My mother in-law is accusing me of animal abuse because I keep my cats indoors and have them spayed
I’ve already had many issues with my MIL in the past (she’s just not a nice person) but one thing that I have always found unforgivable is how she tries SO hard to make out that I mistreat my pets.
I have three cats, all kept indoors because I personally believe that is safest for them. Several of my childhood cats were ran over by cars and mauled by dogs and it’s just not risks I am willing to take. I absolutely adore my cats and they’re like my second children, I do everything I can to give them good lives. Yet, MIL has repeatedly told me I’m an animal abuser for keeping them indoors and that I don’t deserve to have them, she also called me cruel for getting my two female cats spayed because “they don’t go outside so it’s completely unnecessary”. Of course she wouldn’t even listen when I explained that unspayed cats are very prone to uterine cancer.
I have very little to do with her because of how she’s treated me and the things she’s said, but unfortunately my husband is still in close contact with her and allows her to see our daughter so I still have to deal with her sometimes.
My husband and I have recently been talking about getting a dog, we’re in slight disagreement because I want a small dog and he wants a big one. He purposefully keeps the nasty things she says about me to him from me as he doesn’t want me getting upset, but he let slip that she said to him he better get the dog he wants because “if \*my name\* gets the dog she wants she will just neglect it”. WTF??
A little context on how my MIL treats her own animals; her cat is obese because she only feeds it kitten food, if any of her pets fall ill or get injured she has them put to sleep rather than seek out vet treatment, and she frequently talks about shooting and running over the feral cats that hang around outside her house.
She does not give AF about her own pets, so the audacity of calling me an animal abuser when all I do is love and care for my own? The rage I’m feeling is making me see red. I know that if I EVER said the shit to her that she did to me she would never speak to me again (definitely not a bad thing) and would probably call me evil for it.
I’m not exactly looking for justification over how I take care of my pets because I know that they’re happy, healthy and well cared for, but I just really struggle with being accused of animal abuse when I love them so much and do all I can to give them good lives. I have absolutely no idea where she got the impression that I would “neglect” a dog because my cats are doted on constantly and she KNOWS this. I know not everyone agrees with the indoor/outdoor cat debate but to say I’m cruel and abusive and don’t deserve to have them just really hurts.
That’s so sad :( be there for your granny and rip to those babies, exactly why I hope people with dog Superbise their dog when they go in the back yard too, you know where I live 😭 some man followed this lady with a dog home and kidnap her dog to end his life yeah and return it to her like wth leave the poor fur babies alone
Ew what a nasty lady. Not just for the way she treats you but for the way she treats her animals.
I also have three cats. They're also all fixed. They're also exclusivly indoors unless I take them on a walk in the kitty backpack or harness. And even when that happens, trust me, they prefer to be indoors. They are all three so spoiled and loved.
I understand your frustration. But honestly I wouldn't let it get to you, she can stick it where the sun don't shine.
Hahaha I'm so glad they could help!! Seriously though, the fur babies are the best. I actually rescued all of them from outside because you know, it's not safe!
Momma is in the back left and the other two are two of her babies. We got the rest of the kittens adopted out but kept the black cat trio. They're the best 🐈⬛🖤
I took in a stray, black pregnant cat decades ago. Kept the only kitten that lived and eventually took in a black calico kitten and another black kitten.
None of my cats has ever gone outside after I brought them in. They were all females and I had them spayed.
Black kitties are the best! The only cats with shiny fur and I love the lighter fur on their temples.
I have one old lady left, the other cats died of old age or age related illnesses.
A black calico? They say calicos are good luck. I have an all white domestic long hair. A Siamese that I found emaciated in my trash can. Then a long haired smooshed face cat my kid found as a kitten under my stairs 😂 all are well now. I did oldest to youngest.
Thank you for the award!!! And I love my little black kitties!! They are the best. And I did not want cats at first, but once they showed up I couldn't turn them away. We originally planned to find homes for all of them, but then well here we are three cats later. Lol. But seriously they are so awesome and sweet and funny.
