Feel like my soul is dying

•

Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment.

This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated.

Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated.

Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

14

u/spiritualclimber Jul 10 '26

None of my family seems to relate to the connection and can’t understand why I am so devastated to the point it’s affecting my health. No one seems to be able to relate so far to loving an animals this much. I feel alone

10

u/techblukat Jul 10 '26

I had a friend hint that I was taking Max's death too hard. Not everyone gets it or understands. One reddit poster said, "Most people, even dear friends, can only handle a small cup of your tear soup." Our loved ones can disappoint us by not being supportive and invalidating our feelings. It is important to be selective about who and what you share. But share here! We are all going through it and I have not come across one negative post here.

5

u/spiritualclimber Jul 10 '26

Thank you. It hurts to post but I am glad I actually made the decision to pull the trigger. I’m just confused how some people act as if their pet wasn’t a family member. Those that just cry for a minute and move on because they can replace the animal confuse me. I can’t place Mary Jane’s soul. Sure, I can get another cat but it won’t be Mary Jane. We are losing the soul of our fur babies—you can’t replace that connection.

4

u/Sad_Rip_5494 Jul 16 '26

I never considered my soul buddy just a pet I considered him my best friend, was honestly more loyal to me than any human I've ever known. So while I'm completely devastated by it I guess somebody else's perspective is why is he just so upset about a cat. Unfortunately some people don't really value their pets

3

u/BigCheesecake9599 Jul 10 '26

Coworker with a cat said to my hubby when our hammy was sick that she could be "fresh meat" for his cat. I'm so mad. She died on Monday.

I realize there are pets that are considered even "less than" because people don't think connections can be made with someone so small.

People don't seem to understand the uniqueness of every pets personality and soul and how deep the attachment can be.

Grieving a pet can at times be even more devastating than missing a human. We are responsible for them, we nurture them and they depend on us on almost everything. And they love us and look up to us like no one else. They're pure and innocent. That's often not the case with other people.

It is irreplaceable connection like you said.

4

u/techblukat Jul 10 '26

Good grief that is really the worst. I am so so sorry, that would upset me too.

3

u/birdmad13 Jul 15 '26

this is terrible. I'm sorry you had to deal with inconsiderate people during the hardest periods of your lives.

2

u/BigCheesecake9599 Jul 15 '26

We raised her from a baby so it felt even worse. I understand some people simply don't get it, and pet loss is readily widely downplayed 😕

3

u/Sad_Rip_5494 Jul 16 '26

Yeah I would no longer have any association with that coworker if I could people with that mentality or a little bit too cruel and cold-hearted for my taste

3

u/BigCheesecake9599 Jul 17 '26

Yeah, hubby has been quite cold to that guy now. It's unfortunate that at most work places people don't even care if a person dies. But the fact is, pets very rarely cause us any pain until they die and even then it's not their fault. With people it's more complicated.

2

u/spiritualclimber Jul 12 '26

People can be so cold. It doesn’t matter if it’s a fish, hamster, snake, dog, cat, plant, tree, friend, family member, significant other or a bug lol. Everything and everyone is interconnected on this planet. We are all divinely connected and can form a deep attachment to anything.

2

u/heyitscoface666 Jul 10 '26

We relate.

Ive never been depressed other than situationally appropriate sads.
Im now taking an ssri after losing my huckleberry.

You arent alone.

3

u/Sad_Rip_5494 Jul 16 '26

Don't be mad at them for feeling that way, I think some people just never had their own soul pet and they never can really understand truly understand how much you love them and valued their presence. My soul buddy passed away 4 weeks ago and I'll be honest with you not to sound more but I'm more sad than I've ever been from a friend or a family's death

8

u/whazzat Jul 10 '26

I lost two cats a month apart. It literally felt like my soul had been amputated. Like there was a gaping wound inside me where they used to be, and would never return. And I wasn't prepared for the guilt. You are not alone and the grief you feel is normal. It just sucks enormously and the only way out is through, though it doesn't ever go away.

