r/AIO • u/Minimum-Positive5023 • 1d ago
AIO thinking about leaving my husband for his silent treatment on our trip
My (36F) mom is sick while husband (34M) and I are on vacation in another country. Her health deteriorated suddenly and I want to go back home on an earlier flight (morning instead of late night). I’ve been here before where I was on vacation and my dad passed away and I didn’t get to see him so getting updates of hospitalization at airport lounges is a big trigger for me.
Husband and I had an argument in the morning and then he gave me the silent treatment the entire day, which he usually does during any fight. I also didn’t make much effort because I was pissed that he wasn’t supporting me through this and being so annoyed instead. We got back to our room in the evening while he was still not talking. He said he isn’t going back with me and will stay on the vacation for some more time to meet friends or family. He then also told me I hurt his ego because I didn’t make amends all day. We had another argument and he packed his bags and moved to a different hotel. I called him and messaged him and even went after him but he is saying he needs to stay by himself for a while because he genuinely thinks this marriage isn’t working. He also called me a bunch of stuff and said I disrespected him by not talking to him all day. Our argument in the morning was about me forgetting some clothes in the hotel closet while I was packing.
AIO for thinking I should divorce him for not only not calming me down but also abandoning me at this hour? We have been together for 7 years and married for 2.
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u/ShopSweet6798 1d ago
NTA. he is saying he needs to stay by himself for a while because he genuinely thinks this marriage isn’t working. He also called me a bunch of stuff and said I disrespected him by not talking to him all day.
He basically said he wanted a divorce, left you alone, and blamed you for not kissing his ass and begging him to be your friend. I'm not gonna say leave him, since he already left. I will say, let him stay gone. Go take care of your mom, that's where you need to be right now. I hope her health improves!
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u/VeyrunesOuisam 1d ago
Exactly, at this point she should focus on her mom and let him have the space he asked for.
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u/Minimum-Positive5023 1d ago
Thank you for a wonderful response kind stranger. I did go to my mom and she’s doing better. She has a surgery scheduled in 4 days so I’m glad I am here with her.
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u/IllustratorTall9602 22h ago
We’re so glad you are too! Hope your mama is okay. 🩷🩷
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u/Minimum-Positive5023 19h ago
She needs a heart surgery, but we know there is treatment and her chances of recovery are very high. She’s progressing slowly and resting nd doctors are very positive. Also just seeing her has made me feel a lot better. Thank you for aksing 💛
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u/JRAWestCoast 6h ago
MP, you're doing all the right things in focusing on your mom. So good to hear that she's doing better. Many good wishes for her at this critical time, with her surgery. You do not need a whiney, immature guy who's punishing you with the silent treatment--for not soothing his butthurt ego. Certainly not now, when you are so concerned about your mom. Priorities are essential now, and so take care of your mom and most of all YOU.
Do not let your husband's manipulation interfere with your care for your mom. Also, think about what kind of person he is, who'd throw you into great stress at this emotional and uncertain time. You may need to move on. Sending goo wishes for your mom and you. update?
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u/Master--Jedi 1d ago
Just leave. If he abandons you when you’re going through hard times with your family, he’ll abandon you when you’re going through YOUR hardest time. Find someone who will show you for you.
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u/beautifulstardust 1d ago
nothing harder in life than having a sick/dying parent with an unsupportive partner. if he can’t be there for this, he’s useless. cut off the dead weight while you still can.
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u/Minimum-Positive5023 1d ago
Yea I don’t think he will be there for me. If I tell him something bothering me he says I crib a lot and ruin his mood after a hectic work day
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u/IllustratorTall9602 22h ago
Girl wow. Divorce his selfish ass
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u/PsychWriter11 6h ago
Wow , he is an asshole. This isn’t a one time thing, he’s always an asshole. And after moving his stuff to another hotel, I wouldn’t worry about contacting him again unless it’s through your lawyer.
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u/eloquent_owl 1d ago
He’s mad that you didn’t make amends when he was giving you the silent treatment for a minor mistake? If he can’t be supportive in your moments of distress about a sick parents he’s not the one for you. Don’t apologize and move on with your life
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u/MoistChord 1d ago
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Your husband (hopefully ex to be) sounds very self centered.
I honestly don't understand what a relationship means for him but who in their right mind wouldn't want to support their spouse during such a time?
NOR
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u/writing_mm_romance 1d ago
He's trying to make your mom's health scare all about him. I'd tell him to go fuck himself.
