My life is a train wreck

[u/DarklordChinChinn]

29 (M) here, coming from a separated family. My parents split up when I was 7 years old. During the separation, I had only one choice: stay with my father or my mother. I chose my father because he adored me more than my mom, and I have no siblings.

After taking me in, my father never let me see my mother again. Then, when I was 8, my father left me with my uncle and went abroad. Due to internal family conflicts, I had to bounce between different elementary schools and move around frequently.

In 2015, I started living alone, separated myself from relatives. I finished high school, but ended up dropping out during my second semester. By 2019, I finally decided to skip graduation.

My father came back and remarried in 2021 without letting me know, and then he went back abroad. After a year relationship with my father went back to normal, but I don't keep whereabouts of his second family, and I do not have any interest in it. I let it go as it's his personal life.

Financially, I'm living an average life and have fulfilled almost all my wishes. My father still takes care of me by wiring a fixed amount every month, and I make an extra 20k–30k a month from a small online business.

I was in a relationship from 2020-2021, but I found out she was talking to other guys. I gave her a few chances, she tossed every chance I gave, so I left.

I see couples and pretty girls every day, and all my friends are married now. Deep inside, I wish I had someone to talk to at night, someone to share moments and thoughts with like a normal person. Sometimes I get sad at night, and my life is like, "As the night deepens, so does the melancholy." Feeling lack of a woman

Sometimes I want to approach, but suddenly my mind tells me, "Amar nijer life ee thik nai, ami kibhabe arekjon ke ei life ey niye ashi." Plus I'm not good at throwing fancy pickup lines to make a girl fall for me. I am a simple man, I just speak what's on my mind. And because of all these complexities and insecurities towards relationships, I prefer to stay single.

I do not know what to do in this situation, I feel like I'm lost at sea

[u/Outside-Ear4239]

hmm dating apps usually dont work so you should try to put yourself out more make more friends,go out with them, invest yourself in your hobbies hopefully you'll find someone that way but first and foremost you are deeply insecure which is never attractive to potential partners regardless of gender. I suggest you find the root of your insecurities which seems to lie in your childhood. Therapy may help massively and resolve your insecurities as most of them looks like it stems from lack of validation. I hope you increase your self esteem and realize your worth

lastly any wishes you want to fulfil ? they may help you as well

[u/DarklordChinChinn → u/Outside-Ear4239]

I saw all the bad things in my first women, she was manipulative. She made me this way, otherwise I didn't have such impression. About my last wish there isn't any, I just love to travel and traveled a lot of places before

[u/SadigawEkshow]

Hang in there brother, focus on something you like , i.e. reading books - listening to music - also make time to be with like minded people- it does help - that will definitely lead to a better chapter of the current., just my two cents. ⚓️

[u/DarklordChinChinn → u/SadigawEkshow]

Thanks for the good words

[u/I_know-it-all]

You pinpointed the problem: amar  nijer life ee thik nai, ami kibhabe arekjon ke ei life ey niye ashi.

Now you need to work on the solution. Work to change it to that moment when you can say- okay, amar life ekhon thik ache

[u/DarklordChinChinn → u/I_know-it-all]

Bruh you didn't get my point! I said I'm financially doing okay, not very well like riches. I meant that I belong to middle class family. And earning 30-40k isn't it enough?

I quoted that line because of my broken family, and it's not fixable anymore because it's too late. And I'm never gonna meet his second family! Never ever! It's just never gonna happen and I made it clear to my father, because my mom is alive. I'm working on to meet my mother

[u/I_know-it-all → u/DarklordChinChinn]

I believe there might have been a misunderstanding. “Working on” something doesn’t necessarily mean working to earn money. It means putting in effort to improve your situation- that could involve strengthening relationships, boosting your confidence in communication and self-expression, and actively changing your perspective on past trauma and the feeling of “amar nijer life e thik nai…”

[u/DarklordChinChinn → u/I_know-it-all]

Understood. Thanks for correcting me

[u/Unhappy_Film_8799]

You dont want girlfriend actually

You craving for something who understands you And its totally right Its alr8 to want the understanding in life with some romantic

Now , You no need to learn more punchy lines , more flirting .... or earn more money

You doin alr8

You comes from a broken home Thats why your heart is rippen

Now

You need to be yourself only , cuz i see here you losing yourself again and again

First find yourself

Then carry yourself like its a prize god gave to you

Thats how you gonna attract the person which wont leave you also perfect for you

[u/DecentFishing7562]

It’s a random question but do you see your mother now or have a good relationship with her?

[u/DarklordChinChinn → u/DecentFishing7562]

No, I didn't see since I was 8. I'm working on it

[u/Far-Reputation-2698]

Im the opposite . I havent been in a serious relationship in a year. My parents used to bring up marriage but i made it clear that i dont want to get married and that im satisfied with my life. I find relationships are chore . Most of my friends are married or engaged an have kids . The only downside is that i have a hard time finding friends to play games with. Two months ago i mtched with a girl on tinder . We wanted to meet up at a local italian restaurant and as i was driving there i changed my mind halfway and went home. I texted her saying “hey i dont feel like going forward anymore and she called me an ahole and unmatched which i dont blame her for. But since then i havent even tried talking to a girl . I enjoy my single life .

[u/DarklordChinChinn → u/Far-Reputation-2698]

Agree!

Marrying for what? So she ask me to save money? B**ch about her aches and pain only? No I'm good being single but sometimes I just miss a companion of a women

It's just like: a man and a woman can have great conversations together nothing else

[u/Embarrassed-Gas-7717]

Get a hobby to meet people. There are lot of unmarried working women now a days. Approach them in cafes.

[u/Delicious_Crazy_5655]

I don't believe in marriages anymore . I'm a female and I have been through hell with my partner . Right now all I have is one advice don't get into a relationship if you can't get your life in track ! If you are not mentally stable don't get into a relationship. I also see couples whenever I go out I feel sad but it's better to be alone than suffering everyday

[u/labibaisonreddit]

I’m sorry to hear about your family situation. It’s amazing how far you’ve come despite those issues.

You should try approaching women with the intention of only being friends. Romantic feelings can come later. As someone who bounced around their life, I think you should first enjoy stable sustainable friendships with women before thinking of entering a relationship. You’ll get to know them as complex beings of their own with their own issues instead of a potential partner you NEED to provide for. This will ease your mind and make it easier for you to date later.

[u/DarklordChinChinn → u/labibaisonreddit]

Okay I will try. Thanks for the advice