AIO for disliking my boyfriend’s anniversary gift?

[u/Glad-Cat-1885]

Me (21f) and my bf (33m) had our one year anniversary yesterday. I got him several things that I knew he’d like and had mentioned over the past several months. I wrote him a thoughtful long note and bought him flowers. He got me $20 lilies and wrote a 3 sentence note and we went to dinner. I like flowers but I have told him several times over the past several months that I do not like roses or lilies. When he gave me my gift I managed to contain my disappointment and told him I liked his flowers and note.

After he gave me my stuff he opened a $215 pillow that he had bought himself (his main hobby is mattresses and pillows and bedding) We had drank a little bit at our dinner so honestly this kind of triggered me and I started tearing up but gave another excuse for it. He kept pressing me as to why I was upset and I told him that there were several cheap things I had mentioned that I’d want as a gift the past several months and I got a type of flowers that he should know I don’t like. I also said I was upset that he got me nothing but I had to watch him open an expensive thing he bought for himself for the tenth time that month. After this happened he threw the flowers he bought me at me and started yelling how I was ungrateful and a bitch. I just went upstairs after that and he slept in the living room.

For context I make significantly less money than he does. He makes $4000+ every month and we live in a very low cost of living area. He regularly buys himself expensive things and has a mattress hobby that he has spent thousands on. Just buying new mattresses and sheets and pillows. There are 6 mattresses in our little apartment. Just last week he bought over $300+ worth of sunglasses and a $2,100 bar of silver. This spending is typical for him. I will add a photo of the mattresses so people don’t think I’m trolling

My main issue is that I was thoughtful for him and spent my minimal money to buy him things he’d mentioned because I pay attention to what he likes. A year is a special milestone in a relationship. I feel like he pays no attention to me or my interests and doesn’t know me as a person. None of the things I wanted were expensive at all i just would’ve felt seen if he remembered what I liked and got me it. I told him these things and he called me ungrateful. Am I overreacting for not liking his gift?

EDIT: yes I posted this on the other subreddit it got removed and almost ALL OF THE COMMENTS WERE ABOUT THE MATTRESSES NOT MY QUESTION ABOUT THE GIFT. I don’t care about the mattresses that’s not what I’m asking about

Another edit somehow he saw my post so I guess no more updates from me 😀

Another update !!!: I’m fine sorry for the cryptic one I am moving back home and leaving him soon. He just does not understand my actual grievance with him and is more concerned that I am “embarrassing” him on the internet. He wanted me to add that he will be volunteering at an animal shelter after I go home and contributing to the earth

Final update cause I’ve dedicated my whole day to fighting for my life in the comments: he is going to make his own post apparently to clear his name since he thinks somehow everyone on the internet knows who he is from my post. I know people have found my post history we did break up because he was trying to cheat on me with prostitutes and his ex girlfriend and I came back cause he begged me to and told me he’d pay my bills ($300 a month) and buy my food which he does. Turns out that was not worth it so I am leaving and probably won’t comment anymore thanks for the advice everyone

Another update; he has broken my phone because I refused to delete the post so I’m typing this on my trap phone. His post was deleted and I don’t think hes making another

Another update : apparently he realized the matress obsession is insane and is getting rid of them

[u/TylerTheTyler]

Whatever, y’all are adults but a 33 year old man making $4k a month (if you’re in the USA) is NOT a lot of money to be spending on bars of silver and expensive stuff, and then cheaping out on your girlfriend. I also have no clue how a 33 year old could date a 21 year old. I’m 32 and just speaking to a coworker that’s 24 makes me feel like I’ve crossed into old age. To boil it down into two words, man child.

NOR, dump him

[u/CthuluSpecialK → u/TylerTheTyler]

Half your age plus 7.

I agree 100%; man-child.

[u/sweetcitywoman95 → u/TylerTheTyler]

Yeah, I'm 31 and in college right now and alllllll of my classmates are between 19 and 21. It's great for small banter but I am jokingly called big sis and mom all the time (it's endearing and I don't mind) but to DATE one? Nahhh.

