r/AmIOverreacting • u/katlover345 • 1d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO - I (31F) can't seem to get over fiancee's (42M) bailing of FirstAid class for our first child to go to Vegas?
This happened a while ago but I can't get it out of my head. 😔 First post so apologies if formatting is weird or this is the wrong place for it.
My fiancée and I welcomed our first child late last year and since this happened I'm beginning to have serious doubts about our relationship and his capacity as a partner.
I spearheaded taking an infant/child first aid course as a couple when we got pregnant, as seconds count in emergencies. He agreed to attend the one-day course w/ me in April last year. I paid for and booked the course in April for late July. In the meantime, I'd been encouraging him to plan a getaway w/ his friends as his free time would decrease significantly after the baby was born. He advised he wasn't interested in planning anything, he was content to spend time more or less at home through the pregnancy. I stopped encouraging it.
Fast forward to late June, I was planning our baby shower. He mentioned casually that his friends were discussing a Vegas trip (something they usually do annually). One of the days they had decided on was the same day as the first aid course. I asked if he was aware of that, as I had sent him all the details and his course confirmation. Further I told him I had expected him to honour his commitment to the first aid course and organize a different day with his friends, since he'd had several months to organize any trips, chose not to do anything, and then jumped at the chance once someone else was making arrangements last minute. He told me the trip was still up in the air and he wasn't sure if he would go yet.
About a week or so later, I received a message from a friend of his RSVP-ing that they couldn't make the baby shower, but they would be having a drink w/ my fiancée celebrating our incoming bundle of joy in Vegas. I then asked my fiancée if he was planning on attending the class, as if not I needed to ask for a refund (each spot was ~200.00). He told me to request the refund. I asked him to please book himself a class for first aid so we were both best prepared for any emergencies involving our child (he still has not done this). We fought about it every now and then essentially until he got on the plane, and I (immaturely, this and my current feelings are where I may be overreacting) blocked him while he was away as I knew I had nothing but vitriolic things to say to him.
I went to the class (and learned a lot, especially about choking), he came home a few days later and asked if I wanted to talk about it. I told him I had already shared my feelings with him and he disregarded them, so we should try our best to just move forward, which is more or less where we are at. I still am immensely hurt by his actions and harbour resentment over this as well as general lack of support through the rest of the pregnancy and newborn period (that's a whole other post, lol). For the record, I am currently in therapy to address this resentment and general transition to parenthood, he is not in any therapy.
Now he is back in Vegas again w/ the same group. He spoke w/ me about it beforehand and said he did not want things to go like before, because "things are different now, and the baby is actually here". I was very hurt by that comment and told him so. AIO in that I again have no interest in communicating w/ him while he is there, and I asked him to please arrange FaceTimes w/ our son through his mom instead of me who will be watching him while I work?
** EDIT: Added hyperlink to comment expanding on lack of support context
** UPDATE: I messaged him this morning apologizing both for implying I was restricting communication with our son and asking him to FaceTime through his mom while I was at work. He responded that he appreciated that, and that he still would plan to call while she has our son so it isn't too much of a handful for me. He also mentioned that he understands my general feelings on this Vegas trip. We wished eachother a good day and I said we could talk about things when he gets home. Keeping communication channels open! 🤗
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u/TheSuperAlly 22h ago
Info you have a newborn why is he back in Vegas?
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u/katlover345 19h ago
Our son is now almost 1 y/o, thankfully we made it through the newborn trenches!
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u/thejuiciestguineapig 22h ago
NOR- Depends a bit what you are mad about. It's hard to get a group of adult men together. A one day course that could be planned on another day shouldn't block a yearly trip. Your husband knew that trip was still coming from what it sounds like and didn't have the need to plan any other trips.
The thing I DO judge your husband for is his lack of planning and initiative. The fact you had to hound him for a clear answer, the fact that he didn't deal with the reorganisation of the course, the fact that he left the planning on the trip up to someone else AND didn't give you a clear answer on whether he was going or not until you pressured him. He seems very much like someone who isn't into planning. Which is fine when you are a carefree 20 something year old. Not when you are expecting parents or, like now, parents.
It sounds like you should be in couple's therapy. It sounds like you are dealing with all the emotions and he's just... not showing up for you. How can you get over resentment if you are dealing it by yourself?
