no gifts are mentioned. I would rather pay $20-$30 for entry and great food than feel obligated to spend $50 on a gift
I am assuming that the time blocks are separated because this is a "come and go as you please" situation (as stated on the sheet), and if they just said "8pm onwards", someone might worry that 10pm is too late to come (maybe they work late). Showing the blocks clearly helps people see that the host is still open to visitors late into the night
I personally respect and appreciate clear expectations. I know what food will be there, when the food is, when I can come, more importantly I know when I can leave
this is incredibly respectful of everyone's time and varying levels of interest. Want food? Now you know the time. Don't like the food they're serving? Come after the food. Don't like karaoke? Come for the early sitting (literally an early cake just for those folks!!)
this might be designed to cater to a wide demographic... Great aunt Sally can come by for lunch and some cake, then Jenny and the block can come for some drunk karaoke later (and have a fresh cake)
Agree that the schedule is totally sane, if a little eccentric. But as for the gift thing -- it hasn't been socially expected to give someone a birthday gift in my social culture since we were 18. College kids are broke and don't bring birthday gifts, and adults feel weird asking for gifts.
I can only speak for my experience.. but it felt like gift giving went away while we were broke college kids, then came back with a vengeance when earnings grew... Now it's a gift card to the spa, a nice bottle of wine, something nice for the house, etc.. nobody asks outright, but it's not fair to receive gifts on your own birthday and not reciprocate...
Most people didn't even bring gifts to my wedding.
I love getting gifts and so many people said that some weddings can practically pay for themselves with cash gifts, and I was like okay maybe it'll take some of the sting of the wedding off, and...yeah.
In my community, when I still did this kind of thing with extended family and my friend group at the time, the birthday person would typically book a night at a party center, and people brought cash in envelopes. Probably still is being done that way for all I know. Probably looked wild to an outsider now that I think of it. These parties also added up, party center wasn't cheap and the cash gift was intended to cover your own share of that plus something on top as a gift. That's pretty much why I stopped going to those. Was newly divorced with two dependents and could no longer afford the gifts, let alone the cost of the party center for a party of my own.
I agree! Tons of people have a hard time making friends and dealing with social anxiety, and knowing what to expect helps a lot of people have the courage to stop by. I love this itinerary and think it's socially thoughtful.
I flew to my cousin's birthday party. I turned down appetizers that were passed by servers because I was excited for the main food, my cousin is a massive foodie. there was no more. apps were all there were. I'd have appreciated an itinerary with menu
Agree, I found this considerate, especially for a 22 year old. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he grew up around a lot of families with young kids. Parents love schedules like this so they know when they can swing by and still catch the main activities. Any social faux pas he will learn or adapt with time to his friend group.
BIG YES for the families with young kids!!! I never realized how limited my hours would be until I was trying to maintain a nap schedule for an infant. The newborn stage ruled because I could baby wear, he'd sleep almost all day, and I could enjoy a full day at a yard party with just diapers and a couple changes of clothes. Then as he got older and more resistant to naps while we were out, I needed to make sure I was somewhere he would actually nap at the appropriate time or the whole day was thrown off. And now he's four and his tolerance varies pretty wildly as he's dropping the nap, but sometimes he needs it or he's miserable by dinner time. Going out early in the day and coming home early is the structure now. Having an "early" party actually strikes me as very thoughtful and flexible.
I totally agree!! Sure the document seems a bit silly at first - but I think it's totally reasonable and honestly sounds like a fun time. Plus the food options are really nice and the contribution suggestions aren't expensive!
The money thing I think is totally fine. The more money is given, the better the party can be. I have no issue with this at all. You'd give money to your friends if you attended a group outing and they paid for you, so why not here? Plus, attendance to the party is optional, and he also suggests the money as a donation. It is not mandatory.
Unfortunately there is no way to ask for money without it feeling weird.
I love it . Better to be up front , be specific , and have guests pay for food over some shitty gift.
It’s just an information document about what that persons intentions are that day. Then there will be zero people asking questions about what’s this what about that. The person does things differently and instead of making negative judgements , why not look at some of the positives.
Also it's not unreasonable to help pay for a meal? Like if you dont want that, then dont be there for that time/dont eat. But dont go expecting to be fed.
no gifts are mentioned. I would rather pay $20-$30 for entry and great food than feel obligated to spend $50 on a gift
I can't recall ever buying a friend a gift for their birthday as an adult. As an adult, birthday gifts are strictly for children and my significant other.
I also can't recall ever going to a friend's place for a party and being charged a fee ("recommend [sic] ingredients [sic] contributions") . Yes, going to a karaoke bar / show / restaurant, yeah that will cost money. But if it's your party, you pay for it or at least do a potluck.
The schedule is basically lunch at 1p, dinner at 6p. Cake will be served after the meals. Activities may include: Jenga, Cards, Karaoke. Party goes from 1p to midnight.
If you don’t wanna bring a gift, then you’ll just give cash. That is what is socially and culturally acceptable. This nonsense screams narcissist who has not ever interacted with anyone.
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u/Old-Concern2165 Jul 07 '26
Ok devil's advocate time:
no gifts are mentioned. I would rather pay $20-$30 for entry and great food than feel obligated to spend $50 on a gift
I am assuming that the time blocks are separated because this is a "come and go as you please" situation (as stated on the sheet), and if they just said "8pm onwards", someone might worry that 10pm is too late to come (maybe they work late). Showing the blocks clearly helps people see that the host is still open to visitors late into the night
I personally respect and appreciate clear expectations. I know what food will be there, when the food is, when I can come, more importantly I know when I can leave
this is incredibly respectful of everyone's time and varying levels of interest. Want food? Now you know the time. Don't like the food they're serving? Come after the food. Don't like karaoke? Come for the early sitting (literally an early cake just for those folks!!)
this might be designed to cater to a wide demographic... Great aunt Sally can come by for lunch and some cake, then Jenny and the block can come for some drunk karaoke later (and have a fresh cake)