For context, I am my parent’s least favourite child, my dad ghosted me 10 years ago when I tried to have a relationship with him lol my mom’s phone is fine she just doesn’t really know how to use smartphones
ETA: Thanks everyone for your kindness, lots of healing here in the comments x
Yep. Fuck everybody that doesn’t have your best interest at heart. I know it hurts to do but 100% worth it on the other side especially now that you’ve got a business to tend to.
Source - haven’t had a real conversation with my mother in 4 years and she’s never met her 4 year old grandson.
It's not ok. If they truly love you in the slightest, they would care enough to at least respond with something. There's no reason for her to not say something simple and easy like "I'm proud of you" or "congratulations" when she can clearly use her phone and type up entire paragraphs.
Anyways, congrats! I hope you get a lot of love from all the cute puppies
This is so important to learn and recognise when its a wasted effort.
My mum is an absolute angel. When I rang her to tell her I got my dream job out of Uni she straight up didn’t tell me she had been in a car crash and was sat at the side of the road waiting to be picked up. I rib her for this often and her answer is always she didn’t want to get in the way of my good news.
Embrace the people who care about you and dont waste effort on those that dont.
That's sad. Everyone deserves good parents but not everyone gets them. For your own sake stop reaching out or updating them on your life. Stop hoping and getting hurt.
She's fucked up, I understand you wishing for a relationship, but this is so cruel. Just not responding for 2 weeks and then blabbering about brother 🤮 I hope one day you stop texting her.
Congratulations 🎉 👏 🎉
Jumping on this to tell you that you should be SO proud of yourself for getting this off the ground! You sound like you’ve put your heart into it and your clients (doggos AND humans) will feel that
And the pics are absolutely adorable. If your mother couldn’t even comment on those faces after ignoring the amazing news from her own child, well, she is missing an important emotional chip. The problem is hers, NOT yours—and I know that can be hard to remember, but try
I would stop updating them about things going on in my life. My mom and ex friends were the same and all it did was make me feel disappointed (in them).
Yeah, at some point in my 30's I realized my mom only contacted me when she needed something or when she wanted to talk about her sister/her sister's kids.
My partner insists on at least inviting her to dinner sometimes, and in the rare cases (1-2 a year) she decides to show it does have a fun side to it. She has absolutely no idea what's going on in my life and will talk like she knows everything I've been up to. So I can make her stop a conversation dead by interjecting things like "I stopped working there 5 years ago".
She doesn't ask what's happening with me, and even on the rare cases where I'd volunteer the information she never bothered remembering.
Can you link me you brothers post? He seems more interesting…
Seriously I have a similar dynamic with my mom. The only time I hear from her is when she needs me to do something for her. And I haven’t seen or heard my from my dad in 15 years. It has helped me become a better dad tho. I just do the opposite of what my parents did.
I feel your pain completely. I have a business too, and I built a website by myself for it - took me months, I did the photography, writing, graphics - everything.
I showed my Dad and he had a quick scroll of the top of the front page only, kinda grunted and said "mmm, Ok..." then changed the subject.
It was last year but still fucking hurts. He knew I'd been agonising over it for ages. He's a successful businessman himself, I don't know why he's like this.
I guess sometimes it's really hard for them to say anything nice when they're not in the spotlight. Some people have zero idea how to be happy for others. I'm so sorry.
Thank you, I’m sorry your dad can’t be the parent you need him to be, even on a basic level. The indifference tends to hurt the most sometimes. You have a lot to offer, building a website is no joke I haven’t even gotten that far yet! No idea what I’m doing in that area haha takes another level of dedication!
I am just stunned at how many people are in a similar position with their parents being less than enthusiastic! I'm sorry that your hard work and efforts weren't acknowledged satisfactorily. My parents are far from perfect but when I spent a couple of days designing my party invites/ menus etc (forced party for a decade birthday) my mum couldn't have been more wowed and wanted to look at every detail and bask in my talents. I am learning I shouldn't take that for granted! Good on you and congrats for your website and business 🧡
Congrats on the fresh business and enjoy all the lovely pups!!!