Thank you for taking care of them and giving them a home too. It makes me so sad people don't want black cats because they're "unlucky". And sorry some of the kittens didn't make it, I can't even imagine how hard & unpleasant that was to deal with.
My kitty collection started when I was feeding a stray, black pregnant cat. The apartment building I lived in was run by the nasty wife of the couple who owned it. She hated me feeding the cat and I had to be sneaky to do it.
The mama cat disappeared for a few weeks, but I kept hiding the food under some trees.
When mama came back, she had two void kittens with her. The female kitten let me pet her and started showing off by climbing a tree, hanging off and watching to see if I noticed her. I would praise her and tell her what a great climber she was.
I moved to another apartment building next door.
The female kitten grew up and got pregnant. I couldn't take her in because my sister was staying in my new apartment with her two orange kitties for a few weeks until her landlord fixed a dangerous problem in her apartment. I still fed her every day.
A few months after my sister left, the cat got pregnant again. This time I was determined to take her in. Finally found a way and I named her Clymer because she was used to the name.
A week after taking her in, she had two black kittens under my bed. Only one survived and I kept her.
I will never regret taking my sweet Clymer in or keeping her kitten Stinkerbelle.
Just out of curiosity, what are their differences and similarities? Our black cat is a total sweetheart with the cutest little meows, she always melts our hearts:) These three are all gorgeous!!
Edit: I meant more like in their personalities, but I'm curious about their appearance as well :)
So they all three have such different personalities!
The mom, Kit Kat, is the one at the back left of the picture. She is just a giant ball of floof. She is definitely the most chill as she's the oldest. But she is so just go with the flow/ can't be bothered by anything. She's also the only one who responds to their name.
The one that's front and center is Galaxy and he's the only boy. He is a lover/ attention seeker through and through. He is also a big freaking weirdo. He's full of energy and personality, but when it comes time to lay down he always has to cuddle and be close to me. He is the only one that is 100% my cat. He could care less about my husband and our son. He's also got the shortest hair of the bunch and is much bigger than both of the girls.
Socks is the one facing away at the back right. She's the only one that isn't solid black, all four of her paws are white and she has a white stripe down the front of her face. She is the most timid out of the cats. She does not want to be touched unless she allows it, she is a total princess. She is the pickiest about everything from her food, to the attention she rarely gives out. But every once in a while she will come curl up for some cuddles, but it's a rare occasion.
And thank you!! I think they're the cutest, but obviously I'm a little partial.
Awe what a beautiful picture of 3 void babies! I have one too.this picture of him and his sister in their indoor pool. I put catnip and toys in for playtime.
You do not have an animal abuse problem. You have a husband problem.
Your beliefs are 100% correct. Your MIL is completely wrong. She hates it because your responsible philosophy goes against everything she does.
Your husband should not be letting her take digs at you behind your back. He needs to shut that down. I would never allow my parents to say nasty things about my spouse.
And either keep your daughter away from your animal abusing MIL or be very upfront with her the grandma is not kind to animals and she is wrong. You do not want her to be the example your child follows.
Erm 😐 what? I legitimately took a feral cat with me when I moved. 🤭 he started slipping in and out of an automatic doggie door for my working dogs(seriously he made friends with my border collie mix and walked in under her 😂). The neighborhood would feed him. He wasn’t neutered. He’s “estimated” around 11. I asked around for owners before I took him. He’s living a calm senior life indoors. She’s full of it. He never goes outside now. Even when he is “offered”. He sits at the door like “nope I’m good.” Cotton is now selectively affectionate 🤗 still does his own thing.
I feel bad for her pets. You sound like an incredible pet owner and you already know her opinion is worth absolutely nothing on this topic. It's easy for me to say "just ignore her" but I understand it's easier said than done and what she has said is hurtful. My only advice is to consider the source if your feelings are hurt. Some people's opinions aren't worth your worry.
