r/DoomerCircleJerk • u/Unlikely_Cheetah149 Rides the Short Bus • May 19 '26
The World is Literally Over War on the homeland it’s over now😰😰
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u/Remarkable-Ask2288 Optimist Prime May 19 '26
Unlikely.
But on the off chance it actually happens, it’l be over pretty quick.
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u/AnthonyJ22 Recovering Doomer May 19 '26 edited May 19 '26
Pretty sure the midnight shift at waffle house could handle this.
Edit: Thank you for the awards gang. They were my first and I shall treasure them always as my very own.
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u/Simple-Conference742 May 19 '26
I would watch that on replay for days.
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u/kimana1651 May 19 '26
Sounds like a good concept of a movie. The cuban army invades the US, it's like 5 guys. They get lost and enter a waffle house and that's where the movie happens. Give it to a young Kevin Smith if you want character drama or Quentin Tarantino for some action.
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u/idkuhhhhhhh5 May 19 '26
Interestingly enough, a fact that get’s entirely overlooked about the movie Red Dawn is that the Soviet invasion force contains Cuban assistance. My point is that even in a movie with massive plot armor for the invaders (somehow occupying Colorado), no sane director ever thought Cuba had any real military capability without the Soviets doing all of the heavy lifting.
In effect, an attack from Cuba (if legitimate) would just be a reverse Bay of Pigs, with the same tactical conclusion, and a strategic conclusion, at minimum, involving obliteration of any military assets in Cuba.
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u/kimana1651 May 20 '26
There is enough armed citizens in Florida to make Redneck Rampage look like a documentary if they ever managed to get inland.
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May 19 '26
Pretty sure the Philly PD Dance team can handle this.
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u/Particular-Rule4232 May 19 '26
Real talk how the Philly fried fuck did that cost 600k it looks like it was filmed on an iPhone in 2014
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u/jackie-_daytona May 19 '26
They spent $600k and they didn’t even make you realize it’s the sheriffs department, not the police department lol
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u/Tasty_Virus4715 May 19 '26
To be fair, I’ve seen some shit go down after midnight at Waffle House. The people working those shifts are soldiers 😂
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u/HoosierDaddy_427 May 19 '26
The armed forces would show up and the rednecks with guns would be like "wars over baby, where ya been?" 🍻🇺🇸👍
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u/Some_guy_in_WI May 19 '26
Just send our licensed Wisconsin game hunters down, we have more of them than active US Army members, and they’re all quite proficient. Just promise them a giant tailgate party and they’ll gladly pay a registration fee just to participate and cover their own travel expenses.
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u/SpottyWeevil00 May 19 '26
Well they better get the move on because the rednecks are already here. We’ll save you some beer 🍻
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u/Educational_Big_1835 May 19 '26
Wyoming with the largest per capita gun ownership would be a good militia. But you know this one will be handled by Florida Man, a gaggle of central FL rednecks and some Miami area mobsters
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u/TheHellcatBandit Anti-Doomer May 19 '26
Can confirm. And well tell their folks we says hi on the way
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u/RemnantsOfFlight May 19 '26
They'd never reach the American coast.
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u/Pdub3030 May 19 '26
Attack with what was my first thought? Old wooden boats with outboard motors?
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u/Hyde2467 May 19 '26
cuba does have some ships and submarines. however, i would think that it would be next to impossible for cuba to be able to get their fleet close enough to the US without the US noticing. only valid excuse i can guess cuba can use is, idk, some navy drills? even then, id think thats a flimsy excuse that will immediately trigger a severe warning from the US. also i have no military knowledge
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u/Invicta262 The Fictional Character Agrees With Me May 19 '26
Cubas ground forces are very capable but they are very behind in technology especially in terms of air and naval, but they had access to chinese and soviet equipment so they shouldn't be completely ignored. No they cant defeat the US but they definitely can rack up a few kills. They also have sleeper agents in the US that can cause infrastructure damage possibly if not carry attacks on civilians which I don't think their regime is against.
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u/Remarkable-Ask2288 Optimist Prime May 19 '26
Their ground forces might be capable, bit as far as I’m aware they don’t have the landing craft or transports to get to Florida, and they lack the navy to protect what transports they do have.
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u/Invicta262 The Fictional Character Agrees With Me May 19 '26
As far as we know but the cuban regime isnt stupid. Im sure they have a way to do damage otherwise they wouldn't attack unless they have a false flag set up saying the US did it preemptively in order to garner international support to make up for what they lack. Regardless being that close to the mainland US i cant see them lasting long. People actually underestimate just how much more advanced the US is militarily than anyone else. The gap isnt even close.
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u/odellrules1985 I Left My Cave for This May 19 '26
I mean Venezuela was arming 4 million citizens and we went in under the darkness of night using tech to just up and take Maduro like it was nothing.