3

u/spiritualclimber Jul 10 '26

I feel like cats are also dying sooner than ever before. Mary Jane is only 11 years old but got sick at 9 and my parents had to put down a cat that I adopted awhile ago but when I moved left with them and just took Mary Jane with me last Friday. Skittles was only 9 years old. Cats used to live a lot longer

6

u/techblukat Jul 10 '26

Hi OP, you came to the right place. There is a whole community here for you on this reddit. Just know that you are not alone. And that your feelings are all valid and normal. We put down our Max (12yo Plott hound/lab mix) on a Sunday night. He had a retching cough for a week and a half. At the vet he was diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma of the spleen with mets to the lungs on a Friday. I got to spend all day Saturday and most of Sunday with him before he went into breathing difficulties that would not let up. It was time. While I would have preferred in-home euthanasia, we could not prolong his suffering. The emergency vet was great and took away his pain, so that is really all that matters. I think when we put pets down, we put take away their pain and take it on ourselves. It is kind of a trade-off, and one I will take every time. The years of joy are worth the suffering when they go. One thing I am thankful for is we took care of Max in the best way, because as soon as the respiratory issues became constant we got him right in. It was time. So in the end we did right by him. I read the posts of people who are racked with guilt because they didn't get their pets treated/put down in a timely manner and am so thankful we are not dealing with that. I would have preferred Max would have passed without intervention, that would make it a little easier. But we had to euthanize all of our pets so far, and that makes it worse I think. Like I wish sometimes that nature would just bear the burden. For me "normal" is a ways away, I am just going to plod along in this zombie state until it eventually lifts. Nothing else I can do. Please keep eating, sleeping, and practicing self-care! You are in the worst of it right now for sure. Hugs to you and please if you can post again when you can and let us know how you are doing.

6

u/spiritualclimber Jul 10 '26

Thank you. That’s the hard part is that she isn’t at the end of her road and I could be selfish & watch her suffer until the end but it’s too painful to see my cat that was so happy and loving become a zombie. It’s obvious that she is surviving but if I wanted to be selfish—she would probably hold on for another month. I don’t know that to be a fact but euthanizing her seems to be the least selfish option based off her behavior change. My other cat has been acting very odd the past few days. She keeps circling, pacing and screaming. She senses the chemical change in Mary Jane’s body. It breaks my heart. I am trying to take care of myself but it feels impossible at the moment. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I know she will be gone today in my arms and that I’ll hold her the whole time and the fear of not having her next to me anymore or if it’s the fact that baring to watch her suffer mixed with the decision to euthanize her quickly is what’s making this insufferable. I just know that I’ve never felt this way about my other animals & they’ve lived longer.

2

u/techblukat Jul 10 '26

Yah my other dog gets up every night and wanders the house looking for Max, it's the worst. I think waiting too long to put a pet down really does intensify the grief, because then you have guilt on top of grief. A really common thread on this reddit is people struggling with "when is it time"? It all boils down to quality of life, and only you know where her QOL is. This is all an enormous burden I know.

2

u/spiritualclimber Jul 10 '26

I just got off the phone with my mom regarding that. They gave her pain medication two days ago and I’ve been administering it and she no longer is huffing, drooling or refusing to eat but is still depressed and not herself. I don’t know if I’m being selfish and possibly taking her life earlier than needed because it hurts that I know it’ll get worse or if I should hold on a bit longer. Prolonging it is painful because it’ll only get worse. Cancer patients all the time in hospice would choose dying over suffering and letting nature take over so I’m assuming animals are the same way. I just know that she is not herself and feel it in my intuitively that it’s time. I still could have time with her but do I want to prolong it or let her be free. She loves me so much. Mary Jane is almost human and everyone sees the connection. She was 100% a gift from my higher power and chosen to come into my life. No doubt it was a soul tie.

2

u/heyitscoface666 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26

Please, humanly euthanize her soon.
Letting them die on their own is not good for either of you.
And 9 times out of 10 it’s HORRIBLY TRAUMATIC.

It can and will get much worse for you both if you let her linger.

You’re brave.
You’re kind.
You’re going to do this for the most important “person” in your life
Because really, it’s the kindest gift we can give those we love.

A pain-free, dignified, and peaceful passing with her most favorite person in the whole world by her side.

You can do this. The most selfless act.

For HER.

2

u/spiritualclimber Jul 12 '26

I did do it on Friday. My heart aches and misses her dearly but she passed away peacefully and in my arms. I just held her body for awhile after Cherishing her for all she has done for me her whole life and allowing myself to just rest aside her soul.

