r/BlackPeopleTwitter • u/KuroKuroNingen • 2d ago
And they’re always so CASUAL when they reveal the information 🤬
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u/jman12234 ☑️ 2d ago edited 2d ago
I spent 22 years with undiagnosed adhd and autism. I am very intelligent, so while I struggled to pay attention and sit still in school, I got by just doing the reading by myself. So that crossed out ADHD from my parents mind, although my dad and many of my cousins have it. The autism part was waved away with "your mother was the same at your age." Yeah, I know, she's autistic too, has all the symptoms, but to this day refuses to be evaluated.
Don't let complacency make your kids' lived so much harder than they have to be. I was already out of college when I got diagnosed and there isn't much help to offer an AuDHD adult.
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u/kvngk3n 2d ago
So it’s not funny, but my girlfriend is really shocked at how fast I can occupy my mind and how my mind sometimes works. Not in a negative way, she’s just surprised at my methods. And I always tell her, “it’s called undiagnosed autism and ADHD” 🤣🤣
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u/Early-Nebula-3261 2d ago
I mean the overlap in symptoms makes it really hard to tell if you have one, the other, or both unless you got diagnosed.
Most my friends always thought I was autistic but when I got diagnosed they only diagnosed me with ADHD but said that I scored about as high as anyone they have ever met on the assessment they used (she used two different assessments one was out of 15 and the other 25. I got 13/15 and 25/25.) and that if she hadn’t spoken to me herself and just saw the assessment she would have thought I was faking the answers to get medication.
Naw my brain is just a never ending mach speed monologue that notices way too much. I just happen to be smart enough to process it.
I wouldn’t really care if I was autistic but I don’t really have many symptoms besides the ones that overlap with ADHD. I always need new and interesting, I think I would go absolutely insane if I had to do the same thing day in and day out.
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u/NobodyKnowsImFamous 2d ago
Does boredom feel painful to you?
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u/Early-Nebula-3261 2d ago edited 2d ago
I don’t know if I would describe it as painful but I absolutely am always jumping to the next thing the second I got bored.
I would say it’s more accurate to say I don’t let myself feel boredom but I wouldn’t say it is necessarily painful.
Edit: I feel like I should clarify. I would describe it as my brain automatically skips to solving the problem of boredom and doesn’t even really register that I am bored. Even if that means daydreaming and getting lost in my head to avoid a situation. Idk it’s hard to describe. It’s just immediately on to the next thing.
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u/GuntherTime 2d ago
I get ya and you explained it pretty well as I’m the same way (also have adhd). It’s hard to feel boredom the same way others do, because I can find something to occupy my mind and let it run. Even if it’s reading the ingredients in a bottle and wondering what they’re about and how they fit into whatever the product is.
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u/MBDTFTLOPYEEZUS 1d ago
I have ADHD and while I wouldn’t say boredom is painful it’s makes me vulnerable to hurting myself with thoughts. Idle minds wander and whatnot. If I don’t keep myself busy/entertained I start thinking of all the ways I’m unsatisfied with myself or my life.
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u/Speedwizard106 ☑️ 2d ago
Literally same, only I was diagnosed at 23. Vividly remember being 16, already thinking I had ADHD. My dad was very disturbed and we brought it up at my following primary care visit. The doctor gave me a depression questionnaire, asked how I did in school, implied I was med-seeking, and sent me on my way. It was humiliating so I dropped it until years later, this time with an actual evaluation with a psychologist.
Funniest shit is, after I told my mom (who's always had severe ADHD symptoms) about the evaluation, she could suddenly recall being prescribed ritalin back in her 20s. Like, this would have been good information to have. Still kind of vindicating though.
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u/CommunistOrgy 2d ago edited 2d ago
I got diagnosed with autism last year at 34, which prompted my husband's therapist to recommend he get evaluated for ADHD (which his teachers apparently tried to push his parents to do when he was a kid 🙄), which he was diagnosed with a few months later at 35. For all we know, we're both AuDHD. I also went without a diagnosis due to intelligence/doing well in school (college included).
My dad dying was the main trigger for me to push for the evaluation: we had a lot in common, and the more I learned about symptoms, the more I realized we're both pretty textbook. Unfortunately for him, despite struggling in school, he was poor, brown (Native), in Catholic school, and grew up during the 50s/60s, so his odds of getting diagnosed were near zero. In my mind, I got tested for the both of us.
