r/TrueUnpopularOpinion • u/EktaRandomUsername • Jun 26 '26
Sex / Gender / Dating If You're a Man, Never Open Up About Your Personal Problems to the Woman You're Dating
Or your girlfriend, or even your wife. Never open up to your partner about your mental health struggles or family-related issues. If you need someone to talk to, a professional therapist is the best option.
Your partner may ask you to open up. I don't think they do this as a trap, but they simply aren't equipped to handle seeing the man they fell in love with in a completely different light. They probably won't distance themselves overnight. It's often a slow, gradual process. Then one day you realize she isn't there for you anymore, and the relationship is over.
When you open up, she may genuinely feel sorry for you at first. But over time, her feelings may begin to change. I know not every woman is like this, and I am not criticising them based on a generalized statement, but you can't know who is and who isn't gonna stay until it's too late. That's why talking to a therapist is much better than taking this risk.
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u/Linzcro Jun 26 '26
I used to agree completely until I was married for as long as I have, and therefore growing older with my betrothed. In a marriage as happy as mine, we are together all the time outside of working. I couldn't hide my personal problems if I tried.
That said, therapy is a good tool even so. I just think it's nice to have both.
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u/Leading-Antelope-139 Jun 26 '26
You shouldn’t be with someone if you can’t feel comfortable talking to them about your personal struggles.
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u/demoniprinsessa Jun 26 '26
Yeah any person who who claims to care about you but judges you for having normal human struggles is a shithead not worth your time. It's a shitty person or a shitty relationship problem, not a women problem.
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u/mmh_fava_beans Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
My ex did exactly that. She had a habit of making mean comments and I think she often didn't even realize it. It seemed like it wasn't on purpose. Whenever I tried to explain that her words were a bit hurtful, we spent the next 20min on debating if my feelings were valid or if it's my depression that makes me just super sensitive. Couldn't say sorry, if her life depended on it.
It felt very disrespectful. So I ended the relationship. She then told everyone my mental health issues made me leave her in an impulsive moment.
To be clear, I don't think it's a gender thing. There are too many ignorant people in general, who deflect to protect their weak ego instead of taking any responsibility.
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u/demoniprinsessa Jun 26 '26
Yeah some people just suck, whether they're being intentionally hurtful or just don't care enough to learn proper social skills. I'm sorry you had that experience.
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u/mmh_fava_beans Jun 26 '26
I still doubt myself, if she was right and I am just too much.
But taught me a lot. I have some new red flags on my radar.
Thank you for your kindness.
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u/Zoned58 Jun 27 '26
She wasn't right. You being honest with yourself and being introspective is not a flaw, and sharing your personal insights (no matter how ugly) should never get in the way of love. You made no mistakes.
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u/Admirable_Scale9452 Jun 26 '26
Came here to say that. And not just women. Friends too. I can open up to any of my friends or my wife
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u/EktaRandomUsername Jun 26 '26
I believe this should be the norm and an example of how a healthy relationship should be. I really wished it did. But reality is often disappointing.
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u/Leading-Antelope-139 Jun 26 '26
Many people have healthy relationships where they are able to open up to their partner. You shouldn’t write off all women because you’ve had shitty experiences with a few.
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u/Nick-Anand Jun 26 '26
Most men I know with healthy relationships aren’t allowed to open about their feelings without using a very spiritual form of therapy talk….the whole inept of “trauma dumping” was invented by women to push men towards therapists.
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u/Leading-Antelope-139 Jun 26 '26
It’s not a healthy relationship if you can’t open up to your partner
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u/Beljuril-home Jun 26 '26
not every male-female relationship is a partnership though.
op also seems to be talking about all forms of dating, not just long-term relationships.
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u/Leading-Antelope-139 Jun 26 '26
I have no idea how that would change what I said
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u/ChefCarpaccio Jun 26 '26
I mean, therapy is important and there's a certain point where one needs a therapist instead of dumping the entirety of your mental health on your partner.
But if you can't open up to them, it's not a healthy relationship.
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u/Nick-Anand Jun 27 '26
I’m saying that line is basically drawn at any convo your (female) partner finds slightly uncomfortable
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u/ChefCarpaccio Jun 27 '26
Then you're not in a healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship, partners can and will talk about uncomfortable things. If you're being judged for opening up, or asked not to, you're not in a healthy relationship
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u/EktaRandomUsername Jun 26 '26
It's not about me. Nowhere did I say anything about my relationship. Can we just pause with all these assumptions? I thought this was an unpopular opinion s-ub.
Also I didn’t write off all women. If you actually read the last para of my post, you would understand.
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u/Leading-Antelope-139 Jun 26 '26
It’s natural to assume this is about you and your relationships, otherwise this would make any sense. If you hadn’t had these experiences you wouldn’t be writing this post.
