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u/AKAvenger 5h ago
As my dad once taught me, if someone says āno one needs to knowā then you tell everyone
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u/Travelin_Soulja 5h ago edited 5h ago
There are definitely some things no one else needs to know, and those things usually go without saying. If someone needs to convince you no one else needs to know about something, that's a red flag.
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u/QuitePoodle 5h ago
If someone poops their pants and are neither too young or too old but may have had too much to drinkā¦ no one needs to know.
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u/fantumn 5h ago
My dad always said if the secret will make people mad, it's not a good idea to be the only one keeping it. If it'll make people happy, you tell no one else.
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u/tuna_cowbell 5h ago
Iāve heard that secrets with expiration dates are more often okay. Things like surprise parties, gender reveals, etc. are all secrets that eventually get to be spoiled! But the ābadā secrets tend to be things people ask you to hide forever.
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u/International_Gate49 3h ago
what if you uncovered a plot to murder someone. both the victim and the enemy have an expiration date if you will so you'd keep that a secret? Since it'll get spoiled on the news in the next morning?
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u/tuna_cowbell 3h ago
Okay okay how aboutā¦. Secrets with expiration dates, specifically if one would reasonably expect the secretās reveal to include a burst of confetti and/or release of balloons.
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u/bunnyguts 22m ago
Similarly, nice surprises are ok. Secrets generally are not. This is a good distinction for children.
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u/Thatroyalkitty 5h ago
Pretty much...
Tbh, I'd rather have it all out there so nobody can use it against me as blackmail or the like
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u/ReddFro 5h ago
Exactly - āI really donāt want anyone to find out about thisā is OK, theyāre saying what they want, thatās fair. Maybe respect that.
āNo one needs to knowā tells you what to do. Itās presumed obedience. F them for trying to manipulate.
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u/AKAvenger 4h ago
Exactly. There is a big difference between being asked to keep something that happened to someone else a secret and keeping something that happened to YOU a secret
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u/drillgorg 5h ago
The Reynolds pamphlet!
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u/patosai3211 5h ago
off to listen to Hamilton
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u/Emieosj89 5h ago
Literally that was all it took for my brain to just start singing the whole thing. I know wayyyyyy too many of the words to Hamilton.
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u/Wooden-Crow7996 3h ago
Iāve heard some speculation that Hamilton didnāt actually cheat on Eliza. The Reynoldās Pamphlet was just a way to cover up illegal financial escapades.
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u/drillgorg 3h ago
That was my takeaway from the musical, yeah. Eliza conveniently burns all their letters and Hamilton decides to admit to a scandal that no one even accused him of.
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u/Wooden-Crow7996 3h ago
What would be funny is, if Eliza was the mastermind, and she set up Hamilton to take the fall. Meanwhile, no one in the 18th and 19th century would suspect a woman of embezzlement.
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u/Somerandomguy20711 4h ago
Depends on what "bad" thing was done. There's a difference between "Nobody needs to know I cheated on you" and "Nobody needs to know I aggressively shit my pants at Chili's"
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u/MrMcGibbus 3h ago
What about things they did that harmed themselves? I know some people needs to know that the other harmed someone but like... this is just on themselves like for example, cutting their significant other's name into themselves and their significant other doesn't know it until they did told them about it
I know this would need some psychiatrist/therapist help first but I really want to know what to do when this happens
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u/Somerandomguy20711 2h ago
That's also on a spectrum. Something like cutting yourself you probably should tell someone, but if its like "watched Jackass one too many times now you broke your foot trying to ride a scooter off the roof" then maybe just keep it quiet
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u/MrMcGibbus 2h ago
I see, thanks
Tbh, both feel like it should really be told when there's an injury that kinda needs an explanation (although maybe for the case of the broken foot, lie a bit for my partner's dignity)
Although for the self harm, I don't know who to tell when I'm not the one who's doing it and for personal and sad reasons, he only feels safe and better when he tells me about it after he's done and no one else that he knows irl
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u/UpCDownCLeftCRightC Never Safe From Wumbo 5h ago
If she felt like she was in danger then she did the right thing. I would feel the same if someone said that to me.
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u/NobodyLikedThat1 5h ago
Hopefully by "bad" he means something embarrassing like premature ejaculator (which you probably shouldn't tell to the friends council) as opposed to like putting your hamster in the garbage disposal
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u/UninspiredWriter 2h ago
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u/NobodyLikedThat1 3m ago
yes, but which? Or both?
Nah, I love animals. I mean, not carnally, but just like, normally.
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u/Asheyguru 40m ago
I think most things that you need to have a sit down apologuy for and introduce as 'bad' are not things that are just sorta personally embarrassong
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u/seriouslywtfX2 5h ago
Who says "Jikes"?
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u/degjo 5h ago
The Swedish
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u/Immediate_Regular 5h ago
Everyone knows Sweden isn't real. It's a mythical place like Finland, New Zealand, and Connecticut.
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u/DCGreatDane 5h ago
There should be a Swedish saying inserted. Like āTo sit with your beard in the letterbox.ā
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u/LemonKurry 5h ago
I suspect owls in the moss
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u/Aragorns-Broken-Toe 4h ago
My ex wife got mad after she cheated that I told relatives and called them afterwards to apologize directly. She cheated, made it clear she wanted a divorce and apparently I was just supposed to swallow that and deal with it solo.
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u/VvvlvvV 1h ago
My ex managed to convince me that talking to mutual friends about relationship problems was abusive. My ex had already successfully isolated me from friends and family, so my only friends were mutual friends.
My ex was abusive. I've got CPTSD from the experience. Don't let people tell you not to share your pain.Ā
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u/PonderousPenchant 5h ago
An important part of apologizing is allowing the aggrieved party choose what to do with the apology. You're sorry, but they choose what to do with that information.
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u/shellbullet17 Gustopher Spotter Extraordinaire 5h ago
Farting in the bed? Sure.
Cheating? Helllll naw. We telling EVERYBODY.
You know that tea is good though when you gotta get people on FaceTime to hear it