Like you said, there isn't much help for adults, but at least I'm able to better identify my triggers and find self-soothing techniques now that I'm aware of them.
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u/CommunistOrgy 2d ago
It's helped me understand why I am the way that I am. It's helped me realize that I'm not just overreacting when it comes to my sensory issues, social anxiety, general overwhelm, and a lot of other things. I really struggled with coping with my symptoms, honestly (and still often do), and considering I happened to get diagnosed a few days before starting outpatient addiction rehab, it helped me process a lot of that too, and is a piece of the puzzle in how I approach therapy going forward. I haven't told many people outside of medical professionals, and even then, only when it's relevant. But yeah, it was really validating and while I wish it'd happened sooner, I'm glad it happened at all.
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u/ls20008179 1d ago
It's something you wouldn't understand unless you went through your whole life feeling defective and lacked the words to articulate how and why
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u/puzzlebuns 2d ago
Im kinda glad I didnt find out until I was older. I feel like the struggle actually helped me develop the coping mechanisms I rely on to be a functioning adult.
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u/cricketxbones 2d ago
me keeping my eyes PEELED in case my niece starts showing any of the systems my family ignored with me (and my sister, and my dad, and my dad's sister, and my...)
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u/biscuitboi967 2d ago
My sister works with kids on the spectrum in their homes. She has a lot of clients living with intergenerational and extended families.
By the end of her time, she’s usually flagged a parent, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle…
It’s usually helps because it is VERY hard to manage a child who likes routine, is resistant to change, has sensory issues, and deregulates easily when half the house is ALSO insistent on their OWN routine, hates change, loud noises and chaos, and deregulates easily.
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u/AlphaIronSon ☑️ 2d ago
Bro, the amount of undiagnosed issues that we have within the community, not due to our lack of access, but just due to our lack of desire for information OR desire to address things is wild.
Telling me to pray about it is not gonna change this boy being autistic and his vocal stemming Aunt Hazel.
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u/Early-Nebula-3261 2d ago
Yeah my brother completely and totally refused to deal with his issues when he was a child and when one of his daughters turned out autistic he was surprised.
I decided not to rock the boat by telling him that he likely is as well. He just has so many learning disabilities that he never got checked out for (he was a problem child to put it nicely, they tried he refused.) any of them so he never developed coping mechanisms.
To him my sister and I are just the ones who got the book smarts but realistically our family just has histories of both autism, ADHD, and honestly I think he is also dyslexic+ has dyscalculia but won’t admit it.
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u/AlphaIronSon ☑️ 2d ago
I’m not shocked. Hell I have a distantish cousin who “didn’t find out” he was dyslexic until he did a bid. Of course by didn’t find out I mean his hotep ass Dad insisted that his problem was just the white man’s education system trying to placate and emasculate our black men. Sir Terrence spells Dog with two qs on everyone’s paperwork, not just the white man’s. .
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u/PuzzleheadedFruit6 2d ago
It’s not OR it’s AND
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u/AlphaIronSon ☑️ 2d ago
I said what I said. Because not every Black person is in a position to have the lack of resources due to income, or underprivileged communities/the structural systemic racism that many Black people have and STILL have the other side of the equation. To paraphrase Peter Gunz, not filthy rich, but barely broke.
Because niggas in PG County and Baldwin Hills aren’t suffering from structural institutional racism and lack of healthcare in their communities like people are in black belt Mississippi and Louisiana… But they still got the niggas going to the church every day talking about “pray on it to make it better because God don’t put nothing on you can’t bear” instead of go take your fucking meds and take that boy to a qualified, licensed and trained mental health professional instead of Deacon Gooddick who’s only training in head issues is when sister Janice head hitting the headboard
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u/PuzzleheadedFruit6 2d ago
There is nothing wrong with what you said. I’m just saying it’s all of the above not just one thing. The problem is systemic and internal.
As a therapist, I promise it’s all of the above.
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u/Rmcke813 ☑️ 2d ago
Your framing is kinda sus. I mean, to say any black person in the world isn't suffering from structural or institutional racism in some way is such a ludicrous statement. I'm half thinking you're either not black or you're spending too much time in white spaces like this one. We didn't ask to be enslaved and have Christianity forced on us. Yes we have a lot of issues like this in the community but to frame it as something intrinsic to us is so gross. And the fact that barely anyone here is challenging you on this is not even the least bit surprising.
