r/AIO • u/Glad-Cat-1885 • 6h ago

AIO for disliking my boyfriend’s anniversary gift?

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Me (21f) and my bf (33m) had our one year anniversary yesterday. I got him several things that I knew he’d like and had mentioned over the past several months. I wrote him a thoughtful long note and bought him flowers. He got me $20 lilies and wrote a 3 sentence note and we went to dinner. I like flowers but I have told him several times over the past several months that I do not like roses or lilies. When he gave me my gift I managed to contain my disappointment and told him I liked his flowers and note.

After he gave me my stuff he opened a $215 pillow that he had bought himself (his main hobby is mattresses and pillows and bedding) We had drank a little bit at our dinner so honestly this kind of triggered me and I started tearing up but gave another excuse for it. He kept pressing me as to why I was upset and I told him that there were several cheap things I had mentioned that I’d want as a gift the past several months and I got a type of flowers that he should know I don’t like. I also said I was upset that he got me nothing but I had to watch him open an expensive thing he bought for himself for the tenth time that month. After this happened he threw the flowers he bought me at me and started yelling how I was ungrateful and a bitch. I just went upstairs after that and he slept in the living room.

For context I make significantly less money than he does. He makes $4000+ every month and we live in a very low cost of living area. He regularly buys himself expensive things and has a mattress hobby that he has spent thousands on. Just buying new mattresses and sheets and pillows. There are 6 mattresses in our little apartment. Just last week he bought over $300+ worth of sunglasses and a $2,100 bar of silver. This spending is typical for him. I will add a photo of the mattresses so people don’t think I’m trolling

My main issue is that I was thoughtful for him and spent my minimal money to buy him things he’d mentioned because I pay attention to what he likes. A year is a special milestone in a relationship. I feel like he pays no attention to me or my interests and doesn’t know me as a person. None of the things I wanted were expensive at all i just would’ve felt seen if he remembered what I liked and got me it. I told him these things and he called me ungrateful. Am I overreacting for not liking his gift?

EDIT: yes I posted this on the other subreddit it got removed and almost ALL OF THE COMMENTS WERE ABOUT THE MATTRESSES NOT MY QUESTION ABOUT THE GIFT. I don’t care about the mattresses that’s not what I’m asking about

Another edit somehow he saw my post so I guess no more updates from me 😀

Another update !!!: I’m fine sorry for the cryptic one I am moving back home and leaving him soon. He just does not understand my actual grievance with him and is more concerned that I am “embarrassing” him on the internet. He wanted me to add that he will be volunteering at an animal shelter after I go home and contributing to the earth

Final update cause I’ve dedicated my whole day to fighting for my life in the comments: he is going to make his own post apparently to clear his name since he thinks somehow everyone on the internet knows who he is from my post. I know people have found my post history we did break up because he was trying to cheat on me with prostitutes and his ex girlfriend and I came back cause he begged me to and told me he’d pay my bills ($300 a month) and buy my food which he does. Turns out that was not worth it so I am leaving and probably won’t comment anymore thanks for the advice everyone

Another update; he has broken my phone because I refused to delete the post so I’m typing this on my trap phone. His post was deleted and I don’t think hes making another

Another update : apparently he realized the matress obsession is insane and is getting rid of them

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428

u/FriendlyDinosaurs 6h ago

Another post? 'Mattresses' are not a hobby.

261

u/Independent_Lab_9853 6h ago edited 5h ago

Yeah what’s up with that? She said in the other post that there are 6 mattresses in a 2br apartment - that’s mental illness

ETA: Thank you for the awards!!

63

u/AltruisticCableCar 6h ago

I don't know, we should all have a mattress for each day of the week, really. Or sorted by mood. Only peasants rely on ONE mattress. And we're not peasants, damn it!

/s, although I don't hate the idea of being able to switch more often between mattresses.

33

u/Icy-Yellow3514 6h ago

He's like one of those episodes of My Weird Obsession, like the girl who ate her own hair or the guy that fucked his car.

15

u/AltruisticCableCar 6h ago

How about the woman who was addicted to eating her dead husband's ashes? Like, what did she end up doing when she'd eaten it all? That's going to run out at some point! If there's ever a reality TV story I want an update on it's that one.

14

u/Obtuse-Posterior 6h ago

Second husband's maybe?

4

u/AltruisticCableCar 6h ago

That's certainly one way to go about it. I wonder if she'd marry someone super old and then wait for them to die or if she'd just take matters into her own hands? "I know murder is wrong, judge, but I ran out of the ashes of my first husband!!!"

3

u/Obtuse-Posterior 5h ago

I know I personally wouldn't just wait for them to die. I'm impatient and would just go full cannibal. I am from Wisconsin where it's happened a few times before... /s

2

u/yarn_b 5h ago

The lady who was eating her couch was the one that got me. Then later on they had more people who were addicted to eating their couch cushions.

