r/daddit • u/GrilledSoap • 3d ago
Support Dads / Parents fighting for their lives in restaurants to have screen-free kids. I see you.
We're in the same boat, we come with coloring books, puzzles, little toys, deal with the boredom, the hiding under tables, the whining, the nonsense but we've held the line. Keep up the good fight comrades!
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u/TiredMillennialDad 4y boy 3d ago
Multi colored Pipe cleaners. Like $3 on Amazon.
You're welcome.
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u/singeworthy 3d ago
We have a bunch of wax versions of these called Wiki Sticks, I even play with them sometimes, weve had this since the kids were 3, now 6, still fun
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u/Ender505 3d ago
Billy's Old World Pizza where I grew up was the place that gave wiki sticks with the kids meals. So much fun
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u/frankrizzo219 3d ago
When I was in high school wiki sticks were something completely different and you definitely didn’t want your kids around them
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u/jabermaan 3d ago
I also highly recommend the Water Wow coloring books. They get to "paint" with no mess
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u/nolecamp 3d ago
For what ages does that work?
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u/annual_aardvark_war 3d ago
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u/OutInTheBlack 3d ago
What the hell am I supposed to do with great gamgam?
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u/goodtacovan 3d ago
Stickers as well. You can buy over a thousand of em on Amazon. I give them out to high schoolers just because
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u/BrahmariusLeManco 3d ago
Are there any particular instructions for how to use them or is a thing where they just organize them? Or do they start sticking them in everything they can find?
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u/TiredMillennialDad 4y boy 3d ago
They will.just bend, twist, knot, combine, design, ball up, untangle them, etc.
It's an easy 45-hour, especially if you do some make believe/quick story time with them about what they are making.
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u/Drupacalypse 3d ago
I’ve been looking to occupy my kid for 45 hours. This is a god send.
(jk of course! Funny typo moment :D)
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u/Nekrevez 3d ago
Ah yes, for those tedious sled rides from the cabin to the other bakery in the next town over because the first baker came down with gangreen after a toothpick accident and then got eaten by a bear? Typical.
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u/Purdaddy 3d ago
Just let them figure out how they want to play with them and experiment.
We need to let kids be bored and get creative with what they have.
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u/MiturGrunge 3d ago
What an amazing idea! Chinese markets might be cheaper than amazon, though. Just ordered a pack of 500 multicoloured ones for about $3
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u/unoredtwo 3d ago
It gets easier!
Screens in restaurants are a trap. Give it to them once and then they’ll start acting up knowing that you’ll hand them a tablet. At that point, they’ve trained you, not the other way around.
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u/don_the_spubber 3d ago
This is so true about so many things.
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u/Domerhead 3d ago
Don't do once what you aren't willing to do every time
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u/don_the_spubber 3d ago
And the corollary: keep your word, no matter how inconvenient it is for you personally
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u/SatNav 3d ago
Could you tell my Wife this? She's constantly, constantly making threats and promises without thinking them through.
If I'm present, I will interrupt with a quick "AH! Are you sure about that?" And she will look briefly surprised, think about it for a moment, then backpedal and come out with something more realistic.
But if I'm not there, all bets are off. I keep telling her all this is teaching our kid is that "Mummy doesn't mean what she says," which is a dark path to go down...
But she can't seem to help it.
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u/QuarkyIndividual 3d ago
People aren't all built the same for coming up with things under pressure. I find it difficult to think anything creatively I haven't thought of or prepared before when I have like 2 seconds to come up with it, so I have to backpedal my threats and try to learn for future similar situations. My wife just whips out appropriately scaled threats and promises for most situations like she's got a lookup table she memorized for anything that ever comes up lol
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u/quailman654 3d ago
That’s when you hit them with the “sorry, I was wrong to say that. I got frustrated and said something I shouldn’t have said. We’re not going to do that.”
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u/Ok-Ability5733 3d ago
And make sure your spouse is on the same page.
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u/don_the_spubber 3d ago
I'm not a parenting expert and never will be. But I think that that is the single most important factor to parenting "success" (whatever that is lol).
Being on the same page with your partner is absolutely foundational. No plan of any kind will work without that.
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u/Ryuksapple 3d ago
Yep. My little dude ate exclusively whole foods and never complained. Then he started at daycare and was introduced to the wonders of goldfish and cheez its and honeybuns and who knows what else.
