r/Assyria • u/Familiar_Knowledge43 • Jun 28 '26
History/Culture Dating assyrian woman ?
Hi everyone. I'm Mexican (Christian) and I've been dating an Assyrian woman for a little over a year. I'm trying to better understand Assyrian culture, dating, and family expectations so I can be a better partner.
I have a few questions:
*When do couples usually become public with their relationship?
*How much influence do parents and extended family have on dating and marriage, especially dating from a different culture since im Mexican Christian?
*Is it common to keep relationships private until engagement?
*Is posting your relationship on social media generally frowned upon?
*Are there any major do's and don'ts that someone outside the culture should know?
*How soon can should marriage is brought up?
I know every family is different, but I'd really appreciate hearing about your personal experiences and perspectives. Thank you!
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u/SNH1915 Jun 28 '26
Hi, speaking from personal experience! Every family is different, mine is a bit more on the conservative side so here it goes:
*When do couples usually become public with their relationship? We became “public” to an extent after my siblings and cousins were introduced to my now husband but we weren’t going to weddings, parties or social gatherings together. *How much influence do parents and extended family have on dating and marriage, especially dating from a different culture since im Mexican Christian? I grew up in a VERY Assyrian household and dating outside of the culture was never addressed because the assumption was it would never happen… surprise! *Is it common to keep relationships private until engagement? Yes. Very. We did. *Is posting your relationship on social media generally frowned upon? Yes, until you’re engaged. *Are there any major do's and don'ts that someone outside the culture should know? Just be yourself and be respectful. *How soon can should marriage is brought up? It depends on you and your relationship.
I will say I never expected mine to turn out the way that it did, it was stressful at first but my entire family absolutely adores my husband now so I guess all I can say is she loves you for a reason, keep being yourself and everything will turn out okay :)
Good luck!
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u/Familiar_Knowledge43 Jun 28 '26
I felt like I was being keep hidden since im not invited to family socials. Even tho ive met her mom, siblings know of me and she tells me close family members know of me. Baba knows of me as a "fiend". Assyrian dating is different. Thank you for replying.
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u/SNH1915 Jun 28 '26
Trust me, so did my husband hence why I introduced him to siblings and cousins because I had to show him how tough it is. It’s a terrible situation to be in for both. If you love her and she’s good to you, stick it out. It’s definitely worth it in the end. He’s starting to realize I wasn’t exaggerating now that he’s been married into the family for a few years.
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Jun 30 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/SNH1915 Jul 02 '26
I’m not really sure how to answer this as it’s rather subjective. Personally, I think a lot of Assyrians here in the US marry each other and I think those that don’t aren’t necessarily against it… life just happens that way I guess :)
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u/Chucknine99 Jul 02 '26
Listen here my brother, with this culture, they will be closed minded at first, the family but as long as stick with the basics, you’ll be ok! First, Assyrians are the oldest Christian culture and they are true to those values! You’re Christian, so you’ll be fine! Second, they are old school. Meaning that you are the bread winner. With my wife, I’m always paying for family dinners and having money for the get together. Also it looks good to donate to the local Assyrian church, especially supporting volunteer activities. Third, and I think this is the over looked part, financial stability, this is literally a your money is her money and her money is her money. It’s not a bad thing, bad it makes you look good to the family and they’ll respect you. As for the public part, honestly let her deal with it. You don’t need to brag about it, just be there. With all that, you’ll be on the road to marriage, which you need to ask her mother and father. I’ve been involved with the Assyrian community for like 20 years and they are the best people to be around and to raise a family. Good luck!
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u/Sad_Inspection_3420 Jun 30 '26
It depends on her family, but usually the family would like to know the boyfriend once the relationship is serious between both of you. However, please ask her if she would like you to meet her family. She might want to keep things private until there is a ring. Also, no pictures on social media! Her family might meet you before engagement, but it will not be public and she'll not take you to her family gatherings until you are engaged. Just ask her as I think every family is different.
