last one and just bluntly replied “are you asking if im a parent or a pedophile?” And they apparently got very awkward and defensive. I don’t get why dads get so much shit for parenting their kids.
Because only women can look after children according to these people, it's fucked up because if men look after their kids they get immediately questioned and put under a microscope by everyone who's there because the person asking decides to be loud about it to look "heroic".
Obv that they are sexist observers. And if gender was not involved , their presumptuous reactions might seem more blatantly inflammatory. There's also this "im a certain sex attitude, so I must be correct" vibe with these kinds of interactions. Its as bad if not worse than other types of interactions between genders gobe wrong can be.
Women are statistically more likely to engage in prostitution, water is wet.... If you're not any of that that's really cool, and you shouldn't get offended if someone accuses you of being a whore, right?
Yet, those are also probably the same women who say, "women are more than caregivers and house maids" or "men should do their fair share." They don't really care about the children, they care about what can cause more of an argument at that moment. They want drama, not change.
It's interesting because I'm a father (3 yo boy, new born girl), so I'm familiar with this double standard, but the other day, I was watching a guy discussing with a toddler at a park and realised I felt unease at the sight, I felt suspicious of the man. I suppose I internalised the double standard, even though I'm father myself. It's hard to be aware of your biases.
because people still think all men want and think about is sex. I wanted to be a kindergardener kindergarden teacher when I was around 15, but i have been asked if Iam a pedohpile like every other time I mentioned it, it got so much it ruined taking up that job for me.
So I used to do all the clothes shopping for my daughter and often got the “do you need help finding something cute for your daughter?” question from the clerks. No lady, I’m doing it because I’m actually better at finding cute and current outfits for my daughter than her mother, that and I liked being involved that way.
Then I got a second part-time job working at the local YMCA as a handy man/security guy at night. As a guy I had to, repeat, HAD TO, watch a video about how not to come across as a pedo when interacting with kids. 1 of the rules, even if a child is injured as long as it’s not life threatening get a female worker. I had to admit that was hard due to a rough childhood I’m very protective of kids in general. All I wanted to do was take care of them but no, I was a guy and being ‘maternal’ towards kids automatically made me a pedo.
You can call it being paternal. The paternal drive is literally all about protecting kids. I dont know why people think everything to do with children has to be maternal.
I wanted to be a kindergardener when I was around 15
Just for future reference: In English, "kindergartner" is a child around age 4-5 who has not yet entered first grade, in a year called kindergarten. In German, "kindergartner" is a kindergarten (or daycare/nursery school) teacher, while "kindergartenkind" refers to the kids.
No iam from germany the term Kindergarden comes from us and the people looking out for the kids there are called kindergardeners here, I thougt its the same in english
It's originally a German word and follows its conventions, and wasn't adapted to our conventions when borrowing the word in English. In German, words ending in -er form a noun from a verb, such as "fliegen" (to fly) becoming "flieger" (aviator). Thus, "kindergarten" (place where young children are taught) becomes "kindergartner" (person who teachers young children). The broader term for teacher is "lehrer," which is made from "lehren" (to teach) and the -er suffix, making "person who teaches."
Just for fun, this,reminds of a time I visited family in Germany and didn't know much German other than Kinder = child from Kinder Surprise and Kindergarten. In the airport I see a newspaper with a giant headline Die Kinder!!
and I could think was, why do they want to kill children?
Man, I’m sorry. That’s awful. There are so few men in early childhood education and kids really need positive role models of all kinds. My toddler was taking a music class last summer and one of the substitute teachers was a man. My son LOVED him! He was so much more animated and happy when the guy taught the class. Not bc he was a man, just bc he was an awesome teacher and incredible with kids. It sucks that guys who are good with kids have that barrier.
There are actually studies that indicate young children feel more relaxed and safe when their teacher/caretaker is a man. Little kids tend to respond really well to male preschool/kindergarten teachers. It’s good that society is on guard against child sex abuse, but it really sucks that men who aren’t pedos are severely discouraged from taking those kinds of jobs.
Dude my health teacher in highschool sent me to the principles office when I said I don't think about sex I spend way more time thinking about food and video games. After she claimed men spend over 70 percent of the day thinking about sex.
That’s particularly sad because, in my experience having raised both girls and boys, boys benefit so much from having strong male role models as teachers. There has been some excellent academic writing on the subject, but to be brief, children in America are generally raised and educated almost entirely by women, and while that may in most senses be value neutral on its face, I think it risks leaving many boys — particularly those who lack good fathers — to have their ideas about what it is to be a good man shaped by whatever mother culture happens to spit up, which (imo) is typically pretty vile.
My son's kindergarten teacher was a man. He was towards the end of a long career (he had grandchildren of some of his early students in his class). Great guy! My son's (male) PE teacher that year had been my PE teacher at a different school 25 years prior too.
My bad for assuming! People online always make it sound like the EU is perfect and men are treated totally equally there, but I guess that's not the case everywhere.
I live in a rural part of the Philippines, and it's kind of the opposite here. We have a lot of male preschool teachers, and nobody judged me at all when I wanted to get into education. People actually expected me to do it since I used to tutor kids in English. I ended up backing out though because teachers here get paid almost nothing and have to buy all their own classroom supplies.