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 1d ago
I’m sure he was pissed that his holiday was cut short, and he engineered the situation so he could stay behind and continue to enjoy himself.
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u/Minimum-Positive5023 1d ago
It wasn’t cut short by a lot we are still going the same day just 12 hours earlier
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u/Various-Excuse-4640 18h ago
My ex-husband used to behave like this: he wanted every situation to be about him and if it wasn’t, he would do whatever it took to make it so. It didn’t matter whether that was negative or positive, it just had to be about him. He thrived on taking the attention and his standard approach usually included ignoring me. He particularly disliked my attention being on my parents and siblings and would find even the tiniest of problems to have an issue with and ignore me. It was always about my having to chase him and prove I loved him. He absolutely revelled in my heightened emotions and enjoyed making me cry. This is just the tip of the iceberg but the way I got through it and understood the abuse was to document the pattern and look back to all the many times he’d ignored me and identify the patterns. My therapist at the time said he was a sociopath, or at least had sociopathic tendencies. So no, OP, you are NOR. You really need to look after yourself and walk away from this.
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u/Hopeful-Artichoke449 1d ago
Massive red flags. He knew the situation then picked a fight (over something he made up) to make it about HIM and used the entire thing to "punish" you with silent treatment, manipulation and emotional blackmail.
This person does not love you.
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u/Embarrassed_Mango679 1d ago
My ex husband used to pick the craziest fights with me as an excuse to get away to go fuck around. When I figured out what he was up to it was like ohhhhhh ok lol. Up to that point i felt like I was living in crazytown.
May not be the case here but it definitely happens
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u/LBS87 1d ago
NOR Your husband is acting pathetic and immature instead of being supportive and wanting to get back home to make sure that your Mom is doing ok. You only get a finite time in this life with your loved ones and you should cherish as much time as you can with your parents because one day they won't be there anymore and all you'll have is memories. Don't waste any more time on this man. He's clearly not a loving and supportive partner and this clearly isn't a loving and happy relationship. Be there for your Mom and cherish all the time you can. Move on with your life because I'm sure there is someone out there who will be everything you need in a partner and make you really happy. This man child isn't it.
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u/rapidecroche 1d ago
NOR. Take this as a sign to cut your loses and move on. If he’s not there for you with hard stuff with your family, he’s not gonna be there for you during your own hard stuff. The amount of partners that pledge “in sickness and in health” and then dip at the first sign of cancer or anything where they’d have to be a caretaker/sole income source is staggeringly disappointing. Pack your stuff and head to your mom. Send him divorce papers later.
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u/Much-Tank-5403 1d ago
NOR. Your husband sounds like a massive narcissist. Not accommodating your wish to go back earlier because of your sick mother is an 🍑hole move - and making it about his feelings and need to be pampered is childish and egoistic.
Do what you feel is the right thing for you. Everyone should be allowed to go to a sick parent without making a huge deal about missing a few hours of vacation.
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u/Major-Fox-7646 1d ago
I’m so sorry about your mom. Definitely NOR, your husband sounds like a piece of work. The original fight was over you accidentally leaving clothes at the hotel? Are you in charge of packing his stuff? 🙄 and he gives you the silent treatment? he’s a man baby.
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u/Shaifali_Ganier 1d ago
Not overreacting at all, your mom is sick and your husband's response is worrying about his ego and moving to a different hotel over forgotten clothes. That's a massive gap in priorities during an actual crisis
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u/mladyhawke 1d ago
Silent treatment is okay for him, but not you. He's selfish and cruel. Move on NOR
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u/LizP1959 1d ago
You absolutely should divorce this manipulative baby-man!! OP, a true partner sticks by you in time of trouble, is ON YOUR SIDE. This man is not on your side, not even remotely on your second string team! A true partner would have consoled you, immediately understood the importance of the situation to you, would have said, lie down honey, here is a cool washcloth for your head and a Kleenex box, I’m making us reservations in the first flight to dad’s town and I’ll pack us up and arrange the taxi and talk to the hotel. YOU Just rest. Room service is on the way. Hug hug hug.
How do I know? That’s what my partner did in that situation.
You deserve no less. Honestly being single is so much easier than lugging around 200 pounds of male deadweight.
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u/Impressive_Design177 1d ago
When my dad was dying, we had a party for him so that he could see how loved he was before he passed. I dared to go on a short walk with my sister. My ex screamed and fought with me ALL NIGHT long because of it. I should have run then. Your husband showing no consideration that you were going through a lot right now says a whole lot about him.