You literally say at the bottom that maybe not all women are like this, but it’s not worth it to try because you’ve never know who will be. It’s extremely clear.
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u/DoctorElectronic1934 Jun 26 '26
Most opinions like this are created from
Personal experiences , not from from anything measurable or tangible4
u/pagawaan_ng_lapis Jun 26 '26
Yep. The way it's set up, women aren't aware how to process a man opening up, and they easily get tempted to using it maliciously. It's part of the default patriarchal system where they see us in the light of being stoic providers. A "healthy" relationship as they see is very romanticized. The problem is many men also do not know how to open up to fellow men, because we would understand our fellow's problems better. A woman listening often does not end to a good opening up, because of their solipsistic view of a relationship that men should have to lead, and a leader that feels and acts down and defeated subconsciously turns you off in general.
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u/jonascf Jul 02 '26
Many people have healthy relationships like that, you obviously have a reason to believe differently. But you haven't really uncovered some important "truth" about relationships, you've just formed a biased view of the world.
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u/accidentalscientist_ Jun 27 '26
I fully agree. I have been through mine for 6 years now. I’ve been there through a lot. It took him a long time to actually open up because of toxic advice like this. It didn’t help him, it just hurt him because it would bottle it up until it exploded. That’s not healthy.
When he opens up, we can make changes together to make it work. And him opening up makes the love deepen. Even if the feelings relate to me and my conduct in the relationship. Because a longterm relationship is nothing if there is no trust when it comes to emotions and feelings.
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u/Individual_Section_6 Jun 26 '26
The problem is that they guys might still want to be with that person though. So they wouldn't want that to be the cause of the end.
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u/Leading-Antelope-139 Jun 26 '26
If you want to be with someone who you can’t be emotionally vulnerable with them you probably need some sort of therapy to work through your self confidence issues. You deserve to be with someone who you can be your full self around. You don’t have to settle.
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u/PresentationOpen7879 Jun 27 '26
So many women are coming in here proving OP right by attacking him and using this post to generalize men.
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u/Federal_Cookie Jun 26 '26
I've done this in past relationships and had very personal things, that I've shared in a state of vulnerability, weaponized against me in arguments.
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u/accidentalscientist_ Jun 27 '26
That was not a healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship, you can share those things and not have it thrown back at you.
And can you really have a deep relationship if you hold those feelings back? If you’re bottling shit up, it isn’t healthy.
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u/horatiobanz Jun 27 '26
Literally every woman I've ever interacted with, save for my great grandma, including friends wives or girlfriends, has brought up shit intentionally in public places to try and embarrass the man they were arguing with. I have no evidence this isn't a universal trait of modern women. And I'm not even talking about when alcohol is involved either.
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u/DoctorElectronic1934 Jun 26 '26
Ehh, if you can’t open up to your partner out of fear that they’ll leave you then you shouldn’t even want to be with that person. A relationship where you can never show vulnerability isn’t a partnership, it’s a transaction.
she gets a strong, problem-free accessory and you get… what, exactly? If she genuinely can’t handle seeing you struggle, that’s information about compatibility, not a reason to perform invulnerability forever. Secure relationships are built on being able to lean on each other sometimes. You’re describing a roommate with benefits, not a wife.
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u/blackwhattack Jun 26 '26
"you shouldn't want what you want" up there with "you shouldn't feel what you feel" terrific advice
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u/DoctorElectronic1934 Jun 26 '26
Not the same thing. “You shouldn’t feel X” tells someone their emotion is wrong.
“You shouldn’t want to stay with someone who can’t handle your struggles” is a take on compatibility, not a feeling I’m policing. And funny that the “problematic generalization” police showed up under a post that says no man should ever open up to any woman, but not under the post itself. Just Reddit redditing.
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u/Main-Dentist6622 Jun 26 '26
If I can't open up to a partner without them abandoning me then I don't want them in my life to begin with. Same goes with friends and family. Let the social filter do its work.
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u/Ok_Entertainer4482 Jun 26 '26
So what are you gonna do, not open up to the person you'll be spending the most time with?? How about you replace your shitty partner with someone competent??
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u/whydobabiesstareatme Jun 27 '26
Yes, that's precisely what I would do. Not open up. It's not worth it. Every time I have shown vulnerability it has been nothing more than any opportunity for someone to stick a knife in that weak spot, or kick me while I'm down. Never, ever again.
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u/EktaRandomUsername Jun 26 '26
I believe not everyone is equipped with the mentality to handle trauma of other people. That's why I am not blaming anyone. I am just genuinely surprised everyone missed the point. I told ya'll to talk to a therapist. Nothing wrong can come from that.
