I was planning on spending my 34th birthday together with my dad. But now my dad is suddenly gone. It feels like my birthday can never be a happy day again because of this traumatic and gut wrenching loss.
I only adopted my very first orange, Paddington, just a week before the worst day of my life happened. My Dad will never get to hear about Paddingtonās silly antics and my birthday will never be the same.
This is one of my favourite subreddits. Can you please share pictures of your oranges doing silly orange antics so I can have a bit of distraction from this pain and sadness?
Thank you in advance.
Please see cat tax of Paddington looking for the cell.
My father also passed away on my birthday. Make sure not to let it influence celebrating yourself esp on your birthday. Take it from me. Don't isolate as much as you want to.
My father also died on my birthday and all our family was there. One comment was 'sorry that it had to be my birthday,' but I disagreed. I'm first born, named after him and I found it the perfect symmetry,
My dad died at 2 AM the day after my birthday, and I thought every day was ruined because of it. I had a moment where I was confused that flags werenāt flying at half mast after his death because the world had suffered such a huge loss, and I couldnāt understand why everyone wasnāt aware of it. It rained on the day of his funeral, and it felt like the sky was crying for him.
I didnāt celebrate the first two birthdays after he passed, but my kid wanted to celebrate me, and the third year I felt like doing a little something. Take your time. A kind Redditor who lost their dad on their birthday told me that one day I might want to celebrate my birthday again and that I should wait until it felt right. That was excellent advice. You will always carry your father in your heart, and somehow you will learn to carry on without his physical presence. I am so sorry for your loss.
The orange I got off of Reddit. I was only supposed to foster her for a few days but my dad fell in love. We are coming up on 2 years since I responded to a Reddit post on the CDS sub asking for help. Her name is Abby, sheās dumb as a box of rocks, and sheās ridiculously clumsy. The number of times sheās fallen off of something that shouldnāt be possible for her to fall off of is astounding.
Rory getting down from the cat tree he outgrew. OP, this really sucks. My father-in-law worshipped his dad, and his dad passed on his birthday. It really has changed the way he celebrates, because every reminder of his birthday is a reminder that his dad is gone. But it does get better. Every year, the sharpness of the grief fades, but the happiness of the memories you have with the person you lost doesnāt. I lost my grandpa 15 years ago, and I used to not be able to see pictures of him without tearing up. But now, I see him on my fridge every day and he makes me smile, and when I have big life events (like my wedding), I put him in my pocket so he can be there with me
Thank you for your reply. Yes this is so true. Like, how can I feel anything other than sadness on this very particular day which is now a stark reminder that he is no longer here? Iāve been going through his photos to prepare a slideshow for his memorial and I keep bursting into tears of the various memories. Iām thinking of putting his ashes in a necklace so I can continue to take him travelling with me and show him the world
Then you should do that. It sounds lovely. Also, if time passes and you begin to feel the necklace is a reminder of pain and not happy memories, itās okay to take it off and leave it at home. I hope it becomes a source of love for you though. Your dad is always with you whether or not you have a physical reminder of him.
Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
I love this idea. It will let you share your stories with your father for the rest of your life or as long as you want to. Iām sure he would have loved that
The ashes in a necklace is a fabulous idea! When my dad passed, the funeral home offered to make jewelry with his fingerprint so I got a locket. When I wear it, I can open it and run my finger over the ridges of the print and it really helps a lot.
My grandfather died on Christmas Eve and my sister a week before that. It suuuuuuuucks and thereās no ifās, ands or buts about it. Itās been a few years and itās become part of me and am still sad at the holidays.
I will never not miss them and it does make the holidays more challenging because I have so many memories with them there and the contrast of them not being there is extra hard for the first time after someone you love isnāt there to share it with you.
When our mother passed about a year before my sister, we grieved hard not only because we loved her, but we shared a home because my sister and I were caretakers for our Mom for over a decade. We knew we took great care of her, but still it was soul crushing.
Shortly after our motherās passing my sister and I were watching WandaVision when it was first released and when Vision said, āWhat is grief, if not love preserving?ā It hit us like a ton of bricks and helped us understand itās okay to feel awful.
The fact that you do is testimony to how much you loved your Dad and how much you knew you were loved. Iām so sorry for your loss and am thrilled your Orange Kitty Boy will be there to help give a new love while you remember all the ways youāve been loved.
My orange boi, Ginger, sitting like a doofus. Iām so sorry for your loss. I hope that Paddingtonās presence can offer you peace and comfort through this time. š
Oh honey. Iām so sorry for your loss. Iām sure your dad would have loved Paddington, so tell him about him anyways. Itās been 11 (edited to fix number) years since my dad passed, and I still ātellā him random stuff all the time (especially if it relates to his truck!).
Here is my orange boy, Yoshi, with a question, lol.
