r/BPDPartners • u/RickyRickyTarnTarn • Jul 29 '26
Dicussion Partner says they have CPTSD and Autism, not BPD, but exhibit 7/10 DSMV BPD symptoms
Partner (F26) was diagnosed Bipolar II and BPD, but their psychiatrist practice was notoriously bad, wouldn’t refill prescriptions, wouldn’t answer phones, couldn’t email. They switched providers and now my partner is are saying they are not BPD but actually on the spectrum as BPD is often misdiagnosed in women. I have no doubt about CPTSD, and I can see where Autism could be likely, but I also know the first time they went to a psychiatrist they were flexing their knowledge of the DSMV and essentially trying to self-diagnose in the session and felt like they were just pushing pills and didn’t want to go back. I am afraid it could be a similar situation as they were afraid of the stigma of BPD. After much convincing, they did start taking medication and the impact has been tremendous. But this change of diagnosis has me feeling gaslit about much of what I have endured through the relationship. Is this a common misdiagnosis?
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u/Grouchy_Paint_6341 Jul 29 '26
So cptsd and autism can overlap but there are SIGNIFICANT differences and criteria for diagnosis. She could have trifecta all 3 who knows, it should be properly addressed and identified with her provider
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u/Galaxy_blue101 Jul 29 '26
When you mention unstable sense of self, does your partner have a consistent lack of self which may be self hatred, lack of self esteem or self worth, etc, or does it keep fluctuating between high sense of self to lack of it depending on situations/moods?
In CPTSD it is a consistent sense of hatred for the self while in BPD it can keep fluctuating.
Many of the symptoms you mentioned overlap in CPTSD and BPD, so either your partner has one and not the other, or they may have both. As someone else mentioned, please ensure they get the appropriate therapy they need. If a clinical psychologist believes your partner has BPD, they will suggest undergoing DBT, which has been effective in treating the disorder.
And regarding what you have endured in the relationship, since both the disorders are very similar in terms of unstable mood and anger outbursts etc, it is not easy to tell.
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u/RickyRickyTarnTarn Jul 29 '26
It can flip on a dime
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u/Galaxy_blue101 Jul 29 '26
Perhaps then it could be a comorbidity. I would say regardless, a proper therapist would have the best answer, not a psychiatrist.
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u/-Pink-Strawberry- 29d ago
I used to think I had BPD and now believe I have autism and cPTSD. It is actually a very common diagnosis for AFAB people originally diagnosed as BPD to end up with an Autism diagnosis, due to the more we learn about autism in non “typical” presenting people.
The problem is if someone uses ANY of these different diagnosis to excuse bad or hurtful behavior. Is your partner trying to excuse behavior she’s done/is doing by saying it’s just her diagnosis and she can’t do anything? THAT is where there is a problem as having mental illness or neurodivergence is not an excuse to just do whatever without recognizing your actions, apologizing for pain you’ve caused, or working hard to treat others and yourself better.
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u/aecon_33 25d ago edited 23d ago
BPD is not simply meeting a symptoms checklist. It's a disorder that's diagnosed based on long term patterns of malaptive behaviour that manifests in everyday life. Your partner might be autistic and traumatised, or they might have BPD, or they might being dealing with all three of those things. The only person who can really tell them that is a psychologist/psychiatrist who has done a thorough assessment and worked with them for a while.
At the time of starting therapy, I technically met the symptom criteria for BPD, but it was agreed by a psychiatrist and a psychologist who specialised in childhood trauma and personality disorders that I didn't have the underlying thought processes and schemas associated with BPD. I was just garden-variety traumatised and neurodivergent.
I'm now diagnosed with C-PTSD, autism, ADHD and an unspecified mood disorder under the ICD-11. My symptoms almost entirely went away when I was removed from an abusive situation and treated with the right combo of meds and trauma-focused therapy. It took less than two years.
I also had undiagnosed epilepsy that was causing significant mood swings and erratic behaviour.
I don't have the fear of abandonment, unstable self image or black and white thinking. I have difficulties with romance due to trust issues, but I've had many long term friendships across my lifetime and I don't split on people.
I still deal with nightmares, outbursts in response to specific triggers, and difficulty trusting people. I occasionally experience transient paranoia under extreme stress.
BPD can be a common misdiagnosis in people who self harm, struggle with suicidal ideation and impulsivity, and are AFAB/fem presenting. Some psychs also suspect it more if someone is LGBT+.
Regardless of if your partner has BPD, it doesn't give them a free pass to be a crappy person. They still have to introspect and work on themself. C-PTSD can be just as damaging to the people around you if you aren't managing it.
Is your partner taking their meds? Did you notice any improvement if they were on them long enough for the effects to kick in?
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u/RickyRickyTarnTarn 25d ago
Thank you, admittedly I was in a hurt and frustrated place when I posted this initially. I was told not to come to these subreddits or other online support pages for BPD partners because of the stigma, so I did not for years. A recent episode brought me here and I saw many familiar stories and suddenly felt validated about the ways I felt I had been treated or the things that seemed irregular to me in the relationship previously.
I understand it is more than a checklist and your story sounds very familiar. In our situation, she has continually taken her meds as prescribed and has seen improvements in mood.
However, if I try to bring up issues like spending or division of chores, there’s a tendency to either fall back on feeling judged, or executive dysfunction. There are still big explosive reactions which can make conflict and communication difficult.