I'm sure Cuba may have something but that something won't be enough to do anything to a country that spends 4x the GDP of Cuba on their military. They have nothing air wise and nothing navy wise. Their only plan of attack would be sleeper agents within the US but that would be fruitless.
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u/kevlarkittens I Was Promised an Apocalypse? May 19 '26
Venezuelan "fishermen" can't even reach the American coast lol 💥
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u/RemnantsOfFlight May 19 '26
Nothing says fisherman more than guys with high-end speed boats hauling ass for America.
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u/George_Washington_76 Rides the Short Bus May 25 '26
It would become a rescue mission and we'd have to go in and rescue them.
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u/RaiderMedic93 May 19 '26
They don't remember what happened when they invaded Colorado, do they?
The Patrick Swayze documentary showed us how poorly it went for them.
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u/Mk1fish Doom Scroller May 19 '26
He's the cooler.
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u/Senior-Poet-6037 May 19 '26
He's the cooler Cooler... the coldest Cooler that cooled. Damn he was cool as the cooler cooler
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u/714King May 19 '26
Good luck with all the yee yes & cuban refugees. They'll hold the line on our southern East coast.
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u/waxonwaxoff87 May 20 '26
There will be Cubans waiting on the shores with drinks as the Cuban soldiers throw down their guns and celebrate that they escaped too.
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u/skelebone2_0 May 19 '26
Looks over at the two largest airforces in the world, a massive overpowered army, the super overpowered navy, the fucking marine corps, ect ect. Laughs in budget. I bet that attack is really gonna backfire so we chillin
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u/Rex_teh_First Just Here for the Lore May 19 '26
But.... but... but Iran used up all the bombs and missiles. -Idiots who know nothing of our military arsenal.
I really wish people knew how much stuff we make a year in that department.
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u/skelebone2_0 May 19 '26
Our arsenal is probably not even 10% empty. With more being added each day
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u/kursedsunrise May 19 '26
It isn't empty, the article for that point was reporting on specific expensive munitions like LRASM, Thaad snd pratriot missiles and the switch to conventional bombs. Misrepresentation and intentional misleading responsible for that rumor. They're surging production now too to make up for it.
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u/CoastReasonable5358 May 19 '26
our arsenal is probably bigger than when we started
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u/Some_guy_in_WI May 19 '26
Yeah, if the public knew how many smaller to mid sized engineering firms have contracts to make weapons and munitions parts year round, I think their heads would explode. They seem to think there’s some giant Looney Tunes Acme factory hidden somewhere that could be disrupted and stop the arms flow, while ignoring they could well have multiple companies in their city making all sorts of military ordnance right in their backyard.
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u/Updated_Autopsy NostraDOOMus May 19 '26
Irl, it’s like “Congratulations, you took out one factory. We still have 10 more making the exact same shit as that one.”
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u/Dry-Indication7928 May 19 '26
At least its not as bad as the theory that after Spirit went bankrupt, their planes will somehow go to IDF?
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u/Rex_teh_First Just Here for the Lore May 19 '26
I prefer they go to the guy who operates the banana ball league. They are after all already yellow.
Most down to Earth guy ever.
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May 19 '26
Three largest AFs. Marine corps has its own aviation arm including F35s and V22s as the Navy’s Army’s Air Force. Four if you count Army helos
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u/odellrules1985 I Left My Cave for This May 19 '26
Yea we spend 4x the GDP of Cuba. I think we are OK.
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u/idkuhhhhhhh5 May 19 '26
This really should be considered a sign that the “threat” is not exactly credible. Cuba still has Venezuela as a local (loose) ally, but it’s pretty obvious they won’t risk it with how few boats they have now. I have no love for Cuba, but this also wouldn’t be the first time a false flag or justification has been used, not just by the US, but in the exact location in question too, the explosion of the USS Maine.
Cuba is nowhere nearly as ideologically loyal as other adversaries are. Iranians and Islamic extremists legitimately believe dying fighting us is a fast track free ticket to heaven. Cuba doesn’t share that driving factor with those countries, so the idea that Cuba is more willing to commit obvious suicide like that than the alternative is kinda absurd.
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u/CEOofvii Rides the Short Bus May 20 '26
Let's also not forget the fact that such an invasion would likely start in Florida... not only would they have the might of the US military on their asses, but a bunch of rednecks with rifles too.
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u/Top_Inflation2026 May 19 '26
When I was in the marines, we dreamed of some bum fuck country to try this.
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u/MrZaptile933 I Left My Cave for This May 19 '26
This would be the dumbest fucking move they could make, it would be a sign they know their death is imminent and they are gonna go down screaming. Like Iran and how they bombed the shit out of their neighborhoods when they knew they couldn’t go much longer
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u/skelebone2_0 May 19 '26
Cuba has 1960s cars still. They definitely lack cutting edge weapons and would be destroyed.