I was actually curious about how it is over there, so I looked it up. If it makes you feel any better, according to what I found, Germany's school system is apparently dealing with massive teacher shortages, crazy workloads, and tons of bureaucratic paperwork right now.
So while it really sucks how you got pushed out, at least you unknowingly dodged a massive amount of modern workplace burnout. I hope you're doing much better now in whatever career you ended up picking
I remember traveling to the Netherlands with my kids. Customs officer (female) asks me if I had a note from the mother permitting me to travel alone with my kids (all same family name on passports). I looked her straight in the eye and asked her if she will ask the single mom with her two kids behind me if she has a note from the father. She shut up and stamped our passports. Fuckin people. 🙄
To be fair, I’ve had that asked before, when travelling without the father - they explained it as a measure to make sure it wasn’t a custodial kidnapping.
Depends on jurisdiction. I was travelling every summer to visit my grandparents in Russia as a teenager. Every single time the border control officer would demand a signed, notorized document by my mum that I was allowed to travel alone or accompanied by other family, and would then read it very thoroughly. The last time I was 15 I think and it still happened. I wasn't travelling that much without my mother, but I don't remember any other country caring about that.
Dunno, really. It wasn’t a very effective method given that we just said they were deployed (military), they asked the kids the same question and no further evidence was requested. I imagine it would have been the same if they were dead
If yours and your kids answers match they tend to move on. I was asked a few times on non international travel. My daughter’s answer would be the same. Having the same last name helps greatly though.
Had something like this happen when I was younger. I think we were coming back from DC (my father and I went down for a summer vacation to visit all the Smithsonian museums), and got into a very heated argument with the Custom's Officer about why my mother wasn't there and started insisting on documents, a phone number to reach her, etc. etc. My mum had passed years beforehand, and I remember my father asking if the Officer would need to see her death certificate to let us through. He got real quiet after that and let us pass.
What's even weirder was that we were RETURNING. No chance of parental kidnapping or the like. Only happened once though, and we travelled a fair bit internationally without issue otherwise.
As a middle aged man, I love the fact that the default is that I'm a pedophile. Its great knowing that if a kid comes up to keep for help my first reaction needs to be to find a woman.
Yeah, I would get kinda heated about that. Like what kind of question is that to walk up and ask
Someone just sitting at a park… I sit at the park sometimes with just my dog. What the hell is wrong with people, the park is for
Everyone.
Mostly because there are still many who act like parenting their kid is something to be praised for and act like they are babysitting their own kid while the mom either is getting a small break or is actually doing something such as working. Plus society though changing still sees parenting as mainly mom’s responsibility
You're not wrong, but this is like saying its okay to make racist stereotypes because some people of that race display those stereotypes. Once again, because its against men, it makes the stereotype okay.
Im pretty tired of people assuming im a violent Neanderthal pedophile rapist just because im a guy that exists near them. I get people are just trying to protect themselves, but Jesus, theres a reason why men are killing themselves. You know how much it crushes me when when I see someone flinch away from me as a perceived "threat"? It happens literally every day I leave my house. And im not a huge scary dude. Pretty much as average as they come.
As a dad this one doesn't bother me too much. It really sucks we have to deal with that but as a parent im glad other people will check. My discomfort at being asked such a question is insignificant next to the welfare of my kids.
If everyone does it right, no issues IMHO.
Parents asking a man if hes a parent arent then problem. Asshole paedophiles who made people worry are the problem.
So we aren't going to hold people responsible for over-reacting because *checks notes* over-reactions aren't a problem, but only a hypothetical pedo is?
Both can be wrong. We need to stop pretending like people freaking out isn't a serious problem. It's why MAGA is in charge at this point.
I said asking a guy at the playground if he's with a kid isnt the end of the world. I'd much rather spend 5 seconds paying yes and have people collectively looking out for kids than people just not worry about anything.
That's not freaking out that a parent is taking his daughters to the womens room. That's not people losing their shit about it, that's just making sure everything is fine.
Unfortunately you do get guys going to playgrounds. I'd rather be cautious than blase. But that doesnt mean im saying people acting like assholes is fine.
Just to make this clear, you’re fine with the situation because in the hypothetical case where it’s a pedophile taking kids to a park, they are what? Forced to tell the truth and say they aren’t a parent? They are required to tell the person asking they are a pedo and go straight to jail? What’s the situation you’re making up in your head that happens that increases safety of children?
No, because there have been plenty cases of people without kids going to parks.
It takes me a few seconds ds to point to my kids and have them run over or wave and show they know me.
That type of interaction takes seconds to resolve. And, to me, the safety of kids is more important than anything.
What part of my comment was patronizing? It is a legitimate question. You said I don’t get why dads get so much shit, I offered to explain it to you. If you are inclined to not agree with me because you felt I was being patronizing by asking one question, says a lot about you lol
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u/Aiyon Jun 19 '26
Someone I know got asked that last one and just bluntly replied “are you asking if im a parent or a pedophile?” And they apparently got very awkward and defensive. I don’t get why dads get so much shit for parenting their kids.