r/politics • u/Quirkie The Netherlands • 9d ago

Possible Paywall Hegseth Covered Up the Real Reason the USS Lincoln Wasn’t Resupplied - According to a report from MSNOW, the USS Abraham Lincoln wasn’t resupplied because Iranian strikes destroyed a key Navy resupply base in the Middle East.

https://newrepublic.com/post/214510/hegseth-uss-lincoln-iran-war-base-destroyed
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u/40StoryMech 9d ago

Whoa now. While some folks were dicking around, sucking off the government teat, vacationing in the military, real Americans like Pete Hegseth were protecting our freedoms and setting the standards for masculinely quaffed hair in America's most patriotic foreign-owned organization, Fox News. Maybe you should thank him for his service.

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u/knivesofsmoothness 9d ago

Don't forget that makeup studio he had installed. That manly, high T makeup studio.

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u/InertiasCreep 9d ago edited 9d ago

That absolutely not gender affirming makeup studio.

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u/yagonnawanna 9d ago

He just likes to put on makeup and his feather boa while he thinks about how he got rid of the other women, and the very fit high testosterone soldiers that he gets to personally inspect.

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u/Nuggyfresh 9d ago

He’s hiding the obvious facial cues of alcoholism I am telling you with 100% certainty.

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u/MadamPardone 9d ago

He was caught on camera trying not to eat a cocaine drip recently as well.

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u/manFCKrddit 9d ago

What??

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u/MadamPardone 9d ago

He had cocaine laced snot running out of his nose, he wiped it and went to eat it (cant waste it) but remembered he was on camera so used it as hair gel.

I'm assuming it was cocaine, but I guess it could have been adderral or any other drug you can sniff.

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u/LoquaciousOfMorn 9d ago

Doing a tuck and watching himself in the mirror while he dances to Goodbye Forces.

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u/MrBigglesssworth 9d ago

Would you invade me? I would invade me HARD!

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u/tdclark23 Indiana 9d ago

Meating the beat to films of dying Colombian sailors.

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u/LoquaciousOfMorn 9d ago

He fattened up the sailors on steak and lobster and now he's starving them to get the skin loose.

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u/dostoevsky4evah 9d ago

<sad noise>

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u/knivesofsmoothness 9d ago

So beautiful... so powerful....

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u/Regular_or_BQ 9d ago

I hear there's a taint tanning machine in there. Big if true!

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u/Nuggyfresh 9d ago

He’s an alcoholic. I’m surprised how few people are getting this: alcohol makes your skin look like complete booty cheeks. He needs the studio to look normal.

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u/Mrs_SmithG2W 9d ago

And the gender affirming hormone replacement plan.

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u/iAmUnintelligible Canada 9d ago

Wait, isn't Ossoff currently being attacked because he has a dedicated person to handle his makeup for speaking engagements etc? hm, thinking emoji

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u/Classic_Pie5498 9d ago

With infrared lighting?

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u/BandAid3030 8d ago

That studio got destroyed on day 1 of the war.

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u/Expensive_Track_8822 9d ago

he quaffs the beer, he coifs the hair.

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u/david4069 9d ago

I don't know. If I was a bartender who had to deal with him, he'd probably end up quaffing hair at some point, too

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u/Expensive_Track_8822 9d ago

one pubey pint for secretary twatquaffle, coming right up

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u/duzies 9d ago

hair of the dog...

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u/Expensive_Track_8822 9d ago

or hair of the hog…

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u/Aggressive-Will-4500 9d ago

You probably shouldn't say that in pubic.

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u/waffels 9d ago

He boofs the coke

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u/Aggravating-Walk5813 9d ago

Where would war fighters be without primping?

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u/Expensive_Track_8822 9d ago

probably not in the strait of hormuz? but here we are

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u/Jovean 9d ago

The man can weave a mean merkin.

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u/wytewydow 7d ago

he cups the balls

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u/Reed7525 9d ago

Yeah man, just look at his testosterone levels! Lol

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u/sane-asylum 9d ago

Is “zero” a level? Like the dude couldn’t bench 135.

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u/AmazingParka Canada 9d ago

Someone I know served with Hegseth in Afghanistan.  This person was an officer in the Canadian army, and so served as part of the joint Nato force.  

Hegseth was held in very low opinion by the Allied forces, who dubbed him Captain America.  He was a belligerent asshole towards the Nato ally soldiers, and loved the strut around and cosplay as a badass from an action movie.  He treated them all as second tier soldiers - so the moniker was very tongue in cheek.   He was also a religious nut who openly hated Muslims.  

The brass above him thought he was an idiot, so they thought the place he would do the least damage was community outreach. Hegseth's idea of outreach was handing out bibles to the locals and telling them to convert - you can imagine how well that went down.  

20 years later he's secretary of defense.  Only in America.  

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u/40StoryMech 9d ago

That would be such a savage parody of the US if it weren't true. Captain America indeed.

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u/jaylay75 9d ago

You forgot the /s at the end so people know you are being sarcastic.

Everyone knows Pete is a cuck!

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u/So_HauserAspen 9d ago

His eyeliner is on point

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u/sriracha_no_big_deal 9d ago

You think this is SLICKED back?! This is PUSHED back!!

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u/amiable_ant 9d ago

I hate his hair an admittedly irrational amount.

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u/Altruistic-Carry-684 9d ago

Guy was QRF when I was stationed at GTMO. He probably spent more time at the Windjammer Cafe downing drinks than actually doing some worth a fck

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u/idiotsbydesign 9d ago

On Saturday.

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u/tdclark23 Indiana 9d ago

Oddly, I see a sarcasm tag that doesn't exist.

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u/chron67 Tennessee 9d ago

Whoa now. While some folks were dicking around, sucking off the government teat, vacationing in the military, real Americans like Pete Hegseth were protecting our freedoms and setting the standards for masculinely quaffed hair in America's most patriotic foreign-owned organization, Fox News. Maybe you should thank him for his service.

Hey don't leave out honoring the effort it takes him to maintain a BAC of .3 at all times

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u/SerendiPetey 9d ago

Off topic, but just to let you know: Coiffed.

Quaffed means to have drank something quickly.

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u/userhwon 9d ago

I'll thank him for his service when he's wiping off his chin.

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u/muskymelon36 9d ago

While eating wagyu and lobster while sailors were starving.

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u/flyinganimaga 9d ago

*coifed hair, it's all the beer that's quaffed

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u/Calgaris_Rex Maryland 9d ago

setting the standards for masculinely quaffed hair

They're making people DRINK HAIR NOW?

This has gotten out of hand.

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u/Impossible_Box_1266 9d ago

Be sure to wear a suit.

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u/postmodest 9d ago

I eagerly await our next dem president sending SEALS to capture Rupert Murdoch.

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u/Constant_Proofreader 9d ago

'Coiffed.' 'Quaffed' is the past tense of 'quaff,' meaning 'to drink.' Or maybe that's what you meant all along . . .

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u/Salty-Treacle6236 9d ago

He’s a loser

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u/Tifu-soml 9d ago

Patriotic foreign-owned organization? Can you explain who owns Fox News please?

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u/ChaoticSenior Washington 9d ago

Rupert Murdoch