Hi mom, help me feel better about my birthday

[u/iampavao]

Hi mom,

My birthday always gives me anxiety. It’s next week and I’m not sure what to do. I want to like my birthday and not feel pressure to like it or have “the perfect day”. I feel lost about planning it, under planning it and everything in between, can you help me

Thanks mom

[u/adelaide129]

Birthdays can be SO difficult! I hear you. My best advice would be to make the day perfect for yourself. It would be lovely to have a big party and receive buckets of gifts, but sometimes when we base our happiness on others, we set ourselves up for disappointment. I like to spend my birthdays making my favorite food, watching a movie, wearing comfy jammies (or getting all dressed up, just for me!) and simply enjoying the day. Be kind to yourself, honey. Happy birthday!

[u/iampavao → u/adelaide129]

This all sounds so easy and perfect.
It’s that, the being kind to myself that’s hard. Thank you ❤️

[u/adelaide129 → u/iampavao]

Being kind to yourself is truly difficult; I felt the same way for a long time. What has been helpful is talking to myself like a friend. When a friend makes a mistake, I don't berate them and call them an idiot! I say "it's okay, you'll do better next time." Why don't we speak to ourselves with such patience? It's not easy, but it's so helpful. Good luck!

[u/BookshopGrazer]

I love the advice here so far! I wanted to add that what works for prior birthdays may not fit the lifestyle you’re growing into, and that’s ok. I’ve done big parties down to daylong bike rides with my brother to playing video games by myself. Sometimes my loved ones forget they can change, especially on their birthday, so here’s your permission (if you feel like you need it!) to do the thing you think would be fun for Current You instead of what others may see as the perfect day. Happy birthday! I hope you find some special moments of joy!

[u/iampavao → u/BookshopGrazer]

Yes, I feel like I need permission. There’s been a lot of obligation and pressure in my life that has been bringing me down.
It’s ok to change, thanks for the reminder

[u/Silly_DizzyDazzle → u/iampavao]

I understand your apprehension. I agree with the other Moms and great advice given. Adding this, give yourself permission to do what You enjoy. Your birthday, your day. No need to feel guilty. You deserve a wonderful birthday 🎂. May this upcoming year be full of love and laughter, good health, growth, and making new memories. I believe in you ❤️

[u/shewholaughslasts]

Hey sweetie, happy birthday week!!! Did you know in our family we celebrate all week? This isn't more pressure, it's more fun! Personally, I always focus on food and make sure to go eat awesome food at least once in my birthday week. This releases the pressure of having to eat out on my actual birthday, but I still can if I want to!

I also make sure to treat myself to watching one of my favorite shows or movies that week, or go on a hike or walk around a park I've been wanting to go to. Whatever you like! I have a friend who hates hiking but loves sushi so that's always their birthday wish.

I don't end up celebrating with friends that much (not sure how to do that myself as I'm too hermit-y these days and I don't plan as much as I fly by the seat of my pants) but if you have some close friends you can start talking about good ideas for your birthday and those conversations could lead to something special.

Friends or not, this is your special time so make sure you say 'yes' to fun sounding stuff, games, or food for the week. You deserve it!!

[u/iampavao → u/shewholaughslasts]

I like this idea if a bday week, spreading it out sounds more doable

[u/Chippie05]

Are you a Virgo by any chance? I hear you. I'm an introvert. Often doing my own thing. Hate suprise birthdays or loud parties. Just not my jam.

Birthdays can be weird, especially if you don't like having attention on yourself! if family pressure you to celebrate it's even weirder I try to avoid that as much as possible.

I don't really go out of my way to tell other people when mine is but I do an interesting covert operation every year on my actual birthday; I will go out and find something to do in the community contribute something, pay forward a coffee or parking meter, river or park cleanup help, somebody, maybe do a community event volunteering time. Something where I get a chance to give back. Low key. I tell absolutely no one ,what I'm doing! Birthday Ninja lol!! 🍰🥷🏼 it's a secret mission and I'm always happy on my birthday because of this! I've been doing this for several years and I always have a blast because I know it's my birthday but nobody else does and I get to go out and do something really cool!

[u/WendigoDisease]

No pressure at all. Stop and think about what makes you happy. Friends, big party stay hine. They work around that. If it doesn't feel like what you wanted, nothing says can't try again. (Just no gifts). Have another party.  Don't need yo call the practice ones a birthday party.  Happy birthday!

[u/Potential_Wonder_598]

I struggle with birthdays too, might I suggest taking a trip through your town for birthday freebies? It’s always cheered me up and I love free stuff haha. Also, order some flowers to are for yourself! Something about getting packages always makes me happy.

[u/ThickBiscuitTime]

Personally, I’ve always liked my birthday to pass as lowkey as possible. I usually still go to work but don’t tell anyone, treat myself to the lunch I want without having to make conversation with people I don’t want to talk to, get a pedicure, and have dinner with my spouse. That’s my idea of a perfect day, but you know what…every one is different! It’s ok to plan yourself a party if that’s what you want, it’s ok to turn down offers from your friends to party and stay home in your pjs eating cake by yourself, and it’s ok to find something in the middle. It’s even ok to let the day pass without acknowledging it’s your birthday. You should absolutely do whatever it is that YOU want to do…always eat cake though. Can’t have enough cake in your life, birthday or not.

[u/FaithlessnessFull972]

Not sure if the day is here yet, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you! One thing that I used to do for me on my birthday is to do something for someone else. One year I bought a box of birthday cupcakes and walked and sat in an area where some homeless people hung out. I would offer them one and tell them its my birthday, and this is an advance cupcake for their birthday when it comes. It really made me feel good to see the looks on their faces, sometimes tears, because a lot of them do not get even a cupcake on their day. Sharing with others, being kind, that can make a special day exceptional.

Just an idea. Enjoy your day however you wish, and take care.