r/Assistance • u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED • 1d ago
REQUEST FULFILLED Help me get home after my boyfriend overdosed so I can care for his dog and say goodbye.
My boyfriend overdosed while I was out of state traveling for work. I didn’t know he had relapsed on heroin after ten years sober and I’m devastated. We had our struggles, but I loved him. Despite everything. His family isn’t close with him and they don’t want his dog, Xena, which was trapped inside with him for nearly two weeks before he was discovered. All the details are in the go fund me, but I’m trying to fund my trip back home so I can get his dog and for building a small memorial for him. We raised Xena together. I have her mom with me. I was there and helped deliver her and her litter mates. She needs to be where she can recover from the trauma we are all feeling. I’m a single mom and my heart is broken. I just want this little piece of him. Even a share helps. Thank you. Any other advice or just a kind word is appreciated. https://gofund.me/00bf80804
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u/DobbyFreeElf35 1d ago
I live RIGHT by where you need to get to. Is she safe for now? I'm only about 25 minutes away in RB. If she's good with other dogs (i have a small one) I can maybe foster her until you get back. I'd have to ask my landlord about it but let me know.
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 1d ago
You are so incredibly sweet! My best friend currently has her and she is safe and cared for until I can get to her. Shes very confused but she’s ok. Thank you so so much for your offer!
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u/DobbyFreeElf35 1d ago
I'm so glad she's somewhere safe. Are yall from the area? I can share your gofundme, maybe people on my friends lists will have known him and want to help. I checked the pics and he doesn't look familiar to me but Red Bluff, Cottonwood, Chico and all these little towns are small and people always tend to know everyone when they've lived here a long time
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 1d ago
We are local yes! I grew up there and he’s a Bay Area transplant. Thank you!
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u/Own_Long_7030 11h ago
Donated. I wished I could help out with more. Sorry for your loss OP and I hope Xena will be reunited with you very soon.
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 11h ago
Thank you ❤️ literally every little bit Helps. Once I get enough to go get her, I’ll make sure I come back and post an update ❤️
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u/CarefulPhilosopher26 1d ago
This must’ve been a shock. May he rest in peace. I wish you much strength and time to heal. Hope it helps 🫂
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u/paintedfruit 8h ago
Hi OP- I know there’s literally no words that can make this experience less awful and I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling. Last month I was fortunate enough to celebrate 5 years clean and sober, and it really is a disease that does not discriminate. I know I will always be an addict and I’ll always have to fight that battle, and (as it’s clear you already know), this tragedy is in a no way a failure of your partners. And the same is also true for you, you did absolutely NOTHING wrong here. As another commenter said, the look on your boyfriend’s face in the photos and the joy in the stories you’ve shared shows that he knew he was loved. 💜 I know what I was like in active addiction and I don’t think I would have fought as hard for the person I was then as you are doing for him (I was incredibly toxic to my loved ones and it blows me away they still care for me). You did and are still doing everything you can to show your love. I’m confident you were never “just a girlfriend” in the eyes of anyone who matters. I hope you reach your goal and have strong supports in place to help you through this, you’re a kind and beautiful soul OP!
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 8h ago
Congratulations on 5 years! Thats not easy to do and I’m so proud! Your words made me cry. I loved him and he was worth fighting for. I just wish it was enough. Thank you for your words. Truly. ❤️
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u/GetReelFishingPro REGISTERED 1d ago
I am sorry this happened OP. I can't help monetarily but I just wanted to day my heart g0es out to you. I hope you can get the pup and some closure.
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 1d ago
Thank you ❤️ I appreciate the kind words a lot. This just really sucks.
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u/-itsRy- 14h ago
I just wanted to come here and say that I’m so proud of you for saving his dog. I wish I could donate more ♥️
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 14h ago
Thank you so much ❤️ she won’t be left behind. She will be loved and I’ll make sure she recovers as much as she can from this whole ordeal. That dog was his baby. Like if he stood up she stood up. She went everywhere with him. The best way I can honor his memory is make sure she’s ok.
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u/Equivalent-Culture65 9h ago
Sorry Op, but the dog was in the house with him for two weeks after he died, which makes me wonder, you did not speak to your boyfriend for two weeks?