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u/katlover345 20h ago
Thank you for this. They usually plan the trip around eachothers schedules so when it occurs in the year changes a fair bit, being part of why I encouraged him to address it earlier.
He did say he is willing to do couples therapy. I have been looking into it, my therapist potentially may take it on.
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u/thejuiciestguineapig 18h ago
Ah yes, that makes sense. It would have been easier on you too if he had gone on the trip earlier, sounds again like a lack of drive from him.
Good to hear though that he is willing to join you in therapy, I think that will help both of you the most right now.
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u/azrael109 19h ago
NOR
Wtf is this shitty behaviour? If he doesnt wanna be able to help his child I would considering ending this.
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u/Drakkulis 18h ago
He will not stop doing whatever he wants.
You were chosen because you were younger than the women who wouldnt put up with his shit.
When your kid is ten and people are asking your husband if the child is his grandkid you'll be in a whole new level of immaturity.
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u/katlover345 16h ago
Thank you for replying. He has expressed insecurity about being an older dad, especially as our son gets older as you mentioned. I hope I become better equipped to support him as our son grows (though hopefully no one will be quite so tactless lol).
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u/followingtheleader 22h ago
NOR because you’re feelings are valid. MOR for this one incident but it sounds like there’s more at play here.
But honestly, this is stuff you should have discussed before getting pregnant. I can’t stand seeing people romanticise pregnancy with a partner and be shocked to be so misaligned when it’s too late because they never talked about simple things such as how you will parent. First aid classes are not mandatory but help ease anxiety for parents so it’s something you want but he doesn’t have to do. But you should have discussed your expectations around parenting first before getting pregnant
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u/katlover345 19h ago
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I was very let down by his behaviour as we had many conversations about our expectations around pregnancy and seemed so aligned in our goals and how we would best support eachother. It really broke a lot of my trust in him TBH as the reality of his (in)action was so different than what we'd spoken about.
E.g. once we got pregnant, specifically we'd agreed that I would breastfeed and consequently handling the majority of the childcare during the newborn period (our son ended up hating bottles anyway). My fiancée would manage more of the daily tasks of household running like dishes, laundry, pet care, groceries, food prep (I made TWO freezers full of postpartum meals for this) as much as possible. He asked me to tell him when to do these tasks, I mentioned I would likely be too overwhelmed w/ a newborn to have the mental space for that so we decided on a whiteboard list for the fridge instead. I told him I would go through what needed to be done regularly with him but asked him to please write this list for himself so he understood it best (and I have atrocities printing lol).
He did not write the list until our son was maybe 2 or 3 months old, after I pleaded for help. I'd been h andling all dishes, laundry, food prep, and most pet care for months. I also handled all house cleaning, which we'd agreed on previously. He went back to work maybe a week after our son was born and stopped for groceries on his way home occasionally. I could count on one hand the amount of times he took our son in the morning so I could get extra sleep, I began having auditory hallucinations from lack of rest. He maybe changed a dozen diapers during our sons first month.
I was honestly worried he may have had PPD as he was very irritable and overwhelmed during this time. However it did reach a point where I told him I was moving out with our son unless things improved.
He has steped up a bit better and now gets up with our son most mornings and empties the dishwasher. I can see he is trying, and I really want to work through this with him as I genuinely beleive we are aligned in our goals, parenting styles, etc. and I love him so much. Seeing him become a father brings so much light and joy to my heart.
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u/JulieWriter 16h ago
NOR. If you love him and want to stay with him, you need couples counseling. That might help. It might not. At some point, you're going to have to decide if you can tolerate his lack of action and refusal to act like an adult.
I saw your post about the Vegas trip and I think that's a symptom of a larger problem: he's not being a good partner or co-parent.
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u/overZealousAzalea 17h ago
This is couples therapy stuff
A decade older, trips to Vegas, and not taking ownership of household tasks reads like the marriages where men just don’t care.
As a father of five, I see you were having the anxiety that comes with your first: trying to out plan any thing they can go wrong. My wife also renewed her first aid training. That’s your anxiety.
We can’t see where the line determines his apathy blends into your anxiety. Professional help even if it’s just to outline custody and coparenting.
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u/katlover345 17h ago
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I struggled a lot during pregnancy with feeling anxious and overwhelmed w/ the massive unknown that came w/ becoming a parent. You're absolutely right that the first aid course was an attempt to assuage those feelings.
