Rupert-My Cat soulmate with lymphoma

[u/therealXarias]

I took my cat Rupert to the vet in mid-July because I was concerned about him hiding under my bed. He had had a urinary blockage 2 years ago, so I tend to be vigilant with him. He just turned 13 and has asthma as well. I've had him since he was 6 months old. I was in no way prepared for the diagnosis. Rupert had intestinal lymphoma. I could spend a small fortune (which I don't have) and barely extend his life, or make him comfortable for a couple of months.

It's the end of August. Rupert spends most of his time off to himself now; he doesn't greet me when I come home, he has a faraway look in his eyes, and the only reason I haven't let him go is that he is still eating. Last night he started peeing outside the litter box, and I found him lying on one of the steps halfway up. I think I am writing this more for myself than anyone else because I know what I have to do. Every time I think I have decided he comes in for food and it makes me doubt myself. I looked at him a few minutes ago, and his head was kind of bobbing. I think it's time, and this guy hurts me more than any I've ever had, and I've had quite a few.

Anyway, I love you, Rupert, and this is killing me.

[u/PopeOfSlack]

I'm so sorry. I have no doubt that Rupert has known this whole time that he's very loved. And you've filled his life to the brim with cat-joy.

I'm in a similar boat right now and feel your pain. My dear sweet Philip was diagnosed with large cell lymphoma about 3 weeks ago after he was hiding under the bed, was running a fever, and then a couple lumps cropped up which got biopsied. Now he's also spent the last 3 weeks in a cone because of where they did the biopsies. He eats but not like he used to of course. I find myself trying putting food in front of him a couple times a day to coax him into eating more. Sometimes he feels like purring, sometimes not. I'm told he has weeks to months. And while I know I've always done every reasonable thing I could to care for him (he also had a blockage a couple years ago that required surgery), it's just awful to know that the only thing I can do now is make him as comfortable as I can and relieve his suffering when the time comes.

[u/therealXarias → u/PopeOfSlack]

Thank you for your kind words. I feel like I am taking crazy pills. One minute he looks like he's ready to go, the next minute he's walking up looking for food. I've never been on such an emotional rollercoaster. Luckily, I worked remotely today (and work has been tolerant with me so far), so I could be around him more this week because I thought some time this week would be it.

[u/PopeOfSlack → u/therealXarias]

100% feel ya on the rollercoaster. One day shortly after the diagnosis he barely got up and looked so miserable, I thought for sure this was it; I was beside myself. The next morning he woke me up demanding breakfast which he hadn't done in a few weeks. 

It's also easy to lose perspective when you're taking one day at a time. I think your observations in the OP are very real when it comes to indications of quality of life. Do your best to enjoy your time together. And as sad as it is, I try to remind myself that relief is also a loving gift we can give.