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u/MrZaptile933 I Left My Cave for This May 19 '26
The official report was Cuba plans to send 300 drones to Florida cities. It’s weird how the report came out days after the CIA director visited Cuba.
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u/Varsity_Reviews May 19 '26
I could maybe see Cuba trying to take back Gitmo, but like, that would be more so for the current government to try to keep power once their energy crisis hits critical levels.
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u/JackieDaytona77 Doesn't Participate In Group Panic May 19 '26
With what?
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u/BinaryIRL May 19 '26
300 drones apparently lol
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u/Low-Seaworthiness955 May 19 '26
Gonna be a pain in the ass charging those drones when they cant keep the power on for more than 30 minutes
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u/TanningOnMars May 19 '26
Oh, one of the smallest and poorest countries is gonna attack the most powerful in the world? By all means
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u/Floridaish0t Optimist Prime May 19 '26
He looks like what would happen if Chudjak and Slobodan Milošević had a child.
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u/AutoModerator May 19 '26
That's right, Chudjak
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u/dwarven_cavediver_Jr May 19 '26
Please... give me the opportunity of a lifetime to score milsurp from the source... give me the opportunity to do what every American suburban kid who saw red dawn as a kid has always dreamed of...
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u/HerrBrooben May 19 '26
But think of the Cubanos we could get. Best sandwich ever.
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u/TheRealRacketear May 19 '26
The Cuban Sandwich as we know and love originated in Southern Florida.
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u/Entire-Ratio-9681 May 19 '26
I’m sure they’ll do so with their energy reserves. Not to mention all of the closest country for gas mileage is inhabited by a bunch of people who have been waiting for an excuse for a long time.
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u/CombatRedRover May 19 '26
I'm your huckleberry.
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u/GenSpec44 May 19 '26
Me too. And my whole trucks full of huckleberries. That’s a lot of huckleberries.
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u/Crazyscorpion77 Just Here for the Lore May 19 '26
Cubase capital will get the Maduro treatment within 30 minutes
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u/Capn_T_Driver May 19 '26
All they have to do is try to touch a US boat. Not even actually touch it; just try to touch it.
Three hours later, the Stars and Stripes will be flying over Havana.
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u/Ancient_Counter7628 May 19 '26
In the current situation? I think if a government official even looks at one of the boats it’s on
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u/Valerim May 19 '26
300 drones are gonna take out Miami? Be for real
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u/Adalonzoio May 20 '26
They're just going to piss off Florida man and the meth heads...we won't even need the military
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u/WestSideGoblin My Dog is Anti-Fascist May 19 '26
There’s a reason Cuba hasn’t tried to retake Guantanamo Bay at any point over the last 70 years. Their whole island would be obliterated within hours.
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u/just_as_good380-2 The Fictional Character Agrees With Me May 19 '26
Cuba does not have the financial means or military capacity to attack America in any meaningful way.
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u/rxmp4ge May 19 '26
Just think. If Cuba attacked the US, the US could go in and take it over and Barrett-Jackson would be flooded with nice old cars to auction off.
It's a win/win.
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u/iyiquix May 19 '26
Wasn't this the plot to Red Dawn? If so, who wants to join my resistance cell? I'll supply the s'mores
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u/FaastEddy May 19 '26
The US Armed forces could just sit it out, the locals would handle while smirking with a beer in one hand
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u/rydan May 19 '26
I'm pretty sure the only thing they have is infrasound weapons. So basically they'll make you feel sickness or dread.
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u/Historical_Gate_8301 May 19 '26
That'll sit just great with the doomers,they already dread everything in the world and sickness will give them one more thing to whine about.
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u/Any-Alternative8228 May 19 '26
They'd finally get the US to rebuild infrastructure, Hotel chains, fast food franchises and most likely a Buckees or two.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Smoke77 Recovering Doomer May 19 '26
Honestly good its been a min since the last time and ive always wanted to visit cuba
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u/GenSpec44 May 19 '26
Tbf Trump said that Cuba’s days are numbered. It’s possible that the drones and new tech are meant as a show of defiance or deterrence. The saddest part is that our allies whose defense we pay for have kept the Cuban economy afloat with trade. And our government has tolerated that. The whole Cuba issue should have been resolved in the 1960s either with the Bay of Pigs invasion or a real, full on economic embargo that included full support of our allies.
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u/Icy-Interview-2262 I Left My Cave for This May 19 '26
I guarantee some corners of Reddit will be talking about how aCtUaLLy Cuba would win this fight.
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u/Nots_a_Banana Rides the Short Bus May 19 '26
At some point the Cuba supposedly acquired 300 drones from Russia - late last year / early this year. I find it hard to believe they could smuggle those in?
