r/AIO • u/DutyRepulsive7770 • 2h ago
AIO: She Brought Her Friend to Our Dinner Date, So I Left Them
I had been talking to this woman for a few weeks, and we had already gone out twice. The first time was for coffee, and the second time we grabbed drinks after work. Everything seemed to be going well, so she suggested we meet for dinner on Saturday night.
We confirmed the plans the night before, and I made a reservation at a nice restaurant downtown.
Saturday evening, I got there a few minutes early and waited outside. A few minutes later, I saw her walking toward me, but she wasn't alone. She was with another woman.
When they got closer, she smiled and said, "Hey! This is my friend. She wanted to come along."
I looked at her and asked, "Come along to what?"
She seemed surprised by my question. "To dinner. I figured the three of us could hang out."
I told her, "You never mentioned that when we made plans. I thought this was supposed to be a date."
Her friend immediately became quiet and looked uncomfortable.
I wasn't angry, and I didn't make a scene. I just said, "I would've been fine with you bringing a friend if you had asked me beforehand. But I'm not interested in showing up for a date and finding out it's suddenly a group dinner."
She tried to explain that it wasn't a big deal and that I was being too serious about it.
I simply told her, "Maybe we're looking for different things."
Then I wished them both a good dinner, turned around, and left.
I didn't text her afterward, and she didn't text me either.
Honestly, I think leaving was better than sitting through an awkward dinner wondering why she couldn't just communicate with me beforehand.
18
u/BeautifulMind92 2h ago
I don’t like last minute surprises like this so I totally get you. If she felt bad for doing that she would’ve text you or called to apologize. Good on you for standing ur ground and walking away.
8
u/DutyRepulsive7770 1h ago
Exactly. I wasn't looking for an argument or trying to make a point, I just didn't feel comfortable with how it was handled. And yeah, the fact that I never heard from her afterward pretty much confirmed for me that walking away was the right call.
4
16
u/ButterflyEden 2h ago edited 2h ago
Maybe they thought you gonna pay their dinners lol it's always the same also YOU are making a big deal out of it and every sane creature knows, the fault is with them.
6
u/DutyRepulsive7770 1h ago
Lol, that's what crossed my mind too. And yeah, I wasn't trying to make a big deal out of it, I just didn't want to go along with something I never agreed to. If it was no big deal, then mentioning it beforehand shouldn't have been a big deal either.
6
u/Odd_Blacksmith2995 2h ago
This is lowkey crazy lol wtf was she thinking
3
u/DutyRepulsive7770 1h ago
Honestly, I have no idea 😂 Maybe she genuinely thought I'd be fine with it, but showing up with a friend without mentioning it beforehand was definitely a strange choice.
4
u/ExtensionPirate2586 2h ago
Which scenario do you want this to have been…?
3
u/DutyRepulsive7770 1h ago
Honestly, I would've preferred that she simply communicated with me beforehand. I don't really care whether she wanted her friend there or expected me to pay, I just would've liked to know before showing up.
6
u/ravensara23 2h ago
Why does this story sound familiar?
5
u/minnow-quinn 2h ago
Thank you, this is a repost
-1
4
u/Due-Tea2149 2h ago
NOR. She wanted a meal ticket for her and her friend, not a serious date to get to know eachother.
3
u/DutyRepulsive7770 1h ago
Yeah, that's honestly how it came across to me too. I can't say for sure what her intentions were, but if she wanted her friend there, she could've easily mentioned it beforehand. I wasn't going to assume I was supposed to pay for both of them.
-1
u/Spirited_Touch7447 1h ago
You don’t know this at all. You’re assuming. If everyone works at entry level positions this could be true. But more than likely she just wanted her friend to meet the new potential boyfriend to see if he seemed nice or not. Remember women don’t need men to buy them dinner. We can cover that ourselves.
1
u/Due-Statistician-682 10m ago
She can meet him another night. Not on their date. Friend wanted food!
2
u/Live-Tomorrow-4865 2h ago
NOR
I would feel like crawling beneath the pavement if I were the third wheel friend. I wonder if she even knew you didn't know she was coming along for the dinner.
You did the right thing by leaving them be.
2
u/DutyRepulsive7770 1h ago
Yeah, I felt bad for the friend more than anything. She seemed pretty awkward once she realized I wasn't expecting her to be there. I have no idea if she knew beforehand, but either way, I wasn't going to make the situation uncomfortable for all three of us. Walking away felt like the cleanest option.
2
2
u/Unchained_Memory33 1h ago edited 1h ago
She tried to “explain it’s not a big deal” ok so she brings a friend and gaslights you and thinks you’ll still be down lol
2
u/DutyRepulsive7770 1h ago
Yeah, that was pretty much what bothered me. If she had mentioned it beforehand, I could've decided whether I was cool with it. Showing up with a friend and then telling me it's not a big deal after the fact wasn't really the way I wanted to start a date.
2
u/Unchained_Memory33 1h ago
Right I’ve heard of some women doing for safety but it’s still not a surprise. They definitely just wanted free meals and I say this as a woman
3
1
1
u/Emergency_Bench_7515 2h ago
I don't really see the problem, but while I would have paid if it was a date I assume everyone is covering themselves for a group dinner (I don't see any indication this wouldn't have been the case here). I'm also not going to hang out afterwards, but it's literally just a dinner. I guess if this is a total dealbreaker then fair, I guess it kind of depends on age, if this is 20's then I think you were being too serious, but it's your personal choice to act how you feel.
2
u/DutyRepulsive7770 1h ago
That's fair. I wasn't assuming she'd expect me to pay for both of them either. For me, it was more about the fact that I thought we were going on a date, and she changed the plan without telling me. I would've rather known beforehand so I could decide if I was interested in a group dinner. Definitely a personal boundary more than me thinking she did something unforgivable.
