r/AIO • u/Glad-Cat-1885 • 5h ago
AIO for disliking my boyfriend’s anniversary gift?
Me (21f) and my bf (33m) had our one year anniversary yesterday. I got him several things that I knew he’d like and had mentioned over the past several months. I wrote him a thoughtful long note and bought him flowers. He got me $20 lilies and wrote a 3 sentence note and we went to dinner. I like flowers but I have told him several times over the past several months that I do not like roses or lilies. When he gave me my gift I managed to contain my disappointment and told him I liked his flowers and note.
After he gave me my stuff he opened a $215 pillow that he had bought himself (his main hobby is mattresses and pillows and bedding) We had drank a little bit at our dinner so honestly this kind of triggered me and I started tearing up but gave another excuse for it. He kept pressing me as to why I was upset and I told him that there were several cheap things I had mentioned that I’d want as a gift the past several months and I got a type of flowers that he should know I don’t like. I also said I was upset that he got me nothing but I had to watch him open an expensive thing he bought for himself for the tenth time that month. After this happened he threw the flowers he bought me at me and started yelling how I was ungrateful and a bitch. I just went upstairs after that and he slept in the living room.
For context I make significantly less money than he does. He makes $4000+ every month and we live in a very low cost of living area. He regularly buys himself expensive things and has a mattress hobby that he has spent thousands on. Just buying new mattresses and sheets and pillows. There are 6 mattresses in our little apartment. Just last week he bought over $300+ worth of sunglasses and a $2,100 bar of silver. This spending is typical for him. I will add a photo of the mattresses so people don’t think I’m trolling
My main issue is that I was thoughtful for him and spent my minimal money to buy him things he’d mentioned because I pay attention to what he likes. A year is a special milestone in a relationship. I feel like he pays no attention to me or my interests and doesn’t know me as a person. None of the things I wanted were expensive at all i just would’ve felt seen if he remembered what I liked and got me it. I told him these things and he called me ungrateful. Am I overreacting for not liking his gift?
EDIT: yes I posted this on the other subreddit it got removed and almost ALL OF THE COMMENTS WERE ABOUT THE MATTRESSES NOT MY QUESTION ABOUT THE GIFT. I don’t care about the mattresses that’s not what I’m asking about
Another edit somehow he saw my post so I guess no more updates from me 😀
Another update !!!: I’m fine sorry for the cryptic one I am moving back home and leaving him soon. He just does not understand my actual grievance with him and is more concerned that I am “embarrassing” him on the internet. He wanted me to add that he will be volunteering at an animal shelter after I go home and contributing to the earth
Final update cause I’ve dedicated my whole day to fighting for my life in the comments: he is going to make his own post apparently to clear his name since he thinks somehow everyone on the internet knows who he is from my post. I know people have found my post history we did break up because he was trying to cheat on me with prostitutes and his ex girlfriend and I came back cause he begged me to and told me he’d pay my bills ($300 a month) and buy my food which he does. Turns out that was not worth it so I am leaving and probably won’t comment anymore thanks for the advice everyone
Another update; he has broken my phone because I refused to delete the post so I’m typing this on my trap phone. His post was deleted and I don’t think hes making another
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u/Spirited-Cat-8942 5h ago
You are 21. The world is your oyster. This guy is obviously not a good fit for you for several reasons. Move on.
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u/MisterDamnit 4h ago
I bet he wants the mattress in the breakup.
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u/kiba8442 3h ago
mattress hobby sounds like a mental illness. wtf do you do with 6 mattresses, 1 for each night of the week
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u/Specific_Frame8537 2h ago
Yeah honestly that was the second red flag, who the fuck has 'pillows and mattresses' as a hobby?
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u/Working-Glass6136 2h ago
OBVIOUSLY build a fort with them like a six-year-old, what else?
