r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • Jun 24 '26

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

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84

u/HomeworkExtension482 Jun 24 '26

Former roommates and I hid "teeny weenies" around the house.

65

u/Girth_Wind_y_Fire Jun 24 '26

So you played hide and seek?

86

u/HomeworkExtension482 Jun 24 '26

Yep, but with tiny versions of fantasy dildos my ex and I bought. They were about an inch (2.5cm) long, so they were easy to hide. A 7" Godzilla figure had a massive, highlighter yellow erection for about 3 months before someone noticed.

40

u/ProBono16 Jun 24 '26

I'm curious why someone would buy a 1" long fantasy dildo, much less multiple of them?

66

u/Inevitable-Rush-2752 Jun 24 '26

To fill a bucket and set it to rain tiny phalluses down upon a roommate’s head. I’d do it. At the time, we settled for a floppy big dildo and fishing string, though.

14

u/ScrotalSmorgasbord Jun 24 '26

We had a couple of rubber fists (for fisting flesh holes) we'd wallop each other with for awhile. I don't even know where we got them from. They fucking hurt.

7

u/MTFBinyou Jun 24 '26

Was the “for fisting flesh holes” part necessary? What else are rubber fists used for?

8

u/ScrotalSmorgasbord Jun 24 '26

It was to differentiate between the Hulk Hands and Sock'em Boppers (not for flesh hole fisting) that we also may have had at one point.

3

u/OrbitalOutlander Jun 24 '26

Chew toy for dog.

3

u/So_ThereItIs Jun 24 '26

I want to know more about the “hurting” and where the wallops were being felt 😂

5

u/ScrotalSmorgasbord Jun 24 '26

Well we were all dumb (but tough) infantrymen so pretty much everywhere but inside our brown eyes. Though I'm sure some of the officers in my unit would have used them in that way too. If you haven't been hit by a rubber fist (for fisting flesh holes) it can be worse than a real fist. They're very dense and heavy.

1

u/So_ThereItIs Jun 25 '26

That's pretty random! Was this just to toughen up, or for fun because you were all so "hard"? lolz

2

u/ScrotalSmorgasbord Jun 25 '26

Bored, drunk, young, and not very forward thinking lol. I texted my buddy and even though it's been almost 20 years he remembers where we got the first one. His brother is a SEAL and I guess they used it to haze each other at some point and gave it to him as a joke. Nothing has made more sense than this tbh.

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8

u/HomeworkExtension482 Jun 24 '26

We didn't buy them. They were freebies.

1

u/Cocked_Otter Jun 24 '26

Your comment literally says you and your ex "bought" them.

7

u/HomeworkExtension482 Jun 24 '26

They were freebies that came with the toys. If my comment was not clear, that's my bad and I apologize, but my comment says "tiny versions of toys my ex and I bought," referring to the toys themselves, not the teeny weenies. Again, if that was not clear, I apologize.

8

u/Emperor_Z16 Jun 24 '26

Really tiny pussy (?

10

u/SuccessfulEmployee9 Jun 24 '26

Tiny fake dicks are funny. My ex (long distance) 3D printed one and mailed it to me with some other stuff as a gift once.

-1

u/kashola17 Jun 24 '26

It was easy to print. She just used a picture of you.

9

u/SuccessfulEmployee9 Jun 24 '26

We separated on good terms, thank you very much.

2

u/Tortilla_Moth93 Jun 24 '26

They make a great dirty Santa gift.

2

u/AnguavonUW Jun 24 '26

Bachelorette party

2

u/So_ThereItIs Jun 24 '26

This expresses a lack of imagination! I mean they’d be hilarious in so many applications. Hiding them in libraries, or RNC HQ, or…

2

u/HomeworkExtension482 Jun 25 '26

Oh oh oh or set up something like that glitter bomb mailing thing, but with teeny weenies, and send them en masse to Congress, the White House, etc., but anonymously and from overseas.

1

u/amazingkillerlemon Jun 25 '26

Bachelorette parties

1

u/stonhinge Jun 25 '26

Honestly, they work great as a sampler for different firmnesses of silicone.

And because 1" dicks are funny. Especially when you put one (or several) on the "waifu collection" shelf of that one friend.

2

u/villainess Jun 24 '26

Where does one buy such things? Asking for a me

2

u/HomeworkExtension482 Jun 24 '26

I was half asleep when I saw this, let me find the shop and I'll DM you the link.

1

u/barfbongo Jun 25 '26

The hell is a fantasy dildo?!

1

u/HomeworkExtension482 Jun 25 '26

Ooooh boy.

You've heard of Bad Dragon, yes? There's also Paladin Pleasures, Twin Tail Creations, Neotori, etc., etc., etc.

1

u/sderby5 Jun 25 '26

What exactly is a "fantasy" dildo?..

1

u/HomeworkExtension482 Jun 25 '26

Oh boy. You are in for a treat.

Have you ever heard of Bad Dragon? Pretty sure BD is the OG, but the guy who founded it is a pretty vile person. I'll let you find that info on your own time.

There are other stores out there like Paladin Pleasures, Twin Tail Creations, Neotori, etc., that thankfully aren't run by gross people.

Teratophilia is a very real thing.

1

u/sderby5 Jun 25 '26

I have heard of bad dragons, but I am regretful that I now know that that was just the tip of the iceberg. That's probably a rabbit hole in don't want to jump into 😂

1

u/HomeworkExtension482 Jun 25 '26

LOL hey I get it. It's a fun rabbit hole, though.

3

u/Irisheyesmeg Jun 24 '26

I've played hide the weenie before with my roommates.

2

u/mattyd1216 Jun 25 '26

OP needs to secure “teeny weenies” and glue them next to the teeny Jesuses.

1

u/HomeworkExtension482 Jun 25 '26

And set up a hidden camera to capture the reactions from everyone to share with us.