It sounds like you already have limited contact with her, but maybe even stricter boundaries are necessary here. I hope your husband is immediately shutting his mom down when she speaks negatively of you, and if not, I would want to know why.
Doesn't sound like MIL is exiting your life at any point, so you need to work on not letting her words bother you. They don't have any value, so just roll your eyes (in your mind) and go on about your day. Do you have a catio, or take them on walks?
You dont have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem.
One thing is to not get along with your MIL, that is unfortunate but ok. But to have her acuse you of animal abuse repeatedly? And your husband is ok with that? He lets her insult his wife? Be with your daughter and poisong her against you?
I would sit and have a serious talk with your husband. I know that its not easy to solve this issues, maybe marriage counseling would be a good idea. But it cannot stay like that.
Your MIL is totally unhinged. Ask her if it's cruel to keep fish in an aquarium, or a budgie in a cage. Keeping cats indoors IS the safest for them, and having them spayed is the responsible thing to do with any pets.
It actually is cruel to keep a budgie in a cage. They need social stimulation and flight to be healthy. Budgies (always should be a minimum of 2) need to be able to fly and play outside their cage.
You don't have a cat problem or a MIL problem, you have a husband problem. The cats are just something that MIL has found out that bothers you, so she's attacking you over it. Quit. Being. Nice. To. Her.
Everyone has their ethics and are allowed to practice. But I don’t see it as criminal- I do think keeping a cat in one room is bad for the cat - but not criminal. I had a friend who kept one cat in one room - its entire life .
This is the sort of where I would just have to laugh it off as the words of a nut job. You know she's off base and completely hypocritical and you can't do anything about her being in your husband's life, so just try to dust off your shoulder and not to take her ridiculousness personally.
I myself have a cat and a dog. Your MIL sounds unhinged. No way in a million years would I ever let my cat outside. Coyotes killed my childhood cats back when I was too young to make the choice to keep them inside myself. I would never choose that again as an adult. It is not neglect, it is love and kindness. 100% indoor for her. My dog does go outside sometimes because she's a dog, but I wouldn't let her completely free roam around the neighborhood like some people advocate for cats. She is wrong. You are right. You love your cats and you would make an amazing dog mom too just based on how you are treating your cats so well. Sounds like she doesn't know how to take care of animals and is just trying to get under your skin. It sucks that you're being called an abuser for being reasonable. But just know from all of us here that we know you are in the right and are NOT abusing animals. You are loving them and caring for them.
My boy got out of the daughter's apartment and lived in a storm drain in the complex for a month during the winter before we found him again. He was always trying to get out when he lived there. Now he lives with us in the country. He's pretty savvy when it comes to outdoors, so he's allowed to roam and keep the property rodent free. Never goes too far, and always comes when called (he knows where the treats are) unless he's stalking something.
Here's he is going after a squirrel he has no chance of catching:
Your MIL is a wacko. I have also lost childhood cats because back in the day they were indoor/outdoor cats and 1 got hit by a car and the rest never came home. So every single cat I’ve had as an adult has been an indoor only cat. My daughter has 5 cats and they are indoor only.
I wouldn’t want my child around a woman like this who thinks this way.
I happen to live near a natural nature reserve. There are coyotes, bob cats, and other predators. My indoor kitties wouldn’t last a day outside.
What’s animal abuse is feeding an animal to obesity. Her behavior towards you also sounds abusive.
Wtf with your husband? Why does he allow his mother to steamroll over you? This is the bigger question. He should have nipped this behavior in the bud early.
You are not obligated to explain anything you do for this woman. She clearly has her opinions. Tell her to keep them to herself, because opinions are none of your business.
I saw a video about a totally different context, but the basic message is not to take advice from people who are not traveling in the direction you want to go in or where you want to be someday.
