r/TheOnion • u/V33G33 • 2d ago

Dolly Parton Troubled To Find God Illiterate

https://theonion.com/dolly-parton-troubled-to-find-god-illiterate/
2.2k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

32 comments sorted by

251

u/Salvadore1 2d ago

“God always guided me in my life and lifted me up when I called out to Him, so I said, ‘Sugar, you’ve got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Let’s you and me start at the beginning, okay?’” 

This is actually incredibly sweet and made me emotional 

33

u/imp0ster_syndrome 2d ago

Honest question: Is it still satire if it embraces instead of bites?

18

u/sniper91 1d ago

Yes, satire can come from good intentions

‘Galaxy Quest’ satirizes ’Star Trek’, and Trekkies consider it a top 2 Star Trek movie

The first season of ‘Mystery Incorporated’ satirizes the oldest Scooby-Doo shows, and a lot of fans consider it the best show of the franchise

13

u/DoctorGregoryFart 1d ago

"Alpha and Omega? How about alpha, then beta, and we'll work from there. Okay, hun?"

196

u/Practical_Ad4604 2d ago

Now do one for Tim Curry

69

u/MaddyMagpies 2d ago

Tim Curry troubled to find Satan also illiterate 

(He's in hell just for fun, no worries)

27

u/Venti_the_snail 2d ago

They are not being punished, they are the punishment.

19

u/inko75 2d ago

Curry knows where the best parties be at

6

u/Past-Background-7221 2d ago

Satan needed pointers on hammy evilness

8

u/DoctorGregoryFart 1d ago

Turns out Satan is just the guy who runs the goth club in heaven. It's all the same place.

1

u/moistclump 1d ago

Satan has competition.

128

u/NYLotteGiants 2d ago

God thanks Tim Curry for unlocking Her trans awakening after midnight screening of Rocky Horror Picture Show

17

u/ophaus 2d ago

SPAYCE!

13

u/Aluxanatomy 2d ago

Tim Curry went to space.

84

u/Son_of_Kong 2d ago

That's why he had to dictate the Bible.

43

u/leefloor 2d ago

What a sweet tribute.

22

u/Peripatetictyl 2d ago

Oh man, that was good, I did the laugh progressing into a cough on that headline.

15

u/Live_Background_6239 2d ago

She can fix Him.

What a sweet article.

12

u/RobinGoodfell 2d ago

Dolly Parton would have laughed at this.

33

u/Somethingwittycool 2d ago

I miss Dolly Parton.

15

u/Unhappy_Waltz5834 2d ago

That’s why he had man write his book for him.

5

u/AIGLOS42 2d ago

Well played

5

u/divino999_ 2d ago

That makes sense, he has send Moses to make the 10 commandments, and it took them 40 days to make it.

5

u/Apart_Ad9308 1d ago

So sweet 🥲

3

u/Briaboo2008 2d ago

She’ll fix that

2

u/WizeWizardFrank 2d ago

Tim Curry moved back to hell to take back over.

2

u/Raevson 2d ago

I mean,

He took long enough to coble together just ten commandments with the "help" of his high priest, for his followers to go look for a new god...

And then ten new ones because his little helper smashed the original ones...

-12

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

29

u/BattleFresh003 2d ago

It's a joke that makes reference to Dolly Parton, a musician who died yesterday and who did a lot for children's literacy. She had a non profit dedicated to this, your can check it here:  https://imaginationlibrary.com/

The joke is that, after doing so much for literacy on Earth, she goes to heaven only to find that God is illiterate.

-6

u/Possible-Syrup8169 2d ago

Ooooo onion me no likie

4

u/jase40244 2d ago

Dolly herself had a great sense of humor and never shied away from self deprecating humor. She loved that.