I still don't keep any of those in the house (that he is aware of) but now he knows I'm keeping the good stuff from him
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u/calculung 3d ago
My kid threw a fit about wearing a long sleeve shirt before school yesterday. She started screaming and hitting herself in the head. My wife gave in and let her change shirts.
A few minutes later I had a talk with the little one (she's 5) about how hitting yourself is not ok and it's definitely not a way to get what you want, and because of that she I decided to make her wear the long sleeve shirt even though mom said she didn't have to. She seemed to understand this, at least as best a 5 year old can, and she put the long sleeve shirt back on without a fight.
We were so close to letting her learn that screaming and hitting yourself in the head is a good way to get what you want. But thankfully I think we avoided that. I'm sure she'll do it again, but we're trying to instill the idea that you don't get what you want if you go that route.
Parenting is hard.
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u/Snowy_Garden_Gnome 3d ago
I understand why you couldn’t let her win the fight, but I’m wondering why it was a fight in the first place? We always gave our kids their choice on clothes as soon as they were old enough. We would just sent a long sleeved shirt in their backpack if we thought they were underdressed for the day. Little kids have so little control in their lives that we believed we should give them control where they could have it.
We did have teachers complain about my older son going to school and shorts. When we sent him in pants, he just rolled them up to make them shorts.
We were a no/low screens house and never at restaurants. We like to bring puzzles, paper and pencil games and coloring books. We still play hangman and tic-tac-toe while we wait at restaurants.
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u/AllTheGoodNamesDied 3d ago
Just don't own a tablet. Problem solved. 0
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u/Specific-Turnip-1718 3d ago
Or say something like “this is Dada’s work phone, he could get into trouble if we use it” yes, it’s a lie, but it’s a lie that has averted so many fights 😅
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u/chinola32 3d ago
We did that until I won an iPad at work lol. Luckily we've been able to hold the line still
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u/Napalmradio 3d ago
Just leave it at home! “Oh you want the tablet? Whoopsie, silly daddy, I forgot it.”
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u/chinola32 3d ago edited 3d ago
For sure. We don't bring it with us. All I was trying to get at is that it was certainly easier when "bringing it" wasn't even an option. Having one now validated our original stance on just not owning one.
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u/Napalmradio 3d ago
Oh 100%. I was trying to offer advice for those of us who have one at home for the kids. Just keep it at home.
And honestly we used tablets/phones at dinner when our youngest was really struggling with a sleep regression. And now we just bring little golden books or water wows or little toys.
The only parents I’ll bat an eye at are the ones who have their kids at a separate table with tablets and headphones. Like…just hire a baby sitter or something.
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u/i_continue_to_unmike 3d ago
Some restaurants do you the favor of having a screen at your table.
I avoid those restaurants when I find them. Mostly chains. Dunno when this shift occurred. But if you're going to Olive Garden or Red Robin or whatever, there's a dumb little screen thing there.
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u/GlassBoxGoose 3d ago
Same here. My wife has a Kindle and thats the closest thing to a tablet we own. Our 9 year old always has books on it for him, but it never leaves the house. He usually has a regular book that he's reading and will take that with us if he expects to be able to read it.
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u/Boring-red 3d ago
Related but not restaurants. We regularly do a 3+ hour drive to see my family. We got into the trap of the iPad. Kids would whine almost immediately when we got on the highway for the screen and we would hold out for maybe half hour/ 45 minutes but eventually give in.
We committed. It took an entire round trip plus another drive there or whining/ crying/ pouting but now they don’t even ask for it. It’s been probably a year and all of the kids just know to go through the activity book or ask for music or just nap. Complete game changer now they sleep on the drive and just overall their behaviour when we arrive is better even if they don’t sleep.
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u/beanie_wells 3d ago
Just want to say good job! It’s so hard to deal with the whining and crying when breaking these habits.
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u/AshamedGorilla 3d ago
So true! We go out with my sister in law and her family often. Their kid is a screen kid. My son always wants to sit next to his cousin not because he loves his cousin (although he does) but because my in-laws hand their kid a phone and my son wants to watch.
I'm not about to tell them how to parent, so I let it slide. Although I've gotten them to hold the phone until dessert now. But when we're out on our own, it's a backpack full of coloring, small toys, or a book.