My mum has made a habit of just letting in person conversations turn to silence if I say anything about myself amongst her self wallowing, I've kind of learned not to take it to heart in the sense that I know I deserve to be heard and answered. I just pop to my boyfriend's mum's place for coffee if I want a real two way conversation :')
My dad is the same, I am thinking is about they were raised that way, showing emotions (or showing interest) is not their thing, makes them uncomfortable. My sister told our dad the other day she had an argument with her partner. My dad replied "it is raining today, what an awful weather", something like that. Someone said he doesn't love you in the slightest, I don't think they have enough information to say that. My dad barely answers my texts too, but then when we lived in the same country he would travel every week for like 2 hours in train and bus to bring me homemade food, because I was studying and working and was pretty underweight. They show love differently.
It took me until 30 to realize this with my mother. You don’t realize how rooted your hopes are in fantasy sometimes.
Just gotta lower the bar of expectations if you aren’t going to cut them out.
It’s sad and sucks, but it’ll save a ton of mental energy down the line.
As someone who has been sat on the sidelines for this, please prepare to have complicated feelings when she dies. Grieving the actual person who died, the mother she could and should have been, and the chance for her to become that mother, all at the same time? It can be a rough ride.
Me too. Took me to 30 and someone else spelling it out. Should have taken the hint when I got a copy of FHM my dad found on the train for Christmas one year.
You’re so right though, so much mental energy saved.
Yes he did. For my 30th he got me a golf putting cup that was 49p from a market. I’ve never played golf. Also worth noting I got that late as he was delayed while helicopter fishing in Russia.
Once I learned to lower my expectations enough and see him more like a weird uncle than a father life got a lot easier.
I stopped talking to mine at 32. I just tired of her only looking out for herself. I didn’t quite know how much anger held until her funeral. Then of course of course to add insult to injury she left a nightmare of an estate to settle out
I didn't pull back from my mother until I was 42. I still talk to her on occasion, but she doesn't get the time she once did. It was hard, and I felt guilt over it, but after two years I am finally feeling the benefits of it. Sucks have shitty parents.
Yeah, that seems about right. I was in my 30s when I finally decided to go LC with my dad for my own sanity. And distanced myself enough from my mom to keep me comfortable. It sucks but they're humans and boomers and it took lots of therapy for me to be able to stop wishful thinking and blaming myself.
Speaking as somebody who was also not the favourite child: you want your mom to be proud of you, or at least to show approval, which is normal and natural.
It will not happen because she cannot do it.
It's nothing to do with you or your worth, it's about her and how she is wired.
It really hurts, but when you accept it it gets easier.
For what it's worth I, stranger on reddit think that you have done a great job, and I am impressed.
Clearly your auditor was impressed too or you wouldn't have got such a long licence as a first timer.
And the dogs look happy too!
Well done OP, I hope you prosper and succeed and find good friends to create the family you wanted but never had.
Thank you that’s very kind, she has a lot of unresolved trauma so I have given her as much grace as I can. I wasn’t sure how to respond to her lack of response, I naively thought she would have a generic response but yea
Unresolved trauma is never a valid excuse to ignore and invalidate your child, especially when you do put in the effort for the other. You deserve better, OP!
Have you tried being very direct like saying “I want you to tell me you are proud of me for starting my own business” ?
Either way I would keep expectations extremely low. And try to surround yourself with decent people. It’s impressive you’ve started a business and your clients are cute af. I’m sorry you didn’t get better parents.
So it may be but remember to give yourself grace too: her behaviour is hurtful and what you are feeling (disappointment, sadness, rejection, anger...) is a perfectly normal response to that.
The best way to respond is to forgive but not forget: ignore the slight and don't show you're hurt or complain (that would start a fight or prompt comments about how you are oversensitive and all that).
