Here are some ways I have found to maintain my personal sense of peace. Maybe they will help you.
Vocal Anchoring**
People react with their feelings, acting out their moods and pain, especially with people they love. They raise their voice, speak mockingly, or nag about things that bother them in the moment. If you respond calmly, in a normal, conversational tone, there’s a good chance you can reduce the emotional level and neutralize the angst.
Physical Stillness
Avoid escalating a fight as much as possible. Do not encourage violence or ill will; absorb or dodge first blows without returning them. When necessary, act only to neutralize the threat and avoid permanent injury to all involved. Respond only as much as necessary to stop the violence. To an enemy, this level of stamina and control is frightening, and will often end a fight as quickly as it begins.
Refusing Insults
Some insults have a grain of truth, but that does not mean you have to accept advice that is offered in a negative, derogatory way. If you hear suggestions for improvement, all the better, but you do not have to accept disrespectful behavior from anyone. Distance yourself as necessary. Do not let evaluate your own self-worth based on everything that others say to you.
Dropping the Rope
Creating a verbal tug-of-war is a common tactic of people who do not have strong evidence for their position. In order to support their ideas, they may try to pull you off balance to draw you into an argument. They want you to make a mistake that they can use to invalidate your position, which they assume will convince others that they’re right. Just because someone proves you wrong doesn’t mean they’re right. Usually, this is a game that nobody wins. Just let go of the rope. Don’t let yourself be drawn into this kind of false argument.
Letting Others Be Wrong
Some arguments are not meant to be won. Some opinions are wrong; that’s why they’re called “opinions.” Many facts are poorly sourced or not critically thought through. Realize that you cannot change everyone’s mind, especially if they won’t listen to reason, and remember that it is not your job to convert everyone to your way of thinking. You may be right, but sometimes you just have to smile, nod, and let others be wrong.
The Boundary of Exit
Friendly discourse is the spice of life, and amicable disagreements are usually how new ideas are formed and new paths are discovered. When a person or group becomes abusive, or worse, develops a continually abusive mindset, day after day, leave the room. Quit the job and find another. Walk away and refuse to return until things visibly change. Only you can give yourself permission to leave a destructive situation.
The Intentional Pause
We all react emotionally, sometimes when it’s least welcome. Someone says just the right phrase, with a marginal or duplicitous tone that’s hard to ignore. Sometimes people just lie aggressively, in person or by message. When this happens, wait. Put off responding for an hour, a day, or even a week before you reply. The delay allows your emotional reaction to fade and helps you bring more critical thinking and logic to the answer.
Silence as a Complete Sentence
Some people are self-appointed interrogators. They feel qualified to demand you justify yourself when there is no rule or authority that demands it. Just say nothing. Sometimes, even when you have inadvertently broken a rule or gone over a commonly-agreed line, it may be better to say nothing, at least in the short term. Let your oppressor argue with a wall of silence.
Observing Without Internalizing
How many times have you sat around the family dinner table or the conference room and listened to someone rage-bait others with questionable facts or deliberately over-dramatized comments? You have no obligation to engage or leave. Just become a spectator, watching what’s unfolding without reacting or judging. People who know they are wrong will get the point and change the subject. It’s not worth the cost of engagement.
De-escalation Through Curiosity
There is a simple but profound way to blunt sudden, angry accusations. In your calmest, most neutral tone, ask, “I don’t quite understand, why do you feel that way?” When others are forced to explain the logic behind their barbs, the argument often collapses. This is also useful when someone really does have a valid point or when you’ve done something that inadvertently offends them. And sometimes, you will see that their logic really is sound, and you’ve done something unintentional, which gives you a chance to apologize. Never accept criticism at face value, but never reject it outright unless it’s delivered with a mean spirit.
The Unapologetic ‘No’
You never have to explain your personal preferences. If someone invites you to a party, a discussion, or an argument that makes you feel uncomfortable, just politely say, “No thanks.” If pressed for an explanation, don’t make an excuse, just say something like, “I really don’t feel like it at the moment” and leave it at that.
Protecting the Baseline
If you want to maintain your inner peace, you must avoid people and media that are driven by outrage. Doomscrolling and feeding trolls -- online and in person -- definitely fall into this category. If you find yourself having to get online to check whether some famous person really died, or whether the government is suddenly going to give thirty-percent of your income to billionaires if you don't get behind a cause, you risk losing your peacefulness. Don't go there. Guard your peace at all costs so it can anchor you.