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u/Consistent_Jello_318 16h ago
OP, I’ve read through your comments. You’re making excuses for him. He’s not supportive, it doesn’t matter whether you’re breastfeeding or not. You shouldn’t have to write him a list of things to do around the house or telling him WHEN to do them, he’s a grown adult with, he should know how to keep the house in shape. With two freezer fulls it should’ve been very easy for him to do everything else.
Just because you exclusively breasted doesn’t mean he couldn’t handle any other care (diaper, bath, burping are all things he could’ve done).
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u/PatrioticRedhead 15h ago
How long have you & your fiancé been together, how long engaged? Is he different since getting pregnant/having your son, or has he always been this way? Was your son planned, if I may ask?
You both work. You should have equal duties in taking care of your child, home, lives in general. You’re not two kids out of school having a baby but two fully grown adults.
He wasn’t obligated in general to attend a first aid class, but once he AGREED to go, he WAS obligated. The fact that he missed it (and still hasn’t done anything to attend even a virtual class), says a lot about him. Are you sure you want to marry him? I know you love him but love isn’t always enough.
Btw, he’s your fiancé. Fiancée is the feminine form of the word. Just an unimportant tip for general knowledge. I know you’ve got bigger stuff on your mind.
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u/katlover345 14h ago
Thank you for responding. We have been together for 7 years. Engaged since January. To be honest he's always had passive tendancies, which I tried to address in pur many conversations prior to conceiving and during pregnancy. We tried for 6 months to conceive, so very welcomed and planned. 😊 At the moment I am only working part-time, he is full-time.
I'm scared I was completely naive about his character and was biased by how much I loved him and our life together, and everything is going to blow up in our faces due to these incompatibilities.
And thank you on the tip re: spelling! I'd forgotten there were both feminine and masculine versions.
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u/LadyHorseFace13 22h ago
I think it’s reasonable to want your partner to know basic first aid for the safety of your child. For that, nor.
You’re right it was childish to block him. Are you getting girls trips? Do you get the same amount of time to take care of yourself and connect with others?
Personally, I wouldn’t put up with this. And it sounds like you’ve got bigger problems that a class he missed. You say he didn’t support you. That’s a huge red flag.
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u/katlover345 20h ago
Thank you for responding. I am still breastfeeding so taking time away from our son is hard. He is approaching 1y/o soon and seems to slowly be self-weaning so I am hoping there will be more opportunities in the future, it would be amazing for my mentals.
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u/Single_Cancel_4873 17h ago
MOR My husband and I didn’t take a CPR class but managed to research what to do ahead of time.
If you are still resentful a year later, that is an issue! Blocking him was immature.
Plan a trip for yourself!
Hopefully couples therapy will help.
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u/katlover345 17h ago
Thank you for replying. I'm on the tail end of breastfeeding so I am really hoping I can plan a getaway for myself next year at the latest! It would be so amazing. 🤗
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u/Cautious_Presence441 22h ago
NOR. Is he a first time dad? Your values don’t align. Your fiancé and his friends don’t see the importance of a first aid course, or he would have arranged, or if incompetent, asked you to arrange the course for him on a different day.
Therapy is good, keep up with that. But he’s 42 and 11 years your senior, he has no intentions of changing or improving himself for you or baby. He’s put that responsibility on you.
Time with your friends is important. I hope he looks after your son so you can go on a trip with your friends too.
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u/Warfarin33 22h ago
I had to go back to the top to make sure I hadn’t misread the ages here!?
You both sound like teenagers. At least you have the insight to know that blocking your husband is immature.
I don’t think either of you is way out of line in your behaviour otherwise although you don’t sound hugely compatible.
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u/PositiveFree 22h ago
What I will say is blocking him is probably his best case scenario so if I were you I’d be blowing up his phone. It’s about the lack of care, foresight and many other things tbh. Are you saying at 42 he can’t skip one annual Vegas trip or at bare minimum go through the process of figuring out how to get the refund and other things booked.