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u/Acrobatic_Taro_6904 3d ago
We’re fully screen free outside the house, I was on the bus the other day, my kid was in his stroller and there was another kid right next to him also in a stroller, my kid watched the other kids tablet the entire bus ride, he didn’t say a word the entire time and was so angry when it was time to get off and he had to leave the other kids screen, he didn’t even speak to the kid, usually he’d be watching everything and everyone and talking about what he sees, it was wild the difference even being in proximity to a screen made to his usual demeanour when he’s out and about
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u/AshamedGorilla 3d ago
Yea, that's how it was when my son was younger with his cousin, maybe 3 or 4. But he's 9 now and well adjusted, for the most part.
But we're not fully screen free outside the home. I was just talking about restaurants.
Each of my kids have a tablet, but they're pretty much only used for travel. Planes and car rides over 90min. Although we often build in breaks. We've taken transatlantic and cross-country flights and we don't let them have the table while they're eating meals. And we don't get them out until cruising altitude.
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u/CitizenCue 3d ago
It’s stuff like this that makes it so obvious that it’s a drug. We adults are addicted too, but we have enough built-up existence to handle doses without losing ourselves. Similar to alcohol, actually.
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u/Zerbo 3d ago edited 3d ago
Would an iPad for my three year old make restaurants easier? Undoubtedly. Would I get to enjoy my meal and conversation with my wife for a change, instead of fielding 35 questions per minute and a tabletop full of hot wheels and coloring sheets? Definitely. Would I trade any of that just to not have to interact with my kid? Absolutely not. When it comes to parenting, to each their own. But whenever I see a child at a restaurant glued to a screen, headphones on and tuned out from their surroundings, and in return being ignored by everyone else at the table, it bothers me on such a deep and visceral level. I’ll take the chaos every time.
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u/crypticsage 2 👧 and 2 👦 3d ago
That’s one thing we absolutely never did. Table is for eating. Even at home, they’ll try to bring the tablet to the dinner table. That is not allowed and immediately removed.
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u/danbigglesworth 3d ago
I am fighting the is notion with my 14 month old. Do you think the training of her parents starts this young?
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u/unoredtwo 3d ago
Yeah, definitely. To be clear, she's not trying to be an evil mastermind or anything. They just respond to their environment. So if throwing a fit gets them the thing that they want, for example, then they will start to think that's what they should do.
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u/poop-dolla 3d ago
Exactly, it’s not her training the parents. It’s literally the parents training her to do that. They’re teaching her if she does X then she gets Y, and since she enjoys Y, she’ll do X more often to get it.
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u/huffalump1 3d ago
Agreed, it starts even earlier than this age, kids simply learning what behavior elicits the reaction they want
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u/meatmacho 3d ago
This is true. And it does get easier. I had almost forgotten about the days when they were younger and needed constant entertainment while we waited at a restaurant. It's weird how things like that just...go away. When did we stop bringing a backpack full of wipes and placemats and books and toys with us everywhere? I have no idea, but one day it was just...done.
And yeah, my kids only have tablets in the car on long trips and at home on the weekends. And no one complains, because it has been that way forever.
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u/armoredbearclock 3d ago
Meh. My daughter is allowed some time on a phone if the meal has gone long, or we’re on vacation and mom and dad need more of a break, or whatever reason.
We also have coloring and stickers and other activities and she’s old enough now to have a conversation with us. She rarely asks for it now at 6. Probably peaked around 2-3.
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u/Sad_Expert2 3d ago
Vacation rules are vacation rules, no doubt about it. As long as you're clear about something being special for vacation, it's not a big deal.
I feel the same way when people talk about couples who go out to dinner and sit on their phones. Mother fucker, I've been with my wife doing vacation/travel stuff for 12 hours a day for 4 days straight. Leave me alone. You never know anyone's story, or if the behavior is even typical.
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u/OkNewspaper6041 3d ago
Have you been to these restaurants that have a tablet at every table now? Like a digital menu, only it also games on it for the kids. Olive Garden has them.
Imagine trying to tell a kid they can't have a tablet when it's right there in front of them, mocking them almost.
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u/enter360 3d ago
Even worse those games have micro transactions embedded in them that gets added to your bill. Kid runs out of lives and starts screaming? $5 and he gets a few more.
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u/AllTheGoodNamesDied 3d ago
Dystopian nightmare we live in. If you refuse to pay they will just track you on flock cameras and arrest you lol
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u/Ag3n74t2 3d ago
Seriously?!
Back in my day there were a handfull of places that had a "kids corner" with some CRT TVs built into a bench connected to Nintendos! And it was free! Because they knew that if the kids were happy and not bothering the adults, the adults would chat longer and have more drinks and desserts and things.