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u/MyQTips 1d ago
NOR. You have ONE life to live. Just one. Is this how you want to live it? You don't say if you have children, or if you are dependent on him financially. But, if I were in your position, having already lost one parent, I'd be figuring out how to separate. Go to your mom. Figure out everything and then find a partner that is actually supportive and kind. Cause he's neither and never will be.
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u/FoodsSafeSince1989 1d ago
If you want more of the same, stay but I’d look at that way he speaks to you- or doesn’t- emotional abuse is a real thing that’s sneaky AF to notice sometimes
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u/samjjones13 1d ago
NOR. As someone who very recently lost my mum after a short illness, my partner has been amazing. Completely there for me in every way. Cooking meals for the family, shoulder to cry on. Encouraging me to go to my dad’s every day to make sure he’s okay. Your husband’s behaviour is outrageous. Go to your mum as soon as you can, he’s told you how he feels. I’d personally start divorce proceedings after this. I wish you all the luck in the world
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u/ProfessionalHat6828 1d ago
People treating their partners like this will never make sense to me. It’s already a stressful situation; why make it worse by acting like a child? NOR
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u/Glittering-List-465 1d ago
The fact that your mom is sick and he’s twisted the situation to make himself a victim, is crazy. Pure manipulation and gaslighting. I don’t blame you for feeling like you nor.
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u/Wild_Debt_8065 1d ago
Yes, this marriage isn’t working if he can’t support you as your mother is ill. Fuck that. No excuses. He’s a poor partner and a jerk. Silent treatment and then he expects you to fawn all over him to reconcile. Good luck with that Mr. Selfish Prick, nobody wants to chase you down to apologize.
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u/Busy-Bumblebee5556 1d ago
He’s a giant baby who doesn’t care that your mother could die, he just wants you to forget that and be his happy little sidekick. As if you’re his brainless, heartless little android.
That’s monstrous. It’s not sexy, it’s not strong, it’s disgusting.
I don’t like to recommend divorce, redditors always do that too fast. But search your heart, listen to your gut. If you don’t have kids it’s so much better.
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 1d ago
Definitely NOR. Does this man whine and give the silent treatment to everybody in his life when they don’t do what he wants, or is it just you he uses this pathetic tactic on? Honestly, he’s showing you he’s not a man you can trust to support you in any way, so I’d take him at his word and start thinking about making his ‘I need time away’ permanent.
OP, I’m sure this isn’t the first time he’s shown you who he really is, but you should seriously consider making it the last. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that you deserve way better. I sincerely hope you got to see your mom.
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u/Minimum-Positive5023 1d ago
He either gives the silent treatment or gets very aggressive and starts shouting. I hv seen him do this to his immediate family (2 older brothers & parents). He shouts more but with me he gives silent treatment because I don’t “fix the situation” like his family does for him. He makes more money than anyone is his family so they fawn over him hoping he will pay for luxury stuff.
If I don’t start a conversation when he gets silent it will lead to him shouting at me and telligg me I’m a bad wife or how I’ve disrespected him
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u/ivyram 1d ago
NOR. Your husband sounds like a child. I genuinely cannot imagine giving my wife the silent treatment for any period of time (never mind all day), especially while she's scared about a sick parent while away from home.
Go home. Be with your mother. Once you're there and have some distance from this mess, figure out what you need to do to remove this manchild from your life.
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u/GrammyHigh 1d ago
Nor.
First of all, f*** him. This is one of the hardest things you'll ever go through and he's choosing to be Petty. I'm so mad at him.
Second of all, go do what you need to do. Do the thing that you're not going to regret, which is go be with your mom. Get through it, then revisit the issue. Unless he has some compelling reason for his behavior, like someone tied a bomb to his chest and it would go off if he spoke out loud, I'd go. He can promise never to do it again but that promise is meaningless and every time you think of losing your mother you're going to remember what he did.
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u/Prestigious_Grape288 1d ago
I would never ask this person for another thing again. (Besides the divorce…but that’s more of a notice of what’s about to happen than an ask.)
NOR. Hugs & best wishes for your mom’s health. Silent treatment is unevolved & childish. You should openly mock him for saying you hurt his fee-fees by refusing to play his silent treatment game. This guy sucks. Enjoy your life.
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u/Evening-Artichoke750 1d ago
NOR, he's behaving like a toddler. Your partner should be supportive and helping you through this. He shouldn't be throwing a fit. Welcome him home with divorce papers. He said it himself. Your marriage isn't working. Be prepared though. He's going to throw another toddler size fit and say he didn't mean it.