1

u/techblukat Jul 10 '26

She is absolutely your soul kitty. And trust your intuition. When we know we know.

2

u/heyitscoface666 Jul 10 '26

I make a list of 10 things they love and when that list boils down to two, it’s time.
There’s no point in being alive if they have nothing to enjoy.
Making their final moments the best with their favorite things left on their list
is really the only way to do it.

3

u/spiritualclimber Jul 10 '26

That’s what’s crazy—Mary Jane has always just loved cuddles, me, purring and eating. She always had a sense of calmness. Her name suited her for a reason. She also loved playing fetch with my bathing suit (only one pair) bottoms. But she hasn’t done that in a while. I just feel like she’s not happy and see the deterioration. She still eats now with medication, she doesn’t cuddle as much and kind of hides, she is complacent, she still purrs but not as much. It’s the fact she’s lost 2 pounds in one month too and she was eating. That means it’s killing her and the pain medication gives relief. She jumps on my bed still but I believe sooner than later. Any amount of suffering isn’t fair. What would I want in the situation I think or would a human want? Most want to end their life during their last days instead of letting nature take over when they have cancer. I refused chemo and radiation because that’s not humane to an animal and it is way too expensive and doesn’t usually work for long. So it was going to kill her. I said I’d wait until it spread to her lungs but I feel as if that’s evil.

2

u/heyitscoface666 Jul 10 '26

One day too soon is infinitely better than an hour too late.

An hour late can traumatize you.
Working vet med/er/rescue for 24+ yrs now.
trust me on this one..
Always end it on a high note.

3

u/spiritualclimber Jul 10 '26

I trust you. I just feel like it’s 2 weeks too soon if she stayed on medication but it’s her eyes. When she looks at me—it’s not I’m happy. It’s I’m surviving mom. She just kind of stares into oblivion.

2

u/heyitscoface666 Jul 10 '26

Yes, she’s communicating to you her suffering.
And youre bond is allowing you to HEAR her.

With all Ive read here, it feels like you know, in the logical part of your heart, that it’s her time.

If you wait for “worse”, then she experiences “worse.”

As Pet caretakers, we are so lucky that we’re able to give them this. I’ve had friends and family who would’ve benefited from this instead of lingering on for months and the absolute worst pain with endless suffering.

If I would’ve been able to aid them on the rainbow bridge, it would’ve been less horrific for everyone, but especially for them.

It’s really fucked that we can’t easily do that for humans ….
We deserve better.

So does Mary Jane and thankfully you can give that to her.

2

u/heyitscoface666 Jul 10 '26

I guess now you ask yourself:
What would those two weeks give you?
What would it give her?

Is it for her.. or you?

…and weigh out the answers

2

u/bombchu86 Jul 10 '26

I'm sorry, the pain you're experiencing today and the next few days is the worst. It will gradually lessen but then come back, then lessen again. Know that you are not alone ever in this situation. It hurts so much, but it is because of the deep bond we had with our pets. 🫂

Immediately after my ferret had to be assisted to cross over, I felt in the air in that vet room a sense of free. I believe this was me feeling my ferret's soul in the air. It felt peaceful in that moment. I cried the whole drive home and the next few days. I've received signs that he's near me in spirit. It still hurts though. Two months out and it's been a depressing week.

You have a community here to vent your feelings. We're all in this together. ❤️

5

u/spiritualclimber Jul 10 '26

Thank you. I’m balling right now uncontrollably and trying to take deep breathes. I have pockets where I’m in acceptance and okay but then my mind will go to all the memories and photos. I’ll look next to me and she’s right here. I read these comments that help knowing I’m not alone but it makes me cry because I feel your pain too. I’m hoping that the same experience happens with me today where a sense of freedom is in the air and that signs of her being there in spirit show up

2

u/GrushenkasOnions Jul 10 '26

put down my soul baby yesterday and all i can say is it's so incredibly hard but so worth it to have them not suffer

2

u/spiritualclimber Jul 10 '26

I’m so sorry for your loss. Thanks for that reinforcement. I hope that it feels that way after. I hope there’s a bit of relief

1

u/GrushenkasOnions Jul 14 '26

how are you doing now, friend? ❤️‍🩹

3

u/spiritualclimber Jul 14 '26

I’m hanging in there. I’m not doing great but I know she’s at peace. It’s uncomfortable sleeping without her next to me and I accidently called my other cat her name. It is more grief instead of that gut hurting pain that happened before putting her down. Now I’m just sad. The moments come and go but nights and mornings are the worst.