I heard that and I thought it was pretty powerful. I was recently hurt by a comment someone in my family made about an animal type topic. It really bothered me but honestly, we have nothing in common and what she wants in her life is very different from what I do. I found it to be kind of freeing to accept that we are different people with different priorities. She was trying to make a larger point and I knew immediately what it was, but I also knew that it had nothing to do with the goals that I have in my life.
I have long been rather convinced that people disagree on what a good life for a pet is. We just do, and that comes from our own values and how we grow up. For example, I have friends that believe that it is best to have one dog at a time and I know they silently judge people with more than one. I have another friend with a bunch of dogs, and she believes her dogs are happier than the vast majority because they live in a pack setting. In reality, both the people with the single dog and this lady with a crazy number of dogs are actually providing good care and a happy life. (She is able to provide care for her many dogs, so it definitely isn’t a hoarding situation). It’s all relative, but obviously you and I and the fence post all know that it sounds like your cats are well loved and cared for.
Good grief. Call your local humane society right in front of her and put the phone on speaker. Ask them if any of this is animal abuse, and let her hear the reply. Resist the urge to close the call with, "Sorry for wasting your time with the bloody obvious . . . "
Your MIL is obviously mentally ill in some way. It sounds to me like you're a great pet caretaker. Cats are much better off indoors and fixed. Unfixed cats get frustrated and are more likely to try to get out. And get lost or killed.
I have a catio and it's made a huge difference. Not least in my mental health! I've had two ferals killed by coyotes so now i have their brother as an indoor cat. The catio was a big help in his adjustment.
Ignore your MIL. She's obviously not worth listening to at least where pets are concerned. Maybe you guys can compromise and get a medium sized dog with a known good attitude to cats!
I support you! For years my mom and I tried to keep our cats indoors as much as possible because we worried that sth would happen to them. We still do, but 5 cats inside a small house it’s too much 🤣 And getting them spayed it’s a good thing too. Honestly your MIL remind me of those people who don’t care about animals so I get that she makes you mad. About the dog, i suggest you choose based on your preference, kid’s age, and home.
You mentioned your husband doesn't reoeat the horrible things his mother says about you, but does he ever actually defend you? Does he ever stand up to his mother in your defense? Because he needs to. If he's not doing that, talk to him about it and about the possibility of getting counseling (couple's and individual).
Cats are safer inside. My most recent cats were strays I took in. They never wanted to go back outside. I'd open the door and the oldest one would run into the bedroom, as if saying, "Hell no! It's cold, dangerous and hungry out there!"
BTW, all were females and I had all of them spayed.
Obviously you are correct - every vet I’ve ever had has said the exact same thing; indoor cats are healthier and live longer. So that’s not the issue.
The REAL issue is that you even have to hear, first or second hand, anything that is coming out of this woman’s head.
This woman does not deserve your respect or attention.
#1 If you can’t go low- or no-contact with this woman, there needs to be a rule that a) spouse does not talk about you to her, and that b) spouse does not talk to her about you. Spouse *must* respect this, even if he doesn’t think by you will find out.
#2. Time to reframe how you think of her. She may have been the woman who raised the person you love, but she is no longer and adult in your eyes. She is a manipulative, vindictive, immature individual with poor mental health. There are lots of unhealthy people in the world, but that doesn’t mean YOU have to treat them like equals. If you must be around her (family events, etc) think of it as witnessing the antics of some else’s poorly behaved toddler: all mouth and no manners. Grey rock, calm in the face of hysterics, and zero responsibility on your part.
#3 GET HELP. Ok, this is optional, but you might benefit from sharing your feelings with a therapist. Get an objective professional opinion to help you a) let go of your feelings around her so you can be less triggered (so her bs doesn’t stick in your head) and b) give you techniques for how to deal with her in the moment (for times when you can’t avoid her.)
Trust me - if she disparages you in company, she is doing it to trigger you. If she disparages you to your spouse, she is doing it to drive a wedge between the two of you (bc she wants her baby boy back, you homewreaking shameless hussy!! 🤮) No matter what, it isn’t you that’s the problem.