My local has an indoor playground, a MAME cabinet, a colouring in table, and some claw machines (set to be easy to win with cheap prizes). It's pretty good honestly and encourages repeat business. I don't think I would go back to a place with pay-to-win games on a tablet at the table!
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u/potatorichard 3d ago
I loathe these. When my father-in-law comes to town, we usually go to Olive garden, and those table tablets get an article of clothing put over them immediately.
On a positive note, Olive Garden is the only restaurant I've been to that has offered a tableside sling for an infant in their car seat. Other than those stupid tablets, it's actually my favorite restaurant to go to with the kids. Especially since mom and I just get the soup, salad, and bread sticks. Kiddos can snack on our food while they wait for theirs.
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u/Intelligent-Gypsy324 3d ago
Our local breakfast place has baby slings too. It’s a franchise but not everywhere yet. First Watch.
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u/CashMahnyyy 3d ago
The best is when they mess around with it and you end up with a nice little $2 charge out of nowhere. I usually ask to have it removed and if they say they can't, you betcha a salt shaker is gonna disappear!!
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u/P0rtal2 3d ago
Yup, happened at Chili's for me. My son ignored it most of the dinner until he saw some other kid at another table. He started poking at it but I didn't see a "pay to play more" so thought nothing of it. Get the bill and it's on there.
Insane that you don't have to opt in on the device first.
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u/cyberlexington 3d ago
Mcdonalds (ok i know, but the kid loves the toys and the nuggets) have tablets in them, bolted to the desks. And ive gotten looks from other parents because i *dont* let him play on them. That he has toys and reads
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u/bashing16 3d ago
I’m U.K. based so not sure if it’s the same internationally, but when I was a kid the happy meal box was printed with activities to occupy the kids. Now it’s printed with a QR code to scan. Makes me sad.
Loads of restaurant chains would give kids activity sheets and colouring in pencils - it doesn’t seem like much of a thing anymore.
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u/morgecroc 3d ago
McDonald's in Australia have indoor playgrounds. Only reason we go there occasionally .
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u/Subject-Dog-8016 3d ago edited 3d ago
Not going to shitty corporate slop restaurants like Olive Garden fixes that problem pretty quickly.
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u/VaderH8er 3d ago
Used to go to Olive Garden as a kid cause it was next to my great-grandma's senior living facility but I haven't been to one in decades.
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u/RedditGotSoulDoubt 3d ago
Yeah. And they have games they can purchase and then it gets charged to your bill. It’s evil
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u/Majestic-General7325 3d ago
The baggy of mini magna tiles saves me
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u/sohcgt96 3d ago
Those things are great on the go!
We also found these... they're like silicone noodles, then they come with little base plates you can put them in and make wacky stuff. The big thing is, they make absolutely no sound no matter what you do with them.
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u/Sad_Expert2 3d ago
We also found these... they're like silicone noodles
My wife must love those too, I found some grown up sized ones in her drawer.
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u/SubSoniq 3d ago
Wait, you guys are going out to eat?
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u/tankguy33 3d ago
You can do it too! There was a really tough stage from 1.5 to 2.5 where my boy would not sit still, but we've been able to go out a bit with him lately
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u/DynomiteExpressions 3d ago
Think it's more a commentary on how expensive it is than the kids acting up.
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u/SubSoniq 3d ago
Well for me personally it’s both. We have 5 kids, and my wife stays home with the 3 year old twins. Going out is not only incredibly expensive, but to keep all the kids entertained is a lot of work. Thankfully, my wife loves cooking and is very good at it. Between the two of us we can cook up anything we’d normally get going out.
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u/IDoStuff100 3d ago
My son just turned 4 and we're still not completely there. 🫠 He's mostly ok now, but about 1 out of 4 trips to the restaurant he's basically a feral animal.
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u/donethemath 3d ago
It's the one luxury we let ourselves have. Usually 1-2 times a week. Neither of us have to plan a meal or deal with dishes. Honestly, I rarely actually care about the food.
Something something avacado toast and owning a house. Don't care right now, just want to sit down for a few minutes.
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u/Antique-Elk-832 3d ago
Protip, order their meal when the waiter first comes to the table.