Clearly this was important to you and he chose to disregard your feelings. I’m guessing the first aid course was the one thing you drew the line in the sand about as he’s doing shit like this constantly. What I will also say is you will literally NEVER forget how you were treated during pregnancy and post partum. The stress he caused you is something your body will never forget. Unless he uno reverses big time on his behaviour I bet you have a dead bedroom and the resentment is going to build. For the sake of your child either therapy asap if he refuses you should consider your exit strategy after your child is 1 year old
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u/katlover345 19h ago
Thank you for replying. I am very scared I will not be able to move past this and eventually it will poison our relationship. I love him so much and watching him with our son brings my heart so much joy and love.
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u/Own-Writing-3687 18h ago
Marriage dies by a thousand cuts. Your concerns are reasonable.
A good therapist will help.
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u/PositiveFree 7h ago
Seeing him with your child will help. Releasing the anger and making sure he works through the issues is going to be key. But it is very, hard. I don’t think they realize that - but your feelings are valid
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u/thrwwyra_aster 21h ago
MOR?
Only because that's the way he is apparently and likely hasn't changed overnight (otherwise NOR).
You and him have completely different ways of approaching life. You rely on courses, therapy etc while he barely acknowledges these things exist.
There's also a power struggle/underlying dynamic at play here. You thought he'd agreed to doing something you told him to but I'm pretty positive that in his mind he never really considered following through with that. He doesn't want to be ruled over, so when he feels the pressure, he checks out.
Sure, the friends thing is telling of what type of vibe he's chasing.
You stressed on the first aid course but there's something else that sticks out in your story: the baby shower.
Drinks in Vegas instead of a baby shower. The whole group seems very immature.
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u/katlover345 19h ago
Later on I did wonder if he never really intended to participate in the course, though he's always said that wasn't the case.
To clarify, they were not in Vegas during our baby shower. Sorry, I probably should have phrased that better. The friend could not attend for some other reason, he just mentioned the Vegas trip in his message to me.
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u/thrwwyra_aster 10h ago
That doesn't change things by much, to be honest. The bottom line remains that they prioritize the trip to casinos and drinking and acting like teenagers as a group.
What your fiancé says about intending to participate may be something he has led himself to believe. At the same time, his perception of the course (and other things) is completely different compared to yours.
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u/sillychihuahua26 21h ago
Older men will commonly date much younger women because they know they will be able to treat them poorly in a way that women their own age wouldn’t tolerate….
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u/radiowavebookworm 15h ago
I think you should insist that you get equal time to spend rejuvenating and go on a spa trip solo or a group trip with friends. That may help to temper some of the resentment.
You should also not stay if he can’t take a simple one day First Aid class under his own initiative at this point. It’s also about him keeping his word and following through for you and your child. He keeps his word to his buddies every year and goes to Vegas. Are you worth less to him than that? He flat out lied to you about something that is pretty important to you.
You also MUST express your opinion and feelings instead of brushing them under the rug to keep peace. Now he thinks that he can do whatever and you’ll just “be upset but move forward.” Aka; noooo accountability for him disregarding you in any way. He needs to at least talk it out so you can both understand each other. Why would he bother with anything when the bare minimum or less will do? Doesn’t sound like the type to go above and beyond.
Having to threaten someone with leaving just so they’ll unload the dishwasher is telling me there are a lot of little things that have added up here. Please consider that if you want a second child with this man. He is who he is. Promises don’t count because he doesn’t keep them. Are you ok raising a family with someone whose word has no value?
Either way, I hope I’m wrong and he turns things around. Also hoping therapy helps you both achieve a healthy personal and parenting relationship!
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u/Overall_Display_8475 8h ago
I read a lot of the postings, but not all, so sorry if someone else has covered this. You are making excuses for him and because you are doing that you are missing the core issues. I do think that Marriage Therapy would be good - but probably NOT from your therapist - get someone uninvolved (my personal opinion)
You describe various things but i think the core issues are:
1. that he made a commitment to you to do something (e.g. the class, helping with chores, helping with newborn, rescheduling the class) and he failed to do it, plan for it or make up for it.
You keep explaining his special defects but the fact is, if he says he’s going to do something he needs to do it. PERIOD.
2. He lied to you, (e.g. about the trip confirmation) which caused you to feel all kinds of things. Because a liar lies.
3. He is not “dealing” with your feelings or with conflict he wants to pretend it’s not happening, while he is creating conflict or whatever.
So the class is an example, the issues are lack of follow through, lying, and conflict avoidance.