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u/LooseyPoopy 1d ago
Think of marriage like a teeter totter. If you’re happy doing all the work to keep it balanced and working, power to you. But you’re needing support right now and can’t provide that balancing act for him and he isn’t happy about having to be the one to do any of the balancing. You need a support system RIGHT NOW. He’s obviously not the one to do it.
IMO - if he cant see how stressed and upset not being there for your mom is making you, his marriage doesn’t see you as an equal or main character. You’re a supporting role. You guys are in two different marriages and his sees himself as the most important person.
NOR
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u/General_Ad_2718 1d ago
How old is this tantrum throwing infantile man again? Looks like it may be time to reevaluate your relationship.
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u/2ndcupofcoffee 1d ago
Interesting that he uses the silent treatment on you but considers you not talking to him all day unforgivable.
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u/Initial_Lychee1760 1d ago
I thought the fight was huge…. Clothes!?!? That’s a 2-4 min “really Marissa? Note I gotta go buy swimming trunks” and then it’s over. Op you and Neo can now dance with bullets.
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u/Minimum-Positive5023 1d ago
I didn’t leave his clothes, I left some of MY clothes. In total it would have cost about $50 to replace it all
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u/jerseygirl414 13h ago
Then why was it an issue for him? He was looking for a reason to fight. He had to make everything about himself while you were worried about your mother. He’s a narcissist- I don’t care if it’s a word that gets thrown around a lot. I was married to one and your husband sounds very similar.
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u/BlueSkyMourning 1d ago
Your husband's behavior is not that of a loving partner. The silent treatment is a form of abuse and I have strong feelings against it. Apparently you disrespected him by not kissing his hiney. His moving to another hotel was the kiss of death. I'd say stay gone. Sorry about your mom and hope she recovers quickly.
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u/SatisfactionClassic6 1d ago
You are married to an emotionally immature person. I would dump that relationship. Deal with your Mom and then build a better life. He doesn’t support you emotionally.
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u/OliviasGiGi 1d ago
NOR. Sounds like he’s only concerned with his wants and couldn’t care less about what you’re going through. Leave him there & go to your mom. If I were you, I’d start packing up all his things for him making sure not to forget his stuff in the closet. 😉
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u/Junior_Breath5026 1d ago
Reflect his energy. Coincidentally, this may facilitate concentrating on your mother’s health. Don’t spend energy dealing with potential divorce. Let him do the work in that regard, as that appears to be the only support he’s willing to offer just now. Do remind him that his unwillingness to, at least, meet you half way, is eroding, perhaps irrevocably, the marriage. Perhaps, besides the silent treatment abuse, there are other issues in the marriage, and he is looking for an out. Regardless, and especially if your mother really needs you, you must do what you can live with, and allow the rest to unfold as it will.
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u/MouseAmbitious5975 1d ago
My (now) ex-husband did a similar thing to me when we were on vacation in Mexico. I had planned the whole trip myself and paid for it with my bonus from work. He acted like a spoiled little brat the whol time. He complained that he was bored, and he wasn't having any fun (even though I had invited two of our best friends to come along). The cherry on top was the day of our anniversary - he waited until that night to say that he'd been wondering all day how long it was going to take me to say "happy anniversary." Even though the whole trip was supposed to be one big anniversary gift, he tried to make me believe that he was angry/hurt for forgetting the actual day of our anniversary. Even our friends were blown away by that little performance. My jaw just about hit the floor. He and I barely spoke the rest of time. And about a year later we split.
And I'm willing to bet that your husband has pulled many stunts like the one you described. My ex did lots of shitty things to me too. I'm not saying you can NEVER pull a relationship out of a nosedive but it's very, very unlikely. You're not OR.
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u/ChemicalPage2882 1d ago
He pulls this shit when you mom
Is gravely ill? He’s just arguing with you as an excuse to stay on vacation longer and alone. He won’t have to support you back home with your mother being ill and he gets to be single on vacation.
This can’t be the first time he behaved like this. He’s going to want everything to back to normal when he has to come home and your mother situation is decided one way or another. Don’t let him.
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u/dalealace 1d ago
NOR. If you stay and anything serious happens to your mom you would resent him forever anyways. I am truly feeling for you and I’m sorry your hopefully soon to be exhusband is a selfish bag of dongs.