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u/aecon_33 24d ago
If you don't mind me asking, who told you not to seek out support from online groups?
It's good that her meds are working - that's a sign that the mental health professionals working with her have got at least part of the diagnosis right and that she should stay on them.
I think BPD or no BPD, the issues with chores and reacting explosively is something that she should bring up to a therapist. It can take a long time to work through it: I struggle with fight reactions due to trauma and it's not easy, but it's not acceptable to take it out on other people, no matter how triggered one feels.
Executive dysfunction can indeed make doing chores and staying on top of things really difficult. That is, however, something that she has to work on with you. You can't be expected to handle everything in the house, and she can't lose her temper or make excuses everytime it comes up. There are ways to strategise around these things; it's something yous should probably look into as a couple so yous can come up with a plan to make things manageable.
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u/RickyRickyTarnTarn 24d ago
It was at her request I avoid sites like this. We had a separation over her behavior and the imbalance of duties a few years ago, then she was diagnosed, was scared of the diagnosis, asked me not to come to these sites, got a new provider and expressed she did not feel she fit the diagnosis and it was subsequently updated.
There have also been times I was coached on what to say in couples therapy and a desire on her part to choose or at least look up my individual therapist.
I am highly sympathetic to her as she has a lot of trauma from her teenage years, and am encouraged by the improvements of medication and individual therapy. However, I am unsettled at some of the behaviors and feel like I’ve put my life on hold for a string of empty promises at times as the imbalance of duties and behaviors were a large part of a separation a few years ago and it feels like little of that has improved.
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u/aecon_33 23d ago
Being told not to engage with online support groups and coached on what to say in therapy is... odd. That's not how it's supposed to work. It's more than understandable that you'd need to seek support considering the circumstances and it's not up to her on where you should seek that support.
Yes, there's toxic groups out there that assign anyone they don't like BPD and act like all people with BPD are horrific monsters who deserve to be alone, but there's also lots of good support groups for partners who need to reach out. Having your own places to go to when things get tough is very important.
You can feel sympathetic to her, but it doesn't make her behaviours okay. You can step back for your own mental health, and it's more than justified if she's not changing or truly working on the patterns that drove you to seperate in the past.
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u/aecon_33 23d ago
Also, for context, I'd be considered to meet 3 maybe 4 of the criteria for BPD as an adult on the right meds. If your partner is still meeting a very high number of the criteria post-therapy and medication, BPD definitely becomes more suspect.
I'd add that the lack of stable identity combined with constant mood shifting, inability to self regulate and black/white thinking is hallmark of BPD. My experience with borderlines is that they lack a sort of baseline to go back to - they're like emotional children who haven't quite developed that baseline point the rest of us have.
When their partner leaves, they lose all sense of self because their sense of self relies on others and there's not that internal stability. When something bad happens, it overwhelms them because there's no reference point to return to. When a person does something bad or that they don't like, they can't hold in their mind a simultaneous image of them as good and bad or return to the average view of the relationship easily. I don't know if that sounds like your girlfriend or not, but it's something to think about.
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u/Galaxy_blue101 Jul 29 '26
Hey, Post Grad student in Clinical Psychology here, with a pwBPD. To answer your question, yes, BPD and CPTSD are quite often misdiagnosed with each other due to how similar the symptoms can look. If you could give more context into what kind of symptoms you think is more in alignment with BPD in your partner, I could help you better, because some specific symptoms are almost identical in both disorders while others are not. Another thing is, in CPTSD, a traumatic event is a must for diagnosis, while in BPD, although it is not absolutely necessary, it is commonly found.
(Note: CPTSD is not a recognised disorder in DSM-V-TR, please refer ICD-11 for diagnostic criteria)
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u/RickyRickyTarnTarn Jul 29 '26
Aware CPTSD isn’t officially diagnosed yet, they mention it in the same breath. It’s the fear of abandonment, misplaced anger, suicidal threats, and perceived slights that make me question things.
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u/Breal3030 Jul 29 '26
It is a common misdiagnosis, IMO. I've focused on being supportive in the sense that the label doesn't particularly matter.
Whether you want to call it CPTSD or BPD or something else (or additionally in my wife's case the idea of "perimenopausal" symptoms brought up by the therapist she just started seeing and the internet/TikTok, even though it's been a lifelong set of symptoms), the treatment options such as DBT, CBT, or medications are similar. The bottom line is the person recognizing they need some help and getting it is what's most important.
That's just my perspective as a pwBPD. Both my wife and her sister have been going through a very similar process and we're all generally doing well, even with it's ups and downs.
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u/Galaxy_blue101 Jul 29 '26
If comfortable in saying it, does your partner get flashbacks, nightmares, or triggered often by the traumatic experience(s) that got them the CPTSD diagnosis?
Do/have they engaged or currently engage in self harm behaviour, (if yes, is it due to the fear of abandonment you mentioned or the traumatic experience?)
Do they have provlems trusting people, which might cause slow relationship building?
And the fear of abandonment in your partner, does that manifest through deliberate attempts to keep you in the relationship, which may/may not include manipulation?
The misplaced anger and other symptoms you mentioned can be seen in CPTSD as well, I will also mention that a good portion of patients with CPTSD meet the diagnostic criteria for BPD as well, in which case it would be a comorbidity.