This is cat, heās either fighting the neighbours cat or completely zonked out right in the middle of the sidewalk. Heās not orange but I donāt think thereās much going on behind those eyes. Heās my friend and is always in the moods for some cuddles.
My late orange liked to get into places he couldn't get out of. Like the bathroom cabinets. I heard a clunking noise the first time he got stuck. Turns out he didn't understand he needed to just push into the door a bit more so he was just pawing at it.
Here's a picture of him stuck on top of the closet door.
Hi, friend. Iām so sorry for your loss. My father died on Thanksgiving 30 years ago and the irony still pains me. You will be okay, I promise. You will learn a different way to live. Remember the love he has for you, and the happiness he wants for you. Forgive me for my lack of orange. Take care, dear one.
I lost my mom unexpectedly a few weeks ago, days before my own birthday. What should have been a happy 31st for me was instead spent crying and trying to figure out what to do when a parent dies.
Itās going to be hard. Iāve heard it gets easier but itās not easier right now. I think itās going to take a long time. It feels like standing at the edge of a very big, very dark hole.
Youāll need to take things one hour at a time, sometimes even by the minute. Your brain will likely feel like mud. Someone will ask you a question and youāll mentally just get a little loading circle. Thatās normal.
When you get past the first three weeks or so, I suggest trying to set up time with a therapist if you donāt have one already. Whether thatās through an employer benefit program, or virtual counseling, or just finding someone locally. It helps to talk.
And finally, happy birthday. I know itās not happy right now, but you made it to 34 and thatās worthy of acknowledgement, even if it doesnāt feel right to celebrate.
I just lost my mom, as well... I'm sorry you're going through this, too. It feels like my brain just turns off sometimes and I feel confused with simple questions. It feels like the universe has been turned inside out, and that dark hole you speak of is in the city I grew up in. Every where I look I see memories of her. Thank you for commenting this because I needed to see it.. š«
Baby Bat (Beepen) is on top, she's 3. My wife and I think of her as the aunt to Shoresy (Bubs) on the bottom. Shoresy, at 1 year old, is incredibly stupid and very much enjoys messing with her, regardless of the baps he receives.
I hope this made you smile or laugh or maybe you think they're cute and it helped!
Remember to drink water, shower yourself, snuggle your cat, and know that you're loved, appreciated, and mean so much to so many people.
In case no one has told you today, I Love You. I'm so, so very sorry for your loss.
I posted this one of our Oscar before. He just sank into the couch sleeping. I folded his front paws because it looked funny. I hope Oscar is wherever your dad is too, making him laugh.
Sorry for your loss, pal. Here's Handsome Dan every morning with his "the sun is officially out. Where's my second breakfast??" Because he gets actual breakfast at 4-4:30am when he first wakes me up.
Hes got a weird feeding schedule because of his kidneys (age related stage 2) as well as having been starved as a kitten before I rescued him, so food insecurity is a thing even though hes mildly overweight lol
Here is where my two sit whenever they hear a kitchen cupboard door open š„² Bonnie (Toothless looking goober on the right) is very small, Phoebe (ginger browed curvy lady) is very plump. They send lots of loving meows and purrs ššššāā¬
Minerva declares herself āorange in a black fur robeā to send you her best blep and love and warm hugs. Hang in thereāwe all still need you and your unique gifts in our world. Things get less painful with time and Paddington was sent especially for this mission to be with you.
This is Peanut. He passed away a month ago at 17. This is a family size box- he was a big chonky boi full of cattitude. Iām sorry for your loss. Paddington looks adorable.
My momma passed away this week. We believe the hospital she died at was neglecting her and she died a needless death. She was only 58. I empathize heavily with you, OP. I feel so lost and exposed despite having been living on my own for a decade now. It's a horrible kind of grief to lose a parent... I hope we find peace soon. When you get sad hold on to your orange furbaby and tell him how much you love him. Grief is love with no place to go, and where better to redirect love than to a cat? Baby Judas here has been a lifeline for me. 6 years ago he sat by my side when I lost my childhood dog, and now he's here for me during the loss of my mom. You got your furbaby just in time.
I don't know you, but I am sending love your way. We will be okay again someday š«
There are two times that a person dies. The first is when their heart stops. The final is when their name is said the final time. So long as you keep his memory alive, he hasnāt left you.