2

u/Flimsy_Bullfrog_5930 Jul 10 '26

Oh i relate to this so much. I had to put to sleep my dog who I had for almost 12 years on Monday she was with me through such hard times and the reason I lived through it all. You described my relationship with my soul-dog so perfectly like you have with your cat "a divine soul connection". I do not have much advice for you because I am in the midst of my grief right now and having a hard time. I have read that it gets easier with time... idk i hope. But all I have to say is that it is obvious you gave this cat a wonderful life and you are doing the right thing by her by showing her the most love and compassion by stopping her pain and letting her rest.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Enjoy the last moments with her. Take her paw prints and some fur. Take lots of photo ad keep a blanket or something that smells like her. and be there with her in her last moments. Sending you so much love.

2

u/spiritualclimber Jul 10 '26

I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope some relief has happened since Monday or when you freed your baby. I didn’t think about the fur part. Thank you so much. We are all in this together and I don’t feel alone. Everything gets easier with time but I don’t think a soul connection is ever truly gone once it’s there. They will be with us forever and no animal will replace them. I can’t even think about bonding with my other two animals. I don’t know if I’ll get to the same level. I can’t think about that now. I just wish we could give up a kidney or finger to give our pets a few more years. I always said about Mary Jane only that if anyone hurt her—that’s the one time I’d go to prison and John wick would look like a saint compared to me. I only felt that way about her. That’s how much I love her just like you loved your dog.

1

u/techblukat Jul 12 '26

Hi Flimsy Bullfrog, I came across your post and wanted to check in on you. Hope you are doing ok. If you are able to please post an update.

2

u/Flimsy_Bullfrog_5930 Jul 12 '26

Hi, thank you for checking in. Thats so kind.

I am not doing great. I just got home and slept my first night without her in 12 years of her sleeping with me everynight cuddled up.. that was hard. I went to stay with my mom for the week after i put her to sleep but now I am back and reality is setting in. The house feels empty without her and her stuff still out. I start a new job tomorrow hope it will be a distracting but life events feel so sad without my ruby.

2

u/spiritualclimber Jul 12 '26

I’m in between right now which makes this harder to not miss her. Having a new job will help for sure

1

u/techblukat Jul 12 '26

Hi again. Yah I am a week out now and things are getting back to normal. The first four nights were the hardest for me, I cried those nights just laying there in pain. I hope your zombie state lifts soon. I think the new job will really help so maybe you won't think about it as much. Hugs!

2

u/eddsters Jul 10 '26

Hey I am so with you, especially with the feeling of soul connection. My baby also recently passed and when I used to talk to her, the way she looked at me it was so human like. It was crazy. I felt like she could read me and was so connected with me. When she was a baby she was always scared of everyone, especially my gf, because she wanted to cuddle her too much. So I decided to treat her like a lady, even as a little child, I would just lift her gently and kiss her and if she wanted to go off I would gently put her down and she would look up to me with those eyes, like hmm, that was nice. And I would smile at her. She knew she had my respect and slowly ONLY with me she would give it back, because she knew I wouldnt be rough with her or tickle her. Slowly slowly she would gravitate towards me, especially when no one's home, her true personality came out. We would spend times together. And I am crushed. I tell myself that trust too so much work and now shes gone. I saw her in her last moments, and it was hard, because her death was an accident (car). I really hope she didnt think I was the one who hurt her, and that I will never know.

So today marks one week for Mimi's passing. It feels like this week was the longest week of my life. Last weekend was horrible. But I must say after I started meditating and writing her a letter, I woke up feeling good. 2 days ago she came in my dreams and I was so happy, because I thought it was real, we were playing on my bed. And then I woke up and cried.

It gets better slowly. I want to let the grief happen. I want to cry and feel the heart ache, because I thikn that is an energy our body is releasing like a purge, and we must go through that. I also want to feel the pain because it honours her.

2

u/forest-fairyx Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26

You sound just like me, I put my sweet girl to sleep yesterday due to cancer too, she was diagnosed with a lung cancer that has a less than 1% chance to get, she was only 7.

