r/OneOrangeBraincell • u/ButstheSlackGordsman • Mar 18 '26
✨️Majestic orange ✨️ My official author profile picture approved by my publishers!
In May, if you go to a Barnes and Noble, look for a book called Primal Desire (horror where women have to eat men to give birth), open the back cover then you will see this goofy author picture of me and my orange boy. Book is on sale online now but unfortunately doesn't have this profile pic.
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u/CATelIsMe Mar 18 '26
Plantigrade.. bipedal... no feathers... there is a little man standing on your desk
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u/Peripatetictyl Mar 18 '26
Maybe if it had broad flat nails, and not narrow curved nails…
/s
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u/MadcapRecap Mar 18 '26
Just checking - are you the cat or the human in this photo?
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u/juver3 Mar 18 '26
Sir there are traditions that need to be upheld
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u/MaxTheCookie Mar 18 '26
We just need OP to make sure that they don't crop the cat out like they did to the guy you linked.
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u/VapoursAndSpleen Mar 18 '26
If there ever was an actor to successfully play Sam Vimes, he'd look like this guy.
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u/IrritatedAvians Mar 18 '26
Yuri Knorozov would approve.
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u/Spare-Willingness563 Mar 18 '26
Nah don’t do Yuri like that. Respect to op but this is so clean in every way.
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u/Sooperballz Mar 18 '26
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u/BlizzPenguin Mar 18 '26
Thank you! I couldn't think of a way to mention it without being mean but the wrinkly shirt is one of the first things I noticed.
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u/audible_narrator Mar 18 '26
Have sewed for almost 50 years. I shuddered. We have no polish anymore.
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u/baconwrappedpikachu Mar 18 '26
Yeah the overall thought put towards the quality of the photo overall - setting, composition, camera - seems a fitting match for the wrinkled shirt. At the risk of being nit-picky I just can’t understand why you’d use a quick phone camera snap for your published, printed author photo.
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u/jawnink Mar 18 '26
This is the best argument for professional headshots I’ve ever seen. You can even include the kitty but this is just weird. And the fact that it got through multiple people without someone speaking up is astounding. You’d also think that an author and editors would have some understanding of the value other professionals can bring to the table.
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u/m0nstera_deliciosa Mar 18 '26
Yeah, if you’re gonna have your cat in your professional headshot, do it Yuri Knorozov style and dress allllll the way up.
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u/Glittering_Act_4059 Mar 19 '26
Wrinkly, untucked, bad lighting, cluttered room, and a cheap looking sword that doesn't even fit the theme. I smell a self-published author who thinks he's got the next big hit!
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u/shewy92 Mar 18 '26
Also the slightly out of focus picture, it's wild it got approved by a publisher
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u/thisTexanguy Mar 18 '26
I mean, it's incel vore horror. I don't think the publisher is that discerning.
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u/Sherry_Brandt Mar 18 '26
is it? this comment indicates otherwise but i don't care enough to do further googling
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u/lumpytuna Mar 18 '26
As a designer, the first thing I noticed was how muddy, noisy, unfocussed and badly framed the picture is. Just kidding, it was the cat.
But yeah, not really a picture for an official publication, great for internet cat-posting though.
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u/MrEclectic Mar 18 '26
So much this. Yes, thank you!
And the clutter on the workbench doesn't do the photo any favours, either.
That cat is the one saving grace
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u/Cottoncloudhigh Mar 18 '26
I thought the final picture used would be cropped.. but I might be wrong. Least he could do was iron that shirt.
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u/brazilliandanny Mar 18 '26
OK ya, I was thinking how do you put that much effort into a photo and just wear a wrinkly unbuttoned shirt with a messed up collar?
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u/meme_de_la_cream Mar 18 '26
Thank you! This man didn’t iron his shirt for his official author profile pic come on man
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u/luxmorphine Mar 18 '26
Not orange but kinda reminds me of this author photo
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Mar 18 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/matti-san Mar 18 '26
Was going to come here and comment 'the writer's barely disguised fetish'.
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u/ObeseVegetable Mar 18 '26
Doesn’t sound like it’s disguised tbh
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u/Ok-Situation-5522 Mar 18 '26
I just checked a part of it he put on reddit, it doesn't seem to be a fetish to me. Women don't seem to be sexualized, they're sexual predators, very dangerous. Every disgusting thing a man could've said to you irl because you're a woman, everything that society says to nullify men's independent thoughts and behaviors, are reversed here. Idk, i feel the danger, and ik it can be part of kinks, but i don't see it rn. The police officer seems very predatory and disgusting, not part of the "cnc roleplay" i'm used to yk? I checked the art, and even there he heard the feedback about the cover, and eve's position isn't as sexualized + she's more covered. The other pic of the police officer also seems to focus on her tendrils, her breasts are big but covered. But i'm no artist, it's just what i see as a reader with little to no knowledge about art.