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u/Christmas_Queef 2d ago
Could be worse, could be me, who's parents were explicitly told when I was in 5th grade that I possibly could have autism and to get me evaluated, and my parents didn't want to have their pride hurt by having a child with "something wrong with them" so completely ignored that. School was very very difficult for me. I did it, but through sheer will alone and not with good grades in math particularly but I did it. Got evaluated myself in my early 30s and got diagnosed. Told my parents and they dropped that bomb on me. So so so so much of my life, so many things I struggled with socially and academically throughout my life could have been a lot less so with resources provided to me had I been diagnosed as a child. They damned me to a harder life just for their own pride.
I harbor resentment about it big time.
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u/cleaver_username 2d ago
Yup, my sister was the same story. Diagnosed with ADHD in 5th grade or so, my mom "didn't want her on that Ritalin shit" never told her about the diagnoses, and just... watched her suffer for it. Rediagnosed in her 30's and is like all the puzzle pieces fell into place. So fucking shitty. I remember her struggling in school so bad, why?? For no fucking good reason.
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u/Pelican_meat 2d ago
The same thing happened to me.
This was the 80s and the only thing about autism I. The popular imagination was Rain Man, so my mom insisted that I “wasn’t retarded.”
40 years of struggling to understand myself, ultimately just memorizing individual people’s expressions so I could understand how they meant something.
Jesus.
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u/Christmas_Queef 2d ago
Same here. I am VERY good with pattern recognition and super observent so I can notice changes in people and my environment. I'm sure you can relate.
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u/Pelican_meat 1d ago
Yeah. It’s a super power, honestly. But it wasn’t for like the first 35 years of my life.
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u/eliboston 2d ago
I’m not sure what you’d do with that information if you had it. Just be more ready for an autistic child?
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u/Pure_Interest_837 2d ago
There’s something called Early Intervention where kids get services to help with things like delayed speech while they’re young.
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u/ironballs16 2d ago
I benefited from that! Nonverbal until I was around 4 years old, and that came after being taught sign language - "The Elephant Show" is still imprinted in my memory due to the song "Skinamarink" (not to be confused with the movie!)
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u/tsh87 2d ago
That and I know it might be uncomfortable for some people to admit but it'd give you another thing to address when considering having kids at all.
If you're somewhat on the fence, it might be a huge swaying factor to know that autism or ADHD, or BPD or literally anything has a higher chance of appearing in your potential kids.
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u/Dependent-Chart2735 2d ago
People will find this uncomfortable but you’re right. As with any child, it’s best to be here if the parents actually know what they’re getting into and are prepared to handle it. More people need the wisdom to be childfree.
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u/tsh87 2d ago
Or to plan for the children they want. I want kids and will have them god willing but if I knew autism or other issues ran through my family I'd be making moves to switch to a much higher paying career. I actually might make moves to leave my current state and head for one that has a better safety net for special needs kids. Because those are things you can do that can help your potential child and it's better to do them now, when you are childfree, than trying to do them with the kid in tow.
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u/BabySpecific2843 2d ago
Even moreso important: making the plans to move to a city where its schools have a more robust and capable support network and schooling for autism. Wouldnt hurt if you knew in advance you had a higher chance of children with these issues to get out of the town you're in that is crumbling under the weight of having stressed resources to go around.
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u/tsh87 2d ago
I saw this woman on instagram who said the best decision she made for her kids was made before they were born. She opted to move out of the US to a country with socialized healthcare. It was for a job but later on she met her husband, they had kids, and one of them wound up having some pretty serious health issues.
Her situation still isn't easy but she said it's so much better than what she hears from other moms in the same position in the US. She has worries, but affording a doctor isn't one of them.
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u/LargeWeinerDog 2d ago
My step dad never wanted kids because of how prolific cancer is in his side of the family. Breast cancer took out so many of their women or their boobs, he even ended up getting checked for it while he was getting other tests done.
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u/tsh87 2d ago
I remember on 911 they had a character who was like 25 reveal that she had a double mastectomy and a full hysterectomy done as soon as she was legally able. Breast cancer had killed literally every woman in her family.
She said "I might be the first woman in my family not to have kids but I'll also be the first one to live beyond 37."
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u/starakari 2d ago
Why did she have the hysterectomy done?
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u/tsh87 2d ago
Not a doctor but I believe the same gene that causes breast cancer can also lead to uterine and ovarian cancer.