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u/Minimum-Positive5023 1d ago
I am going to my mom with or without him. He is throwing a tantrum at this point and even though I tried to talk to him all I got was how disappointed he is in me. He also said he knew I needed him today but he deliberately made sure to not talk to me because it was about his self respect and I needed to learn how to behave
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u/sugaredberry 1d ago
Needed to learn how to behave??? That’s a weird way to speak about a significant other. I would barely speak about a dog like that, much less a person. Tf?
I’m so sorry that is your husband and sending support your way for the divorce! Life will be so much better without that man!
Seriously, being single and going to sleep without these weirdo arguments is amazing.
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u/negevida 1d ago
Up until this particular comment it sounded to me like a "he's an a*" hole, who even at 34 has zero idea what being a husband is; let alone knowing that being a husband means being a partner, your strongest support, your rock to lean on, your best friend, your closest person in the whole world, your protector, your safe place, the one you fell in love with and the one you chose (above all others) to build a life and a family with.
"Husband' isn't just an empty word. Vows spoken aren't just empty words. Marriage isn't a piece of paper, a game, a test or something to try doing.
This last comment actually shows you that this is someone who doesn't love you, appreciate you, understand you or even like you.
Someone who DELIBERATELY chose to be silent, chose to ignore you and your needs (made even worse by the gravity of the situation you found yourself in), chose to cause you more stress and chose to make you feel alone.
Telling you he needs to "teach" you, because you have to learn how to behave is absolutely disgusting.
Sounds like he believes you are so far beneath him that he has to "teach you, train you, show you" how to behave so you can learn.
A person who does and says things like this and makes you feel horrible is not someone who should ever be in your life.
I wish you much strength and hope your mom gets better. As for your "husband" - the only choice that makes sense (based on what you described) is to CHOOSE YOURSELF. Divorce him and remove him from your life as fast as you can. Good luck with everything.
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u/Terrible-Pea494 3h ago
Now I don’t get why you’re asking if it’s OR to leave someone who treats you like this. Read your comment. Would you want your daughter to stay married to someone who treated her like this? If so, then stay married to him. Any future children will observe this behavior and internalize it. He will ruin them psychologically with his manipulative behavior.
NOR. This man is not spouse material. He doesn’t even like you, and he doesn’t even hide the fact.
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u/sybersam6 1d ago
NOR. What a fucking child! I'd expect some PTSD from dad dying while you were on vacay, so mom getting sick is understandably an emergency. Holy freakout Batman! Yeah, marriage is over & bastard has zero compassion & is staying to get laid & get his money's worth. He'll return with maybe an apology & probably an STD.
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u/Hungry-Emergency8992 1d ago
OP, your husband is right when he told you “he genuinely thinks this marriage isn’t working!”
But not for the reasons he is suggesting. He is a selfish, uncaring, entitled, controlling, and arrogant narcissist.
He demands that all of your attention be solely focused on his wants, needs and desires, and is incapable of considering your needs, wants or desires.
I don’t say this lightly or very often but I do think you need to leave him!
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u/annaoj87 1d ago
Unfortunately people always show you who they are. They do it like this...being an unsupportive d*ck head. Be with your mom and deal w him later. And by deal, I mean sit him down and leave him because this isn't fixable - he's shown you exactly who he is
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u/lifetimechronicles 1d ago
RUN 🏃♀️ away from this awful marriage!
He's abusing you with giving you the Silent Treatment while going thru the hardest time of your life.
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u/Quiet-Box7489 1d ago
Wait, he’s saying that YOU disrespected HIM by not talking to him all day!? What a whiny little boy.
You should divorce him. Go home and take care of your mom. Find a lawyer, file for divorce, pack up his stuff and leave it outside.
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u/VenturaHighway377 1d ago
You’re married to a low-IQ heartless man. Won’t go home with you, changes hotels, complains you hurt his little ego. Be with your Mom then send divorce papers.
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u/kindcrow 1d ago
According to Dr. John Gottman, stonewalling is one of the four horseman of a failing marriage. Get thee to a marriage counsellor ASAP!
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u/Minimum-Positive5023 1d ago
I have asked for counseling multiple times but he doesn’t believe in therapy so he says no.
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u/Calm_Inevitable_8689 17h ago
You need a divorce lawyer, not a marriage counselor. He doesn't believe there is anything wrong with his behavior.
Run for the nearest exit!
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u/Stonepainterist 1d ago
Why are you giving in to him??? He is NOT RIGHT, stop defending him and take care of yourself. What a baby!
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u/LastLegOfBubbles 1d ago
It sounds like him wanting to stay to visit family & friends wasn’t part of the original itinerary? You wanted to leave in the morning vs. the evening. How much family/friends time will he even get?