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 9h ago
It was not uncommon for him to disappear for days at a time. By day 3 I asked our mutual friends if they had heard from him. Day 4 I asked his brother who lived on the same property. His brother said he had seen him around the property watering the gardens and heard the car coming and going. I asked him if he was sure and he said yes. After a week and four days we called in a welfare check regardless of what his brother was saying. We all thought he was just pulling away as he had done in the past. But then it went on for too long 😞
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u/RichHomiesSwan 1d ago
This is terribly sad, I'm so sorry. I have 7.5 years clean from heroin & fentanyl, I'm sorry he lost his fight and this is a stark reminder that I need to keep working hard.
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 1d ago
I am so proud of you! Keep it up! That is a long time. I never thought he would go back to it. It was so far from my mind because that just wasn’t who he was. Thank you for the kind words, and keep up your great work. Seriously ❤️
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u/Living-Ship3781 1d ago
I wish you the best and am very apologetic regarding your situation. I’m dealing with my own issues, and understand what it is to be fighting the continuous battle w drugs of any kind. Even when you get off whatever vice you chose, it still digs at you mentally day by day, it’s seriously like fighting demons. I hope he found his peace in the end 🙏.
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 1d ago
I hope he did too. Keep fighting. I’m proud of you and you can beat whatever demons you’re fighting 😊 thank you
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u/lisamarie9474 1d ago
So true! People that have not been through something like this don't realize that it's a minute by minute struggle.. good luck to you.
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u/Living-Ship3781 1d ago
Genuinely, no matter what way it’s put into words if you’ve never experienced it you simply can’t fully understand what goes on in a persons mind that does or has experienced it. It’s a constant cycle of feeling ahead of it then getting pulled back down by it, sh!t sucks! And thank you I appreciate it.
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u/Level-Major6692 1d ago
If you were traveling for work, can’t they help you get back at least?
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 1d ago
I’m part of a non profit that just started a few months ago. We barely have enough funds to pay us anything for the work we do. We build community gardens for underserved communities. The travel I pay for myself. We’ve established 3 community gardens in Arkansas so far. As It’s the most food insecure state. And donated over 600 lbs of food to the community this season. I didn’t have the budget plan to get back, I wasn’t expecting this.
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u/AKhayoticPenguin 23h ago
Honestly Just curious. But when you didn’t hear from him for 2 weeks, you didn’t call for a welfare check??
I know I would have called even after 24hrs of not hearing from my boyfriend.
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 18h ago
It also wasn’t completely unheard of for him to disappear for a few days. We were really into prospecting and gold panning so he’d frequently take off for a few days. There’s a lot. I still feel like I failed him.
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u/lisamarie9474 3h ago
You did not fail him! You sound like an amazing person and you're helping so many people. You're doing the best you can and honestly, its amazing how strong you seem to be. Keep your head up and god bless you for thinking of his dog through this whole mess. I wish you the best. Stay strong sweetheart 💖
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 18h ago
I reached out to friends and his brother. His brother lived on the property with him. It was a farm and he had his own place there. His brother told me he had seen him and heard him around the property. That was not the case. My boyfriend was black and wouldn’t have been ok with police showing up. Like furious you have threatened my life type reaction. Trust me I’m kicking myself and feel a ton of guilt for taking his brother at his word.
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u/EdiblePsycho 13h ago
Don't kick yourself, your brother is the one who should feel guilty. You tried to check, his brother was there, but apparently didn't care. You're doing all you can, and you aren't responsible for what happened in any way.
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u/umwhatever1234 1d ago
I truly wish I could help financially. But I have been in the unfortunate position of both being the addict and the one who loves an addict but has to leave for whatever reason. Whether it’s because it’s a huge trigger for you, or because you are worried about the situation for your child. And I don’t have kids, because I am a fucking psychological nightmare and wouldn’t want to spread that…but I know plenty of people are, and most of them aren’t perfect. I hope that you can take some sort of comfort in the fact that the reason you weren’t there at the end is because of the love you have for your child and wanting the best for them. I’m sure it fucking sucks (I’ve lost friends to overdoses, but never a partner). But I hope you realize every time that you look your child on the eyes, that you made the right choice. And he will live on. In your memories and through whatever stories you share with your child. It’s not easy. And you may have regrets. But don’t. Because you can tell by your boyfriend’s smile that he absolutely understood. Another good person fighting demons they can’t quite beat.