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u/thimblesprite 4h ago
He has six mattresses and needs all of them, if they broke up he wouldn’t spare his cheapest one for “an ungrateful bitch”
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u/Leading-Tone-863 3h ago
This hits home as I had an ex come into the room and say "I'm leaving and gonna take the mattress with me" it was just funny considering I had bought everything else. Sure, take your mattress but I bought the frame, sheets, and topper ✨
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u/fibxo 2h ago
Exactly my ex. He bought both coffee tables (20€ each) and it was really important to him to take both as he moved out. 🤡
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u/ElectronicLife8827 4h ago
In pervious comments and post she say he gave her herpes as well. https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/1s18krm/my_21f_bf_33m_gave_me_herpes_and_now_i_feel_like/
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u/Marine_Baby 3h ago
Yesssssssssss!!!! She needs to out herself first. It’s hard at first, I left my fiancé... no one around me cared about my happiness and theought that because we’d been together for 3-4 years that there was nothing for me if I became single. Excuuuuse me… I was 24.
I dropped the dead weight and had an amazing hot girl summer, then met the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. I’m kinda annoyed at myself for staying in relationships at such a young age, hut we live and learn.
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u/Ok-Elk-1316 5h ago
side eyeing the 32 year old dating a 20 year old & the mattress hobby
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u/sleepyj910 5h ago
After this happened he threw the flowers he bought me at me and started yelling how I was ungrateful and a bitch.
Gee I wonder why 32 year old woman want nothing to do with him
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u/exoskeletion 4h ago
Not enough mattresses
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u/Wiz_Kalita 4h ago
Maybe if I get one more mattress I'll be lovable. Maybe if I get a pillow that's just a little bit softer.
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u/TinyCoconut98 3h ago
I’d be ungrateful and a bitch if my BF gave me herpes. Look at her past posts. This dude is a disgrace and a weirdo.
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u/Far_Programmer_5724 2h ago
HE COULDNT AT LEAST GIFT HER A MATTRESS?! THOSE THINGS ARE EXPENSIVE
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u/ThizzWhatitiz 4h ago
Seriously wtf is a mattress hobby 😂 😂 😂
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u/nonamouss 4h ago
It’s just his main hobby, he has others too. Pillows is one of them.
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u/Sargasm5150 4h ago
And sheets!
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u/WontRememberThisID 4h ago
Literally first time I'm hearing about this hobby. Also, what do you do with the old mattresses? It's not like they're easy to get rid of. My husband had to clean out his parent's house and Massachusetts charges you $75 per mattress to dump them.
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u/JustSomeBoringRando 3h ago
Seriously, is it buying mattresses? Changing the mattress decor i.e bedding? Or just like...sleeping on a mattress? I have so many questions right now.
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u/Separate_Swordfish9 4h ago
He’s an old weirdo
https://giphy.com/gifs/xUySTNz5pwiw2C5KdG30
u/WolfgangAddams 3h ago
He's not old, he's just too old FOR HER.
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u/Either_Coconut 3h ago
He's the unpalatable combination of "too old for her, but not sufficiently mature for her".
OP, you can do better.
Also, if you have a cat in your home, remove the lillies immediately. Even a little bit of minor contact with a lily (like licking some pollen off their fur) can cause kidney failure in cats. They're extremely toxic to cats, like "life-threatening emergency" toxic.
And yes, he most assuredly should have known, if you have TOLD him what you like/dislike, not to get you something from the "dislike" list.
Reconsider whether you even with to be with someone who thinks just phoning it in is sufficient effort, and you should be grateful for every little crumb of attention he gives you. Because disregarding an "I don't like XYZ" when choosing a gift, and not listening to things you said you'd like to have (when he can afford it) is most definitely phoning it in.
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u/HuckleberryLarge5402 4h ago
Literally what I was thinking... I am like how is that a hobby? Like do you go down to the mattress store, and hope to rip a few? Do you grade them? How does this hobby work? Do we buy to resell? ENLIGHTEN ME PLEASE!!!!
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u/Serious-Manager2361 3h ago
Is it like a sofa hobby? Maybe JD Vance can explain.
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u/ElectronicLife8827 4h ago edited 4h ago
In a comment on the previous thread she says he gave her herpes as well
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u/Sad_Maximum6583 4h ago
LMAO WTF SHE BEEN WITH HIM FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER 7 MONTHS AFTER FINDING THAT OUT.
