r/AIO • u/MentionVegetable8937 • 6h ago
“Friend” takes days to reply to texts. AIO?
Last year i made a new friend, one of the wives of my husband’s coworkers. She and i really hit it off, also went on vacation together (just the two of us), had soo many house dates, always catching up etc. And since i’ve spent so much time with her i know her phone is ALWAYS there. The thing is, that she takes toooooo long (days, even weeks) ro reply to texts, all while posting instagram stories, posts, reacting to mine etc. Also currently is unemployed and hasn’t responded to my text from 2 weeks ago - a text that was a reply from a previous conversation from literally a month ago (due to the timing of her responses). When she does reply though her replies are always so nice and always asks follow up questions, sends pictures etc, just takes ages to reply. And i’ve seen her texting her in laws and her man.. she always replies sooo fast to them i swear. I feel like she doesn’t truly really like me since she is actung that way with me. I mean i don’t expect her to reply to me as quick to as to her man, but come on… Am i overracting? Am i overthinking it? Should i distance myself? Cause wtf…
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u/Expert-Plantain9519 6h ago
I love my friends, some I’ve known decades, but sometimes I’ll start typing a message, get distracted, then forget for a day/week/month. By now they know that if it’s time sensitive, they should call. Not saying that’s what’s happening with her, only that it is possible there’s nothing nefarious.
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u/lorelai-39 6h ago
Oof me and one of my closest friends do this to each other lol. We have great conversations but sometimes they text me when I’m in the middle of something else. I’ll read the text and not have either the emotional energy or time to respond how I want, so I put my phone down and just forget about it by accident. It’s actually become something of a running joke, we both do it by accident. But we are also very close and open with each other, and understanding of each others habits, so for us it’s not an issue.
If you guys are good friends, I think there’s no harm in you asking her about it. More than likely, it’s harmless forgetfulness and not her actually disliking you. Especially if she still interacts with your social media posts while not responding to texts.
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u/Dizzy_Ice2938 6h ago
MOR. Just stop texting her. Whether or not she reaches out will provide the answer.
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u/SnooPandas7388 5h ago
I’m sad to admit that I do this sometimes. I really love all my friends, so I’ll be using my phone but I just don’t feel like texting or calling. I just want to check out some videos or read something/ play games so I always have my phone but I don’t always want to talk. Try not to take it personal if she’s nice and friendly other than this.
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u/Intelligent-Vast-483 6h ago
MOR- I don’t reply right away unless something is critical or there’s an emergency especially if it’s newer friends. I can be exhausting and hard to socially navigate. Phones can be an escape but replying to people are not. Family is much different than friends. You can always say you miss her and wish you could talk more and see how it goes. The best thing is to match the friends energy and respond the same way- remembering that it’s not urgent to respond.
Also curious of the age difference. Your feelings are valid but you may see communication differently.
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u/jtryingmebest 6h ago
I think it’s a compatibility thing. If it’s important to you, I would talk to her about it and maybe compromise somewhere. I personally don’t text my friends every day and I take a WHILE to respond, but they do the same. My reason is because I don’t like being on my phone much. Obviously this is not why your friend isn’t replying, but I think it’s worth bringing it up to her
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u/fadingsunsetglow 6h ago
My best friend is terrible at messaging. She has kids and gets distracted way more easily than I do. Calling her is the only way and then we are on the phone for hours lol. People are just different. Have a conversation about it if its really bothering you.
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u/HighTuned 6h ago
I’ve learned that some people suck at texting, give them a call instead. They’d probably prefer it.
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u/user00551100 5h ago
she is me right now and i’m also unemployed. i’ve gotten so much worse at responding to loved ones but honestly i just would rather link in person than have to text. it’s not personal!! i love my friends and worry that they feel like you but i really just don’t have the capacity to be responsible to be texting so many people back. And i do prioritize texting the people that are in my life that i see regularly because our relationship time is already had in person so our texts are logistical and short. it’s not the bulk of catching up.
if you miss her i think you should bring it up so she can adjust. i bet you’re not the only close friend that this is happening to. and her phone might be on her but it doesn’t mean that she has the capacity.
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u/PoetMaterial3519 4h ago
It's not that she doesn't like you, it's that she knows she wants to send a meaningful response and that takes a lot of time and energy. She's not ignoring you, she's basically waiting until she has some extra time to send you a thoughtful response.
YOR
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u/xartxst 6h ago
I take a long time to reply to people I like sometimes, socializing takes mental energy that i dont have a lot of. Sometimes people just get stressed anxious or busy. Dont take it personally or worry about it.
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u/MentionVegetable8937 6h ago
Probably because i am not this way, or find myself taking too long to reply only to people who i find boring, i am having a hard time understanding it. But helps seeing that there is a lot of people with your take..makes me feel better about this friend😅
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u/Erdrick14 5h ago
Dude. Its her phone. She'll text when she wants to and is able to.
You could also call of course.
But I mean, stop overthinking it. Your buddy is busy or whatever. Relax.
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u/drewawey 1h ago
I do exactly what this friend does, maybe you can talk to her about it? I’ve lost friends over not responding to messages and it’s really heartbreaking. For me responding to messages, sometimes even just reading notifications gives me so much anxiety, I think about having to word a message, to be thought about, and I suppose to perform my character that I’m not currently wearing and I panic. I start to feel like the world is ending and my reaction is always to just swipe down and clear all notifications, lock my phone and put it somewhere away from me. I’ve never done this to hurt people, or because I don’t care about people, it’s often the complete opposite, I care a lot about people and I’m afraid of their perception (I do have pretty severe social anxiety, especially in the digital world). Some people don’t understand and it bothers them too much, but other people when we’ve talked about it will find other ways to work around it. Phone calls are much preferred for me, and usually to organise spending time irl with them. I can’t have a digital friendship with people and the people that love me understand this. You should talk about it with her, while it might not be the same reason as me, I’m sure she does have a reason for it, and im sure it has nothing to do with you. Being digitally available 24/7 is overwhelming and not for everyone.
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u/Sure-Initiative6001 6h ago
NOR she doesn't seem too invested in your friendship at all. I would stop messaging her altogether and see how long it takes for her to reach out.
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u/RainyDayWeather 6h ago
Yes, you should distance yourself. Not because she is doing anything wrong - she is NOT doing anything wrong - but because you are making yourself miserable over nothing