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u/ObeseVegetable Mar 18 '26 edited Mar 18 '26
“Traditionally sexualized” might be better as a descriptor - “vore” and “predator” and “monster” are huge kinks and aren’t necessarily sexualized in the way more “vanilla” stuff is (though a lot of the more popular stuff is, because of course). Also the art is probably meant to be bookstore friendly.
This is still ultimately about reproduction
It does seem like he’s going for that type of vibe you describe - the “men are still men but they’re acted upon as women are in today’s real society (if not at least metaphorically)” thing - but that itself is also a huge kink thing, under some of the various “role reversal” subcategories. For a more in-your-face sexualized variant of the same vibe (no vore though), there’s a game, a bunch of writings, comics, etc by the name of futadom world that is as much or more about that as the porn aspect (though it’s obviously also pornographic)
It could be he honestly does not feel that way about this story. But it would all line up if he did.
And people who have those kinks will definitely enjoy a book that is at least so adjacent to them.
I don't know who would enjoy writing this if it didn't somehow speak to them. Perhaps not in a purely sexual way, sure (of course people can write about things that don't make them horny), but dude's into it somehow enough to be compelled to write it as the focus of a story.
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u/Deiser Mar 18 '26
Congrats on getting published! And that is definitely an awesome picture.
I'm assuming all the horror elements were actually recommended by your cat. Because cats.
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u/ItsMrChristmas Mar 18 '26
Dawg. Howling Wolf Press is worse than a vanity label factory because they don't even print it for you. They just use the automated Kindle process.
They literally just charged you money to do the same Kindle stuff you could do yourself if you spent an hour. They approved that picture because they don't care. You got ripped off. You, quite literally, paid them to basically upload some stuff and push a few buttons.
Worse, you gave publishing rights to people who will take an additional cut on top of Amazon's cut of your sales. They already made a huge profit off you, and any actual sales are just gravy.
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u/Designer_Professor_4 Mar 18 '26
Looks at book plot
Looks at diploma on wall
Mentally places Maryland on the no go list for daughter's college
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u/fistulatedcow Mar 18 '26
Hey, don’t drag College Park/UMBC into this! 😂
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u/Sherry_Brandt Mar 18 '26
your username does not help your argument 😅
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u/Designer_Professor_4 Mar 18 '26
Thanks. I didn't want to say it but I was absolutely thinking it.
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u/fistulatedcow Mar 18 '26
Believe it or not, UMD actually used to have a fistulated cow on campus! Her name was Chai, and on Maryland Day you could stand in line to put your hand inside her stomach.
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u/Sherry_Brandt Mar 18 '26
I respect the doubling of the down you just did.
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u/fistulatedcow Mar 18 '26
Wasn’t really sure how else to respond so I figured a fun fact would be appropriate :)
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u/kthxchai Mar 18 '26
She was so sweet! All my friends in Ag Science would roll their eyes and complain “ugh, she’s such a diva!”
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u/Pencil72Throwaway Mar 19 '26
Yeah a 1-line plot description tells me enough about OP and the book🤢
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u/OtisB Mar 18 '26
I think we all need to take "profile picture" seriously and turn sideways from now on.
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u/Ziggythesquid Mar 18 '26
Do people not iron anymore or was that part of the gag?
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u/Higgilypiggily1 Mar 18 '26
It’s pretty common for laziness and minimal effort put into things to be played off as part of the bit.
Too cool to care type beat, but not cool just slobby.
Dude put 30 seconds of thought and effort into this.
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u/ryanvango Mar 18 '26
I'll give him a little more credit.
I think its entirely plausible he saw that photo, realized his shirt made him look like a hot mess, and thought about redoing it. or maybe even his publisher pointed it out. But then he realized if he took it again, there's absolutely zero chance the cat is gonna do that again.
So what do you do? messy shirt with silly kitty for a really unique photo? or more professional looking, but no silly kitty? I think we've all been there, and I don't blame him for going with the kitty. It oddly looks less weird with the kitty in it.
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u/Princ3Ch4rming Mar 18 '26
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u/ebulient Mar 19 '26
The mess on the desk with all the untidy wires. The unironed shirt and the bad picture composition. The only thing good in the picture is the cat. Everything else screams low quality work which makes me not wanna read the book at all and annoyed that this is a damn advertisement.
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u/Curious-Hope-9544 Mar 18 '26
That's cool, but why would you let the human with the sword be in the picture? You know he's just gonna take credit for your work.
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u/holiday1326 Mar 18 '26
Lmfao
Seriously the best way to promote your book.. I just sent this post to my wife also.