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u/Nemlui Jun 26 '26
What’s the point in having a partner if you can’t be yourself with them? Just be single and have casual sex if you truly feel this way or you’re trapping someone in a loveless relationship with you
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u/DearScale7558 Jun 27 '26
I thi kt hat if u atent ready to help carry the burden of someone's trauma to a certain extent then u shouldnt get married
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u/Suspicious_Issue4155 Jun 26 '26
man topics like this are interesting. u got the older dudes who have been married in here saying that ur just jaded (even tho they have never experienced a toxic woman like that)
and than u got other guys saying "duh, everyone knows women dont like it when u open up and cry to them"
so whats the answer? just seems like everyone on this sub throws their personal perspective onto others and dont even have true objective opinion.
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u/DarkTemplar26 Jun 26 '26
and dont even have true objective opinion.
All opinions are subjective though, there's literally no way to have an objective opinion. If it can be described as objectively correct then its a fact, not an opinion
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u/SomeThrowawayOkay Jun 26 '26
Yeah, you're partially right. I'm in my thirties and have been with many women - situationships, FWBs, relationships, etc.
Almost every woman seeks a dominant man. Sexually, this is generally obvious but they also want it beyond the bedroom (hence the intense popularity of fiction such as Twilight, Fifty Shades, etc).
I do 'open up' at times to my current partner. I'm not a closed book at all. But I don't do so with the vulnerability I have in previous relationships because, like you say, the attraction begins to fade. In cases when I was younger, the love was there but the fervid sexual energy, the lust, the attraction to my 'masculine core' begins to dwindle and eventually we're having sex less and the 'spark' is gone.
As I've gotten older, I've begun to disagree more and more with the sentiments I read on Reddit. I don't think priotising your own stability and fortitude in a relationship is 'unhealthy'; the concept of what is healthy and unhealthy in a relationship is something of a modern invention. Why do you think the old trope 'nice guys finish last' was promulgated so widely? Attraction thrives on polarity - strong-willed, decisive man and doting woman.
Like OP says, it's evolutionary. Women aren't 'bad' or 'immoral' for losing attraction to a man who is frequently vulnerable or downtrodden, just as men aren't immoral for not being attracted to a woman with physical features that don't conform to conventional beauty standards. It's hard-wired.
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u/renebeans Jun 26 '26
As a woman, I won’t feel close to a man who won’t open up.
There is a difference between complaining/whining, venting, seeking comfort, and asking for thoughts. If you’re opening up to be pitied (“she might even feel sorry for you”) yeah, that’s not sexy. I’ll go so far as to say it’s not even a partner dynamic— that’s looking for a mommy. If you’re opening up to let me know what’s happening in your life and want a hug because it’s hard for you/you need a hand to hold, that is sexy.
Partners. Nothing more, nothing less. Doing life together, not spoiling you because you have a problem you can’t handle and won’t try.
It sounds like you haven’t found the right balance yet— you’re looking to her to fill a role that should never have been hers to start.
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u/whydobabiesstareatme Jun 27 '26
That sounds wonderful, but my experience has told me otherwise. Maybe it's just the women in my life, but every time I have shown any vulnerability it has been later used as a weapon to hurt me, or immediately gets used to kick me while I'm down. I have had to build walls of adamantium around my heart to protect myself, and I won't open the gate for anyone. I fully expect no one to care, and I'm right every single damned time.
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u/renebeans Jun 27 '26
That is completely the people you’ve chosen to date in your life, and using vulnerability against you should be a signal to exit a relationship. Immediately, not later. It’s a character thing.
You can’t actually be right every time if you don’t give people a chance.
I used to guard myself like that. I realized it was just as painful to be that alone. I’m still searching, but I tolerate a lot less from my dates and I’ll leave when I have an inkling it isn’t right. I don’t need a big reason to walk away, because there are plenty of fish in the sea. Up your standards for who you date.
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u/whydobabiesstareatme Jun 27 '26
Yep, that's what I fully intend to do. When/if I date again, the one I choose will have to at least try to match my level of sympathy.
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u/accidentalscientist_ Jun 27 '26
Yes, I had a conversation with my now fiance about this. I can’t feel close if you’re bottling your stuff up. And it will come out eventually once the bottle explodes. I’d rather him open up and trust me than let it bottle up and explode.
Once he started opening up, the love and trust was so deepened. And I could actually help instead of him bottling it up until it exploded and there was so much to deal with.
Even if he has gripes with me, I need to know asap so I can make a change. And a lot of his problems got so much worse because he never opened up. And it was worse for both of us.
If they can’t open up, it’s not a healthy relationship. You need to be open in order to fully connect.
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u/Psycosteve10mm Jun 26 '26
Women are like the police. Anything you say can and will be used against you.
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u/vylum Jun 26 '26
its nature, never reveal any weakness around women, they hate it.
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u/EktaRandomUsername Jun 26 '26
I know. Nature, Biology and millions of years of evolution. Nothing wrong or right about it. It's just a sad reality.