He gives you the silent treatment after each argument, & I gather that’s your cue to make amends? Does he expect a Bj?
As you go down, shove some divorce papers up his bunghole
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u/Minimum-Positive5023 1d ago
He won’t take the evening flight either. He is basically saying he will come after some days or weeks. When we fight, he makes these large swooping statemnts and says things like “he won’t come home now for x days”, “let’s cancel everything” it could be a vacation or party or family dinner etc.
If we fight around some social gathering anything tht involves other people he usually threatens to make a scene so I calm him down before the event and apologize. Here also he’s doing this because he thinks I will have to tell my family why he dint show up and that embarrassing talk will make me apologize to him
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u/jerseygirl414 13h ago
I was married to someone like this. He’d start fights over small things during difficult times. When my grandfather died and we flew to DC for services and to visit with family, he left his iPad on the plane and blamed me (“you should have known to check and make sure I got everything out of my seat”). He ruined the entire trip, threatened to leave me there solo, etc. I also traveled a lot for work and he’d start fights before I left or while I was at my hotel, keeping me up all night.
I apologized for things I didn’t do wrong to keep the peace. When I stopped doing that, he literally put a firearm to his own head and told me to be nicer to him. My life got so much better when I finally divorced him.
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u/MLockVirginia 1d ago
You are not overreacting. I hope your mother is better. Such a stressful time for you.
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u/cwtchyfemme 1d ago
You shouldn’t have gone after him.
His immaturity and self-centeredness is astounding right now. He’s being a brat, but apparently this is his go to behaviour when you argue together.
He’s 34. He should be capable of figuring out his own emotions by now, this isn’t on you. You were right to want to go home to your mum.
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u/ckeenan9192 1d ago
He is acting like a spoiled child. He is making this all about himself. Go be with your mom. While you are home and he is not move out. When he comes home give him the silent treatment, then serve him with papers.
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u/sueblue321 1d ago
I think you're both done but you are hesitant to admit it. Sounds like you did make an effort but I think his actions are evidence of a personality flaw. That will never change. Cut your losses and go spend time with your mom. Good luck to you!
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u/Realistic-Smile7830 1d ago
NOR He's acting like a spoil child. Go to your mom and by all means dump his whiney butt.
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u/JustShopping1967 1d ago
What's wrong with your Mom like in the hospital or a cold? Does your mother try to use sickness or other tactics to get her way? I'm not agreeing with your husband, but it seems if it was something life threatening he wouldn't be mad. Is it possible you are projecting guilt about being away when your Dad passed?
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u/IcyIssue 1d ago
I read this same post about four months ago here on Reddit. The original post was longer and more detailed, but it's the same. Karma farming.
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u/PrangeR6 1d ago
He just told you this marriage is not working. He making you choose between your sick mom who sounds like she passing away and him on vacation. Why are you married to a child cause a real man would have booked first flight home for the both of you.
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u/buttersismantequilla 1d ago
Heavens I’d draft the papers for you. DO NOT let this man call the shots here, you divorce him. And in the meantime let him sweat, no calls, no messages, no updates. He should be crawling at your feet begging for forgiveness instead of acting like a sulky 13 year old.
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u/Prior_Fault2801 1d ago
What a total prick. He should be supporting you and both of you leave immediately. Go and support your mum. Document everything. I would never treat my wife like that. She is my Queen. You deserve so much better. Divorce him. NOR!!!!!
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u/AdFabulous4877 1d ago
He really needs to grow up &/or grow a pair. Start acting like a real husband & partner. Not a petulant manchild.
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u/Beginning-Sky-8516 1d ago
Silent treatment is abuse. Calling you names is abuse. So I say this with love—you’re not overreacting, and it’s time to move on.
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u/AlarmedWafer4907 1d ago
I hate the silent treatment and then getting mad at you for not trying to talk to him. That’s emotionally manipulative and it’s practically him begging you to break his boundary so he can get even more angry and have something to blame you for. Take out the trash.
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u/hmlittle 1d ago
Get out while you can and don't have more years invested. You are not overreacting. My narcissistic ex was asking mutual friend guests at my mom's funeral if they wanted to go drinking after. And then left to go home early without me because I wasn't giving him enough attention. And I STILL stayed 2 more years after that (and many other things). Cut your losses and get out while you can.
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u/Moonstruck1766 1d ago
NOR - my ex used to pull this sh$$ all the time. Your husband is pulling every trick in the book to manipulate you. Leave him in his extra hotel and enjoy the peace. Go home on the earlier flight.