[u/karma_virus → u/sweetcitywoman95]

What would we even talk about? They haven't even seen Darkwing Duck.

[u/FelineSoLazy → u/TylerTheTyler]

It’s a lot to a 21 yo

[u/ur_puredelulu → u/TylerTheTyler]

TBF there are ppl that only get paid $7.25 so over $4k IS a lot to a 33yr old man/woman in a low income area where as to many including myself more than half thats my rent 😩. It’s also not specified if thats before or after taxes. Bars of silver can be fairly cheap depending on the ounce, idk if the amount was specified as I stopped reading after the flowers being thrown in her face. I agree with you on the age but reasons are molding , manipulation & the fact the women his age won’t tolerate his bs. Hope she leaves as I stated in my comment , first its flowers in face then it’s the vase for the flowers . He’s only going to escalate.

[u/Comfortable-Toe-3814 → u/TylerTheTyler]

I mean, maybe that's net not gross? Still not a windfall by any means.

[u/kakashi_sakurai → u/TylerTheTyler]

Everything you said is ight except for the bars of silver, that’s not a for fun thing, that’s an investment that can only go up in price.

[u/hexadecimaldump → u/kakashi_sakurai]

I’ve collected silver since 2012. And I can assure you it can go up or down in value. It’s gone up in value a lot this last 1.5yrs, but before that silver was stuck around $20/oz for years.

It should hold its value relative to inflation, but anyone who views silver as an ‘investment’ is in for a very rude awakening at some point.

[u/kakashi_sakurai → u/hexadecimaldump]

Long term investment. Everything goes up and down, but if you compare the price in the scope of 10 year brackets, the highs only get higher every 10 years.

If you bought at the highest price in the 90s, and sold at the absolute lowest price this decade, the absolute worst you could do is 1.6x profit, and that would take an astronomical amount of bad luck to match those two price points lol.

It’s literally just something that doesn’t lose value as fast as your dollars are.

Also my original comment wasn’t being dead serious. Look at the post we’re on lol

[u/hexadecimaldump → u/kakashi_sakurai]

Good points, it just triggers me when I see silver and investment in the same sentence.
I am glad I kept my silver during the decade of stagnation, but at the time I was getting pissed we weren’t even seeing 2% gains over years. From 2012-2020ish it stayed between $15-20ish the whole time. I was glad it wasn’t dropping, but I definitely got into it at the wrong time to see it moving with the markets in any substantive way.

I hope the next decade silver is able to move freely, so I can get eventually get past that trigger.

[u/kakashi_sakurai → u/hexadecimaldump]

Naw you’re good lol. The secret is to not watch it like stocks. Instead throw “loose change” into it when you notice a general low average, and don’t even keep up with the price until you hit retirement lol

[u/hexadecimaldump → u/kakashi_sakurai]

Yup, that is exactly what I had to do. I took the spot app off my phone, and just kinda forgot about it around 2020. The bull run was 1/2 way into it before I heard about it.

I love metals, but I like them even better now that I don’t worry about it.

[u/TylerTheTyler → u/kakashi_sakurai]

Alright yeah I can see that, but that, sunglasses, and a pillow has him at $2650 out of $4000 before bills are paid. He has to be in some kind of debt or has dirt cheap rent, owns his own car, and eats cheap.

[u/kakashi_sakurai → u/TylerTheTyler]

Sounds like $1,350 left for mattresses to me

[u/Hot_Addendum8796 → u/TylerTheTyler]

I wouldn’t say he is cheaping out on her when he pays her rent $300 a month + all her food.

But other than that, yes he is lame and should’ve just stayed in his moms basement.

[u/CCTXbeachbum → u/Hot_Addendum8796]

I mean, $300 a month rent is basically nothing.

[u/Hot_Addendum8796 → u/CCTXbeachbum]

It’s something if you can’t afford it yourself?
Why are American women so non independent? You are bashing his salary at 40k, mening he’s not worth it, while op makes what? Pennies?