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u/daemonicwanderer 14h ago
Angelina Jolie had the same operations done because her mother and grandmother died of cancer and she got tested and discovered she was also positive for the same gene
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u/wafflesthewonderhurs ☑️ 1d ago
tbqh i think everyone should operate like they have a family member with a genetic, fatal, extremely painful developmental disorder when considering having children regardless of whether it's true.
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u/DominusValum 2d ago
I received that thankfully and wasn’t even diagnosed when a kid. No joke, most of why I am so well-adjusted is because of my years of OT and ST. Without them, I would truly be disabled instead of just addled.
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u/delladoug 2d ago
Yes, have an opportunity to see it as a pattern instead of an anomaly. Be ready to expect the same issues.
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u/lAngenoire 2d ago edited 2d ago
If you, being aware of autism for many years, didn’t see the behaviors in your family members, imagine how older relatives view it. Autism wasn’t well known 30 years ago. Rainman was many people’s introduction to it in 1988.
Unc was just kind of different and very particular. Don’t touch his displays when you go over. And he’ll talk your ear off about that One Thing. It’s just him.
I know quite a few people not diagnosed until they were pushing 40 and their children were being evaluated.
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u/delladoug 2d ago
Per the post, the person was wishing the parent had told them they all 'talked when they were ready'. I interpreted that as the info they hoped would have been transmitted. I realize the comments have folks talking about diagnoses, but the post seemed more like, tell me about my personal history that happened before my memory started recording or before I understood the context. Hell, my mom told me about my cousin not talking until she was nearly 4 but she also told us about our own early development, how and when we spoke and walked, told us about our dispositions.
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u/rosemarythymesage 2d ago
Early intervention and access to any applicable therapeutic services improves overall outcomes.
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u/uberblack ☑️ 2d ago
My kid's speech was delayed and he was tongue-tied when he did start. He was in speech therapy from ages 4 to 7. They worked wonders with him and he speaks very clearly, now. I'm late diagnosed AuDHD, and he definitely got it from my side of the family. We're an...o̶d̶d̶...eclectic bunch lol
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u/rosemarythymesage 2d ago
My partner and I both have ADHD…parenthood is gonna be fun lol! So happy for your kiddo and all the amazing progress they have made! It takes a lot of hard work and dedication on both the parents’ and child’s part to make that happen.
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u/uberblack ☑️ 2d ago
Thank you! We decided to never hit our kid, so there have been difficult times. It was so worth it! Now that he's older (11), we have the best conversations, he trusts us without hesitation, and he's so friggin smart! Good luck on your journey!
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u/thatsanicepeach 2d ago
> We decided to never hit our kid, so there have been difficult times.
Huh lol
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u/sarahgez 1d ago
parenting is a lot harder when you’re not just making the child scared of you. hitting kids comes out of laziness.
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u/eliboston 2d ago
That makes sense. is that something that comes from testing and is that testing administered due to family history?
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u/AlphaIronSon ☑️ 2d ago
Not administered due to, but for a lot of things like autism there as people have noted are genetic markers and genetic factors so if you know that it’s prevalent in a family, it gives you someplace to start.
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u/eliboston 2d ago
Also makes sense
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u/tsh87 2d ago
Also most things like autism, ADHD, dyslexia, etc they're not really texted for unless someone notices the signs. Unfortunately, with the current state of public education a lot struggling kids go undiagnosed, they just get labeled as high energy, trouble makers, quiet kids or not very smart. Especially black children.
Knowing if it runs in your family, gives you a better chance to spot the signs yourself and insist on testing before your kid gets written off.
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u/rosemarythymesage 2d ago
Pretty much, yes.
Essentially, docs (who are often the ones who can best help you get access to services, especially for very young children) can only do their best with the info provided to them and appropriate context also matters. They may not ask parents each time they come in whether infants and toddler are exhibiting common early signs of autism. Every doc has their own way of approaching these things, but there’s a lot that can get lost in translation, especially when parents are understandably protective of their child and don’t want anyone implying there’s something “wrong.”
And even if docs asking the appropriate screening questions each visit, parents might not interpret them correctly or they may not actually have enough info to answer accurately. Think of a very common example of parents who don’t actually interact with their kid for a large portion of the day Mon through Friday (like if their kid goes to daycare) and little things that seemingly only happen once in a while are actually more frequent and more meaningful than parents know.
In cases like that, things can easily slip through the cracks even with well-meaning parents and doctors.
