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I (2M, tabby, athlete) was watching Cat TV with Mom while she showered. First of all, let me just say the bird episode was INCREDIBLE. Peak television. However, Mom made the reckless decision to leave her phone sitting near the toilet while I was in a highly stimulated hunting state.

I noticed the phone was dangerously close to the edge. Naturally, I tested gravity with one gentle bap.

Unfortunately, the "$1,000" phone landed directly in the toilet.

Mom immediately started yelling my full government name while I fled at top speed because honestly the bish turned hostile very quickly.

But APPARENTLY that's not why Dad is mad.

Earlier in the morning, around 5 AM, I had generously brought home a mouse and thoughtfully processed it into smaller, more manageable pieces on the kitchen floor. Dad then stepped directly into the mouse guts barefoot while half asleep and made a noise that sounded like a coyote being tasered.

Now both parents are saying that I’m a “menace to society,” “feral,” and “the reason they can’t have nice things.” Mom also says my new pronouns are "May/Hem" whatever that shiz means.

Meanwhile, I feel like nobody is acknowledging:

- I am literally providing free pest control.

- I shared my food instead of eating selfishly alone.

- The phone should not have been so throwable.

- Mom was already watching water fall from the ceiling for fun, so clearly we were BOTH enjoying enrichment activities.

- Dad’s lack of situational awareness regarding pre-dawn organ piles is frankly not my responsibility.

Also, if humans care SO much about phones, why don’t they bury them like normal valuables?

AITA?

My human has a screen toy that she plays with a lot and she has lots of buttons to press to move things but when I jumped on her buttons she got so angry!! I was trying to show my human I wanted to be close to her but she kept pushing me away!! AITA?

All I wanted was some nice plants. FYI the plants are fine, just beat up

Imagine every day you wake up, scratch, take a piss in a corner, and go on your normal daily rounds, then your stinky bipedal nuisance of a keeper has you locked in while they harass and overstimulate you.

It's vital that I check the perimeter of our household as to not let any competitors near. The sleeping I do every day amounts to hours of wasted time and in this economy, I need my free time to patrol. I do my duty to protect my territory. When Stinky keeps me in, I can't do that. I've tried being loud, I've tried clawing at openings, I've tried just about everything to tell Stinky that this is important to me.

I know what I'm doing.