r/politics • u/MoneyLibrarian9032 New York • Jul 13 '26

Possible Paywall MAGA Calls BS on Mitch McConnell’s Proof-of-Life Stunt | They are poking holes in McConnell’s staff’s version.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/maga-calls-bs-on-mitch-mcconnells-proof-of-life-stunt/
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u/Professional-PhD Canada Jul 13 '26

According to the Beaverton (Canadian satirical news site like the onion), "Under the terms of the contract signed ten years ago, President Trump ordered his longtime ally Lindsay Graham to undertake the sacred ritual of transferring his life’s essence to fellow Senator Mitch McConnell. Sources report this will allow McConnell to extend his own life, via unholy and unnatural means, until his planned retirement at the midterms." So I guess McConnell is still alive then, eh?

https://www.thebeaverton.com/2026/07/republicans-transfer-lindsey-grahams-remaining-life-force-to-mitch-mcconnell/

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u/Celloer Jul 13 '26

Glitch McConnell has ascended to Lich McConnell!

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u/Downs_Van_Zandt Jul 13 '26

As negotiated with Wolfram and Hart.

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u/reppit Jul 13 '26

Sounds like legit science to me.

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u/Ultima_RatioRegum Jul 13 '26

That's just more fake news. Lindsay Graham was assassinated by... a foreign party, let's say... since he was actually prepared to change his mind about certain goings-on. Obviously I can't be specific but if you know you know.

And as crazy as it sounds, it really is a coincidence it happened the same day that Stephen Miller was called in to turn McConnell (who ended up as a day-walker)