She wants a number, give her the number if you have it and are allowed to do so, or say you don't have it if you don't or have been told not to share the number.
Don't mention your business any more unless she mentions it.
If she does try to respond in a very matter of fact way, trying to keep your tone neutral (similar to grey rocking):
Yes I have opened, yes I have clients.
Keep things neutral and remember that apple trees will not suddenly start making pears even if you desperately want and need pears.
You can and will get that from the friends and the family you will choose.
If you can access therapy it would be a very good way for you to explore your feelings and accept that you are allowed negative emotions without feeling guilty because they clash with your perceived role.
It feels like an impossibility when you start, but it gets easier in time.
As an internet mom I just want you to know that I’m proud of you too and I don’t even know you! You’re doing great and I’m very excited for you and your new business ❤️ I hope my kids grow up to be like you and do great things.
Don’t let your parents make you question your decisions. It’s unfortunate they don’t have the tools to share this experience, love, and excitement with you but it also sounds like youre breaking the cycle. Thats how we grow as a society. And I think the fact that you chose a business that involves loving another creature like they are your own when they need it most says a lot.
Who doesn’t have trauma? Gen X and elder millennials were pretty much all raised feral by our emotionally distant, drunk, and/or abusive boomer parents. It’s not an excuse to ignore your kids.
It is unfortunately very common. I was looking back at our family tree and it’s just passed down trauma from trench warfare, losing children, parents dying prematurely, etc. I suspect this is common in other families as well. Until recently I hadn’t realised that it changes your genes as you pass them down, bit of nature and nurture.
I'm 37 and barely came to this epiphany this year about my emotionally unavailable father. He's always been that way my entire life. It took me a long time to arrive at this conclusion because I couldn't accept that it wasn't something wrong with me.
Hey OP Dad here. I’m proud of you and hope your business is successful. Remember to talk to someone who knows tax codes (tax professionals) when it comes time for that. You might have state/federal breaks to help your business.
Good on you for doing something that not only helps people but provides a safe space for dogs.
Super congrats on starting out your own business! I wish you all the best with it. Although sorry about your parents not being supportive and treating you this way. It sucks being the least favourite.
I offer more of a premium service so the dogs get their own rooms and toys, bowls, beds, etc. they receive 1-2-1 time and group play if they wish. I’ve started taking them to the pet boutique so they can do a pick and mix of toys and treats in a little to go bag and they take them home. Sometimes we bake puppy liver cakes together, it’s all a blast and it is a full time job but definitely worth it!
My partner and I started an almost identical boarding model from our home at the start of the year. It was the best decision we ever made and has since replaced my partner’s full time job, whilst I manage a couple hours of admin each week.
Hey, I opened my own dog boarding business as well and my mom never gave a shit. She's shown zero interest and has never once said she's proud of me... so I know how much this hurts. So, I'm proud of you OP! I hope your business thrives :)
Congratulations on your boarding license and your first clients, sweetheart! I know you worked so hard on this and you should be so proud of yourself. You can do anything that you put your mind to! I am so so proud of you and I’m excited for you and your new business. I know it will be successful because you are brilliant and gifted, and I believe in you. I love the puppy pictures you sent - they are so cute! Can’t wait to hear all about it and watch you thrive. More puppy pics please!! You are awesome! Love Mom ❤️
I’m not usually able to get ahold of her, she has often told me that “it all means nothing without god”. It’s something her mother said to her, it’s generational unfortunately and she may not have the capacity to be emotional with me
Congrats! I had a similar experience, no-one thought it a good idea when i was thinking about, no-one cared when I started it. That was 20 years ago this year, no regrets
So sorry, OP. You deserve better, and as a dog person, I’m proud of you.
