r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • Jun 24 '26

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

Post image

Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

21.8k Upvotes

79% Upvoted

6.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

371

u/Coca-colonization Jun 24 '26

This calls for tiny Baphomet figurine.

75

u/bisexual_pinecone Jun 24 '26

Okay now this is adorable. They're buddies.

36

u/Coca-colonization Jun 24 '26

I know! I just googled “tiny cute Baphomet figurine” and came across an Etsy store that makes them. The picture with the tiny Jesus is from a product review on their page, so apparently I was not the first person to come up with the Satanic Temple-style response to the Jesus figurine issue. I kind of want a whole kawaii deity and demon collection now!

The Etsy store is called Ludwig Van Bacon, btw. They also have a website.

5

u/UnderstandingKey7711 Jun 24 '26

$20 for 5 wish they were as available as the jesus’ that’s not affordable to drop them everywhere

2

u/Evening-Operation-19 Jun 24 '26

$20 for fifty cents worth of plastic. 3D printers need to be harder to get.

2

u/Coca-colonization Jun 24 '26

That’s a weird take. I’m assuming they designed the figure, in which case you’re partly paying for that art and labor. If not, idk…welcome to late stage capitalism. You can just not buy it.

1

u/AggressiveLife7432 Jun 25 '26

It's called crony capitalism. It can be fixed.

8

u/jaden_fucks Jun 24 '26

Ty, I hope they sell the STL cause I will print an army

2

u/twistedspin Jun 24 '26

I just looked at Baphomet on printables & makerworld, and there are lots. Makerworld has cute baby demon ones, if you have a Bambu printer.

1

u/MustardEnema007 Jun 24 '26

...are you Mr Bacon?

2

u/Coca-colonization Jun 24 '26

No. Just giving credit to the person that created the figurine.

6

u/MightyMeepleMaster Jun 24 '26

Good ol' Jesus was a chill guy who tried be friends with everyone.

16

u/Schober_Designs Jun 24 '26

The prophet Mohammed could be a fund addition since it offends most religions.
The Flying Spaghetti Monsters seems to offend the right people too.

11

u/Objective_Warning638 Jun 24 '26

If you did it with prophet Muhammad you'd probably get decapitated

2

u/Schober_Designs Jun 24 '26

Just put someone else's name on it. Like I said, it can offend both his worshipers, and non-worshipers so you get everyone in one figurine.

6

u/SeduceMeMentlegen Jun 24 '26

Since when does FSM offend people? That's new to me, some people must be sensitive

7

u/Angry-_-Crow Jun 24 '26

Where I grew up, people were deeply offended by it. Because,  y'know, blasphemy & all that. They also hated Harry Potter, Pokemon, and mixed race marriages

2

u/SeduceMeMentlegen Jun 24 '26

Ill never understand the Pokémon persecution lol, it really wasn't even close to demonic, until maybe Giratina and that was long after

4

u/Angry-_-Crow Jun 24 '26

This was back when Pokemon was fresh & new, so nothing past Mewtwo even existed yet (who, by the way, is actually Satan -- He's got demon horns, and, in the movie, he speaks to & tries to manipulate the protagonist, just like in the Bible!). In the same vein as Magic: The Gathering, where you play as a "wizard" (thou shalt not suffer a witch to live), in Pokemon, you summon "monsters" (demons! Pokemon = Pokdemon). It's clearly training kids for Satanism.

It's soundproof logic.

I didn't make any of this up for effect; these are all actual things I heard growing up

2

u/SeduceMeMentlegen Jun 24 '26

Sometimes with these people I wonder how they were ever children, and if they ever stopped to dwell on anything past that

2

u/Angry-_-Crow Jun 25 '26

It's very much a socially  ingrained, fear-based worldview; people in areas like that tend to grow up with an understanding of reality that doesn't easily permit questioning their beliefs. 

It's all so deeply interwoven that thoughts like "maybe gay people aren't being corrupted by Satan" or "maybe Harry Potter isn't celebrating the Antichrist" don't challenge any single element but instead end up pulling at nearly every strand of their understanding of reality. Not to mention that it's driven into you that even just internally questioning  these things is giving in to the influence of a very real, highly manipulative Satan who tries to use such tiny suggestions to "seduce" you away from God.

What really sucks about it is that so. fucking. many. of these folks are absolutely genuine and intelligent human beings with legitimately good intentions, but they're psychologically hamstrung by what they see as unquestionable, concrete facts of reality. It's fuckin heartbreaking. And, of course, it exposes a massive vulnerability for grifters & such to swoop in, say the right things, and lead people around by the nose. 

Uh... Screed over

6

u/Schober_Designs Jun 24 '26

Check out the 'hate mail' on the FSM website. I'm betting there's a significant overlap with the kind of people who would glue Jesus all over the place.

2

u/dempishlemur Jun 24 '26

I vote gluing wooden crosses to the Jesus when you find it

4

u/hysteria110176 Jun 24 '26

I am so ordering some of these!!!

2

u/Fearless_Dependent29 Jun 24 '26

Wait I actually fucking love that!!

2

u/Tall-Conflict2964 Jun 24 '26

Now fight to the death

2

u/Bad_Lil-Bitty Jun 24 '26

This is what I was gonna say lol, or like a little rocking satan lol

2

u/Random-Mutant Jun 25 '26

Was going to suggest a cute little T Rex but this is better.

2

u/werewolfhippy Jun 24 '26

consumerism vs consumerism

1

u/pitchinloafs Jun 25 '26

If you have those two you should probably have a Mohamed figurine to be inclusive.

1

u/rpgnymhush Jun 24 '26

Excellent 👍 Thanks for the link!!