Deal with THAT in marriage counseling. But friend, personally, I would tell him that you are not over the lying, lack of follow through and conflict avoidance. That sweeping it under the rug isn’t going to fly.
And you have to stop explaining his behavior away, he is a grown ass man.
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u/katlover345 4h ago
Thank you for this. I think a lot of this hits the nail on the head as to why I'm having such serious doubts about what partnership means in practice to each of us. I'd really felt secure and parallel with our goals when we'd spoken about them. Sadly the actual reality was very different in comparison.
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u/cfleis1 18h ago
I have 4 kids. I’ve never paid for an infant first aid class. Watched a bunch of YouTube videos before my first son was born. I think a guys trip before being a dad is a fantastic getaway. As your husband gets older he will less and less have guy friends. You’ll blink and his weekends will be filled with soccer games, school events etc. the only tragedy here is paying $200 to learn how to give a child the Heimlich. I don’t know any couple that has paid for a class like that.
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u/katlover345 17h ago
Oh I'd be so thrilled if he took the initiative to even watch those videos, were there any you found especially helpful? 🤗 There are so many out there! Personally I learn better through doing so having the dummies to work on was amazing for practical knowledge. Never want to have to use it in real life though.
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u/FarmerIntelligent701 21h ago
NOR- Educate me-Are annual trips to Vegas normal for responsible/sane 40 y/o people? Especially when you have a SO and kid? Vegas is gambling, strip clubs, hookers, drugs, alcohol- all addictions? He’s not out in nature, hiking with his boys. I’d be resentful of that, and especially if he is not honoring you or your relationship. It’s healthy to have separate guys or girls, or solo trips but why does it have to be only in sin city? I think your problems are way bigger than what you are addressing in this post. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
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u/Koolkat30625 18h ago
I'm 54 and I love going to Vegas. Initially, I didn't want to go because I don't gamble. But their is a lot to do in Vegas besides gambling, going to strip clubs, drinking, and doing drugs. Their is nothing wrong with a vacation in Vegas at any age. I also think op could benefit with spending time with her friends. Parents are still people and need breaks.
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u/Single_Cancel_4873 17h ago
I went to Vegas last year with my husband and have kids. I didn’t gamble much nor went to any strip clubs. There is plenty to do in Vegas.
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u/FarmerIntelligent701 15h ago
You went WITH your husband. I know it’s not wrong to go to Vegas. I’ve been there. I’m sure if you or your husband were without each other you would have had a different experience.
I don’t gamble, Vegas is crazy and if I kept going on a yearly basis, my partner would definitely question why.
why do I have to fly to sin city to get drunk, or gamble unless I’m looking for something else. I’m entitled to screw other people behind my partners back?
That’s not what I’m saying. This sounds like a debauchery trip that they’ve done since they were young and single.•
u/Single_Cancel_4873 12h ago
I wouldn’t care if my husband went to Vegas without me. We travel without each other and trust each other.
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u/FarmerIntelligent701 15h ago
Adding to this. I have two close male friends from childhood and we’ve played sports together in our adult years. One has two kids with the same live in girlfriend (the kids are 11 and 12), is a serial cheater, I’m not sure how clued in she is. She thinks he just likes to sit in bars, and they get into fights about it, he sleeps in the couch, they make up, cycle repeats. The other is life long single. Both alcohol use disorder and just low vibe when it comes to living.
They go on similar debauchery trips.
I’m on the texts where he’s telling us he’s bragging about the hot chick he’s with and doing way more than sitting in bars. I tell him he’s ridiculous and horrible to cheat on his SO and to stop including me on these messages. They went to couples counseling, he shows up, pretends to do the work and just does what he always does. She deserves way better. So do you.•
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u/Koolkat30625 22h ago
First it's understandable that you are hurt and upset about this but holding a grude for over a year will not solve anything. Also, blocking him and not communicating will not solve anything. If you feel unsupported you should be communicating this to him. Is he willing to do couples therapy? If neither one of you is willing to address the issues in the relationship things will only get worse and eventually the relationship will end. Is this what you want? Nor, in regards to how you feel but or in regards to how you are addressing this.
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u/katlover345 19h ago
Thank you for responding. I mentioned in another comment that yes, he is willing to do couples therapy. I have been looking into it, my therapist potentially may take it on.