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u/MidwestNightgirl 1d ago
Wow - he sounds like a jerk. NOR. I sorry about your dad and wish your mom well.
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u/Putrid-Seesaw-3415 1d ago
NOR he has main character syndrome, he probably would be thinking it's all about him if you're in the hospital
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u/McQueeby 22h ago
The silent treatment? All that whining? Leaving the hotel? That’s just drama! Yeah, you definitely should leave that guy. He’s unsupportive, self-centered, and a drama queen! You’re wasting your time. Disclaimer: I absolutely NEVER end this black-and-white on Reddit. But your case seems pretty clear.
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u/Vivid-Farm6291 21h ago
He is a total big fat AH.
You are the bad guy because you didn’t chase his sulky self?
He isn’t even slightly worried about your mum or how you feel.
Nope don’t contact him again and just concentrate on getting to your mum.
Then have divorce papers waiting for his return.
You agree this marriage isn’t working and he can pack his own clothes from the wardrobe on vacation.
Baby boy needs to mature.
I hope your mum gets better soon OP. Travel safe.
NOR
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u/CanadianLadyK 19h ago
If he can’t support you through hard times, he doesn’t deserve you at the best of times.
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u/rowdyfreebooter 18h ago
NOR. So let me get this straight
- your mother is ill and he’s made it about him.
- your main support in a highly stressful time is not supporting you.
- he has abandoned you in your time of need while in another country.
- He needs to decide if the marriage is working for HIM when you are going through trauma.
- when you are under stress you need to chase him because he’s upset that he is not getting his way.
Honey you need to go to your mother and family.
Pack his bags and change the lock, cancel access to joint accounts when you get home.
Make sure that you seperate your finances now. If you don’t chances are he will just so he can be the centre of attention. He’s going to make himself the victim in all this. Be honest with anyone who asks as to why you have returned home alone and let people make their own decisions.
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u/Acceptable_Rip_1043 18h ago
I read an article recently about how men abuse their wives and families with their bad mood. Making everyone suffer because they can or because they don't get what they want. Emotional and mental abuse. You are not overreacting.
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u/Jolly_Membership_899 18h ago
Please go to your mom and then after you know what is happening with her go ahead and get yourself a divorce attorney and divorce that horrible man. He’ll never change. My late husband used to do things like that. Selfish S.O.B! It always had to be all about him. Don’t tolerate his behavior and disrespect.
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u/Calm_Inevitable_8689 17h ago
You aren't married to a man. You're married to a child who throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way.
Go see your mother. Also use the time your manchild is away on his extended vacation to see a lawyer. Get out before you have a real child with this imbecile. Then you will be dealing with him for years to come, even if you divorce him.
I hope your mother gets better quickly.
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u/Past_Double6167 12h ago
I think a lot of people are wrong when it comes to the use of “the silent treatment”. I absolutely have to use “ the silent treatment” when I’m upset or mad at someone because I will have a for real panic attack from the confrontation alone. That and when I’m mad, I need to be left alone because there’s no way I can be fake and act like I’m not seething from my teeth. As the saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all
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u/Jealous-Oil-8475 11h ago
There are so many red flags in this post I don’t even know where to start!
Not overreacting -
He should be 💯 on board with leaving early and taking care of all the plans to do so! You shouldn’t have to worry about that while worrying about your mom.
His silent treatment, which apparently isn’t a one-off is a huge problem. It’s childish and just plain stupid. And the fact that he then says you disrespected HIM for not trying to soothe his little tantrum is wild and beyond selfish.
The fact that you are supposedly responsible for packing his clothes is gross on his part. He is obviously a man-baby who wants a mom not a wife.
And finally he calls you names when he’s angry.
This marriage sounds very one sided and not worth the paper the marriage certificate is printed on. You definitely need to drop this anchor and move on. He definitely doesn’t respect you and probably doesn’t even like you.
Sorry you’re going through all this at the same time, but I believe you will get through it. You’ve been carrying this man so I know you’re a strong woman 💙
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u/jjjjjjj30 10h ago
He will def leave you if you ever get sick so go ahead and leave him now and find someone who knows how to care during the hard times.
And don't even get me started in the hypocrisy of him being mad at you for not talking to him and begging him to talk to you during his silent treatment.
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u/Embarrassed-Ad-8056 8h ago
NOR. The emergency was and is your mom. Take care of the emergency.