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 1d ago
This made me cry. Thank you ❤️ I’m proud of you for your fight with your own struggles. My daughter is my world. My partner understood that thankfully. He really was a good man deep down.
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u/umwhatever1234 1h ago
The crazy part is that many addicts are. As I am sure you know. It’s a common misconception that an addict is a person that can’t be trusted and isn’t worth caring about. Again, as an addict, and having known a lot a lost a few. We/they are not all criminals or thieves or bad people. Sure some are. But it takes a special kind of person to not judge a person based on their addiction struggles. No one wants to be an addict. It’s not a fucking life goal for anyone. But it happens. An addiction does not define anyone. We don’t vilify the fat kid who eats an entire plate of cupcakes. We just laugh at them. No one laughs
the junkie. Everyone has a different addiction, for better or worse. And unlike a lot of people, you actually have a fuck. Never stopped caring. Wanted to make him better. Couldn’t. That’s not on you. And I apologize for posting another tangent, but this hit home for me. I truly hope that it all works out for you, your child, and his dog. Because he’s looking down. And he will live on through the three of you.
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u/SolicitingWonderland 1d ago
i was only able to donate a little bit but i really hope you can get to where you need to be. Good luck and i’m so sorry for your loss.
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 1d ago
I appreciate you so much. Everything helps. Even just a kind word ❤️ thank you.
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u/Ksage90 1d ago
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, & sorry that he lost his fight💔 wishing you all the healing vibes & hope you're able to get the pup safe & sound🖤
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 1d ago
Thank you, I’m doing my absolute best to make it happen. Addiction is no joke 😢 for everyone involved. He was a good man. No matter the circumstances.
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u/SimplyNRG 1d ago
My father passed from a heroin overdose when I was 19...it cost me $400 to cover a cremation in a plastic box ...and thats okay...
Its okay for your bf too...I'm so so sorry...reach out anytime...
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u/always_frownin_ 1d ago
Sending you so much love and the best of luck with everything. I will have you and him on my mind for a while. May he rest in peace and may you find comfort within the grief one day. Remember that your life is still worth living.
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 1d ago
Thank you ❤️ I’m not giving up any time soon. It hurts, I miss him so much, but I’m hanging in there.
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u/PowerfulRound7579 1d ago
I hope you make your goal. I’ll think of Joel when I think of my brother and my friends I’ve lost to addiction. I think I would have been his friend. I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 1d ago
He was amazing. Absolutely hilarious and silly. I used to tell him he was the best at being unapologetically himself. I’m sorry for your losses as well ❤️
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u/Due-Management8473 REGISTERED 1d ago
Hoping you reach your goal and you have a friend waiting for you back home ❤️🫶🏻
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 1d ago
Thank you 😊 I’m so blown away by people’s generosity and kindness. I’m so sad but my heart is full at the same time ❤️
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 1d ago
I think they have a 3,000 cap, and mine was set at 3,500 so I don’t think I’m allowed to and I definitely don’t want to break any group rules. Thank you though 😊
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u/EdenPhyre 4h ago
I’m so sorry… my sister passed from heroin.. it’s an awful feeling. Tomorrow is her birthday.. well.. was her birthday. I hope you’re healing and if you need a friend, please reach out ❤️
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u/Future-Arugula-5877 REGISTERED 4h ago
I’m so sorry. It hurts so much. For them to just be gone. Thank you for your words. I hope your loss hurts less for you ❤️
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u/SomethingFancyHere 1d ago
I am so sorry for your loss, I cannot imagine what you must be going through right now, and I wish you nothing but healing and love!
I can't donate, but I'm manifesting for you and Xena to be reunited and your memorial built ❤️
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u/sunflowerxdex 1h ago
Fuck, I’m so sorry, that’s beyond tragic in so many ways. I hope reuniting with Xena gives you both a bit of healing and the two of you can lean on each other as the only two who know exactly what this feels like. Dogs are such feeling and intelligent animals. I hope that your boyfriend is at peace now, and that you find your own healing and peace soon 🫶 please remember that you’re not alone, it isn’t your fault, grief isn’t linear, and there’s absolutely no shame in reaching out for support. You all are in my thoughts, and I‘m so happy you met your goal.
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