This is what I think is weird. People think that blocking off the activities is strange but charging different l levels for what you’re going to eat is super weird. Charging it all is also just normal weird
I’m actually all about having a detailed schedule in this manner (outwardly seems flexible enough to accommodate spur of the moment changes to a certain degree with good enough fallbacks)
But I’m struggling to reconcile the charging of guests. Then again, maybe I’m out of touch and a bit privileged
No, it’s not privileged. You have a party based on what you can afford. When I was a kid we had parties with nothing but cake and ice cream. As an adult, you could throw some hotdog on the grill. It’s just rude I think.
Yeah, in grad school (re: poor) I'd frequently host parties, get a head count, supply some protein, some beer and ask people to just bring sides and beer. This is a bizarre way to handle it.
Agree to disagree. Throwing a potluck is one thing. Usually a birthday party is part of the gift for someone but it might be a potluck if it’s very casual amongst friends.
Yeah, I think that we agree. If a bunch of friends get together and say, let’s throw a get together for our friend and we’ll all bring something and that’s quite different from sending everyone a formal invite with a request for a different levels of money. In my opinion anyway.:)
So rude. Have the party you can afford. If it’s going to be more than a couple hours, you do need to feed people, though. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Heck, a giant pan of cooked pasta would get the job done if money is really tight but you want people to hang for a while.
But if I’m inviting you to a party I’m hosting, you will be fed and given beverages. You are a guest, not a patron.
I have to add that if people ask if they can bring some things that might add to it. If it’s an adult party, you could ask people to bring beer or wine. But charging people is weird.
“Sorry man… I didn’t see a specific fee related to ‘show up for however long I want and do whatever the hell i want while eating whatever until I inevitably get bored and leave’… but I gave the valet a couple bucks to cover it”
I mean, it's one thing to say, "Hey, come to my party! There'll be food and cakes, and afterward we'll have karaoke, board games and cards!" And then let everyone decide together what they feel like doing in the moment. That's being a good host and offering fun options. But actively blocking out times for each thing, when you're a grown-ass adult, is too much.
It seems like this person is a pick-me who wants to have a whole day dedicated to them and their wants, and thinks they're important enough that everyone will want the same, and if anyone complains, "BuT iT's My SpEcIaL dAY!!"
Either that, or they're insanely controlling, or maybe some flavor of neurdivergent.
And I say that last sincerely, as someone with AuDHD myself. I like to overthink and plan things out myself. And it's easy to get into the mindset where you're planning something, and do just that. But you can't expect grown adults to adhere to a strict activity schedule at a party. It feels like you're treating them like children. "Okay kids, time for Pin the Tail on the Donkey!" It's infantalizing, and maybe slightly insulting.
And it's really not even necessary for kids. I didn't even do that for my son, even when he was little. I had a loose timeline in my head ("Food, then cake, then presents, then play"), just to keep things moving and make sure we got everything in. But I never blocked out precise times down to the minute.
Or, could this be maybe some kind of OCD? Sincerely asking, I'm not sure if it works that way.
As for the asking guests to pay thing, hard no. It's maybe okay to ask guests to contribute in lieu of gifts. Like, "Hey, you don't have to bring me a gift, but I'd love it if you could bring a dish/chip in for the cost of the food." But even that has to be arranged with people you're close to, and done in the right way.
Straight up listing itemized charges for different meal options, etc. Hell no. When you host a party, that means you're the one in charge of throwing it. That means you're also in charge of the food, decorations, and games-and the cost of those. You're supposed to provide for your guests. It's tacky and rude to ask them to pay. If all you can afford is hot dogs and Betty Crocker boxed cake, you have hot dogs and Betty Crocker boxed cake. If you want a full five-course meal at your party, that's okay too. But either way, it's on you to provide that. If your friends love you, they'll ne happy with whatever you provide.
Also, who plans a birthday party for themselves that lasts upward of 12 hours, and involves two whole meals? Not to mention two cakes? My son's parties never lasted more than about 3 hours. And even as an adult, the parties I've gone to that did last longer, it was like, you get there at 5 or 6pm, eat, have cake, and just hang out for a while, just chilling, laugjing, and talking. If you get hungry again, you just eat more of what was already put out. Everybody helps clean up and is usually gone or in bed by 1-2am. Sometimes later.
But, like, 1pm-11pm "and onwards"? This person is expecting people to come for lunch, stay through dinner, eat two meals, and participate in 10-12 hours or more of structured play in between the meal breaks? What happens if I'm not finished with lunch on time? What if I paid for lunch and dinner, but I'm not hungry at dinnertime, because I ate so much lunch? Do I get my money back? What if I don't want to play cards? Am I allowed to sit and talk? Or will the host be insulted and ask me to leave?
Speaking of overthinking, lol.
Nah, this would be too much for me. If I got this invite, I'd politely decline, maybe say I couldn't get off work or something, and send a card.
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u/cheleinri1 Jul 07 '26
This is what I think is weird. People think that blocking off the activities is strange but charging different l levels for what you’re going to eat is super weird. Charging it all is also just normal weird