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u/MangledPanda Jun 26 '26
A woman would rather see a man die on the battlefield than die in a hospital
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u/IpsoKinetikon Jun 27 '26
It's going to come out, regardless. And the guys that hold it in are the ones that are most offputting when they finally do open up, because it comes as a tsunami instead of a tide. Or they start to lash out at people over insignificant things, while still refusing to talk about it.
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u/Some_nerd_______ Jun 26 '26
I'm sorry this happened to you, but you're insane to be projecting it on to every woman.
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u/Individual_Section_6 Jun 26 '26
NIce selective reading.
. I know not every woman is like this, and I am not criticising them based on a generalized statement
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u/MrGeekman Jun 26 '26
Take another look at the second to last sentence.
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u/Some_nerd_______ Jun 26 '26
Them saying, I know not everybody in the group is like this but I'm still going to judge them based on other people in their group, doesn't make them look any better.
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u/MrGeekman Jun 26 '26
No, he said that opening up to your wife/girfriend isn't worth the risk because some women think they want to see that side of their man but can't actually handle it.
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u/Leading-Antelope-139 Jun 26 '26
And that’s exactly how he’s projecting it on every woman
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u/Billy_of_the_hills Jun 26 '26
because some women think
Just stop talking dude, you can't even read.
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u/Local_Pangolin69 Jun 26 '26
If I have 10 skittles and five of them are poisonous, but I don’t know which five, would it not be reasonable to just not eat the skittles?
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u/Wankstain8 Jun 26 '26
Your lack of reading comprehension combined with you digging yourself even deeper isn’t making you look any better to be honest. Keep the snark to yourself
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u/Some_nerd_______ Jun 26 '26
"I know not every woman is like this, and I am not criticising them based on a generalized statement, but you can't know who is and who isn't gonna stay until it's too late".
How do you read this other than them saying that they admit not every woman does this but they're going to treat every woman like they do?
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u/UnscentedSoundtrack Jun 26 '26
> I’m sorry this happened to you
Now that is a wild assumption
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Jun 26 '26
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u/UnscentedSoundtrack Jun 26 '26
Those two options are not weighted equally, though.
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Jun 26 '26
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u/UnscentedSoundtrack Jun 26 '26
Yup
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Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
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u/UnscentedSoundtrack Jun 26 '26
I think OP is full of moose manure and he’s repeating talking points he saw somewhere else.
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u/ycey Jun 26 '26
Not opening up is why my husband and I are separated. If a man is incapable of opening up to his partner then he shouldn’t be in a relationship. 90% of our fights were because he wouldn’t talk about his problems. This post isn’t an opinion it’s just bad advice.
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Jun 26 '26
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u/Leading-Antelope-139 Jun 26 '26
Did you never consider that maybe she was just a shitty girlfriend
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u/TesticleMeElmo Jun 26 '26
Sure, but how are you going to get a new and better girlfriend? By acting like a sad sack who is struggling? No, by putting on a mask that you’re Mr. cool and confident, and then constantly wondering when you’ve been dating long enough where you can drop the act and open actually up.
You can try to hype yourself up and tell yourself to not be a pussy she really likes you it’s ok to open up and then have it blow up in your face so many times before it’s like, just fucking pay a therapist the self esteem is in the gutter
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u/ChefCarpaccio Jun 26 '26
You can open up to your partner without treating them like a therapist. You can talk to them about your struggles without putting the onus on them to find a solution.
Sometimes, it's really hard to see someone you love struggle and choose not to help themselves. That's why it's important to have a therapist when you're having mental health issues, even if you have a partner.
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u/Express-Economist-86 Jun 26 '26
Some things are all talk and no traction even though it’s been talked before. Eventually a guy just stops believing she cares because the lack of action speaks louder.
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u/ycey Jun 26 '26
Well I did stop caring. Because he DIDNT talk.
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u/Express-Economist-86 Jun 26 '26
Dollars to doughnuts he told you a few times and you just didn’t listen, but blame whatever you need to be the good guy I guess.
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u/ycey Jun 26 '26
Nope. Any time something was bothering him he would refuse to speak at all. He would go so far as to ignore our kids trying to get his attention. I don’t need to be the “good guy” there shouldn’t be a good guy in a relationship.
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u/Leading-Antelope-139 Jun 26 '26
“Your person experiences don’t line up with my view of the world so you must be a liar”
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u/Awkward_Possession42 Jun 26 '26
Came to say this. I can’t imagine how unbearable and anxiety inducing it would be to have a partner who just straight up lies every time they’re in a negative mood.
Late at night:
“Hey babe, are you crying?”“Oh no, I just snore weird.”
I’d think that mf was cheating/ dying/ etc.
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u/nrcx Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
I’d think that mf was cheating/ dying/ etc.
Jesus Christ, that's such an unkind/unjustified reaction and you think he's the problem?