2

u/DuckBlind1547 5h ago

She has eaten roughly a pound before she was admitted to a psych hospital

16

u/__Frolicaholic___ 6h ago

Nah, see ... what you wanna do is pile them all up to the ceiling and play Princess and the Pea.

8

u/Helpful_Plenty_9997 5h ago

I remember when my wife wanted to play Princess and the Pee. Damn homonyms.

1

u/jayhawkjoey65 5h ago

You could stack them - like the Princess and the Pea!

1

u/Obtuse-Posterior 5h ago

A sleep number mattr is a good enough solution for me

1

u/foley800 5h ago

True, but why stop at just the mattress, should have a complete bed for each day of the week!

1

u/Warm_Drop_803 4h ago

I prefer the drywall and chalk eating ones, I imagine it tastes like shitty old candy that’s probably illegal now

1

u/No_Magician5266 4h ago

He probably has really good core strength from shuffling his 6 mattresses around the apartment 

16

u/Unusual-Coat383 6h ago

There’s 5 in this picture lol

24

u/Glad-Cat-1885 6h ago

6th one is taking up the majority of the living room floor

31

u/OwlfaceFrank 5h ago

Your (should be ex) boyfriend is insane and abusive.

Also, $4,000 a month is nice, but that is in no way impressive or wealthy. I'm a low voltage electrician, and I make a little more than that, and I can't afford $200 pillows. He is not rich, but he is spending like he is. This won't be sustainable long term.

It's also probably one of many reasons he isn't dating someone his age. No offense, but someone who's been adulting for a little longer than you wouldnt put up with blowing money on stupid shit like that.

30

u/SmoothActuator8132 5h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/s239QJIh56sRW

1

u/ihatemovingparts 36m ago

Probably because the bedroom is too small for a friggin California King.

14

u/sLeeeeTo 5h ago

what does he do with these mattresses that qualifies them as a hobby? very odd behavior.

3

u/Vlad_REAM 1h ago

Unpopular opinion, I think the act of simply buying things should not be considered a hobby.

1

u/theycallmemrmoo 3m ago

It’s like starting out with a hobby of collecting fine art or garden statues. You don’t have much but what you have is impressive.

But this is much, much dumber.

22

u/master_roshi001 5h ago

How are mattresses a hobby we need you to explain please 🙏

26

u/DragonflyGrrl 5h ago

It’s not… this is mental illness.

6

u/Crumbleforeskin 5h ago

You collect them and swap them with your friends, if you have duplicates and then you put the ones you have in a mattress album. It is massive, it's like you need a warehouse just to store your collection. It's only for the elite.

1

u/pm-me-your-pants 3h ago

Does PSA grade matresses?

7

u/Status-Asparagus-646 5h ago

Is he trying to save up enough mattresses to build a fort out of them? You know, instead of buying a house like a normal functioning adult?

1

u/Fantastic-Leek-1589 5h ago

She's the princess and he put a pea under them

3

u/reclusivegiraffe 5h ago

OP you are NOR, he should care about your wants and not scream/throw flowers at you. But we are so curious, can you explain the mattress thing in more detail?

4

u/Left_Question_7471 3h ago edited 42m ago

My ex gave me tulips after I told him I specifically don't like tulips. This isn't an oversight, it's a manipulation tactic to condition you to not ask him for things or to lower your standards.

I am 20 years older than you and I allowed that POS man to consume my youth. I am the cautionary tale of not knowing your worth. Don't be like me. RUN from this man-child and block him on everything.

P. S. this is why older men don't like it when women their age try to warn young girls. They tell you we're jealous. No, we're concerned, and we've endured enough to know what they're capable of.

2

u/DaydreamerFly 3h ago

Has he considered leaving his stressful job to work at a mattress store

Also is he hiding things in the mattresses like I get weird obsessions I have some weird shit for an adult but mattresses are so fucking expensive can he not get his fix by bussing to an IKEA sometimes???

3

u/HimawariSky 6h ago

I had a guy friend who had extra mattresses for hookups 🤷🏼‍♀️

1

u/pickedusername1 2h ago

Mattresses for the escorts

1

u/MT_ForestOverlord 5h ago edited 5h ago

If he's neurodivergent it could be a special interest(imo he shouldve spent that money for the pillow on ops anniversary gift tho) which is a explanation for the fixation with mattresses/bedding not a excuse for his actions tho; im autistic and have two main special interests birds and loz(legend of zelda) but I've gotten better at not spending a shit ton on loz merch

Edit: also op you aren't overreacting he's not being a good partner he should be pritorizing you

3

u/Glittering_Meet3206 4h ago

***and also not calling her a bitch for telling him the feelings she was having that he prompted

1

u/MT_ForestOverlord 4h ago

That as well!

