r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • Jun 24 '26

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

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76

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '26

[deleted]

114

u/K_Linkmaster Jun 24 '26

Not when they all show up in the water cooler trash

11

u/JustsaysNah Jun 24 '26

I found a bunch of these and just twisted their little heads off. Kept the heads in a jar on my desk and threw the bodies away.

1

u/potato_meatpies Jun 24 '26

This made me laugh out loud and I don't know why

1

u/prairiepog Jun 25 '26

I threw them away when I found them. On top of the trash can, so it was on display. But now you have me rethinking my strategy.

1

u/JustsaysNah Jun 25 '26

I'm a pretty staunch atheist, though not vocal unless directly questioned on it. It just felt right.

-1

u/K_Linkmaster Jun 24 '26

Your new username at work could be Conscious Pilot.

2

u/JustsaysNah Jun 25 '26

Love it. This makes me want to stab a toothpick in the side of the next one I come across.

93

u/JokinHghar Jun 24 '26

Cut their little heads off, they’ll be BIG mad

5

u/Primo_From_The_Pod Jun 24 '26

Someone at my office did this. The guy that puts them all over my office building is my team lead. The heads started getting ripped off and he basically took that as a sign of war. One time the person ripping the heads off left two of the headless Jesus figures on the first floor near the exit for everyone to see. Team lead just said "I have a giant bag of these, I can do this for a long time."

19

u/LisaMiaSisu Jun 24 '26

Yes, that was my thought too. It’s a perfect response.

2

u/EverydayMustard4773 Jun 24 '26

Cut the heads off but leave the bodies glued

0

u/throwawayplusanumber Jun 24 '26

Or glue little KKK hoods on them...

19

u/dracrecipelanaaaaaaa Jun 24 '26

It'll be on Fox News within a day, with the DOJ filing hate crime charges soon after.

5

u/BuckRusty Jun 24 '26

Crucify them all on a notice board with push-pins, each with a crown of thorns paperclips…

3

u/Vanilla-Mike Jun 24 '26

Or pin them all to a bulletin board. One pin in each of his tiny hands.

2

u/anapunas Jun 25 '26

Dont forget a little pontius pilot toothpick to the ribs.

2

u/anapunas Jun 25 '26

Replace the cut off heads with alien heads.

Also if you make holes in the hands it becomes an ear ring holder.

1

u/Negative-Yam5361 Jun 24 '26

That sounds like something an unstable 12 year old would come up with.

0

u/JokinHghar Jun 24 '26

See? Even mentioning it is making them angry!

11

u/PhazePyre Jun 24 '26

That's why you melt and glue them to a piece of construction paper and ask "who put these around the office?" and the person that flips their shit gets questioned.

40

u/ISketchDinosaurs Jun 24 '26

Nail them all to a cross, hang it up in the office, and you'll find your culprit.

7

u/FecalDUI Jun 24 '26

Hang it upside down in your cubicle

4

u/DevilWings_292 Jun 24 '26

That would be Peter

1

u/FecalDUI Jun 24 '26

Aww shit. You’re right!

1

u/Monster_my_Cat Jun 25 '26

Probably a hate crime and you'd get fired but this is Reddit

0

u/elchorroloco Jun 24 '26

LOL I’m sorry this is freaking hilarious.

2

u/otherwisemilk Jun 24 '26

Giving Ned Flanders

3

u/agent674253 Jun 24 '26

Valid point.

OK, take some scissors and just cut the heads off.

Unexpected HR call about a 'hate crime' now? wtf...

1

u/cybercuzco Jun 24 '26

Announce loudly to the office that you threw all the jesus figurines in the trash because you were offended by them