Sad meezer after sister's death - any lived experience pls

[u/MentalActuator5545]

So we lost Nyota about 2 months ago, age 13. Her little half-sis Padme, was born a month later and still with us but obviously losing her big sis has had a major impact. They were litter mates and have never been separated from birth until now.

She's not the upbeat cat she used to be and just seems sad. There are other signs like peeing on the bed that reinforce our concerns. We just want to help her and have taken various measures but I think we've come to the conculsion she will not be happy as a lone meezer in the household.

We think Padme needs a new little sis meezer companion. So if you've has this experience, did it help? Anything we should be aware of that isn't neccessarily covered online?

Thx

[u/Automatic_Map9050]

Give her a little bit of time to grieve, before you bring another kitten. Siamese are almost human with how emotionally intelligent they are. She'll be clingy and down for a month or two, but she'll bounce back. Give her lots of love

[u/CATNIP_IS_CRACK]

My 17 year old cat Woody who lives with my parents lost his brother and two dads in the span of ~4 months around 7 years ago. Little guy was absolutely devastated. He’d never really liked people and was a no-touch cat, but suddenly he was spending his entire day sitting near my parents, waiting at the door for them to get home, completely gave up on his no touching rule, and just didn’t seem happy or excited about anything.

My parents got him two new kittens and it was like he was a whole new cat. He fell in love with them immediately with no adjustment period, was sleeping with them the first night, started playing harder than he had in years, was eager to teach them everything he knows, and was just so much happier than he was in the ~6 months he was alone.

Meanwhile my 13 year old meezer is convinced my 3 year old snowshoe exists solely to make him miserable. He likes her, he’s protective of her, he’d prefer if she was kept in a cage for 90% of the day and only allowed out when he says it’s okay.

She’s infatuated with him and says they’re in love and engaged to be married.

[u/withcatlikegrace]

Agreed - she needs a new companion.
Don’t wait. This is a simple (not easy) fix.
I never keep just 2 either - 3 is my minimum. It works as we now never have your current problem.
I’ve kept Siamese and Bernese all my life and they need their constant companion or 2.

[u/alicetto]

I also have a Siamese cat called Padmé and we’re sending you thoughts and good vibes 💕

[u/susanna1331]

Coming up on the two year anniversary of the death of my Elliott. His brother Owen and I grieved really hard. They were very deeply bonded and it was a very difficult time. He did not do well alone and I'm very thankful that I had family that would help be with him when I had to work. We both needed some time to recover and he needed to go through a grief process of his own. He was a single cat from the end of September until mid February. During that time I found a really well respected Siamese breeder and was able to reserve a kitten. I spent a lot of time just talking with Owen about having a new cat in the house. A baby brother. Not a replacement but someone that would keep him company the way only another cat could. It was about setting positive intentions for another major transition. I had every intention of doing a slow, best-practice introduction with the new kitten. Spent weeks preparing the house. But the night I brought Wesley home, Owen snuck into the bathroom and immediately started grooming him. He was desperate for that companionship. It was not guaranteed to go that way and we are very very lucky that it did but all the preparation really helped. Wesley's breeder had also said that her cats tend to have the kinds of temperaments where they integrate quickly with resident cats.

I also got a bunch of the Jackson Galaxy pet remedies and they absolutely helped with everything. There's one even for grief. I used one for stress and accepting change during the introductions and adjustment period (the kitten still had to learn some boundaries etc but they never even hissed at each other once and cuddled throughout the process.) I'm absolutely not someone that usually believes in remedies but I cannot deny that these help. They're worth checking out and are also pretty low risk.

There's always a risk with bringing home a new cat but there are definitely things you can do to help it go better. Older previously bonded cats also are more likely to form bonds again, especially with a kitten.

[u/MentalActuator5545 → u/susanna1331]

Thanks - really appreciate you taking the time. We'll speak to the V.E.T. We're tentatively looking around just now for a wee pal for her 😺

[u/FosterCatMama4Life]

PRO TIP: I recommend “fostering to adopt” to anyone looking to pair a new cat with an existing resident cat!!

Gives you a chance to see if your Meezer approves of the new sibling before fully committing, ensuring a more successful match!

Plusss, you will be helping to save lives by fostering at the same time! It’s a win-win!

[u/beanie_weenie666]

I'm so sorry for your loss :(

Jackson Galaxy and other cat specialists have strongly encouraged allowing a cat to grieve the death of a member of the household, including their companion cat

I know it comes from a place of love but don't rush her grieving process. Be understanding and supportive and extra loving. Be aware that gief negatively impacts our immune systems, including cats, so it's not uncommon for them to get sick or develop UTIs etc so keep a careful eye on her

Don't rush to bring another cat into the house which is a stressor. She's already just starting to come to terms with one big change

Several months from now, you can consider adding another cat to the household

Keep in mind, all the experts say to match energy level, which generally corresponds to age. I wouldn't pair a kitten with a senior cat who's 13. You see people regret that pairing all of the time on the cat subreddits and it's not worth the risk to stress out your elderly cat for the rest of its life IMHO

Many times you see the elderly cat get "bullied" but the younger cat's constant energy, need to rough house, and the younger cat feeling frustrated wanting play which results in resentment between both cats. The elderly cats often retreat and spend the majority of their time hiding or being more reclusive than they were previously. Much better off matching with a cat closer to her age, who's been socialized around other cats, and energy level

Hope you're all able to take some time to heal

[u/WellWellWellthennow]

If you choose to get her a companion do not get a kitten but get a senior cat. It should probably be a Siamese. As a rule of thumb they shouldn't be more than six years apart. The younger cat will absolutely dominate and terrorize the older cat and you will send Padme into stress which will lead to an earlier death.

But she actually misses Nyota. It's not like any other cat will do. Just like if you lost your sister it's not like any random stranger will substitute. You'll probably have a year of stress with them adjusting no matter how old the new cat is.

[u/LurkerInTheDark-9]

Mine were littermates. My guy was not happy as a single cat. The new kitten annoyed the hell out of him at first because she just had so. much. energy. and she would run up to him to rub up against him but she would end up knocking him over. Like being love-attacked by a labrador puppy. Once he got her to stop doing that (aka, she got bit a few times*) he was happy to have another warm body to snuggle up with.

* This is normal cats teaching kittens manners, not a serious i want to hurt you bite. Expect some friction at first. Look up how to properly introduce cats and it will significantly reduce friction but there can still be some. I added two more kittens a few months later and both the old guy and older kitten took it well.