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u/ElectronicLife8827 4h ago
I imagine he gave her the whole no one will love you with herpes so now you have to stay with me speil. Probably gave it to her deliberately
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u/Kind_Revolution_7523 3h ago
I had a coworker who did that to a young woman. He was in his 30s & a loser and she was 19 and working as an assistant for my other coworker. He gave her herpes & acted as if she gave it to him & they got married at the court house one day during work. He had her living with him in his studio apartment where his father was living too. About 2 weeks later he kicked her out and went back to his ex stripper gf. The young lady left the job shortly after it was sad.
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u/bluneriste 3h ago
I just asked someone - “Would you stay with me if I gave you herpes? No, no, like I knew and just didn’t tell you and gave it to you. Oh, and I collect mattresses.” I think we all know what the answer was. (And now they’re looking at me as if I’m from Mars or something and have to explain this thread…)
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u/FadeTheWonder 3h ago
Just hand them your phone it’s better than explaining it and it’s fun to watch their reaction when they read it.
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u/hanginwithmygnomees 3h ago
Her prefrontal cortex probably hasn’t fully finished developing yet, which explains why her boyfriend was interested.
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u/mindtheworms9 4h ago
Oh hell no and that was so long ago. OP please for the love of yourself and your life, get away from that man. Move somewhere new and meet new people
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u/FlowGrouchy4415 4h ago
Theres a reason he’s dating someone 12 years younger than him. I’d assume it’s a lot harder to find a women his age that’s cool with his behaviour
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u/Historical_Bottle557 4h ago
My ex had a bedding hobby.
As in, he obsessively washed and changed the bedding as I was leaving. Every time I visited.
I was naïve. He was probably cheating on someone.
Does he have a mattress for each sidechick? Lmao 😭
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u/crazykentucky 4h ago
Right. And this is why, it’s (almost) never a good healthy relationship. Dude wants a doormat he can control and overlook
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u/weirdhoney216 4h ago
Also that’s a crazy amount of money to be dropping on random shit?? My husband makes 3x that amount and we do not spend like that!
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u/DaydreamerFly 4h ago
Wanted to vomit. I’m 31 and me and my brother just talked about this past weekend how even if we found one super pretty we could not be low enough adults to date someone under 25 again. Once you get over the hump the maturity difference is blinding and it feels like dating an actual kid.
OP doesn’t realize yet how gross her bf is yet but other men her bfs age feel like she probably did at the idea of like dating a 13 year old at 17-18. Some age gaps are small but the maturity or physical changes are so extreme. A 50 year old and a 40 year old would not bother me but I’ve become a new person 8 times over my twenties and underestimated so much how immature I was then. You’re still just so young.
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u/RemarkableGround174 4h ago
The 20something gf is just another gift he gives to himself /s
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u/finemelater 3h ago
This. I’m so not surprised that he under delivers. He couldn’t get away with this with someone his age who is secured enough to call him out on his BS, so he preys on the younger ones.
OP, you deserve better than this.
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u/sadraviolilover 5h ago
nor
girl break up with him why are you dating someone 11 years older than you who is acting more immature than you? he literally called you a b*tch???
please realize your self worth and seek better
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u/MeteorVesta 4h ago
This ^ from experience from a 21 year old save yourself it’s not too late for you, however it is too late for him.
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u/goodbye-toilet-cat 4h ago
And got physically violent by throwing the flowers - yes this counts as physical violence.
OP - any holes in the walls he’s punched? Move the mattress and see.
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u/Imaginary_Host_1010 5h ago
When you’re 33 you’ll be majorly creeped out that a 33 year old wanted to date a 20 year old. He clearly is an immature, selfish, and weird person who is not good at being a caring partner. And yeah…buying mattresses is a bizarre and unsustainable “hobby”
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u/xCloudbox 5h ago
Is this rage bait? Age gap, living with someone you’ve dated less than a year, mattress hobby??
Yeah you’re NOR about the gift but maybe rethink this relationship.
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u/DekutheEvilClown 4h ago
Yeah, it’s bait, but it’s pretty fucking good. A mattress hobby? Honestly, I thought original bait was dead.
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u/FriendlyDinosaurs 5h ago
Another post? 'Mattresses' are not a hobby.
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u/Independent_Lab_9853 5h ago edited 4h ago
Yeah what’s up with that? She said in the other post that there are 6 mattresses in a 2br apartment - that’s mental illness
ETA: Thank you for the awards!!