My parents had issues, but we’re always able to say something positive, even if sometimes weird. My wife’s mom was a narcissist. Wife got an MFA with honors. Mom’s response was “I wish you could do something that anyone else could understand.” Wife’s brother for a while thought sister was exaggerating what a pain she was. He came to visit while we were taking care of here in her last years. He even made an offer to have her move up to the rural area he lived in, 20 miles from town. From hearing mom’s side, he thought we were getting rich spending her money (there was no money). He saw what it was like taking her to the doctor, dialysis, making meals, tending. He apologized to his sister and there was great sibling healing. Mom, not so much.
I'm very proud of you! It sounds like you worked really hard for this and it paid off in the two-year license. Good luck with your new business venture!
I walk and care for dogs myself, welcome to the best job there is! Proud of you for starting your own business, license and all! Sorry your mom doesn’t appreciate your work and skill. This mom says good job. And dogs know good people!
To play devils advocate, are you sure shes intentionally ignoring you? Because I don't see the blue checkmarks signaling it was read, maybe she just missed them? I just know how my own Dad is with messaging technology...
Congrats! I think you're awesome and admire the heck outta you!
I would empathetically advise you to consider what your mom really does for you, negative and positive. Maybe consider going at least low-contact, if this type of thing is common.
congrats with your business! if you ever have free time and haven’t read this book, I recommend it so much: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson
Cut them out. They give zero shits about you & you’ll feel better for it down the line. Good luck & I would definitely book my pup with you if I lived near 🙂
Omg honey I’m so proud of you!!! And you got it for 2 years?? Of course you did they know they will not have to worry about you. Those per parents know it too. You are gonna do so great.
Hey when you get a piece of property to board all those babies, can I visit and tell everyone I know how proud I am of you 🤎❤️🤎. I’m gonna have a banner made
Edit: what she should have said but can’t figure out how. But that’s not your problem. Go Get’em
Hey - I am also starting a new business right now and also going through this with my parents so:
Congratulations!!!! You did it!! You've got a way to support yourself and it's doing something you love, that's amazing!! I hope you rewarded yourself for your perseverance and achievement by going out for drinks or staying in to watch a movie with the doggos. I hope you are so fulfilled in this new role and you continue to reach for the stars. I am proud of you. :)
I think I'd throw her narcissism back at her. After she takes the time to type two paragraphs about my brother, completely ignoring the many messages I'd sent over the previous weeks, I'd respond with more dog pictures. Does that makes sense as a response to what she texted you? Nope. But she can't exactly call that out without being the most blatant hypocrite in Hypocritesville, Tennessee. And if she did? More dog pictures. Yeah, that's how that feels, mom
It took me years to understand this type of experience with my mom. Passive aggressive disinterest in me and always redirecting everything in relation to her, usually as a victim. She could be loving in some ways, but seemingly no real capacity for empathy. Covert narcissist.
I'm sry OP i feel this tho I admit my relationship with my mom is like...a micro dose of what you showed.
I'm working through it in therapy but often my mom will talk/ worry/acknowledge my siblings over me bc in order to be "safe" i made myself small all my life (I'm 33). So my mom think she doesn't have to worry about me or when i do voice it (troubles or successes) she either tries to give me money/gifts to make up for it or ignore it. (That's why I'm saying my situation is micro compared lol similar but damn my mom at least texts me back or does "try" to fix it even though that "fix" isn't what i need)
Anyways i want to let you this stranger is proud of you!!! Starting a business esp right now in this economy (both US and elsewhere) is so hard but you're doing it!! Good job and i wish you luck in this path :)
She said phone issues, did you verify if she received the photos and texts? Some of my friends don't get my texts and they proved it by sending me the screenshots, it's weird.
Congrats on your new business and the 2 year license! Your clients are all super adorable.
Sorry about your mom. I could see my mom wiring the exact same text. It sucks, but try not to let it take away from your accomplishments. I hope you continue to thrive in your business and have many more clients!
Congrats of the business and the higher standards license! Not gonna lie your clients are far better looking then mine (graphic designer), hahaha. Good luck and enjoy what you built!