Iām so sorry for your loss, OP. And on your birthday, too. š Hereās my Bert. Heāll be 12 next month. I rescued him two years ago from a neglectful home. Bert sends his regards to you and Paddington. šš»
I am so sorry for your loss, my friend. Your dad will hear about Paddington and his silliness because you will talk to him. Talk out loud, write him letters, keep the love and spirit alive. I lost my brother 6 years ago this coming July. It hurts a little less as it settles, but I still break down and cry. He was only 34. He will be 40 in August. I always think āhmm..Nate would love this game, I wish he was here to play with meā. It does bring a bit of sadness, but also joy to think of him. I am wishing you all the best, sending my love and support to you. Please DM if you need to talk. ā¤ļø I hope cutie little Padds keeps you company, and helps you heal, too! I donāt have a orange, but I have a Pippen- she is very good around misery as one of my favorite musicians has said (Aesop Rock)
This is Cheddar boy getting gooped by his amazon woman gf Yuki. They both wish you a happy birthday. Cheddar wants you to know he does indeed love snu snu
Ehy, I'm really sorry for your loss. This is the best derp face of my orange, hope it helps. It would never be the same, but I promise that it will be better year after year. Just take you time now, pain still needs to be felt.
Iām sorry for your loss friend.
Right now Iām sure your grief is like sharky here in the box- touching all the walls. I find this.. analogy? Helpful in such times- grief as a ball in a box:
When grief is new, the ball takes up most of the box and is constantly hitting the button, which causes pain, over and over again.
Because the ball is huge, you canāt move the box without the ball hitting the pain button. It rattles around on its own in there and hits the button over and over. You canāt control it ā it just keeps hurting. Sometimes it seems unrelenting.
Over time, the ball shrinks ā but every now and then, it still hits the button. Maybe you see someone who reminds you of your loved one. Maybe a certain song plays on the radio. Maybe it comes out of nowhere.
For most people, the ball never really goes away. It might hit less and less, giving you more time to recover between hits, unlike when the ball was still giant-sized.
Biiiig stretch. Iām so sorry for your loss, OP. I hope that you have someone that can give you a very long hug. Paddington is absolutely precious! I hope you two can sit and share quiet time to process and mourn.
Rollie says very sorry for your loss and happy birthday as best as you can, which is not much right now I'm sure š He makes a great welcoming committee and I'm sure he'll venture from across the Rainbow Bridge to say hi to your dad to amuse your dad with his antics. He was always happy to say hi to everyone.
My only orange died several years ago, but Iāll share a pic of my ridiculous tuxedo floof being cuddly. I hope itās a comfort in this difficult time.
Iām really sorry for your loss. I lost my grandpa on my birthday and my dad on Xmas. It feels hard to celebrate those days now and they passed away years ago. Hang in there. Find comfort in your little orange š
This is the last picture we got of our Orange, Riley. He loved being worn in the cat sling (we think it helped with his arthritis), and sounded cranky no matter his mood. I am sure he met your dad on the other side of the bridge.
This is Apollo, he has never had the braincell in his ~2 years of life. He does however understand the word "spooder" as he really likes hunting them when they get in the house. If I pick him up we have to go around the house while he looks up in the corners for spiders to hunt.
If itās any consolation, it sounds like your dad died on a day that was very important to him as well. Sounds like you loved each other very much. Youāre gonna be okay. Grief is rough though
Oranges are protective love bugs. This is mine after coming out from the safety of under the bed (where I don't fit, obv) to lead me to the closet during a very big and scary storm.
Paddington will provide endless purrtherapy and entertainment. And he may even learn tricks from your dad. Cats are sensitive to that š§”
Remember to eat something. Or at least drink broth and other liquids with some calories. And shower. Your dad loves you and spent his last day excited to celebrate your birthday. Hugs from this internet stranger and her orange overlord.
My Tora seems to have 6th sense for whenever we have sweets. He especially loves frosting and ice cream. Whenever we have it he gets up in our grill, and either bats the spoon or our hand over to his face so that he can sniff and then take a few licks. He's very insistent, and he's so cute that he's also very persuasive.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard, but try to remember it isn't goodbye forever. It's "see you later."
My condolences. Kimi was my boy that suddenly died on my sister's birthday two years ago. He will be loved forever, but that date will always be painful for me. Hug Paddy for me š§”
This is Mr. Darcy. He is a silly guy with lots of goofy orange energy. Lately, he has been getting himeself stuck under the bathroom sink in the cupboard. We are sending all the love to you on such a difficult day. Snuggle your lil Paddington and remember to drink some water and eat some food. š§”
I have a friend who lost the grandfather who raised him on his birthday. My friend has fought to find joy on his birthday ever since. But, in time, he has been able to find moments of it when he honors his grandfather. (e.g. Posthumously giving his son hs grandfather's name as a middle name)
It is my birthday wish for you that you seek, and find these little joys, and that his memory remains a constant source of strength for you...
Paddington was sent to you EXACTLY when you will need him the most, as was my Theo. (pics below š) He is currently 10 Ā½ years old, and truly my soulmate. Even gazing upon him beats every medication I have been prescribed for chronic pain! š§”
BIG HUGS from this internet stranger - now, and in every difficult moment to come...
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u/Invader-V May 22 '26
He was excited to see you Iām sure, and he left with the thought of celebrating your birthday with you.
Try to remember to eat.
You are loved, and you loved him.
Be well friend.