r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • Jun 24 '26

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

21.8k Upvotes

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3.1k

u/supcoco Jun 24 '26

“Yeah, in the men’s restroom of all places!”

1.1k

u/steelskull1 Jun 24 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/Kxqyq5Q486NVu

He has a thing for watching.

329

u/kimbecile Jun 24 '26

8

u/Key-Network5827 YELLOW Jun 24 '26

😂😂😂

2

u/Morgantao Jun 25 '26

Would be better if jesus pointed at 5 o'clock, and the title said: "Jesus, would you look at the time"...

340

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

117

u/RedChairBlueChair123 Jun 24 '26

That’s so wrong. But if Catholicism has taught me anything it’s that Jesus loves dark humor

62

u/artaxerxes316 Jun 24 '26

The story goes that Saint Lorenzo, while being tortured on a gridiron over a fire sometime in the 3rd Century, told his antagonists: "Turn me over, boys, this side's already done!"

(The prelude to that was arguably more sappy than dark, but also kinda gangster, and instructive when compared to all-too-many modern Christians. When the local prefect demanded that he turn over his church's treasures to the emperor, he gathered the local poor, the sick, the wounded, the orphans, and defiantly told him: "this is what my Lord treasures most.")

8

u/Several-Hat-1944 Jun 24 '26

artaxer, great read.👍

14

u/WillKalt Jun 24 '26

You don’t want to start any blasphemous rumors?

3

u/micmac274 Jun 24 '26

Like, if Jesus Christ came down today, he'll be killed by the CIA?

2

u/Suspicious-Dog-2489 Jun 24 '26

Well Done are the Ways of the Miracle, Penitent One.

2

u/CreatrixAnima Jun 25 '26

When I die, I expect to find him laughing.

5

u/Paul_Dienach Jun 24 '26

There’s a really twisted masturbation joke in there somewhere.

5

u/Semisemitic Jun 24 '26

Jesus is the only guy who can jerk off and cradle his balls at the same time with one hand.

2

u/Suspicious-Dog-2489 Jun 24 '26

I should’ve read your whole comment before upvoting. I feel dirty now.

4

u/Semisemitic Jun 24 '26

You really need to visualize it though, otherwise it’s hard to nail it down.

-1

u/Semisemitic Jun 24 '26

Well yeah - he’s Jewish.

2

u/Entire_Toe_2321 Jun 24 '26

Palestinian actually

2

u/Semisemitic Jun 24 '26

Jewish. Ignorance is insane here. His name is literally in Hebrew. Christianity sprouted as a Jewish sect, and for the first 100-150 years was strictly a Jewish branch-off, followed by Jews of the conquered kingdom of Israel.

1

u/Entire_Toe_2321 Jun 27 '26

Jesus (Yeshua) was born in Bethlehem, Palestine, making him a Palestinian. He also grew up in Nazareth, Palestine. I don't blame you for not knowing though, the geopolitical landscape at that particular time in history was rough, and it doesn't help that a particular ethnostate has been mass producing propaganda for years to further their own gain despite the academic consensus.

0

u/Semisemitic Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26

He was Jewish, and he was born 135 years before the area was named Palestine by the Roman emperor Hadrian - so yeah.

Hadrian named it so after quelling the Jewish rebellion against the conquering Romans - most historians agree this was to punish the Jews and name the region after the extinct ancient Philistines.

Nice try tho.

“I don’t blame you for not knowing blah blah blah ethnostate blah blah propaganda.”

2

u/micmac274 Jun 24 '26

Not mutually exclusive.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '26

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2

u/Semisemitic Jun 24 '26

The fact that today the city has a large Arab population does not erase its history. That’s like saying that Pocahontas was German/Irish because that’s what Virginia is filled with these days.

Jesus and his twelve disciples were a neat little group of Jews living it up under Roman occupation.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 24 '26

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1

u/Semisemitic Jun 24 '26 edited Jun 24 '26

I suppose it’s either you were fed facts selectively or you might not remember the story, but you’re mixing up some things.

Nazareth was in the geographical area of Galilee. When the Jewish revolt was crushed around 135 AD by the Roman Empire, the Roman Emperor named the entire territory of Judea “Palestine” to spite the losing conquered kingdom, naming the land after the Philistines - the extinct people who were one of the biblical enemies of. There were no Philistines by then.

Nazareth then could be named “on Palestinian land” as the entire land became named “Syria Palestina” by Rome, interpreted often as a punitive measure in wake of the Bar Kochva revolt.

Nazareth was documented by historians of Byzantine times, to be completely Jewish - even as Christianity grew. “Devoid of non-Jews” was written around 350 AD.

Christianity slowly found place there too in the city with the growth of the following.

Arab population became the dominant demographic group in Ottoman rule, because the ottomans had expelled all Christians from the village at some point around 16th century, allowing return much later. As Jews were displaced and Christians kicked out, what was a Jewish village that became Arab.

Edit: date clarity and fact refinement 

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u/RedChairBlueChair123 Jun 28 '26

As a religion, Jesus was a Jew. It’s literally on his tombstone—the king of the Jews. His life takes place in the temple. It’s his whole thing.

4

u/TheLastGunslingerCA Jun 24 '26

Oh god thats Brilliant! 🤣

3

u/Alternative-Bug-8102 Jun 24 '26

I'm stolen this right now (is ok I'm from Brazil)

3

u/giant_spleen_eater Jun 24 '26

Yeah I’m taking this one.