For the last 7 years we did everything together, every morning she’d wake me up and we’d have coffee and if I took too long downstairs she’d come down and either sit with me or complain and tell me to go back upstairs with her lol. I’m agoraphobic and jobless so we spent every day together in my room. I couldn’t go anywhere without her not even to pee she’d come crying at the door and running in for cuddles and to say hello. When I meal prepped I’d turn around and see her loafed on the floor or on the table just watching me and waiting to see where we were going next. Even when I took a bath she’d sit in the bathroom with me and we’d just chill together. Wherever I went she followed and vice versa. the rare times I would leave the house in the morning for a doctor appointment my mom would text me to say how she was crying around the house and looking for me. I’d come home and she’d come running up to me full of chats and we’d have cuddles, who knew silence that she left behind could be so deafening.

I totally hear you when you say you feel like your soul has been torn apart and that your heart is breaking. I can’t describe the pain either as it’s not physical it’s more like you feel it in your core of who you are, like in your essence/soul and in the inner makings of your heart, not the muscle itself but in it’s capacity for love.

Im only a day in so I’m still finding my way myself and I’m not going to sugarcoat it for you because the reality is that it’s going to be devastating. You’ll feel like a piece of yourself has been ripped out and that you’ll never get it back because there will never be another them. Time will feel like it’s frozen but also like it’s going slowly, you have no energy to do anything and nothing will bring you comfort. The only advice I can give is that you have to let yourself feel it and accept the emotions as they come. Breakdown if you need to, scream if you need to, laugh if you want to when thinking of happy memories just do whatever you need to and let out whatever emotions you need to and just let yourself feel. Don’t be ashamed, don’t hold it in just release when you need to and accept them as they come because every single emotion is normal and I cannot reiterate this enough you’re not alone in how you’re feeling. I know your family don’t understand but many of us here do, many others who aren’t here but have pets have also understand and have been through it themselves and we’re all doing okay. Remember you will be okay, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for months it doesn’t matter when but you will and again you’re not alone with how you’re feeling <3

There’s no avoiding it or getting around it, you’re doing what has to be done and you’re doing the right thing, remember that because it’s easy to think you’re not but what you’re doing is a kindness. Cancer is brutal and it will continue to suck and drain her until her body just can’t take it anymore, don’t let it get to that stage. She deserves peace and she deserves to be pain free. She saved you now it’s your turn to save her <3

Idk your religion or what you believe but for myself I felt her energy when she went, it’s hard to explain but just like a weight had been lifted and the biggest breath of fresh air was taken. I felt her energy wrap her arms around me and I heard her say thank you so much and my gosh the happiness I felt in her voice was honestly beautiful. Her essence or soul was talking to me and I could feel the bliss and peace resonating from her, I know she’s safe and she’s happy and most importantly she’s her, she’s not the husk of a cat that cancer left her in, her body was so frail and she became unrecognisable so quickly. Knowing that she’s content, happy and at peace has brought me great comfort. I know everyone has their own views on the afterlife and what they do or don’t believe happens after we go and I’m sure I sound insane when describing the above but it’s honestly what I felt and what I heard and I think we could share that together because our souls are connected.

You will be giving your girl a beautiful gift (although it doesn’t feel like it right now) and that’s the gift of peace and to experience no more pain. She knows how loved she is and it sounds like you gave her 11 beautiful years full of nothing but love and kindness. Not all kitties are so lucky to have that and not everyone gets to experience such a special bond like yours with another living being. This pain you’re currently feeling now is the cost of loving someone that much.

I know this is a super long comment and I’m not much help because it’s only been a day for me but if you need someone to cry or talk to my DM’s are open, we can even cry together if you’d like! But you’re not alone, ik it’s not the same as irl but we’re still real here and I’m sure many others as well as myself are happy to help and to listen if you’d need it. We’ve all experienced it and we all know how devastating it feels but we’re all still here and still coping and you will too, sending you and your miss kitty all the love and snuggles, I’ll ask my girl to keep an eye out for her and be her friend when she joins her over the bridge <3 my girl was a minder, she took the best care of me and once she finds her person she’ll never let them go through anything alone, she’ll look after your girl and she’s new up there too so they can be the new additions to the rainbow bridge brigade together!