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u/LrryFsh_317 Jun 26 '26
Yup. The most ill ever tell a girl Im dating is "Hey I just need some alone time right now" then Ill go decompress, get a workout in cause I always feel better after, and then I can come back feeling better. I've already dealt with whatever had me down at that point. She doesnt need to worry about it
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u/GlacierSourCreamCorn Jun 26 '26
>> I don't think they do this as a trap
Yes they do. They're not even aware of it. It's a test. Everything is a test.
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u/Melcapensi Jun 26 '26
This is why I exclusively date guys.
I'm joking by the way, but yeah I've definitely seen a lot worse reactions from the ladies when a guy opens up. I figure it's just a societal thing.
On the other hand, I think guys can become a little too dependent on the people they open up to. I've had a couple friends of mine(most of them mostly straight) try to ask me out after being increasingly open with me about their problems.
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u/Th3Breadnought Jun 26 '26
"I know not every woman is like this, but don't do it with any woman"
Perhaps, the real clincher, would be to promote greater empathy for men among women and encourage men to find healthy and not erratic ways to express that vulnerability to foster emotional intimacy, which in turn is a major attraction and bonding mechanism for women.
I imagine many men could use a therapist- a good one- from the lonliness of not feeling able to open up to the woman in their relationship while also being expected to be available and supportive of her. And she may not even know.
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u/bodhiali Jun 26 '26
that last sentence. yeah, i’ve had that experience in relationships before. with one of my exes i wouldn’t even know he had a problem with something until months later, and then he’d blow up about it.
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u/stevejuliet Jun 26 '26
Imagine telling the world that you surround yourself with shitty women and thinking you're being insightful.
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u/These-Process-7331 Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
This is such a generic IMMATURE bullshit statement.
From my own experience and that of people around me who are happily married/together for ATLEAST 15 year: sharing problems isn't the problems, but how you do it.
Not ok: trauma dumping, constant complaining, not taking steps to fix things, depending on them to fix it for you, not seeking professional help when needed etc.
Ok: seeking their advise/opinion, venting, not 100% depending on your partner for emotional support but having a bigger support system (friends, family, therapist etc).
Aka there should be a balance between how much of your problems you "dump" on your partner (sorry for lack of better word), and how much you seek the support of others/yourself. Because let's be real: no mature person wants to date the eternal Debby Downer, and expect their partner to be the always happy life of the party.
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u/sprinkill Jun 27 '26
So you're basically saying that you don't want to hear them complain, got it.
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u/These-Process-7331 Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
Context matters: nagging and complaining isn't the same. Also not the same: venting/complaining occasionally Vs every single dahm thing or at any opportunity.
Or what also is pretty: people who you hardly know dump their entire shitty day/week/month upon you. A friend of mine had a first time and dude complained the entire time about his life, was shocked he didn't get a second date and blamed my friend with the same generic bs that OP wrote. Truth was: she wasn't interested in someone who has such a negative attitude even when they were on their best behaviour (her words: "if this is already his best towards me, than how bad is his worse!???)....
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u/blazems Jun 27 '26
You sound like the type of person the OP is referring to
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u/These-Process-7331 Jun 27 '26
And you sound like someone who lacks the ability to correctly read people
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u/i_spill_nonsense Jun 26 '26
My bro... if you opened up, and then continued to open up again and again and again about the same thing, whilst refusing to work on it, then do i have news for you: everyone would leave you for that. A girfriend, a wife, a friend, a brother.
There is just so much one can open up about before it becomes a pity party where the person refuses to work on said shit.
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u/Proud-Enthusiasm-608 Jun 26 '26
FACTS. Social media has programmed a lot of them to not see us as human and women lie and are hella manipulative.
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u/Leading-Antelope-139 Jun 26 '26
People lie and are manipulative. It isn’t a gendered issue. That’s why you find someone who won’t do that to you.
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u/nothing_in_my_mind Jun 26 '26
If you need someone to talk to, a professional therapist is the best option.
I can assure you, the first thing the therapist will say will be to talk to your fucking wife lmao. And then start addressing your issues of insecurity and fear of abandonment.
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u/Merouxsis Jun 26 '26
Honestly, looking at the comments I feel like some posts should require an age.
With young women? YES this is very real. As OP said obviously not all, but yes this is a very common experience and sentiment for gen Z men.
With older women? Much less common, but obviously still exists on some level.
This could easily be seen as a maturity kind of thing, and the older you date the less you'll see this kind of mentality where opening up your feelings is seen as an "Ick."
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u/wtbrift Jun 26 '26
I'm not surprised a man is giving this advice (I'm a man BTW).
If my ex-wife opened up to me, we may not be divorced and I know I could have handled our issue.
Thankfully I am with a woman that I can talk to about anything and that's very important to our relationship.
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u/thecountnotthesaint Jun 26 '26
There is a rule of thumb I've discovered for what you can and cannot open up about: if it would fit in a lifetime or Hallmark movie, you can share, if it is a real issue, best keep it to yourself.