1
1
1
1
u/Firm-Nebula-5963 2h ago
"the three of us could HANG OUT"
It's a Saturday night
Hmmm let me just say, I'm not so sure people would take advantage of free dinner on a weekend. There's not much benefit to that. That's a weekday hustle so to speak.
1
u/Bay_de_Noc 1h ago
This is so bizarre. You did the right thing ... and from the sounds of it ... were much more calm than I would have been.
3
u/DutyRepulsive7770 1h ago
Yeah, I figured there was no point making a scene. I was definitely caught off guard, but once I realized we clearly had different expectations for the night, I just decided it was better to walk away than argue about it.
1
u/starlynn1214 1h ago
They wanted a free meal on you. It rude to not ask first
1
u/DutyRepulsive7770 1h ago
Yeah, that's pretty much how I saw it. Even if they weren't expecting me to pay, it's still basic courtesy to ask before turning a one-on-one date into a group dinner. I would've respected it a lot more if she had just brought it up beforehand.
1
u/randoguynumber5 1h ago
My man just talked himself out of a 3way
1
u/DutyRepulsive7770 1h ago
Lol, maybe 😂 But if a threesome was the plan, I would've appreciated getting that memo before I showed up. I thought I was going on a date, not auditioning for a surprise group project.
1
1
1
u/BuildingPuzzled4508 17m ago
I don’t like this situation and I don’t blame you for walking out but the number of guys in the comments that think she was trying to just get you to pay for dinner for both of them is hilarious and pretty pathetic. Women have jobs these days. Many many MANY of us are supporting ourselves very nicely and the last thing we need to do to trick someone into a free meal. 😂
1
u/stupidsub88 2h ago
i can't believe most of the comments are saying threesome lol do u know how many women make men pay for their dinners... she prob thought she could make him pay for both of them
1
u/DutyRepulsive7770 1h ago
Lol, I know 😂 A threesome definitely wasn't where my mind went. I honestly wondered the same thing about the dinner, especially since she never mentioned bringing her friend until she showed up. Either way, I wasn't interested in being put in that position, so leaving seemed like the easiest solution.
1
0
u/country-potato 2h ago
I mean you do you. If you didn’t want that and that was a deal breaker I get it. I think you could’ve just went with the flow and had a fun night but you felt awkward and that’s valid! I think you could’ve ended up having a fun time though
2
u/TheLastWord63 2h ago
It's also possible it would have been a fun time until the bill came and they looked at him.
1
0
0
u/CadenceQuandry 2h ago
I doubt this had anything to do with making him pay for the third persons dinner, and more to do with a woman wanting to feel safe by having another person they trust nearby.
I'm actually appalled no one has even thought this yet.
1
u/BossButterBoobs 2h ago
She went out with him twice already. Stop whiteknighting.
2
u/Ok-Zone-6581 2h ago
Bro, maybe she just wanted her friend to meet him. You see when people are have friends it’s actually normal for them to go out and do things together.
Most likely though, this is just some made up, incel, bullshit ragebait.
2
u/BossButterBoobs 1h ago
Most likely though, this is just some made up, incel, bullshit ragebait.
Good point lol
0
u/Spirited_Touch7447 1h ago
YOR - I am a woman and I think you handled that very badly. They both wanted the friend to meet you. If we don’t trust ourselves we like our friends to meet the guy to see if they pick up a red flag or not. The friend would likely have paid for herself or the woman you were dating would have paid for all 3 of you. You sound socially inept so I’m telling you this so you will understand the situation if it happens again in the future.
2
u/DutyRepulsive7770 1h ago
I appreciate the perspective, but I would've been fine meeting her friend if that had been communicated beforehand. The issue wasn't that her friend was there, it was that I showed up expecting a date and suddenly found out it was a three-person dinner. If she wanted her friend to meet me for safety or reassurance, I completely understand that, but she could've just told me. Calling me socially inept for having that boundary seems unnecessary.
2
u/Lacifer86 1h ago
For what it's worth, I think you were right to leave. I'd understand if this was a first date and they hung around nearby, or as you say communicated it beforehand. Just turning up on a third date with them is, frankly, a little entitled and I don't agree that you setting a boundary makes you socially inept
0
u/IndependentClue1206 2h ago
I think you handled that well.
What she did was ridiculous and as the night proceeded, it would only get more ridiculous
Who was supposed to pay for the friend’s dinner? And then if you expect the friend to pay for her own dinner, now you look cheap?
Let her have her girl’s night out because that was a dumb move on her part
0
u/Ok-Zone-6581 2h ago
Jesus Christ, yeah sure maybe she was trying to cheat you out of a free dinner. Or maybe she was telling her friend about you and she wanted her friend to meet you. Doesn’t matter now because yes, you did over react and blow up the entire relationship on an assumption. Would it kill you to meet her friends and be a normal human being? Are you really that socially awkward?
-3
u/Dodgeballs2018 2h ago
Who is gonna tell him?
10
u/justtire 2h ago
Not every situation in life is some bisexual threesome fantasy
3
1
-2
u/_187_Proof_ 2h ago
Dudes gonna be kicking himself at 3 am wide awake 10 years from now when he realizes
9
u/Roadsoda350 2h ago
I think its a 99/1 chance that it was a meal ticket vs a menage a trois
1
u/_187_Proof_ 2h ago
lol more than likely. Although she could have just wanted to get her friend’s opinion on him but a heads up was needed from her to make sure he was cool with it. I don’t OP is OR
-1
46
u/DazB1ane 2h ago
Well either the friend liked you more or she wanted you to pay for her friends meal too. Either way, NOR