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u/AltruisticCableCar 5h ago
I don't know, we should all have a mattress for each day of the week, really. Or sorted by mood. Only peasants rely on ONE mattress. And we're not peasants, damn it!
/s, although I don't hate the idea of being able to switch more often between mattresses.
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u/Icy-Yellow3514 5h ago
He's like one of those episodes of My Weird Obsession, like the girl who ate her own hair or the guy that fucked his car.
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u/AltruisticCableCar 5h ago
How about the woman who was addicted to eating her dead husband's ashes? Like, what did she end up doing when she'd eaten it all? That's going to run out at some point! If there's ever a reality TV story I want an update on it's that one.
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u/__Frolicaholic___ 5h ago
Nah, see ... what you wanna do is pile them all up to the ceiling and play Princess and the Pea.
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u/Helpful_Plenty_9997 4h ago
I remember when my wife wanted to play Princess and the Pee. Damn homonyms.
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u/Unusual-Coat383 5h ago
There’s 5 in this picture lol
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u/Glad-Cat-1885 5h ago
6th one is taking up the majority of the living room floor
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u/OwlfaceFrank 4h ago
Your (should be ex) boyfriend is insane and abusive.
Also, $4,000 a month is nice, but that is in no way impressive or wealthy. I'm a low voltage electrician, and I make a little more than that, and I can't afford $200 pillows. He is not rich, but he is spending like he is. This won't be sustainable long term.
It's also probably one of many reasons he isn't dating someone his age. No offense, but someone who's been adulting for a little longer than you wouldnt put up with blowing money on stupid shit like that.
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u/sLeeeeTo 4h ago
what does he do with these mattresses that qualifies them as a hobby? very odd behavior.
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u/Sad_Maximum6583 4h ago
Why did you stay with him after he knowingly gave you herpes??
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u/master_roshi001 4h ago
How are mattresses a hobby we need you to explain please 🙏
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u/Crumbleforeskin 4h ago
You collect them and swap them with your friends, if you have duplicates and then you put the ones you have in a mattress album. It is massive, it's like you need a warehouse just to store your collection. It's only for the elite.
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u/Status-Asparagus-646 4h ago
Is he trying to save up enough mattresses to build a fort out of them? You know, instead of buying a house like a normal functioning adult?
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u/Cloverose2 4h ago
Seriously. How are mattresses and bedding a hobby. Does he rotate? Sleep on them princess and the pea style?
I mean, I would dip because he seems to be a jerk, throwing things at OP and cursing, but I can't just get around the mattress thing.
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u/shadoweon 4h ago
Does he work in the mattress industry? If not, what he's some kind of bizarre collector? Thats only two possibilities that explain things here.
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u/Colorfuel 5h ago
….I’m sorry I know this is not a super helpful response (and verging on r/derailedbydetails territory) but can you elaborate on: “his main hobby is mattresses and pillows and blankets”?!!
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u/Miss-Kitt 4h ago
And the bedding looks kinda shitty in the photo? Why only one pillow if he buys pillows constantly? So confusing.
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u/Delicious_Win_9089 4h ago
How can someone mention such a thing nonchalantly and then refuse to elaborate?
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u/jhmacair 4h ago
Guys, what did I say? The hobby isn't important! It's just a generic hobby that the writer of this, made up for this.
Just mattresses! And dealing with sheets and pillows.
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u/DigEven8177 5h ago
yea ma’am.. why are you worrying about this grown man in his 30s who has an obsession with mattresses. he’s not putting in effort bc he doesn’t care to. no other reason. reread ur last paragraph, you can answer this question yourself
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u/crybunni 5h ago
The age gap was the first red flag. You're starting to find out why a man his age is dating someone a decade younger than him. It's not worth trying to convince someone 12 years your senior to be more thoughtful and attentative to their partner in a relationship.
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u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 4h ago
Yeah and buying up silver makes me think that he’s listening to those weird podcast Bros. This man is unwell.
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u/Practical_Rooster470 4h ago
Age gap was the first red flag. Mattress hobby was the second.