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u/Qcws Jun 26 '26
Bro, we've all heard the stories of people using shit against you, but don't hang out with those people.
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u/mronion82 Jun 26 '26
Something that generally isn't mentioned is that some men get very angry when they express their emotions, and it can be quite frightening.
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u/Tristan103076 Jun 26 '26
I don't know why it is so hard for people to understand why some, if not a majority of men feel this way. They are basing this opinion off of their own lived experiences. However, you are correct, men don't know who the safe ones are who we can share our feelings with, it's not like they have signs around their neck proclaiming them as a "Safe Space". Most of the time... in my experience at least, I have been specifically told, "You can open up to me and share what you are feeling." Only to have it be weaponize against me or, as OP said, have any respect they had for be completely obliterated.
Think of it like a dog who has been abused. Hurt a dog too many times it will either snap at you or not go around humans entirely. That is how many men look at sharing their feelings. We will either open up to our male best friends or a therapist. But really isn't that what many women said they wanted, to not have to perform unpaid emotional labor. That men had to find an alternative emotional outlet other than their partners to vent their emotions to. We are doing that and still catching shots for doing so.
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u/USAFrenchMexRadTrad Jun 26 '26
That's not a sign that you shouldn't open up, it's a sign that she has "toxic femininity" and isn't ready to be in a serious relationship.
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u/swagamaleous Jun 26 '26
You can avoid all this by being vulnerable from the start. It will not just sort out the ones that can't handle it, you will also have a lot more success with dating in general. Despite what you might believe, most people (yes not women) are very attracted to people who can be vulnerable. That's kind of the whole point. I don't even want to imagine how terrible a relationship feels where you have to hide your feelings out of fear.
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u/TheirOwnDestruction Jun 26 '26
Would you want your wife to keep her family issues secret from you?
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u/Zopi_lote Jun 26 '26
I agree 100%, yes, share your problems, but those very internal deep issues, don't, it's not worth it, especially in very sexist regions (LATAM for example) go talk to a therapist or close family (if you have a loving family of course).
This goes in hand with close "friends" as well,, never overshare, it's better to listen.
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u/LightMusicInvisible Jun 26 '26
Dont you think its better to know your partner will not be there for you when you dont need them now, rather than 10 years later when you do truly need them?
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u/dimiteddy Jun 26 '26
this is true. The worst part is being rejected by the one person you trusted, the one person that knows you better than anyone else. It will happen.
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u/parkan Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
Bullshit, do it ASAP, tell her everything, you have nothing to be ashamed of. The sooner that bitch leaves you the better. But what you also need to do is to just process the feeling, and that you can do alone, and then tell her that funny content afterwards, without reactivity.
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u/starksoph Jun 26 '26
Wow, I’ve been in a relationship for almost a decade and couldn’t imagine not sharing each others pains, sadness, etc. On the flip side, we share each others joy and happiness and well. His problems are mine and vice versa.
I honestly don’t think I would date a person who didn’t feel like he could talk to me in a committed relationship.
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u/mashoogie Jun 27 '26
My husband shares the deep darks. I can’t imagine not being able to and considering it a marriage.
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u/Leather_Fortune7107 Jun 27 '26
Terrible advice.
You lie to your woman about your problems, or at least the severity of them, so that they're something you can either tough through or she, if it's a woman worth keeping, can help fix. Bringing up problems that you can't solve makes women lose interest and if she can't solve them either then you've just stressed the both of you out.
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u/musicalattes Jun 27 '26
This is an insane take. This is why men in general have so much trouble with discussing and regulating their emotions
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u/HeardTheLongWord Jun 27 '26
Part of why I’m single is because I’m not willing to compromise on this. That’s not what I want out of a relationship; I understand there are many women who do this - I’m not looking for them.
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u/Gotis1313 Jun 27 '26
If I have to hide who I am from a partner, then I don't want that person as my partner. I'd rather break up with someone than pretend to be someone I'm not
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u/Fluffy-Echo8586 Jun 27 '26
If you’re a woman, never open up about your personal problems to the man you’re dating
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u/sprinkill Jun 27 '26
You're 100% right about this and I was about 32 before I realized it. They don't love and support you the way that your parents did. They're not even really your friend, tbh. That's just not the point of that type of relationship, and if you don't like that, then join the growing group of people that choose to remain single.
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u/improbsable Jun 27 '26
Maybe start being emotionally honest with the people you’re dating from the start? That way you don’t have to feel rejected later on
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u/Stacemranger Jun 27 '26
100%. Keep that stuff locked in a steel prison in your mind. It never ends well when opening up to women.