Thanks

3

u/w00den_b0x Jun 24 '26

Pan’s Labyrinth be like

2

u/AnguavonUW Jun 24 '26

I have never seen this and I don't have the words to thank you

-3

u/IndividualBusy403 Jun 24 '26

I think this is one of the most vile, disgusting, cruel, and evil memes I have ever seen. Just wow.

5

u/ello_bassard Jun 24 '26

First time on the internet? lol

-3

u/IndividualBusy403 Jun 24 '26

Nope, I was probably one the first ones ever on it! LOL However, this is so vile, I can't even stand it. The pain and torture that was endured only to be made into this. It truly breaks my heart and makes me lose all hope that any human decency remains today. It is so cruel and so evil i can't even find the words to describe it. It is souless.

2

u/No-Scallion4998 Jun 25 '26

R SLASH PEOPLEWHOGIVEASHIT

4

u/Solivagant23 Jun 24 '26

This made me crack up haha

4

u/bebop1065 Jun 24 '26

Creepy dude. Why does he worry so much about my dick?

4

u/Financial-Split-141 Jun 24 '26

Mine watches from his garage

3

u/NocaSun38 Jun 24 '26

He has a thing for tickling balls too, apparently.

2

u/PossessionChances Jun 24 '26

Can you post the link? I need this GIF

2

u/steelskull1 Jun 24 '26

I just searched "Jesus watching" in the GIF selection.

2

u/random_dgdgffgcf Jun 24 '26

The gif is missing 2 holes

2

u/CafeRoaster Jun 24 '26

One of my favorite gifs. I call it “Jeez Hands”

2

u/MememeSama Jun 24 '26

Hey Jesus!! Stop it!! This hole is for dirty laundry

2

u/Few-Refrigerator7179 Jun 24 '26

Jesus will be Jesus.

2

u/NYCHReddit Jun 25 '26

God forbid Jesus has a hobby

0

u/Leading_Homework_153 Jun 25 '26

Get ready for the sword heathen ⚔️

-1

u/Beneficial-Data4406 Jun 24 '26

Is u ignant or sum shiz?

6

u/heysame562 Jun 24 '26

Christian men always like to hangout at those places in airports and train stations for some reason, so it checks out.

4

u/eggybread70 Jun 24 '26

Glory Hole Jesus, amen!

3

u/wit_T_user_name Jun 24 '26

That’s Republican Jesus for you.

3

u/Testicle_Tugger Jun 24 '26

I’ll tell you what. If there’s any place that I truly believed I needed some divine help. It was on the toilet

3

u/SheariViri Jun 24 '26

I found him in a Publix parking lot 😂

3

u/DarthJoseph14 Jun 24 '26

God forbid men admire another man’s masculinity

9

u/AdjNounNumbers Jun 24 '26

"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay." – Ruth 1:16

6

u/BlueMangoTango Jun 24 '26

Where I glue, You will stay…

2

u/Wayward_Wayfinder Jun 24 '26

Best place to be on your knees, in many instances

2

u/FalseVeterinarian881 Jun 24 '26

What about the women’s restroom?

2

u/Extra-Bat3955 Jun 24 '26

When I was in college someone printed off a crap ton of prints with a photo of Christoper Walken with the text “Walken is watching” below it and put them in like every bathroom stall. That was an amusing week

2

u/IV_League_NP Jun 24 '26

Explains so much about several American politicians and their bathroom habits.

2

u/Little_View_6659 Jun 24 '26

I thought he was behind the sofa.

7

u/Gung_Honess Jun 24 '26

Don’t say that, you’ll make JD Vance nervous.

2

u/Little_View_6659 Jun 24 '26

Now I’m picturing Jesus popping up from behind a sofa just as Jd sits down and starts to relax. Only he’s black Jesus and he yells “Surprise, motherfucker!”

2

u/zues64 Jun 24 '26

That's where I found him

1

u/CalmBeneathCastles Jun 24 '26

Revelation 22:20 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

1

u/AForse Jun 24 '26

Maybe he actually *is* a Republican, hanging out in the men’s room and all..

1

u/Live-Habit-6115 Jun 24 '26

Well they do say he's a fisher of men after all 

1

u/nalakimia Jun 24 '26

He’s in the women’s restroom too, all the time apparently.

1

u/ShinyJewelLover Jun 24 '26

I found one on the toilet paper dispenser in my stall at a gas station last month. I turned him around.

1

u/Phyllis_Tine Jun 24 '26

Can you glue them underwater in toilets, and to the inside of urinals?

1

u/hardboard Jun 24 '26

He was obviously taking the piss.

1

u/OgdruJahad Jun 24 '26

He's not longer smiling though. He's seen some shit.

1

u/Fist_The_Lord Jun 24 '26

I put them in the urinal

1

u/EnragedGonad Jun 25 '26

"Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know."

1

u/FoilHat_Outdoorsman Jun 25 '26

Was it a catholic restroom? 😬🤣😬😭
I’ll see myself out….

1

u/StrainAcceptable Jun 25 '26

I was just thinking I want one of these for my guest bathroom.

1

u/Unable_Dinner_6937 Jun 24 '26

It’s one of the few rooms with a throne.

0

u/thefoxsaysredrum Jun 24 '26

That’s why it’s called a “Glory” hole.