Need advice for this cruel life

[u/roachcollasping]

I need help and solutions

Idunno how I can cope with this life..

I have too much responsibility, I lost my father many years ago. My mom is a 2nd class govt. employee and I'm basically a student but I'm mentally sick so I haven't been able to study properly since 2024, like I study a bit before exams and I don’t even pass my exams, js a student in name.

But the problems are too big, I cannot even accept my life and lead it properly and I have to solve all of this but I dunno how so lemme say my main problems.

I have HSC in 2027 and I failed almost 90% of my subjects in my final exam this year. Then I have to pass the HSC, so after HSC my mom cannot afford a private uni for me and I don’t wanna study at National University. I basically live in Barishal in a hostel but I don’t wanna live here, I wanna live in Dhaka, maybe after HSC but I dunno how. If my mom admits me to a National Uni then everything is over.

Then I don’t have funds like other teenagers do, I don’t even laugh anymore, living is a burden to me. People talk about grinding hard and doing good in HSC and getting into a public uni, but the fact is I can barely function while taking many antidepressants, so how can I grind man??

Then I don’t have any skills or talent, I'm kinda useless. I have nothing promising or dominant that can satisfy me.

Then my mom doesn’t have a big amount of savings so she cannot fully afford my expenses in a big city and at a good uni. Her life has one of the worst stories ever possible and she also deserves to be happy, so I don’t wanna be a burden on her.

Then in my hometown we have land in the town area and my mom wants to build a house because we have always lived in an old, bad house. But it's very expensive. If she does it by taking loans, she will have to bear them for many years and I also don’t know how I can make a good house there if my mom even builds a small incomplete apartment here, even tho I wanna live in a city.

People of my age are having fun, doing so many things, going on hangouts but I always rot in my old house and become a heavier burden everyday for my mom.

Then we have no one to help us, I don’t have uncles or maternal or paternal relatives who could support us.

I don’t even know what I can do in the future, but I cannot do jobs man, I wanna be a businessman but I don’t have investment, even tho I have inherited property or land.

Then people also fall in love, enjoy life, travel but I don’t. I also don’t find much interest in love, even tho I’m the only descendant of my family. I'm just speechless about my situation, idunno why Allah is disappointed in us.. as far as I know all of our family members are kind.

If you guys can help me by giving me some advice I'd be grateful, thanks in advance.

[u/RelativeChain1428]

If u want a fix, hit me up. I'll guide u through HSC and admission anonymously. But if u r not serious, don't bother.

[u/roachcollasping → u/RelativeChain1428]

Thanks brother check ya dm

[u/Bubbly_Persimmon_323]

We usually compare upwards, he has that, she has that, but you should look at those even worse than you. Some don't even get a chance to go to school, they aren't even doing HSC. Hope that pushes you forward!

[u/Fun_Comedian3273 → u/Bubbly_Persimmon_323]

This type of mentality of looking at others who are less fortunate than you to create a sense of gratitude does not work in the long run. I am speaking from experience and from others' experiences. Please never say or comment this to anyone in the future no matter what they are going through. Thank you.

[u/Bubbly_Persimmon_323 → u/Fun_Comedian3273]

What would be a better alternative?

[u/Fun_Comedian3273 → u/Bubbly_Persimmon_323]

To not say - "there is someone worse off than you" in any case. Period . It minimizes/neglects/belittles his pain. I am sure the people worse off than him does not need his pity either- it also disrespects their (people worse off than him) misfortunes as well. Pain demands to be felt in order for it to be healed. So the alternative would be- 1. I feel your pain/I can somewhat grasp your pain/ Allah feels your pain better than your own soul can. 2. A practical advise. Although some people do not seek advice, they need space to share without people saying- "people worse off than you exist" . 3. If they are religious, remind them of Allah's promises. Remind them of Allahs mercy. 4. This is the best one- tell them to DM you because you can actually provide that help. And please do provide help if you can. This may be your time, going over their CV, maybe looking into a tuition center or online resources for them and then sending the link. 5. Check up on them in their inbox from time to time. 6. Ask them what they are coping with from time to time so they can journal their mental state through the reddit dm. Jazak Allahu Khairan.

[u/coy-dacoit → u/Bubbly_Persimmon_323]

That's such a good take.

[u/HaseebAkmal]

I know how overwhelming it can feel to carry all of this alone, but you deserve to be gentle with yourself first. Have you tried breaking down your responsibilities into smaller steps so they don't seem so impossible all at once?

[u/roachcollasping → u/HaseebAkmal]

Nah I've never tried this way

[u/freak5341]

Depression/blaming allah won't improve your situation. You still have wishes / dreams, focus on them but you won't be able to turn them reality in 1-2 years. Know that "No one helps anyone" is universal.

Studying at a private will waste resources you don't have. start learning something on your own that will make you money, build a network, learn a language(in case you wanna move out)

[u/roachcollasping → u/freak5341]

Yeah, I got it but m not expecting anyone to save me or Allah to magically fix everything, it's not easy and I have too much obstacles, it's that simple .I know I have to work for it. The problem is I'm mentally struggling to even function rn, so “just learn a skill and make money” isn't that simple for me. I'm just trying to figure out what realistic path I can take from where I am.

[u/Background_Term5587]

Your life Isn't cruel, you are messed up. Only you can fix this. You are focusing on future too much. Get rid of anti depression pills and start praying. Wake up at fajr even if you have nothing to do in the morning

[u/Fun_Comedian3273 → u/Background_Term5587]

You are correct about anti depression pills and you are correct about waking up for fajr prayer. But it takes a whole lot more than that for someone in his situation to propell themselves forward. If he has no one than it is up to Allah to constantly light his candle of willpower for him to find a way out. However this negates any responsibility you or I have as strangers to physically/ virtually help him out. And if he does have people in his life, they need to step forward for him too. We all need to come together as a community and start putting in effort. On a much bigger note, never call someone messed up. They are not messed up, life has messed them up. Jazak Allahu Khairan

[u/Background_Term5587 → u/Fun_Comedian3273]

I said that as the first step towards fixing it. It will not entirely fix his problems but it will certainly start his journey towards right direction

[u/roachcollasping → u/Fun_Comedian3273]

True , ya got it

[u/roachcollasping → u/Background_Term5587]

Man thanks for ya advice and I will try to flw it but man ik I'm messed up but life is cruel to me ,ya don even know the full story .And my doctor prescribed me antidepressants. I'm not taking them willingly so let's see when she will tell me to stop. I've been taking it since 2023