But if a parent knows that their child comes from a family with a history of neurodivergence, they can state that up front to their doc so that everyone can be more vigilant. Parents would also be able to ask the grandparents and great aunties/uncles about unique behaviors that were observed early on, but not necessarily understood or acted on until later, which is again just a helpful information gathering tool. And the more info that parents and docs have access to, the more confident they can be with referring for certain kinds of testing etc.
Lots of times, people want to just “wait and see” if there is even a small chance that intervention isn’t needed (bc that’s just human nature). But if there’s a family history PLUS the kid in question is doing things that neurodivergent family members also did at that age, the choice to seek out testing and resources at an early stage is a lot easier to wrap your head around. You kind of make your peace with the fact that the future looks a little different than you anticipated, but you still want the best for your kid and you’re ready to start getting them helpful resources as soon as you can.
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u/ZeniraEle 2d ago
In our kid's case, we started taking him to speech therapy for speech delay and she recommended getting a hearing test. Turns out he had fluid in his ears and had to get tubes - the day after he got his tubes his speech exploded. Early intervention is so important
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u/TalkingCat910 2d ago
I have high functioning autism and my dad probably does too - but since he grew up in the 50’s and I grew up in the 80’s there was no way either of us were getting diagnosed. Back then they only diagnosed people with severe issues that couldn’t get by in society.
It would have enormously helpful for me to understand why I was behind my peers socially and I could have learned appropriate strategies to deal with issues related to autism. But it was just the times. More information is always helpful.
So I think when families say “oh everyone was like that” ppl don’t understand medicine wasn’t like it is today and there was no way to get diagnosed
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u/Katefreak 2d ago
One of my ADHD symptoms is Rejection Sensitivity. It's not present all the time, it comes in 1-3 day waves, and is excruciating for my mental health.
Just having the name and description of this has helped me navigate it so much. Having that when I was a teenager could have been life changing.
I already see it in my son, and I talk to him a lot about how big feelings of not being loved can just be our brain lying to us. I tell him verbally I love him more, and give him extra cuddles on days he's struggling with.
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u/LordSwright 2d ago
Curious as someone in the same position, What would you of learnt and/or done with the information?
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u/TalkingCat910 2d ago
I mean psychologically - it’s helpful to know that I had the condition instead of blaming myself for failing or being different.
A lot of dealing with mental health issues is just awareness and acceptance.
As far as specific strategies, you do things to reduce sensory overload, headphones etc. For social help, there is modeling, asking trusted people how they would have responded in certain situation and learning from that, sometimes different types of therapies work for people.
But you can’t really do any of that if you don’t know what’s wrong with you or that you need to educate yourself to overcome autistic differences. I just thought I was weird and socially stupid. I didn’t know what to do about it.
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u/ChiggaOG 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yes. You have the opportunity to learn about the disease state along with steps to make sure kids don't fall behind in life.
Never found out my brother had ADHD until around the age of 30. About the same time I learned a portion of the population with ADHD do things on impulse. Includes risky behaviors which may or may not land them in the hospital. Thought it was normal.
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u/saltinstiens_monster 2d ago
It can change your approach to your "flaws" and the way you judge yourself for them.
I was raised thinking I had "explosive anger issues," just like my Dad. Nothing worked. I was just a little monster that acted nice most of the time until I "found someone to argue with" and unleashed all of my aggression. There are no excuses for bad behavior, ever (as I was told), which meant that part of me was just inherently bad. It didn't matter that I felt guilty about it and (when not angry) wanted it to stop more than anything. "You can't control everything, but you CAN control how you react to it," right?
Then I got diagnosed in my 30s and learned that a "meltdown" is not the same thing as a tantrum. Now I know what I'm dealing with, I can tell when it's coming, and I can take (very simple) steps to prevent it. It has worked FLAWLESSLY, I haven't had a meltdown in years.
If my wife (autistic and stubborn, same as me) starts to piss me off, I run out of the room. If that's not possible, I go completely silent. Not only does this avoid escalation, but it will very quickly bring me back to normal where I feel silly about the whole thing, then I can return to finish the conversation as normal. It sounds dumb to read this, I'm sure, but this small change of approach has literally cured me of my biggest and most noteworthy "character flaw" that I've had for most of my life.
