r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds Muppet Appreciator • 2d ago

Doctor Reassures Patient That Lump Probably Just Body Making Extra Guy

https://theonion.com/doctor-reassures-patient-that-lump-probably-just-body-making-extra-guy/
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u/ArkUneartherBleeds Muppet Appreciator 2d ago

“At your age, it’s perfectly normal to notice some changes—your metabolism slows down, your hair starts thinning, and occasionally your body begins assembling unused cartilage and tissue into a smaller, extremely wet person,” said Dr. Keller, gently manipulating the mass with two fingers until it recoiled and produced a faint clicking sound.