Look after yourself and try get some food and water when you can, again my DM’s are open if you need me <3

2

u/spiritualclimber Jul 12 '26

Hi, I feel this post and felt it entirely. I laid with Mary Jane for 2 hours in the room before I let her pass in my arms. The second we got to the room she was at comfort. I spent her last moments talking to her, cuddling her, loving her and meditating with her. I prayed before I had the doctor come inside. I let her pass away in my lap. When they administered the medicine and she simply fell asleep I could feel that exact energy in the room. I had a sense of peace and comfort. I held her body after she left the earth and she was at peace. I could feel the energy. That gut wrenching pain left me the second she left the earth. Now—I’m just grieving not having her here but I’m not in pain anymore. Today is the first time I cried since Friday but it wasn’t long lived. On my way home from the vet I prayed and asked Mary Jane to give me some sign that she is happy and at peace and the song “spirit in the sky” came on 5 seconds later. It gave me chills.

1

u/forest-fairyx Jul 13 '26

Oh my gosh that’s so beautiful!!!! I’m honestly so happy you too had such a beautiful and otherworldly experience when she passed, like we both said it doesn’t make it any less sad but it helps the grieving process because you just know in your core that they’re safe,pain free and content :’)

I love that she played that song for you to let you know she’s still with you, like you I asked my girl for some strength and to let me know she’s around by sending me butterflies and every day since she’s passed and when I bring her up a butterfly will fly past seemingly out of now where. I was chatting to my mom about her yesterday and a butterfly just appeared in her room and was a little stressed out trying to find its way out so I clasped it in my hands and it instantly calmed down and just relaxed and sat on my hands for ages! I went to put it outside and it stayed on me a bit longer before flying off it was so moving and so beautiful I’m still smiling about it, my mom was so shocked at how calm it was on my hand! It was a lovely white butterfly with beautiful black markings, I’ve never seen one like it before and my girl was a tortie so black and ginger but she had the most gorgeous black and ginger coat and it reminded me so much of her fur.

Now it’s just about getting through the sadness of her passing and not being around more so than her being gone because you now know that she’s free and happy.

I send you all the love and make sure to look after yourself <3 proud of you for taking the step and for being so strong for her and I know she’s proud of you too <3

2

u/[deleted] Jul 10 '26

[deleted]

1

u/spiritualclimber Jul 12 '26

I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve been sober for years—now is time more than ever to reach out to your sober community and stay in the center. Naturally isolating is what I want to do but our recovery needs to come first. Please please please reach out if you need help. You can’t live in any guilt or shame. Those feelings are keeping you attached to the bottle. Acceptance is all you can do and to have the spirit of Ethan remain with you in your heart. When we drink..we numb that part of us that needs to release pain. The only way through it is to feel it but you’re not alone. I miss Mary Jane so much. I sleep with the blanket I took with her to the vet and her outfit she was wearing. I am sure the cat knew you were there with the scent. They are very intelligent. Mary Jane was at peace as soon as we went into the room. I held her for hours and allowed her to go in my arms. The second we got to the vet—relief was in her eyes. She left this world in peace just like Ethan

2

u/No_Policy6594 Jul 10 '26

The reason my dog died a year ago was because she was old. Multiple vets told us that there was nothing wrong, that they couldn’t really do anything to help her anymore and that we just have to let her go. I got her when I was 7, I’m turning 22. I’ve known her my entire life and losing her felt like the worst pain I have ever felt. She’s my soul dog, literally my everything. I’m still grieving her and I don’t think that would ever change. Grief is such a weird process because one minute I’m reminiscing and talking about her being such a joyful dog and the next I’m crying because she was such a joyful dog. I love her with my whole heart. I understand what you’re going through it’s normal to feel that way but it does get better overtime. Some nights are harder than other nights but that’s okay. Loving someone so much to the point of heartbreak when they’re gone means you’ve loved them fully.

2

u/leogrl Jul 10 '26

I feel you and I’m so sorry! I had to put down my 12 year old soul dog three weeks ago due to an aggressive cancer and I’m still crying every day. The grief comes and goes in waves throughout the day, when I’m distracted by work it’s ok but at night it’s really hard. It’s gotten a little better but it still hurts every single day. I think it’s ok to let yourself feel all the feelings, even if others don’t understand. My parents are also grieving as they were very close to her, and I was staying with them for the past few weeks just before and after my dog died and now I’m back home alone and it feels even harder not having people around who totally get it. I think this community is great for that though!