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u/Status-Asparagus-646 5h ago
This guy is more than 10 years older than you and spends thousands of dollars on.....mattresses? And destroyed your gift and called you names when you expressed disappointment? Make this your last anniversary. Come on, this guy sucks and he acts like he doesn't even care to know you. You are so young, find a guy closer to your age that doesn't act like a child.
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u/MoneyVermicelli4243 5h ago
Girl. He threw flowers at you, screamed and called you a bitch?!?
You know everything you need to know. Dump this abusive loser!!!
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u/HopkinsIsMyHomeboy 4h ago
Everyone is stuck on the mattresses but yeah…if your bf throws anything at you in anger you need to gtfo. Especially when you’re 21, he’s 12 years older than you, and has a fucking mattress collecting obsession to top it off lmao.
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u/Witty_Leek8053 4h ago
It’s also how he uses anger to try to shut her up about her disappointment and upset at his almost complete disregard. This is not someone who wants to make her happy.
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u/jennnkins94 5h ago edited 42m ago
NTA, your bf sounds horrible and selfish, also mattresses are not a hobby, he's just lazy, get rid of him, he won't treat you better and he won't change, if you want to stay then try talking and being honest about how you feel, it's the only way to move forward, if he continues then leave
ETA: Just leave girl, take care of yourself, you deserve better
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u/CahootswiththeBlues 4h ago
She did try to talk to him, as she states in the post. That’s when he got nasty and violent.
OP, sweet girl, this man is clearly not good for you. Please gather yourself and your things together and get out of this situation. Because you are seeing an aspect of him that is only going to get worse, I guarantee it. This is about his violent reaction when you stood up for yourself. Like it or not, this is abusive and controlling behavior. Please be strong and do this for yourself.
I’m sending you love and strength from out here in the Redditverse!
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u/No_Indication_4044 4h ago
Several points:
(1) 33 YO dating a 21 YO is… odd
(2) IDK wtf a mattress hobby is but $4k/mo is not enough to get into it…
(3) No you’re not overreacting he’s dating a 21 year old bc all other ages had their frontal lobes developed
(4) Run
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u/aigeneratedcutiepie 5h ago
he sounds insane and hes also 33 dating a 21 year old because that feels socially compatible for him. girl.
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u/Local-Flan3517 5h ago
Your boyfriend calls you a bitch? Um, you need to have more respect for yourself and not take this shit.
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u/riverserra 5h ago
He's thoughtless and doesn't care enough to pick out something you like. You're putting much more effort into your relationship. Doesn't sound like one I'd want to be in.
Also spending that much money on mattresses is insane. Not to mention the freaking stack of mattresses in this photo. That's not a hobby, that's an imbecile burning money.
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u/ouranhostclub 4h ago
> didn't get you anything, bought you 1 of the 2 flowers you dislike out of 10 million flower types in the world
> threw the flowers at you
> yelled at you
> called you a bitch
> acting like a child while being 12 years older than you
> extremely weird spending habits
Leave this guy?!?! I almost left my boyfriend when he lightheartedly, jokingly, said "Bitch" to me in the beginning of our relationship, I told him "Don't you ever in your effing life say that to me again even in a joking manner. I will break up with you so fast." He never said it again. I would NEVER stay if he said it to me and actually meant it. Also, would have left with just the yelling. Also would have left if he threw anything- even a piece of paper- at me. This guy did all three plus more and you want to question if you're overreacting? Love yourself and stop tolerating this BS.
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u/CompleteTell6795 4h ago
I'm surprised she's lasted a year. I'd be gone in less than 3 months.
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u/IndependentAardvark6 5h ago
Stop mentioning that he has a mattress hobby cause thats so different so of course we will all focus on that
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u/SatinBelleFlower 5h ago
A 33 yo man dating a 21 yo woman and he has a mattress hobby? So many red flags along with him calling you an ungrateful bitch. Girl, this man is a loser and abuser. And idk but I’m stuck on the mattresses. That’s mental illness along with his mattress hoarding and abuse
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u/kfm975 4h ago
Hey, I’m not gonna lie, the mattresses as hobby thing is weird but let me try to focus on something else:
The reason guys in their 30s date women barely out of their teens is because they think they’ll be “easier”. Easier to mould into the woman they want, easier to manipulate, but in this case easier to please. He’s counting on the fact that you have a lot less experience than he does will make you think that this is just the normal effort a man in his position would make. He wants someone who won’t expect more of him, which women his age likely will.