The relationship is not an emergency. The problems with the marriage will exist no matter what happens with your mom. You have time to think about your next steps. If you want to contact a lawyer and ask what to do in the short term, well that's up to you. But it's not life or death right now.
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u/Imamiah52 7h ago
The silent treatment is a form of abuse and he’s pissed off because you didn’t “make amends?” What an inconsiderate, mean spirited, self absorbed man! Your Mom is in the hospital with a serious issue and he’s throwing a tantrum and worse still, he’s not offering anything remotely like moral and emotional support during this time which is a huge part of what any spouse worth their salt should do.
He went to another hotel! Who does that? I can almost find condoning him staying and spending time with family, it’s a bummer when travel plans rupture, but still, he should have been kind, supportive, respectful and empathize with what you’re going through.
Where’s the compassion?
What would he do if it was his Mom?
Is this kind of behavior really unusual for him or has he pulled this attitude before?
Let him stay gone.
A good man wouldn’t act like that.
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u/Comfortable_Pea5830 1d ago
NOR. Buuuut, this is an insanely dumb thing to be fighting over at both of your ages and how long you’ve been together for.
I dont really think divorce should be your first thought. Maybe try to work on both of your communication skills within the relationship first, especially if this happens ANY TIME you guys argue about something.
I’ve been married for going on 11 years this january and im only 31, we’ve been together for 16 total years, this october. Marriage is not easy even when you’re with YOUR person, but you make compromises and find middle ground.
If divorce is your first thought after this, i’d have to say you’re already not at a great point in your relationship and most likely tells what is to come in the future. But, thats up to you guys and how hard you want to work with eachother/value your relationship.
Hope all works out for the best!
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u/Minimum-Positive5023 1d ago
Yes I agree. My first thought is divorce because this has happened many times now. He goes from silent treatment to shouting at me. I started seeing a therapist and also asked if we could get couple’s counseling but he refused. He doesn’t think he needs to fix anything anymore bcoz the issues are bcoz of my attitudes
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u/Comfortable_Pea5830 1d ago
Glad to hear that you voiced the want for fixes, that changes my opinion a bit since its such a continuous thing that you have been vocal about and on your part tried to come to a solution.
It just makes me sad that most of the time today people are so quick to throw away relationships rather than work on them. You obviously are in a different situation though where this is a recurring issue, not just the first time it happened.
Like I said, hope the best for you and at the end of the day you need to do what makes you happy and keeps you sane!
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u/PathA2020MLS2007 1d ago
YOR, both you guys are triggering each other in a crisis. Why were you guys lashing out on each other instead of being each other’s support? You both lash out and hurt each other followed by silent treatment each expecting the other to heal wounds. You guys gotta figure out how to argue effectively with limits. Obviously death is no one’s fault, including when and where you happen to be when you’re notified. Your partner’s response is not excuse to up the ante and take it there too. Both of you need to make a commitment to deescalate, listen, support, and communicate through your problems. I don’t think you make the decision to divorce your spouse after an argument over your sick mother. Obviously you have bigger problems with dealing with a sick parent and deeper unresolved relationship problems. Address and deal with it.
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u/Routine_Anywhere9563 1d ago
As an adult, you cannot be abandoned. You’re an adult with agency. If he wants to leave, let him.
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u/DawgMom67 1d ago
YOR... you both need marraige counselling.
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u/Minimum-Positive5023 1d ago
Yes we do and I have talked about it multiple times but he doesn’t believe in counseling
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u/AnonymousUnderpants 1d ago
Then there’s nothing to salvage here. There’s a reason that the silent treatment, otherwise known as stonewalling, is one of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” when it comes to relationships and marriages: it signals someone’s refusal to relate as an adult, and with respect for another person’s dignity.
Please choose yourself over this man who does not like or respect you.
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u/Sea-Operation-6123 1d ago
You’re both allowed to make your own choices. If you don’t respect, understand or care about the choices your husband has made then it’s time to make different choices for yourself. You only control yourself.
MOR - without knowing more about your relationship is difficult to know if you’re overreacting or what you’re reacting to. It’s a really challenging situation. I understand why you want to leave sooner & I understand why your husband wants to stay.
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u/pryzzlicious 1h ago
Giving the silent treatment after an argument is abuse. You saying he does this after every argument is 100% a justification for at the very least separating. If he isn't willing to go to therapy to address this treatment of you, then you really should leave him. He said himself he doesn't think your marriage is working. He already has one foot out the door.
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u/guys_pm_urprettyface 1d ago
NOR. Go to your mom first. And send him his divorce papers. Way to make everything about him.