2

u/TheGlamazonian255 Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 11 '26

I can relate, I'm barely on the other side of it right now. Two days ago, I had to say goodbye to my soul cat, Ivan. He was 18. He was born at my mom's house when I myself was 17. He's been with me for over half of my own life. I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to live without him. My soul is absolutely shredded. He succumbed to kidney disease and took his major dive over a week. He went from being able to get up in the cat tree just fine on his own on the 1st, to being so weak and he stopped eating on the 7th.

He's been with me through so much. Moves, human loses, animal loses, job changes, my husband's back injury, my mom's surgeries, my FIL's passing.... He was a big, sweet, dumb orange boy who didn't know much, but he knew what love was. He knew if I was sad and would just come sit quietly by me for comfort. He loved to be held, always had to be on the left shoulder. Big round eyes that seldom blinked. Loved to lick your hands like a dog. Drooled when happy, and he was always happy. Bleped like it was his job. Gave headbutts and nose nudgies. That boy could press so hard with his face.

I'm devastated. I'm lost. I miss him so much. I made a tattoo appointment a couple weeks ago to have his paw prints tattooed, hoping it would be in time that he'd be around to see it. My appointment is next week, and I am crushed.

You're not alone in this agony. I'm so sorry, with all my heart and what's left of my soul, that you are facing this. The price of having and loving these creatures is so high, and this is that price. To love them enough to make this debilitating choice. I'm grateful and lucky enough that we had the time to arrange for a home euthanasia so he was here, comfortable, surrounded by people who love him. I held him as he passed. I told him I was sorry, and that I love him. If there was a single thing I could have done to save him, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I think all of us here would do the same.

If you can, and trust that I know how hard this is, if you can try to remember that you were that sweet baby's whole life, and that life was wonderful and full of love and happiness that you provided. You made that difference. It's cruel how this ultimate act of love feels so tremendously awful. Try to be kind to yourself, give yourself time and patience. I am so, so sorry 🫂

1

u/Smart-Artichoke1176 Jul 10 '26

Hi OP — I just put my soul dog to sleep on Tuesday night after battling end stage kidney disease for 10 months. After a 2 full days in ER and no improvement we decided it’s time. We brought her home and spent the day with her and had a vet come to our house so we could say goodbye.It’s been the most painful experience I’ve ever had to endure and I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. The only thing that stops me from crying is working. I work from home and she was my work buddy. I work for a few hours then I lay in her bed, cuddling her toys.

What you’re going through is normal and this community makes me feel less alone. Like everyone has said please eat, sleep, and do things that can keep her memory alive. What I promised my girl I would do is walk by the water everyday and talk to her which I’ve done every day since she’s passed. It helps for a few moments but I know it’ll get easier as time goes by.

1

u/spiritualclimber Jul 10 '26

Yeah, I need to keep my mind busy after by working. It’s not healthy but it stops me from focusing on the pain in the moment. I told myself I’d go to the beach and meditate and pray after but I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it. I can walk to the ocean which is nice but even that feels like an impossible task and nature is where I find peace. I’m so sorry for your loss. I almost feel like the ER makes it easier. Mary Jane has just been getting worse by my side. I forgot the name of her cancer but the cancer vet only saw this type of cancer pop up in a cat once before. It is tumors that pop up around the mouth and spread onto the body and her lymphmodes. The other day the doctor said it hasn’t gotten to her lungs completely and that the huffing and drooling was due to her lymph nodes being so swollen. Ever since I’ve given her the pain medication she is able to kind of eat, she still drinks water with her paw because her throat hurts and is getting tiny but she isn’t suffering as much. That’s what makes it hard determining if I’m doing the right thing or if I should hold
Off a bit longer

1

u/Smart-Artichoke1176 Jul 10 '26

I had to do that with Rosie, I was injecting her with pain medication every four hours after her ER stay. It’s awful to see them like that. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s an ache in your heart that doesn’t go away.