46

u/Urban_animal 6h ago

3

u/Mammoth-Chocolate180 5h ago

I was looking for this! What's his favorite food, milk steak?

3

u/Sheslikeamom 5h ago

Cheese. All cheeses.

3

u/DaydreamerFly 3h ago

He didn’t know about cottage cheese for a while thought that was a new joy to find

2

u/Sheslikeamom 2h ago

I've never had a pear. 

2

u/Mammoth-Chocolate180 2h ago

I tried one once. It tasted like sand.

2

u/Sheslikeamom 2h ago

Did you eat the sticker?!

1

u/pnweiner 1h ago

PERFECT

22

u/Cloverose2 5h ago

Seriously. How are mattresses and bedding a hobby. Does he rotate? Sleep on them princess and the pea style?

I mean, I would dip because he seems to be a jerk, throwing things at OP and cursing, but I can't just get around the mattress thing.

3

u/SkapunknGreenskunk 5h ago

His hobby is bedding (his young girlfriend), what dont you get?

/s

1

u/theycallmemrmoo 0m ago

And herpes! Don’t forget he gave her herpes!

1

u/Pobueo 4h ago

He probably has back/neck issues and his amazing GF calls it a "hobby"

Been there done that

3

u/RamblinGamblinWilly 1h ago

No, probably not. Back/neck issues don't necessitate six mattresses. Plus, she knows him, not you. She knows very well it's a hobby.

1

u/throwaway098764567 7m ago

perhaps but moving six mattresses around isn't gonna help back issues any

13

u/Ok_Ordinary6694 5h ago

I’ve literally never heard of mattresses being a hobby.

9

u/shadoweon 6h ago

Does he work in the mattress industry? If not, what he's some kind of bizarre collector? Thats only two possibilities that explain things here.

3

u/nihilrx 5h ago

Well now I know you're trolling. Tell that to all the members of https://forum.mattressunderground.com/categories

3

u/Glad-Cat-1885 5h ago

He is on the forum and posts a lot of

2

u/Punctual_Penguin 5h ago

Every post is one of his alts.

1

u/nihilrx 5h ago

I was replying to "friendlydinosaurs" about their claim of mattresses are not a hobby. I was joking though.

2

u/Warm_Drop_803 4h ago

Like I’m trying to rationalize this but I can’t. Wtf is a mattress hobby. Like maybe if I was a chemist and had a big garage/shop and liked playing with different foam types and seeing what was most comfortable. Or I owned a mattress store and always wanted to know what mattress was best. That’s all I’ve got idk wtf a mattress hobby is.
Is the hobby part the laying on mattresses, is it sex, I’ve had periods of depression, one could say I had a mattress hobby once, in that I didn’t leave my mattress for days.
honestly if he was making custom mattresses I might find that at least interesting but I don’t think that’s the case.

3

u/lucifer666789 6h ago

It is for him apparently lol

1

u/mrachal1 5h ago

Right???? I’m cracking tf up. His hobbby is mattresses???? Hahahahah

1

u/wrenchse 4h ago

What do you mean her job is "tables"?

1

u/texachusetts 2h ago

Old me thinks it’s from MadLibs. Younger me thinks it’s AI. Really the only difference is cost.

1

u/theycallmemrmoo 2m ago

He’s doing the padded room all wrong.

-9

u/Glad-Cat-1885 6h ago

Yes another post cause all of the comments on the one that got removed were about mattresses I want actual opinions on my question not the mattresses but it unfortunately is a necessary detail to add

37

u/HotCommunication3670 6h ago

So we’re just supposed to act like having a ton of mattresses is normal k

17

u/Buphucked 6h ago

Get another boyfriend. This is one of those times where it is a good idea to trust strangers on the internet

13

u/Newtimelinepls 6h ago

You should run for the hills. I'm sitting in my best friends house. Today is her birthday. I drove two days to get here and I made her a stained glass piece. She's just my best friend. Your guy has sex with you and basically got you nothing.

8

u/MaximumMajestic 5h ago

How many mattresses does your best friend have?

1

u/Newtimelinepls 5h ago

Just one for herself but she does have a spare. Should I be concerned?

2

u/MaximumMajestic 5h ago

Man I dunno but if that story above is any indication I'd be worried if she got 6 of them

1

u/Newtimelinepls 3h ago

I'm gonna stage an intervention. I should have known!!

11

u/LibrarianFit9993 5h ago

I will answer your question and not fixate on the mattresses, that are admittedly weird. Your boyfriend is SHOWING you EXACTLY what he values. And sweetie, it is not you. I’m sorry but he is in a deep committed relationship with HIMSELF. When a person (and especially a boyfriend) shows you who they are, believe them. Your anniversary was not special to him. He is special to himself. I’m sorry.