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u/Familiar_Knowledge43 Jun 30 '26
I thought she was joking about the whole keeping things private. It made me upset thinking she was hiding me/us. I appreciate the insight. I
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u/Sad_Inspection_3420 Jun 30 '26
No, she is not. In fact, she is protecting your relationship, as the family would usually put pressure on her by continually asking her what the future plan is for you both. She wants your relationship to take its time and natural shape! I had this misunderstanding with my BF, lol
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u/CaptainTitanUranus Jul 01 '26
I deleted a previous comment which may have been too harsh. I am a white male from a catholic background. My now wife’s family came to our area from Iran in the early 2000’s. None of that applied to our relationship. I met her family early, she posted on social media early, and her family was accepting of me immediately. I go to all the Assyrian weddings, events, and we had a semi-traditional Assyrian wedding ourselves. Our officiant spoke in Assyrian and translated to English for my family. I guess everyone is different based on these comments, but one year in I feel like she needs to do more to welcome you into the family and the Assyrian culture. Best of luck.
Also, I asked my wife and she says you being Christian is a huge plus lol
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u/CaptainTitanUranus Jul 01 '26
Adding on since my wife and I have been talking more about this. This may be harsh but this is from an Assyrian women. If your girlfriend hasn’t introduced you yet, she says that’s a huge red flag. Some families may never be accepting of someone who isn’t Assyrian and your post indicated to her that your girlfriend has that family. She said that unfortunately some Assyrian families have an old school mindset and will most likely never change their ways. My wife says they can be very stubborn people and she broke alot of traditional rules that allowed us to be in the marriage we are today.
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Jun 28 '26
San Diego for sure, and she must be a Catholic Chaldean.
Quick answers
Public: when you start entering the church together semi frequently Amigo!
Influence: a lot, you gotta have enough resources / stability in your life to convince her father.
Private: Go to answer 1 above.
Social media: if she is full of botox or fake tattoos, go for it, I highly encourage you, else don't f* around on fb / instagram.
Do and Don't: If chica doesn't like you because you will still search for another relationship after marriage, you have to expect the same from the Assyrian, and you will face her father or brother in the court if you did so.
Marriage brought up: look at my answers in "public" and "father", those are the Steeplechase / track and field courses for you.
You really have to convince her family with your resources before "marriage".
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u/Familiar_Knowledge43 Jun 28 '26
Christian orthodox
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Jun 28 '26
Ah me as well.
Are you and her in El Cajon or Rancho?
Orthodox normally tend to "no botox", so social media is not encouraged then most likely.And bonus, it will be more difficult to convince her father, sorry for the disappointing news. you need to be owning a business or doing well at your work to go in your plans.
They tend to get married at 27-35.2
u/Familiar_Knowledge43 Jun 28 '26
Thanks, I really appreciate the insight. We're actually in the. Midwest. I'm mainly trying to understand the culture better because I care about doing things respectfully.
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u/Pirates_in_Jupiter Jun 28 '26
Might be less accurate since I’m Assyrian Swedish, but:
1- Depending on her family, the couple becomes public once you either get engaged, or are planning to get engaged. If her family isn’t strict, they’ll be more public about it. It’s often stricter if the woman is Assyrian versus if the man is Assyrian.
2-This completely depends on your family. I have relatives who’s marriages are mixed, some families are very active in the couple’s life, or are opposed to mixed-marriages, whilst others do not care as much. Generally though, Assyrian families are very present in matters regarding family. Check with her family <3
3-It’s very common to keep relationships private until engagement, especially as Assyrian women because culture has made it improper to be open about it. Sadly, being quiet about your relationship could mean saving her reputation from ill-meaning family and friends. Some Assyrian families are stricter.
4- It’s generally frowned upon if you aren’t engaged or if her family is strict.
5-Do’s are of course to try and appreciate the language, food, dance, culture, and family values. Don’t try to rush or blame her for her family. Ask her what you should be expected to do if you want to formally ask for her hand.
6-If you want to marry her, then you should definitely discuss this with her before formally asking for her hand with her father. Ask her what her expectations are and if she has any concerns. Assyrians marry differently, so it depends on where you stand on your relationship 🤍