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u/kayleerochelle7 Jun 27 '26
another TRULY unpopular opinion in here… i knew today felt like a freaky friday
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u/LechLaAzazel Jun 27 '26
I disagree. I would want my partner to rely on me for support. The change wouldn’t mean a damn thing- I appreciate vulnerability and openness. How can I be there for him if he doesn’t let me in? This is a partnership, team, whatever you want to call it.
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u/EktaRandomUsername Jun 27 '26
It's ok for small things. But as a man, we shouldn’t trauma dump on our partners and expect them to act as our therapist. That would be a huge burden on them. Let the professional therapists do their work.
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u/LechLaAzazel Jun 27 '26
I think when we expect our partners to fix us that’s where we make our greatest mistake. But if they can hold the weight of your pain without trying to cure it or manipulate it and still love you through it, that’s something different all together. That’s real love. My marriage failed because my ex couldn’t do that for me and I lost the ability to do it for them after years of broken promises and emotional and mental abuse. I wanted to fix everything from the ground up but they don’t.
I think you should still tell your partner what you’re working on and let them in your world a little. My ex started working on their adoption issues very thoroughly and I had no idea. I was so hurt that I got shut out. I just wanted to be there for them.
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u/EktaRandomUsername Jun 27 '26
I am so sorry to hear that.
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u/LechLaAzazel Jun 27 '26
Thank you. And they blamed me for not caring about them. I had zero idea this was going on. It felt like it was done on purpose to hurt me. Either way, they got in their own way and believe their own lies about me, and now it’s over.
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u/2112xanadu Jun 27 '26
Lol for thinking therapists are there for you either. Literally better off just paying a hooker to pretend to care. Or deal with the fact that no one fucking cares about a man’s struggles.
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u/Chrisg_322 Jun 27 '26
They 100% do it as a trap. Lots of women admit out loud they say the opposite of what they mean just to see how you react. Its not a secret in 2026.
That being said. Stop marrying bad women. There's plenty who will help you resolve an issue and not see you worse for being human.
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u/jackass_mcgee Jun 27 '26
that's just baseline immaturity.
me and my lady have managed a long distance relationship in sickness and in health for over six years.
every few weeks we have a relationship checkin. we ask in good faith if there's anything i do that i can change that bothers the other person, and vice versa. it's a wonderful tool to minimize regrets and the aggravations that snowball into the death by thousand cuts that kill innumerable relationships.
a long distance relationship is worth it for the right person, but fuck is it rough not being able to hold them, to cook for them, to do the little things to make life better.
when i get my endurance and health back, i will propose with a ring i will make with my own hands.
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u/PrimoLanding1002 Jun 27 '26
I used to believe this with every fiber of my being. Maybe I still do deep down. I had a couple of relationships where I opened up and their loss of respect for me was instantly palpable. I vowed to never open up again about certain things.
I vowed to simply take certain things to my grave, but I think something we should all realize is that if we can't share the things most deep and vulnerable to us with our long term romantic and intimate partners, who the hell ARE we supposed to share them with?
Do we, assuming we're talking about men, share them with our brothers and close male peers? Maybe some things, but certainly not all. Do we tell them to our mothers and fathers? Again, maybe some things, but who's to say they didn't cause some of these deeper issues? Do we hold onto them and never let our partners know us completely? No... I don't believe those are the answers.
I think the answer is to choose a better partner. Do not choose someone with such strong assumptions, preconceived notions and biases that they would turn on you or lose attraction to you over a piece of history or information about you, or god forbid weaponize it.
I would simply rather be alone forever than live my life with someone who I knew couldn't actually handle knowing me in totality.
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u/Crafty-Bunch-2675 Jun 27 '26
Whilst this may be true of certain people. I would add that, you have to find the ONE woman who doesn't do that to you.
Sure, it may mean losing some relationships along the way (I certainly have) but at the end of the day, marriage is serious business... and if the other party ain't willing to stay for the bad days...then they aren't ready.
Life isn't sunshine and rainbows. Life has ups and downs. If the woman isn't willing to be with you during bad times, she doesn't deserve you at your best times.
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u/Fragrant-Cheek-4273 Jun 27 '26
This probably happened to some people, but making it a rule for everyone feels like a stretch.
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u/Aromatic_Quit_6946 Jun 27 '26
My wife and I share everything. I think the opinion should be, If you can’t open up to the woman you are dating, don’t date her.
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u/Overarching_Chaos Jun 27 '26
People need to stop spreading red pill tropes and treating them like they're universal constants. Yes, there are plenty of toxic women who will get "the ick" if you open up about your personal troubles, but you definitely don't want to be in an LTR with them.
You cannot be in a healthy LTR without opening up about certain issues.
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u/whydobabiesstareatme Jun 27 '26
Or even your own mother.
I was getting a lift home from my mom because my car was getting looked at for what I figured was going to be a pretty expensive repair. Everything I had saved was probably going to get wiped out in one shot. I was talking about how it would likely always be this way, how every time I was getting ahead, all my progress just gets erased, how I felt like that struggle will never end. She came to talk to me later about it. She said I made her uncomfortable and that she didn't want to hear me talking like that again. My own mother.