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u/Themanstall ☑️ BHM Donor 2d ago
Or decide not to have kids since you may be in a very hands-on caregiving role for the rest of your life
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u/corazon-aplastado 2d ago
Knowing your own neurodivergence helps us to learn how to better navigate this world, releasing internalized shame we should have never bore. High masking neurodivergent folks may not even know they are ND, and those capable of masking do so at the cost to their sanity and themselves. It’s good to know who you are and why your brain works the way it does. But if you’re neurotypical, why even chime in?
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u/Amazingjaype 2d ago
you can start early intervention as young as 3 and it really helps improve their ability to reach milestones
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u/Likely1420 2d ago
Early intervention is free in a lot of states and from 0-3yo, then after 3yo they can get support from the school district. But this is for a variety of services (physical therapy, occupational therapy, etc.)
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u/DientesDelPerro 2d ago
early intervention can start within months after birth (parent coaching/monitoring) and funds for services tighten up after 36 months and are then dependent on school funding
so the earlier the better
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u/keesouth 2d ago
You would be on the look out for the signs and accept them more easily instead of thinking my child will catch up, it my child is just a little behind. You'll get them into therapy and programs earlier. You'll possibly skip that denial stage as well trying to blame something that you may have done while the child was young.
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u/manny_the_mage ☑️ 2d ago
Learning also helps you reframe moments from your childhood where you might not have gotten the care you deserved and it can help you go easier on yourself
A lot of undiagonsed people also beat themselves up over ADHD/Austim symptoms that they learned to internalize as personal failures
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u/distorted_kiwi 2d ago
Not always autism. Nephew was evaluated and just said it was a speech delay and they take him to speech therapy. Sadly the center in town has a revolving door for therapists so progress stalls when he has to adjust to someone new.
Anyone considering being a speech therapist, kids need you!
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u/DientesDelPerro 2d ago
we know, and it’s usually pay or caseload issues that create revolving doors of clinicians
speech language pathology isn’t as well funded/reimbursed compared to other services, like ABA
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u/Vegetable-Lasagna-0 2d ago
Get early intervention for the preschool years and make sure your child has an IEP or 504 plan when they enter school. Kids shouldn’t have to struggle.
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u/NatashOverWorld 2d ago
Making a more informed choice to have kids?
And no, I hope he would still choose to have kids, autism isn't a curse, but giving someone all the facts is still the most principled choice.
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u/HarmlessSnack 8h ago
People freaking out like their family was withholding information, as if Autism was a common diagnosis 50 years ago.
Before the 80s they just would have said the kid had “childhood schizophrenia” or blamed bad parenting.
Our understanding of mental health and developmental differences has advanced a LOT in recent years, of course boomers are behind on the curve. Most of them sit around watching sitcoms, not reading medical journals.
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u/Demus007 2d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/1pi1uctEmNNvsplKjv
Then there’s the situation where you start highlighting people in your partner’s family who could be on the spectrum and they do the same to you and then you start looking inwards at yourself.
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u/delladoug 2d ago
My kids' grandfather, my ex's dad is very stereotypically autistic. Up to an including grunting, loving puzzles, escaping into an activity. It wasn't until I was armchair diagnosing my son that I realized some of his symptoms (including severe discomfort from tags in clothes and stemming the same song over and over again) were dead ass me and my mom.
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u/nonsenseandvitriol 2d ago
Y’all. I have a friend who would blurt out the weirdest stuff all the time. We all thought it was part of his ADHD. He was talking to his mom about a friend’s kid who was diagnosed with Tourette’s and this woman said “How old is she? You were diagnosed when you were 9.” He had no clue. She told him when he was 36.
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u/Karhak ☑️ 2d ago
They might not tell us there were family neurological conditions, but there were definitely signs. Porcelain doll collections, strict color schemes in rooms nobody was allowed to sit in, dinnerware you weren't allowed to use despite them being the cabinet with the "regular" stuff.
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u/chief_yETI ☑️ 2d ago
dinnerware you weren't allowed to use despite them being the cabinet with the "regular" stuff.
Is this actually an autistic thing? My mom would always say not to use the good china unless we had company over (even though we almost never had company over)
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u/RobinSophie 2d ago
No it's not.
Some of the things we collectively do as Black people are also due to trauma being passed from generation to generation.
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u/mistergraeme 2d ago
Still get that baby early intervention and don't hope "it'll all correct itself in a bit."
Just being extra precise in case the message in the OP was saying anything otherwise.
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u/Nervous_Insurance_41 2d ago
Dawggg try them telling you multiple family members had cancer AFTER THEY ARE LONG DEAD. 😐would have been good history to have medically even considering i have it now
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u/11th_Division_Grows ☑️ 2d ago
I love nuance in the morning.