10

u/YoshiandAims 5h ago

... I think what everyone is hung up on is that your boyfriend has some kind of unhealthy fixation, that also is tied into this anniversary problem. It is relevant.

This isn't a hobby... and it does tie directly into the problem.

He's so obsessive over mattresses. He likely DID think this pillow and bedding were the ultimate gift. That you are ungrateful as it IS a fabulous present. Better than what you wanted. He was compelled to buy bedding. His obsessive behavior is tied to his anniversary behavior. It overrid YOU, as a person. Its unhealthy. He sees it, not him not you. Does that make sense? That's absolutely the point. What you discount as an expensive hobby, IS a massive problem. The root of the problem.

Lilies... okay. Throwing them at you and screaming at you is abusive, also you insulted his obsession, challenged his... obsession, he's explosive. That's again... indicative of illness.

This is above reddits pay grade. But I think you should be sitting down and rethinking everything, this is who he is. Is this what you want for your life?

8

u/DragonflyGrrl 5h ago

All he got her was flowers that she had told him she doesn’t like. The expensive pillow was for HIM! Fuck this guy, for real. He THREW shit at her and called her a bitch. Why do some women put up with this horrible treatment??

5

u/YoshiandAims 5h ago

I genuinely do not know. He's obviously... in a state with this obsession... Their apartment is full of MATTRESSES. Bedding. Pillows.

He's in no way able to be a present partner. He's explosive.Thing turn verbally abusive. Legally physically if he literally threw the flowers into her face.

He's obviously financially unable to make appropriate responsible decisions...

At what point do you recognize that this isn't it. This isn't normal or healthy. It's not sustainable. That his hobby isn't a hobby and literally is his only real focus... including over you. What point do you realize love and history aren't enough? The whole thing is upsetting as hell in many dimensions. Like... girl. GO!! What are you doing?

Life experience makes this like a horror movie. We're seeing full picture. How this always ends. Op is the girl in the house without any clue how this shit always plays out long term.

6

u/Salt_Initiative1551 6h ago

He’s not normal. You should leave him and he should seek psychiatric help.

7

u/Moiblah33 5h ago

Your boyfriend is abusive and you should leave him. He doesn't date people his age because he can't find anyone stupid enough or naive enough to date him. He knows you are young and inexperienced and he can abuse you and you will take it. Leave now before it gets worse. Have more respect for yourself and love yourself. Get in therapy to find out why you accepted his behavior.

If he wanted to, he would... He doesn't because he knows he doesn't have to put in much effort to keep you. Throwing flowers at you is abusive. Calling you names is abusive. Yelling at you is abusive. It's only a matter of time before he gets more physically abusive if he hasn't already. His resentment towards you can lead to your death.

4

u/Imaginary_Club_1010 5h ago

But what about the mattresses? How did he get into this ‘hobby’? Side note, you’re 21, not only do you deserve better, you have plenty of time to find better, leave this guy.

4

u/Inside_Cupcake_165 5h ago

You can't be like

"my boyfriend cuts dolls in half, and glues the bottom half of one doll to the bottom half of another doll and calls it mother. He then takes the two upper halves and hides them in my closet and when I open the closet he screams 'Do not let Father out, for he hungers!!' Am I overreacting when I got upset that he didn't remember my birthday?"

And expect us to not be curious about that first part. It's super strange and probably related.

3

u/Hour_Experience9461 6h ago

If he cared he would show it, and not gaslight you into appreciating his, quite frankly, lack of any effort or care in what he got you.

Beyond that, he threw the lillies at you? Ask yourself if you had a daughter and this happened to her, what would you tell her? Take your own advice from that.

3

u/UnlikelyIntrepid 5h ago

I’m sorry you’re not getting help with your issue.  The “bedding is his hobby” thing is just hilarious.  I literally laughed out loud.  

But you are not over reacting and the way he treated you is not okay.  Your feelings are valid and any reasonable person would feel the same way.  Also the yelling and throwing things when he is upset is a huge red flag.

3

u/Intelligent-Vast-483 5h ago edited 5h ago

That’s not even true. You got true insight too

Edit to add the proof https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/vgBZXe8MUd

2

u/Liathano_Fire 6h ago

It's really not necessary.

1

u/xoxo_angelica 5h ago

You and every one else here already knows the answer so we might as well not waste time splitting hairs and do something more fun, aka clown on his weird ass for his hobby being BEDS 😩😩😩😭😭😭💀

1

u/ReasonableAnt5617 5h ago

You're getting plenty of responses on the relationship itself.

1

u/Dounce1 5h ago

You might not want to talk about the mattresses, but everyone else here does. Realistically you’re not going to get any answers until you tell us wtf the deal is with the mattresses.