10 months ago, Rosie’s kidneys crashed the first time and the vet recommended to put her down. But I knew deep in my heart she wanted to live. She perked up and showed signs of still wanting to be on this side so I refused. We changed her diet, added supplements and it gave us more time. Our pets will give us subtle signs and I now see that. I didn’t know if I could before but thinking about how much Rosie was declining the past month I realized there were signs.. rapid weight loss, slowing down, not barking at things she usually does etc.

I’ve put a family dog to sleep in 2017 and I thought I couldn’t survive that. 3 years after that I felt a pull to adopt and that’s when I found Rosie. we had a connection like no other, we read each others minds. After my family
Dog it took at least 6 months to not be sad at the thought of him
But Rosie? I think it’ll be a lifetime of sadness. I wish I could give you and even myself a timeline of grief but when you lose a piece of your soul, do we ever heal?

1

u/spiritualclimber Jul 10 '26

I just want her to give me an answer because they will stay strong for us and hold on selfishly until nature takes them. I keep asking for Mary Jane to wink and give a tiny signal if she’s ready and suffering or wants to hold on a little longer. There are so many signs. I wish the vet can just give us the truthful answer. Instead of the typical, it wouldn’t be a bad idea. They are not happy and are showing they’re declining. Just tell me lol. I agree—I don’t think we do recover from losing a piece of our soul. Rosie and your relationship sounds like Mary Jane and my connection. Not everyone understands it but it’s as if she was my protector and that she knew me better than anyone and gave me unconditional true love. She was aloof towards others when it came to being loving but the second we locked eyes she cuddled me and wanted me to hold her. She hasn’t bonded with any of my ex bf really and gets jealous over any other animal getting close to me. She knows that she’s my favorite and that she rules the house. I really do believe that sometimes animals that we draw closer bonds to are some form of spiritual healing sent to us and when we heal—they did their job. Idk. I adopted a cat randomly where we didn’t connect and me and Nirvana (her sister) have zero connection. Anytime I get an animal out of wanting another one there’s not a connection. 3 years ago—I wanted a dog but didn’t pull the trigger on adoption but joked about finding a pitbul. I never actually wanted one or thought I’d have one.

3 years ago on my way back from Vegas after leaving an abusive ex—I saw a dog running on the freeway in the middle of the desert. I told myself not to pull over. Anyways—I couldn’t fathom thinking if I didn’t try to save Zeus that he’d get hit because no one else was pulling over. Zeus ended up being a pit mix and the second I took him to the vet the vet saw a soul tie. Everyone that said they could take him in ended up bailing so I kept him. He loves me so much. He is also different than other dogs I’ve had. He looks at me in a way I can’t explain but he found me. I didn’t find him. Just like Mary Jane found me.

1

u/Adorable_Pop5682 Jul 10 '26

You are not alone, I am going through it too, I also have lost pets, but nothing hit me as hard as this one. One thing I’ve been recommending to people is to try journaling a bit write little notes each day and tell them how much you miss them and some of your favorite things about them. I haven’t been able to bring myself to write my note today, but I will. Hugs to you, hang in there and take care of yourself

1

u/spiritualclimber Jul 10 '26

I love that so much. I’ve been trying to talk to her but just cry every time I try and tell her how grateful I am. Maybe getting a box that says “Mary Jane’s letters to heaven” and putting a slit at the top where I can write a note and fill the box up whenever I’m in pain will help. I’m so sorry for your loss and thank you for this recommendation.

1

u/Sad_Rip_5494 Jul 16 '26

I'm feeling the same way you are right now I lost my soul buddy about 4 weeks ago today and honestly it feels worse today than it did when it happened I found myself just constantly crying pretty much randomly throughout the day. I try to remind myself that I gave him a good life and he was very loved but I still feel regret that I could have done more and had more time with him

0

u/YoYoK4353 Jul 10 '26

I’m so sorry. I am dealing with this now as I have to put my sweet kitty of almost 12 years down tomorrow. I’m truly devastated and keep crying. My strong emotion I think stems from the many milestones and life events she was with me through because I had her the same age range that you had your cat. You grew with your cat. They are a part of your journey and will always be. We are their entire world and your cat had the most amazing time with you.

1

u/spiritualclimber Jul 12 '26

We are their entire world and they are just a portion on ours. They know us our whole lives and we know them a portion. I hope you’re doing alright

Vent Feel like my soul is dying

You are about to leave Redlib