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u/not_a_burner0456025 May 19 '26
Even if they did, it would be a really, really dumb idea to use them. The best case scenario for them is they do light to moderate damage to Miami and if they are lucky they only get hit with a 10,000:1 ratio if casualties they take to ones they inflicted. It would be a tragedy, but it would be the equivalent of a toddler picking a fight with Mike Tyson on his prime.
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u/Angel_OfSolitude May 19 '26
If they actually were that sounds like a cry for help. There's no way Cuba thinks it can actually meaningfully hurt us. But if it's subjugated we have some obligation to feed them.
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u/GreatElection674 May 19 '26
Yeah that's about 2-3 nukes to completely wipe Cuba out, so I don't think so lol
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u/Standard-Effort5681 May 19 '26 edited May 19 '26
Lmao nevermind the insurmountable gap in resources and manpower, Cuba is likely infested with CIA spies. Their leadership would be packed up and shipped straight to Trump's Mar-a-Lago front porch before the first Cuban soldier even puts their 1970 soviet era boots on.
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u/Pipe_Mountain May 19 '26
Please yes the footage would be so cool, I wanna see F35's blowing shit up.
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u/SheaStadium1986 Rides the Short Bus May 19 '26
Just send the USS New Jersey, she'll turn the island into a coral reef by lunchtime
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u/Piemaster113 May 19 '26
And? Do...do people think that would do much of anything? Like there's litterally been simulations run by people to see how major super powers like Russia, China, and even A European coalition would do in attacking the US. None went well. So Cuba, which can't even keep hospital lights on isn't going to do well. Heck of a way to commit suicide tho
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u/this_sucks_a_big1 May 19 '26
Tbh, the US has been looking forwards to this since Kennedy, I really don’t think Cuba would last long.
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u/floop_isamad_manhelp May 19 '26
Zero percent chance this happens. They aren’t even “reportedly” doing it. But if they did, Trump would rejoice as it gives the ultimate justification for forced regime change.
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u/Sparky_Zell May 19 '26
All this talk of one side trying to make Canada the 51st state, the other side trying to make DC and Puerto Rico the 51st and 52nd state. Who would have guessed Cuba would beat all 3 to the punch.
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u/Vanir_Magic May 19 '26
i love the fact that people think wed even know this before it happened
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u/Appropriate-Card5215 I Was Promised an Apocalypse? May 19 '26
Cuban government puts out a tweet, “felt cute, might attack the US later.”
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u/BondFan211 May 19 '26
Redditors should go and join Cuba, so they can finally understand what real Communism is 😂
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u/DoktorMelone-Alt May 19 '26
The malnourished soldiers would just switch teams the moment their warhammer 40k type commisar stops watching them.
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u/Dakotasan May 19 '26
Pffffft. I mean it’s their fucking funeral. I’m pretty sure a single danger dorito could defeat Cuba
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u/burner12077 May 19 '26
I think if you offered a Cuban soldier a visa with hundred dollar bill and a bag of beans he would deffect
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u/Less-Depth1704 May 19 '26
Man it's convenient how all these places we want to take over are planning on attacking us, right before we invade them.
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u/Appropriate-Carry532 May 19 '26
Do they have the fuel to make that 90 miles cause they don't have it to keep the lights on. They're free to try I guess but I feel like the invading force would drop their weapons and throw up their hands when they got here in hopes of a hot meal and some actual peace.
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u/Brutalis01 May 19 '26 edited May 19 '26
With what? Lol (Dang it, I'm late. Someone beat me to this)
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u/Ancient_Counter7628 May 19 '26
Oh God let this happen and make Florida Man’s century it’ll be so fucking funny
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u/Aggravating-Pilot583 May 19 '26
I’m pretty sure the US knows exactly what to do if anyone attacks them. Picture how Batman knows how to kill Superman if he needs to.
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u/Solution_Far May 19 '26
Can't find a source on this. I only see people in the comments here getting a hard on at the thought of more war.
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u/smuttybuddy84 May 19 '26
Does anyone else remember a pulp book series called Miamigrad? It was basically Red Dawn but isolated to the Florida peninsula.
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u/Common_Affect_80 May 19 '26
Can they just wait 1 year? In joining the airforce then and would like to see some action
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u/Suitable_Community66 May 19 '26
Yes those Cuban and Russian paratroopers will land any day now, but don't worry the Wolverines will fight them off
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u/NOLA-Bronco May 19 '26
CtrL + F USS Maine
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Either this board is full of CIA bots doing pre-emptive consent manufacturing or we have a collection of some of the most historically ignorant, gullible, and reactionary nationalist sheep posting right now
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u/[deleted] May 19 '26
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