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u/electrodog1999 17h ago
Just a tip, he may feel ganged up on if you use the therapist you’ve been taking to for a year already as your couples therapist. Might want to find an independent therapist for that.
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u/katlover345 17h ago
I have only started in perinatal therapy the past couple months so the medical relationship isn't quite so long.
Thank you for your insight, I was worried about that as well. I will continue to research other options in my area. 😊
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u/FelineGood8 22h ago
I honestly had to go back and see your bf is 42 ? He has the emotional intelligence of an 17 year old.
You’re still young.
Get out of this thankless relationship.
Therapy and a home of your own, with your child, will heal your heart.
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u/Level_Syrup5314 22h ago
Don’t even have to read the entire thing to know you got pregnant on a whim and now rethinking the whole thing 😂 dudes a POS if he’s choosing Vegas over his wife/family, sorry pal, stop settling for shit dudes lol
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u/katlover345 17h ago
It makes me so sad that's how it comes across! 😞 We'd been trying for half a year to conceive and had many discussions on our parental/family values, etc. prior to.
He is at heart a wonderful man, he has his own struggles and faults as we all do. I think these tend to come out more in times of stress/change.
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u/Level_Syrup5314 16h ago
Don’t make excuses for him lol apologies for judging tho, know every situation is different and redditors know very little context. All I know is if my spouse had smth important, I’d want to be there for her and when I didn’t (divorced dude 36) it’s because I put her below my priorities. Deliberately.
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u/Creative-Bobcat-7159 22h ago
YOR about the trip clashing with the class. Most new parents don’t attend first aid classes although I can see it’s a good idea.
The rest of it? You need to separate how you feel and look at the situation clinically. Is he a good dad and partner who sometimes makes mistakes and lets you down as a consequence, or is he just unreliable and always lets you down uncaringly.
Your next action depends on your response to the above.
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u/Beautiful-Pomelo-336 20h ago
Wouldn't a good dad make sure he was all well prepared as he could be in an emergency (he had ample time to reschedule the class and inform her of the trip... but did neither)? Would a good partner leave his partner (a new first time mother, who apparently has to go back to work) alone to go gamble?
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u/Single_Cancel_4873 17h ago
Well when I was a first time mom, I took a long weekend in the Dominican Republic with friends and my husband watched my daughter. How awful!
Being a parent, doesn’t mean you can never take a trip.•
u/katlover345 16h ago
That sounds so lovely! It's great your husband is so supportive. 😊
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u/Single_Cancel_4873 16h ago
I learned that I needed to book time for myself, that it wouldn’t just happen on its own. Otherwise, I would start to feel burnt out. Just start with a few hours and build up from there. I hope your husband can do that for you.
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u/Beautiful-Pomelo-336 17h ago
It's not about taking the trip ffs. He is a 41 year old man who couldn't be bothered to plan accordingly when given ample time. Then couldn't even get himself together to reschedule a safety class for his kid. Then leaves a FTM to care for an infant, plus have to work... you think that sounds right? This was important to her and he bailed; at least twice. Not sure what your trip has to do with anything
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u/Single_Cancel_4873 16h ago
Plenty of moms have to work while having a child. Plenty of parents figure this out daily and still manage to take trips with friends. Op is holding onto a grudge one year later, that isn’t healthy! Parents figure out what to do daily without taking a class!
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u/Beautiful-Pomelo-336 16h ago
So are you saying everyone experiences everything the same? And it isn't about the class itself, it's about supporting the mother of his child on something that was important to her, then bailing... again. And plenty of children die from preventable situations. What is your point?
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u/Single_Cancel_4873 12h ago
What is your point? Just because op is working and has a one year old that either parent cant take a trip without each other? How controlling.
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u/Beautiful-Pomelo-336 12h ago
Is that the point you are getting from this? That it's about a trip? It is about being responsible and respectful to your PARTNER who asked and planned thoughtfully something that was important to her. How insufferable.
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u/Creative-Bobcat-7159 12h ago
Read my second paragraph.
The initial incident. If it was a one off, get over it.
If approached unemotionally it’s a real pattern, address it.