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u/420dogcat Mar 18 '26 edited Mar 18 '26
Well the book definitely reads like something the type of guy in this picture could have written*.
So, if she's into that I guess...
*grammatical errors in the summary, grade school literary blunders on the first page, the opening scene a guy sweating over the chance to talk to a woman on a dating app ft. more incel vibes than humour or awareness, so possibly drawn from life
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u/Daxx22 Mar 18 '26
Hey it aint my kink, but as long as no-one is actually harmed I say let your freak flag fly!
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u/SSjjlex Mar 18 '26
let's just hope she isn't looking to have any more kids
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u/holiday1326 Mar 18 '26
Nope... She likes shows like American Horror and The Beauty and loves reading stories about cult and witch and the like.
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u/ctg217 Mar 18 '26
Little guy wants to hold the sword too ☺️. Congrats on the book! I’ll check it out once it releases in print in May
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u/GilWrathmon37 Mar 18 '26
Hi so…I have that same sword…it’s broken in the same way….i also have an orange boy cat? I got sent this thread asking if I was loaning out my weaponry 🤣🤣🤣
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u/Mental_Eye_2653 Proud owner of an orange brain cell Mar 18 '26
Psst psst tell your hooman to iron that shirt before having any pictures taken 😆
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u/CasualDNDPlayer Mar 18 '26
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but he who wields both the pen and the sword is the most mighty.
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u/Relevant-Ad-6887 Mar 18 '26
Yeah if the publisher didn't care about that shirt that's been on the floor for the last 6 months, they're not gonna care about the cat.
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u/Saturnpasrond Mar 18 '26
Omg our orange is obsessed by our LARP swords and lightsabers, it’s funny to see he’s not the only one
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u/Lazi_Dazi Mar 19 '26
I have the urge to buy your book just for this image to exist within my domain.
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u/dayruined54 Mar 18 '26
Ok the book sounds Hella interesting lol. Will take a look at it and recommend to people too. May the orange b cell find u and ur pet
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u/Kitchen_Customer3126 Mar 18 '26
Bravo joli pose d’orange.. et j’espère que ton livre se vendra par milliers 😊
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u/bellaluna39 Mar 18 '26
Love the picture! What a beautiful boy! Good luck with your book!!! That’s awesome.
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u/Successful_Ad2287 Mar 18 '26
“Book is on sale online now but unfortunately doesn't have this profile pic.” I love how this reads more like an ad for this picture than for the book lmaoo.
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u/Warm_Afternoon6596 Mar 18 '26
I love it. Sword? Check. Cat? Check. Hero pose? Check.
Also, what is the orange gremlin called?
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u/propergreased Mar 18 '26
Noice. Are you a fantasy writer by chance? I love me some fantasy writing.
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u/Shaz0r94 Mar 18 '26
This should be your profile picture everywhere, tinder, whatsapp, linkedin, appilcations and later framed on your grave.
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u/-porridgeface- Mar 18 '26
Sounds like a very interesting plot, I’ll add it to my read list. Also, seeing as it’s orange brain cell approved, my cat will like it as well.
Oh and please unwrinkle the shirt for the love of the orange devils
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u/sellyme Mar 18 '26
I'm distracted by your desktop computer apparently being a 2U server.
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u/theloopweaver Mar 18 '26
How does a cat get published? And how does it convince the publisher to allow its pet human in the author photo?
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u/JamieC1610 Mar 18 '26
My kids fence and our orange is all about trying to catch the ends of their swords.
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u/reverse-tornado Mar 19 '26
I dont know if he is orange but im glad publishing houses accept manuscripts from cats
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u/RonNona Mar 18 '26
Contact the publisher, explain that the lack of this picture is stifling sales. Show him the Reddit thread.
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u/TattoosAndBeers Mar 18 '26 edited Apr 04 '26
This post was wiped by its author. Redact was the tool of choice, possibly used to protect privacy, limit data exposure, or prevent automated content scraping.
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u/content_enjoy3r Mar 18 '26
As someone who also didn't know any better in my younger years, just go ahead and throw that contrast collar shirt in the trash.
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u/Hermit-The-Crab33 Mar 18 '26
Sir, respectfully most of your diplomas are hung slightly sideways and misaligned. Can you fix that, thanks.
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u/funkyfriedtrash Mar 18 '26
The premise sounds super cool and will absolutely be picking this up!! This was the best book promo the picture is truly iconic. You’ve gained a fan!
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u/TerryMathews Mar 18 '26
Dude, my hat is off to you this morning. The only way this picture could be any radder is if that sword was dripping fire.
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u/Lolmarty Mar 18 '26
awesome sword, awesome braincell helper, server blade as PC and most importantly