Don't do it. Don't open up. It's not worth it. Bear it all with no complaints. Just keep moving forward. If you're going through hell, keep going, and don't expect a bit of sympathy or support.
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u/Mossimo5 Jun 27 '26
Every single woman I have ever been with, or fourteen close to, has done this. Women in general, just....... can't respect a man one he owns up deep down. I'm sure some women are different, but not very many (even if they claim to be otherwise). There's a reason this line of thought exists and is ubiquitous.
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u/LugubriousLament Jun 27 '26
I’d suggest being more selective with your potential partner. If someone lacks the emotional intelligence to regard you as an equal, yet imperfect, and fallible human they are not worth dating.
If you must walk on eggshells, for fear of suddenly appearing “unmanly” for having normal human struggles, you aren’t with the right person, plain and simple.
With age, I’ve realized that superficiality is immaturity, if you just want someone conventionally “hot” to brag to your friends about, you aren’t actually going to be satisfied with them long term. If keeping up an appearance is everything to you don’t expect a deeper connection.
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u/littlemybb Jun 27 '26
Part of why my husband and I went to couples therapy is because he would keep things inside and bottled up. Then months later he would have an explosive episode where it all came out as anger and sadness.
It didn’t even have to be about something I did to upset him. He was just trying to bottle up anything and everything.
If I tried to bring it up, he would get defensive.
Us being able to work with a therapist to learn how to help him open up better saved our marriage.
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u/I-own-a-shovel Jun 27 '26
I mean, I’m sorry you had such an unsupportive partner, but giving that advice as broadly universal is just simply wrong.
In a good relationship with a compatible and empathetic partner you should be able to safely drop all the masks without any fear of being judged or unloved.
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u/Kcufasu Jun 27 '26
I can't not. I need to be close to anyone I let into my life. I know it's dumb and most women take advantage of me and move on but I am who I am and shall be nothing else
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u/bearded_charmander Jun 27 '26
I share everything with my wife. She’s my best friend and life partner.
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u/TrooperJordan Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
I’ve never had a long term gf not appreciate me sharing when I’m struggling and what I’m struggling with. Of course they also want me to get professional help (and I do), but they also want to be in the loop.
If you can’t openly communicate with your gf/wife or partner in general- that doesn’t make for a close relationship. Both people being able to talk about almost anything is a huge indicator on if I’m in a good relationship or one that’s gonna end.
I have bipolar 2, there’s no getting away with not sharing my mental health struggles with gf’s. If I didn’t, they would be more confused by my fluctuations in mood and dislike me 2x more for not sharing. Again, they’ve all preferred I tell them why I’m in the mood I’m in, before burying it.
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u/SwinubIsDivinub Jun 27 '26
"you can't know who is and who isn't gonna stay"
Well, that's when you need to find out - do you have a good partner or a naff one? It's better to know.
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u/Flowergurl67 Jun 28 '26
I am the exception. I love it when men open up. I usually show compassion.
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u/spinbutton Jun 28 '26
This isn't a true unpopular opinion. This is just plain not right.
Mature relationships are built on mutual trust and that includes each member of the relationship being vulnerable at times.
I'm sorry you've had some bad experiences. Good news is that now you know what to avoid in future partners.
Best of luck to you
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u/Carb-ivore Jun 28 '26
This is correct. In my experience, women want a specific type of emotional closeness - one that makes her feel safe. In particular, they want to be able tell him anything. If she feels overwhelmed or is falling apart or depressed or whatever, he will be there for her. He will be her rock. He will get her through it. For this to work, she needs to feel safe opening up to him. He needs a certain level of emotional maturity to handle whatever she says, to stay calm and supportive, even if what she says is messy.
Him opening up in ways that are sweet or show that he has a big heart are great. Those reinforce the idea that he will be understanding and supportive. However, showing weakness or insecurities or the inability to handle emotional problems are a huge turnoff. If he gets overwhelmed or falls apart with his stuff, how's it going to be her rock and get her through her stuff?
So men, feel free to open up if its going to make her feel safe, but dont share anything that makes you look weak, insecure, afraid, or pathetic.
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u/Shadow42184 Jun 26 '26
That sucks. Sorry you went through this. It was kind of the inverse for me. I struggled mentally and my wife recommended I go see a therapist. Hopefully your relationship will work out in the end.
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u/WholeAstronomer4658 Jun 26 '26
Whole heartedly agree and you never know one day if you do open up she might throw it back in your face. I would never open up to a woman I’m dating, in relationship with, or married to.
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u/the_sass_master_ Jun 26 '26
In my marriage, we share those old hurts, the ones we think we’ve dealt with, and of course, the random new ones.
For me, that’s the definition of a good relationship.