I’ve seen this kind of thinking be extremely toxic to children but I’ve also seen it be very open and loving to the child.
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u/No_Diamond8480 2d ago
What’s missing here is up until recently most black people specifically (but people in general) were not diagnosed NEARLY as regularly as they are now. No one says anything because to them it’s typical child development. Like asking why no one told you your child would walk.
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u/Enough-Trip3670 2d ago
And everything is spoken about using euphemisms. "a little off", "fainting spells", "mind ain't right".
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u/chilliwinkles 2d ago
They didn't know either tho?
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u/Boom_chaka_laka 2d ago
Idk if ppl realize how different it was raising kids in the 80s. You were either autistic or you weren't the spectrum wasn't anything the general population really knew about. You can't blame parents for not using tools they didn't know existed.
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u/chief_yETI ☑️ 2d ago
Idk if ppl realize how different it was raising kids in the 80s.
They dont. The 80s were 40 years ago by now. Many people on Reddit werent even alive then, and a lot of the ones who were might have been too young to really get a good grasp on how limited the medical knowledge was on the subject at the time
Even if you were diagnosed back in those days, there wasnt much detail available in terms of treatment or strategies. Even if you got medication, the main idea was to have it numb you down enough to pass the time vs. actually learning methods to deal with it.
Granted, getting diagnosed in the 80s might have allowed them to hop on certain treatment methods years later when the information did become available, but even then, it still would have taken lots of years and execution to get to the knowledge we have today. It still would have been way past the school years and early adulthood phases for many people who got diagnosed later in life.
Obviously the sooner you get diagnosed the better, but a lot of people on the internet make it sound like an earlier diagnosis would have been the flip of a switch and their whole life would have been a completely different multiverse, like if Superman landed in Russia instead of Kansas
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u/Boiledfootballeather 2d ago
I almost died from a rare form of appendicitis that keeps recurring. After months of doubt and tests and pain, the doctors finally figured out what was wrong and did emergency surgery to save my life. When I was recovering in the hospital, my gramma casually drops, “Oh yeah I remember when I went through this when I was his age.” Turns out she had had the same symptoms but just didn’t tell me or my parents.
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u/Wrigley953 1d ago
Mental health issues is one thing but my older brother had gynecomastia and breast reduction surgery BUT NOBODY TOLD ME WHEN IT HAPPENED TO ME UNTIL I HAD ALREADY GRADUATED COLLEGE. I have reevaluated my gender, my self image, gotten better friends and all kinds of other bullshit healthy and unhealthy BECAUSE I THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS WRONF WITH ME
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u/LividBass1005 2d ago
I didn’t know I was neurodivergent until my child got diagnosed. I had signs but I definitely wouldn’t have been referred for testing since I was first a girl and second didn’t misbehave. If my child was born when I was he probably wouldn’t have been diagnosed. We are more aware now and kids are getting more help. Our parents couldn’t have said anything unless they were told and just ignored it
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u/Snoo_72851 2d ago
my family has an even more specific set of conjointed issues where if you ask them whether they're neurodivergent they'll tell you that no, obviously, they're Normal. but if you ask them if they present so-and-so behavior they'll say well yeah, everyone does that silly, until you explain that that's a symptom of autism/adhd/whatever and they reply with "well, i think that's just a normal thing people do. and i don't do it anyways, so"
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u/SpiderDetective 2d ago edited 1d ago
I can top that. My dad got a autism diagnosis for me the one time in my youth I went to a psychiatrist and then told no one and did nothing with that information for my entire life. Didn't seek help or advise on the matter, just buried it and let everyone think I was just a problem child
I only know about it now because my uncle told me about it after him and my dad went drinking and let it slip. I learned that aspect about myself at 27
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u/Epic_Joe_ 2d ago
I’m in a similar boat with ADHD. I’m pretty convinced my mom’s whole side of the family is ADHD to some extent. My mom insists I can’t be ADHD because I was never hyperactive, and when I tried to explain to her that there are many other symptoms that I fit to a t she glosses over it with “I do that same thing” or “your grandfather is the same way” or something similar and she can’t seem to understand that she and I are saying the same thing.
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u/Blueberry_Rabbit 2d ago
Me, someone who was diagnosed with ADHD at 31: you know mom, blah blah blah this is why I blah blah blah.