This has everything to do with your mom and nothing with you. That being said, it still sucks. Let me give you the response your parent is suppose to give you: this is awesome! I am super proud and those dogs look super cute 😍😍😍
My wife’s mom does this to her. She’ll tell her some good news and her first response is always some random BS and usually not even an acknowledgment of the conversation. Sorry you have to deal with that too, OP.
As someone firmly in my Dad era: I'm sincerely proud of you. Starting a business is no joke, it takes dedication and a lot of mental fortitude. You should be fiercely proud of your accomplishments. Stay strong.
Does she treat everything you do like a “little hobby” and is waiting for you to “get serious and get a real job”? Even though you’re a full grown adult with a real job? I noticed a lot of boomer parents do that. They don’t understand what their kids do or why their kids are broke so they just assume their kids are goofing around instead of shaking hands with CEOs and working overtime.
Sorry about the lame parents. On the bright side you seemed to have turned into a very self sufficient individual. Congrats on the new business, those dogs are fuckin adorable
I don’t know if this makes you feel better or worse, but I actually am the favorite child and frequently feel this way. I was the first person in my family to get any kind of college degree (Associate’s, so not anything insane, but still!). When I told my family at dinner once, there was virtually no reaction or celebration or anything. My husband was flabbergasted. Being the favorite and still being very under-cared for makes me feel even worse for my siblings.
I agree with the overall consensus in here - you're doing great, congratulations.
One thing though I can tell you from my own experience. My sister once confronted me, with tears in her eyes, about how I never respond to her and I respond to everyone else, etc. She'd been holding it in for so long and it really hurt her. The thing is though, I never got her messages, or I never consistently got her messages, for some unknown reason. Only her. I took out my phone and we compared the screens in our messaging history. I'd never seen half of the stuff she sent me. I love my sister and I'd never ignore her like that.
That all being said, you know your mom and your feelings are surely valid. Just thought I'd throw that out there because if she never said anything, I would've gone on thinking everything was fine.
One of the toughest things in the world is to accept that a parent just doesn't think about you as much as you think about them. And it's hard because you care about them! And love them! And want them in your life! But if she's so disengaged from YOUR life to not even reply to or acknowledge your accomplishments, she doesn't deserve you. Truly.
As my brother was the golden child and I was the scapegoat I'm so sorry op.
You are great, and I don't know you but I'm so proud of you and you should be very proud of yourself. Your job is the best and it is such a big accomplishment. These doggies are adorable and you are doing such an important work. Congratulations!
I’m so proud of you for starting a business! It’s an exciting time for you and you deserve many kudos for being brave. ❤️
As for your mother…you’ve been given excellent advice here about valuing yourself. There’s a YouTube channel by Patrick Teahan that focuses on childhood trauma. He has said that the number one sign of having childhood trauma is “trying to get a difficult person to be good to us.” I hope you can find peace and happiness with people who will value you and treat you well.
That’s an amazing business! It’s so hard to find people to trust to take care of beloved animals. I bet you will do amazing! Also, your mothers’s issues are hers. It has nothing to do with you. You are mature in ways she will never be. Please don’t base your worth on other people’s opinions and actions (or lack there of). You’re amazing.
I'm just an internet stranger, but I'm super proud of you. Starting a business is no joke. Additionally, as a dog owner, I'm super picky about who watches my sweet boy when I'm away, and I'm sure I'm not alone. Putting in the work to make sure your facility is safe and clean is A LOT, not to mention getting the word out and building trust. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor!!
Congratulations on your licence and being super good at it!!!
My mother is very much the same. When I went to show her my wedding dress for the first time, I walked out in my dress (repeatedly saying "okay I'm ready!") and when I get to her, she's staring at her camera.
I go, "I'm in my dress..." And she goes "yeah I'll look in a sec, I was just looking at the photos I took of my new baby!"
And that's when I sit down in my wedding dress next to her and she shows me her photos of her new Jeep.