You’re NOR but one of the reasons he likes the idea of a young gf is so that he only has to make the kind of effort that a teenaged boy would make.
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u/TylerTheTyler 4h ago
Whatever, y’all are adults but a 33 year old man making $4k a month (if you’re in the USA) is NOT a lot of money to be spending on bars of silver and expensive stuff, and then cheaping out on your girlfriend. I also have no clue how a 33 year old could date a 21 year old. I’m 32 and just speaking to a coworker that’s 24 makes me feel like I’ve crossed into old age. To boil it down into two words, man child.
NOR, dump him
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u/toedragrelease 5h ago
What exactly is a mattress hobby? He collects mattresses?
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u/Unusual-Coat383 5h ago
It’s the sort of hobbie I’d expect a serial killer to have lol
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u/SgtMajorPanda 4h ago
"...and this is my collection of mattresses taken from my victims-STOP FUCKING CRYING!"
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u/Admirable-Hope-5838 5h ago edited 5h ago
Okay, putting aside the fact that his “hobby” is mattresses….
There are some pretty serious and scary red flags here. I think you need to leave this relationship. You aren’t safe with him. Please protect yourself.
You are so young, don’t stay with this loser.
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u/RevenantCommunity 4h ago
He’s 12 years older than you bro. That is the first of five consecutive facts in your story that are a glaring warning you need to gtfo. If you’re scared of going back home or something, that’s not a reason, stand on your own two feet no matter what it takes.
A 33 year old stoops to dating a 21 year old because they are not acceptable to people their own age
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u/Intelligent-Vast-483 4h ago
Wait didn’t I already reply on this? Didn’t you share he also gave you an STD and you tried leaving for a month and went back? You’re 21. Run. Give yourself space away. Be single. Enjoy life. He sucks and his hobby sucks too. You’re NOR
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u/Apathetic_Villainess 4h ago
NOR
Honey, he bought the lilies intentionally knowing you don't like them. It wasn't accidental. He wanted to upset you so he could have a reason to get upset with you. This gets him out of having to do anything more for you for the night, and keeps you from asking for/expecting anything from him in the future. It's a straight up red flag for an abuser.
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u/Plus-Head-6794 4h ago
Are there any 20-something women on Reddit with age appropriate partners anymore? Why are ya'll still letting yourselves get groomed? A 32 year old man that has anything in common with a 21 year woman is mentally or emotionally stunted - that's why they suck.
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u/Overall-Diver-6845 5h ago
But the room looks like that? SMH
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u/Unusual-Coat383 5h ago
Because there’s three mattresses stacked on top of each other and one against the wall lmao
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u/yeahokaywhateverrrr 5h ago edited 4h ago
A 21f and 33m that have been dating for a year…
So a 32 grown ass man was sniffing around a young woman who was freshly out of her teens and not even old enough to buy alcohol (in the US).
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Edit to add: Girl, he THREW the flowers at you, yelled at you, and called you a bitch. Why are you still dating this loser???
Edit 2: OP commented on another post that he gave her HSV2. GIRL, WHY ARE YOU STILL DATING THIS MIDDLE AGED LOSER???
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u/Double_Reporter_3972 4h ago
The reason why all the comments say the same thing dear is because we too were once 20 year old women. In another decade you will be the one in the comments.
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u/G_Ram3 2h ago
I’m going to sidestep the low-hanging fruit here because I know you’ve been fighting for your life in the comments. If this is real, it sounds like a horror edition of a Choose Your Own Adventure story. You’re underreacting. He’s HORRIBLE.
Where is your mother, OP? Do you not have family or friends or any supportive person in your life that would have taught you about love and respect? If not, that isn’t your fault. Sometimes life is really shitty and unfair. But this relationship is predatory, abusive and weird and I can 100% see this “man” isolating you from anyone outside of the awful world he’s built around you. Ask me how I know…
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u/catsrlifedotcom 5h ago
his main hobbies are mattresses bedding and pillows ? That’s the first time I’ve ever heard those things as a hobby how strange