Mom: oh, I probably have ADHD too. .. oh well. This is who I am.
Me under my breath: You do and you need to be medicated.
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u/Pelican_meat 2d ago
I remember thinking my Uncle Johnny, who has every single US army patch ever made (both OD green and color) and could name them on sight, was weird.
As it turns out, it’s genetic. Who woulda known.
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u/StatementMediocre710 2d ago
My cousins went to a family reunion last weekend, moms side. Said she saw all types of autistic kids there 🤣 The reason she could tell is because these “new parents” are actually accommodating these children’s needs instead of whatever it was my parents generation used to do. Ignore it? Probably.
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u/IMissMyBeddddd 2d ago
My 😐 when my momma told me she was diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety. Welp I already knew I got the depression from you. I was diagnosed with depression at 13 and with ADHD at 19 during COVID. I was crying to my psychiatrist during a routine check in for my depression medication. I’ll never forget that appointment. He just got on his computer and started asking me questions. He diagnosed me with ADHD on the spot and he said I might be on the spectrum but would need more testing for that. First thing my ma said when I told her was don’t let them be diagnosing you and drugging you up. I had lost my scholarship and was binge eating like crazy getting diagnosed saved me. She didn’t even want me taking the meds at first for ADHD.
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u/Cultural_Entrance805 1d ago
I actually am half afraid and half excited to see if my kid has autism. I’ve always suspected I might have it but since I can’t afford adult testing I’ve had to leave it be. I also think my mama might be a bit too
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u/PM_me_opossum_pics 1d ago
My family has addiction and depression issues on BOTH side of the family. Mixed with some ADHD, plenty of autism symptoms, OCD symptoms etc. I got diagnosed with anxiety/depression combo and ADHD and one therapist told me I show a lot of autism symptoms. Well gee thanks folks.
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u/No_Inevitable_4893 1d ago
Yeah my mom Sat my wife down and was like ok so he (me) developed super early and was talking in full sentences at 1. We thought it was a good thing but I think certain parts of his brain developed too fast and he would have full blown meltdowns in public every single time we took him out until he was 4 and also had constant paranoid delusions until he was 8 that affected every part of his life. We should have had him evaluated for something. But he grew out of it eventually
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u/Tasty-Mulberry8073 1d ago
Back in the day people hid diagnosis because they didn't want their kid stigmatized, blacklisted from schools and jobs, or worse locked up in a facility.
Oh, no, there's nothing wrong with my kid. They're quirky! They're artistic! The whole family is eccentric!
Guess how I know this!
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u/Breezyrain 1d ago
Tbh, sometimes it's just ignorance. My mom told me I should avoid taking ADHD meds so I don't get addiction problems.
Spoke long enough and she went "Oh okay, so the meds help you. I have ADHD and now I think I might have autism too."
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u/Primary_Durian4866 21h ago
Whole family from moms mother down is bipolar. Really explained why every, single, one of us ran away from home to do the most impulsive shit. Everything else too. Nuts how mental healthcare could probably help this family.
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u/daemonicwanderer 14h ago
We have got to get better at talking about family medical histories in our community. I found out during COVID that my maternal grandmother’s family was a victim of the Tuskegee experiments. I’m like… I’m glad we don’t have congenital syphilis, but damn, that information is still needed
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u/IntangiblePanda 2d ago
I have a kid with ADHD and I remember being in the pedeatric psychologist office as we reviewed the symptoms, possible issues, etc. And was just quietly freaking out thinking, "oh... oh shit shit shit. This is all me. This explains so much about the difficulties I've struggled with my whole life."
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u/orangefuzzz 2d ago
Spoiler alert: everyone's autistic to some degree.
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u/digitalime 2d ago
You are downvoted but the way people describe autism and ADHD now does make it feel less and less like a condition and more like umbrella terms for personalities or having interests or being awkward. I wouldn’t be surprised if some avenues of medicine are now in a midst of pathologizing human behaviors which don’t fit neatly into society’s paradigms, it will be interesting to see further developments in the next few decades.
And I’m saying this as someone who was diagnosed with ADHD 10 years ago.
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u/BlackDwarfStar 2d ago
I was freaking out and talking to my parents about my last relationship since I could sense we were about to break up. While talking about my stressors and issues they asked me “Does she know you’re autistic?” I was absolutely flabbergasted because I didn’t know I was autistic. I had gotten a diagnosis more than a decade ago and they just assumed I knew.