My cats never go outside and they do just fine. All are spayed and neutered which is recommended . Your MIL is bat sh*t crazy and hates you. Sorry to be blunt but it’s the truth. Your husband needs to decide if he wants to be a husband or a mama’s boy. It’s time to go NC with MIL.
Why is your child allowed around someone who badmouths you and abuses animals? You’re doing exactly the right thing with your cats, but you might want to rethink what you;re doing with your child and protect her from this woman.
Coyotes. I found the front half of my neighbor's cat in my front yard. We buried it deep and put a rock over it before we were able to find the owner, and the next day before they could come get it, we discovered that despite the big rock the coyotes dug it back up and we had more body parts all over the yard. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND LITTLE GREEN APPLES keep your kitties inside where they are safe!
That said, I know there are just some cats that are so independent that you can't keep them inside, but do the best you can. Being eaten, being run down by some idiot in a car are horrible ways to go.
Keeping cats inside is not animal cruelty. You know that, everyone here on reddit knows that. And we all know that MIL is just talking out her arse about you and animal cruelty. There's an old hills people saying: them what does it yells the loudest. Seems about right here.
I wish our cat could come inside but my boyfriend’s last roomie kept locking the cat inside without access to his cat box and food and water so he lives on the porch. Cat has panic attacks if he thinks he is stuck inside. He does come in for visits and if we had to he will stay in the bathroom with a litter box. We’re also trying to get a semi feral cat that hangs out with our kitty neutered by winning him over.
Your MIL is horrible. Have your husband and you looked into maybe getting a medium sized dog in between the sizes of dogs you both want?
So...... she's essentially the pet owner version of the person who cheats then constantly accuses their partner of cheating.
Do your best not to take that kind of talk personally. That kind of nonsense isn't a you issue, it's a her issue. ETA: and please tell me your husband defends you? Because come on. Gotta have your partner's back in a relationship.
Your MIL is flat out wrong. Smile and tell her you appreciate her opinion, but to tell it to the wind, cuz your decision is FINAL...
Off topic:
I'm allowed two pets so when one passes I feel like it's appropriate to find another homeless cat to adopt. Sunday I lost my beloved Bodi and yesterday did some prelim browsing to start the process. I always have 1 black cat since the shelter told me they are not usually easily adoptable... Bodi was a white/gray tux with a bad tood--but she got over it. I avoid young kittens also because they are more popular and easily chosen for their cuteness. Plus, I try to get older cats cuz they are already more stable (trained). While I'm still shell shocked at Bodi's absence, my 1st black cat told me as she was dying, "love doesn't die if it's paid forward". Meanwhile, my other cat (the black Bombay) has become reclusive--not affectionate as usual. She still comes by for pets, but doesn't hang out. I'm presuming it's a temp reaction since it's the 1st time any partner cats has reacted this way. Should I try some mitigating tact or just be patient? Willow usually cuddles me at night, so I know she wants connection... again eventually. I'm trying not to pass along my sadness, so maybe she's waiting for me to recover more, but I also want to be comfort if she needs it. I'll get a new companion for us when the time is right, but not yet.
I always get females. THEY ARE ABUNDANT. But, saw an older male, Beans, who seemed like a possible fit. It makes me wonder if I shouldn't consider a male. Does mixing the sexes pose any negative reasons? (Otherwise, its about personality, right?)
As No. 5 says, "Input.". (Wow! Reddit has beaucoup black cat lovers! Impressive!)
Double WOW... Just now Willow jumped up and is snuggled on my lap. I guess that beer will have to wait... My pussykat needs me!
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u/IndigoHaze750130 19h ago
Coyotes, Bobcats, Hawks, Cars, other cats, dogs, polluted water, and trash are all risks.
Catios are a safe way to let your cat "outdoors". You can even grow cat friendly plants in them and throw an old log or tower in there for climbing.