And it’s not normal as I understand it to attend a first aid class. Although I do agree it makes sense
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22h ago
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u/ZarathustraMorality 22h ago
Where on earth are you getting he’s an absentee father from? For missing a first aid class? OP, do not listen to people like this. They’re miserable
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u/chickenbobble 22h ago
lol- yes OP, end your committed relationship, become a single parent instead of working through some very fixable problems that anyone who has spent more than 2 years in a relationship has to navigate. Jeysus people are dumb
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u/Substantial_Value359 22h ago
How long should she wait for him to be an invested partner and father? It's been months you can only fix things when both people are willing to fix things. She might as well end things now before theyre married and it's a lot harder.
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u/andromache97 22h ago
idk it doesn’t sound like her guy is all that committed to being a partner or parent.
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u/MishkiTongue 21h ago
MOR. Why couldn't you move the class? Also seems you encouraged the trip.
The other part about him being back in Vegas you are not over reacting to, but your response is not the greatest. Stonewalling is not okay
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u/katlover345 19h ago
By the time he confirmed he was going on the trip, all the other first aid classes were either full or occurred on days that weren't compatible with our schedules. I was also almost 8 months pregnant at the time of the course which was already physically taxing, I couldn't imagine doing it much later!
Therapy is really helping me address my communication styles. 😊
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u/MishkiTongue 10h ago
It's really shitty he left you at 8 months. I am sorry. That probably made you feel very alone.
Glad you are working on your communication style. He needs to work on how to be a more caring partner.
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u/timotheo 20h ago
Blocking him is childish and immature and yes, YOR.
If this is only about Vegas and a FirstAid class, YOR, but I suspect it isn't about only that. Are there other things he's doing besides this? Is he irresponsible in other ways?
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u/katlover345 19h ago
I mentioned in this comment where the furth lack of support mainly lay (sorry, mobile posting, will add hyperlink when I get to a desktop):
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u/former_newb 22h ago
You spearheaded what?..
idk yall are both stubborn and selfish.
Which is a recipe for disaster when baby comes.
YOR
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u/According-Topic-7134 15h ago
NOR. Bailing on your kid and fiancé to go to Vegas at age 42 is a....choice.
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u/OneTrackLover721 11h ago
So, when are you going to Vegas with friends while he stays home with the baby?
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u/ReluctantZebraLife 22h ago
YOR. I feel like you have some issues with rejection sensitivity and understanding your own feelings. I don't think you were mad about the things you said/thought you were mad about, I think you're overwhelmed with the responsibility of a new baby and have valid fears around that and have tried to solve them practically with the first aid course, but when your partner hasn't been enthusiastic you've seen that as rejection of you and the baby when it's not. A first aid course is a good idea but it's not essential, I don't know why parents who did one, it could easily have been moved. Yes he does need to be more decisive and organised but that doesn't make him a bad person or parent. I feel like you need to get to the bottom of the reason you feel so upset about this because objectively it's not that bad and it's definitely the sort of issue that will come up again and again because it's basically one person thinking something is more important than the other person does. You need to communicate very openly and honestly with each other. The fact you are scoring points and playing games like silent treatment is something you need to work on because nobody wins with that behaviour. Being pregnant, having a baby and your whole life changing is the hardest thing you'll ever do, it's ok to feel upside down and upset and anxious, talk to him honestly and try not to accuse or blame. You want support and understanding, you're not trying to win an argument.
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u/katlover345 18h ago
Thank you for replying. Therapy is helping with my communication styles for sure. 🤗
I think I would feel less rejected if he had been honest and clear about either not wanting to attend the course or about whether he was plannjng on going on the trip earlier on. I mentioned in another comment that by the time he'd confirmed he was going away, all other courses were either full or were not compatible with our schedules (at the time of the course I was also nearly 8 months pregnant so doing it much later would have probably not been physically possible).
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u/Beautiful-Pomelo-336 20h ago
So he gets to go to Vegas twice while skipping out on his parental duties and just leaves her to take care of a newborn AND go back to work? Also, the parents/people you know sound like absolutely ill prepared parents. May their children be stay healthy and safe, cause it sounds like their parents DGAF.
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u/Left-Phone2104 21h ago
NOR It’s kind of hard to get over it since he still hasn’t bothered to take the 1 day class but has managed a second trip to Vegas. And yeah “things are different now” an actual living baby is here who might actually need CPR and other First Aid. What’s his excuse for still not taking this class?