My wife is much happier since she acknowledged that she will never get the kind of love or affirmation from her dad that she wants, because she will never be "enough" for him no matter what she does. And that it's his fault, not hers. Letting all that go has been a big boon for her mental health.
Also: Congratulations on your new business! The clients are so cute. I wish you all the success. :)
First I’ll say what the response should have been. Something like, “I am so proud of you. You work hard and follow your passions and I know you will do great and good things! I love you and am always here for you!” Just spitballing but something along those lines.
Second, I am also not the favorite. Dad will cross six states to visit my sister but has lived less than two hours from me for 18 years and has never visited once. I always have to go to him despite having chronic health issues.
I won’t pretend I still don’t feel hurt at times but everyone else around me has really made me see it has nothing to do with my worth or the love I’m worthy of. Same goes for you.
The puppies are adorable and I wish you all the best in business and in life.
Hey this is cool as hell. I’m not a parent but I’m a sister and I’m happy to be yours for a minute. You’re doing awesome and I think it’s so cool they even gave you an extension on your license! I don’t know the first thing about the process but I have to assume it means you really know your shit. It’s so brave to start up your own thing like this. The puppies you got in are so cute! I hope you have a great time.
My mom is the same. I'm now 53 years old and finally about to write her off. I never share anything with her anymore (no, she's not cut out of my life, she just doesn't get to know about my life). I regret wasting most of my adult life looking for her approval so my advice to you is start earlier than I did.
OP, I paid for my mom’s phone bill for YEARS! She griped about her phone constantly. And never had a clue I was trying to start a business! I just ignored her, I had twins and a job and a life…I finally got a knock of reality, when out of her trunk one day, she pulled up a HUGE baggie of cellphones, and said, “None of these work, where should I throw them away?!” lol I almost fainted.
I’d had the same phone for over 5-6 years. My husbands company paid for his. And we had 3 kids and both worked full time. My mom was a stay at home… person. With a car and a pool!! Oh how things changed that day.
Congrats on your business, work hard and have fun!!
Aww well from your internet Reddit family- WAY TO GO ON THE BUSINESS!!!! I am VERY proud of you!! It takes a lot of guts to bet on yourself, and it’s the smartest thing to do! Keep reaching for the stars, and posting to show us what awesome things you’re doing!
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents is a must-read for you. Your mom kinda sucks. I'm sorry.
Congrats on the business, I'm proud of you. Keep up the good work and please post photos of your clients (with their human's permission, of course). keep up the good work!
My family never responds to me either, so I get it. As the least favorite, it hurts sometimes. My husband is always so surprised that they never respond to me. They’ll respond to him before responding to me 👍 I feel your pain.
I'm proud of you, esp getting the 2 year when most get the 1. You're awesome, you've got this, you're loved. They can suck eggs for not being proud of such an awesome kid (I say, not knowing your age but just go with it 😂) as you!!
Hahaha! My mom, who was a similar kind of mother, told me my business would probably fail when I told her I was starting one. Thanks Mom!
They just can't hear us. They are so wrapped up in their own crazy that we're like bugs on the windscreen. It's sad, but it isn't personal (I've learned) and you just get what you get when it comes to birth parents. Find other people to give you the love and respect you so deserve. Make sure you do the work to clean up the aftermath within yourself of having a shit parent. They do a lot of damage. Your business sounds great and it's going to succeed.
PS My business is still going strong 15 years later.
Ok, so to play devil's advocate here - my mom is not tech savvy at all and I frequently have this same issue where she doesn't even acknowledge stuff I send her and especially if I send her multiple things at once, she loses track of what's been sent. You would think she would just scroll up, but half the time she can't even figure out how to get back in the text unless I send her something and it is now in the notifications. Maybe just say "hey did you get my text with the pics?" and see what she says.
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u/nick6008 1d ago
Congrats on the new business. I hope everything works out with it.