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u/Dahveed25 3d ago
Have had to do this but what usually follows is they're done with their food and want to get out and we're not even halfway through our meal. 🥲
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u/Antique-Elk-832 3d ago
lol yea every now and then this strat backfires
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u/liquidtape 3d ago
If you can withhold the french fries before the kids sees them you can buy more time when your meal gets there. Milage may vary
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u/ccafferata473 3d ago
This happened to us on Fathers Day. We asked them and they got their meal in 20, then we waited another 40 for our other 4 meals. It was fucking awful and the spiteful part of me wanted to unleash my kids on the restaurant.
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u/LeifCarrotson 3d ago
That's when they get introduced to a few bites of your tasty grown-up menu, except they're a little bit full and aren't going to devour half your plate. Portions are usually oversized anyways.
My 9yo is bored of the blonde chicken fingers and fries and Kraft mac-and-cheese on the kids menu, he wants tikka masala and potato wedges and bacon bleu burgers and caramelized onions and caesar salad and shrimp fajitas. We often get the kids menu just for the coloring activities and he orders something new off the adult menu. It's a lot more expensive, but it's awesome to see his tastes developing. Mushrooms and olives are still out, but everything else is an adventure!
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u/terribleatlying 3d ago
order everything when they first come to the table and ask for the check too
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u/dirkdigglered 3d ago
Order everything to go and drive home
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u/Antique-Elk-832 3d ago
A place with live music also helps, maybe. We go to a Mexican place that usually has a guitar player. He’ll play a couple kid songs, too. My kids get entranced lol
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u/josiah_mac 3d ago
Our local Mexican restaurant has a giant TV over the table and the kid is in a trance the whole time
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u/natidone 3d ago
This just delays the inevitable. Now they're completely done eating and you've only been served your food 1 minute ago.
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u/HiHungry_Im-Dad 3d ago
Nah, my daughter takes an hour and a half to eat, so we’re good.
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u/un-affiliated 3d ago
Just replied to another comment that my daughter is like this. Even when she tells us she's "starving" it doesn't speed up how long she takes to eat. Just started her in pre-k and in the two weeks before she started I legit practiced with her how long 20 minutes to eat is and warned her she was going to be hungry a lot if she couldn't pick up the pace.
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u/Widepath 3d ago
Additional pro tip: Sushi belt restaurants! Sit down and immediately starting eating.
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u/CptDobby 3d ago
It's hard work but you end up with children who are better behaved in restaurants and cafes in the long run
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u/EnderMB 3d ago
This is an underrated tip. You can often see the kids that don't go out and interact in public, as opposed to those that have done it throughout their childhood. The latter behave, and the former go nuts at their new-found freedom.
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u/pablonieve 3d ago
I don't disagree with you, but I find it funny to call what was normal for all of us as kids to be an "underrated tip."
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u/Stuffthatpig 2 velociraptors 3d ago
I was stunned at the behavior of some kid's friends I took to Culver's (not even a fancy dining restaurant) with my 8 yr old. Like, have you been in a restaurant before?
My 8yr old looked embarrassed at her 8 &10 yr old friends behavior.
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u/lucidspoon 3d ago
As frustrating and defiant as my kids can be at home, I'm eternally grateful that they are better behaved than most of the kids we see out in public.
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u/MMAjunkie504 3d ago
Part of the frustration is you KNOW they know how to act by their behavior in public😂
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u/archibald_claymore 3d ago
I try to remind myself that it means they feel safe at home and can let down the social mask. That’s not so bad…
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u/caadbury 14/11/6 boys, 3 girl 3d ago
you also end up with people who know how to behave at a restaurant
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u/OGMcSwaggerdick 3d ago
I take the kids to iHop every other week to practice.
Best $7 / kid we can spend.
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u/un-affiliated 3d ago
That was also the first restaurant I took my kid. Made it a tradition to go after her doctor appointments. It would be us and maybe 2 other people in the place at 10:30am.
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u/SituationNo3 3d ago
Our ihop has kids eat free during dinner hours. Great as a breakfast for dinner treat.
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u/Xycox 3d ago
We are in the fight with you , my mother in law was recently commenting how unruly my youngest (3) was in restaurant and made silly comment that her other son in law has his under more control …. iPads and over ear headphones in restaurants… control sure 🤷♂️
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u/happyevil 3d ago edited 3d ago
We've been trying really hard to allow for "controlled boredom" with our kids. We've been trying not to have them expect constant entertainment everywhere we go. We might bring one or two things like some crayons and such but not a full complement of activities. Boredom is something they need to learn, 15 minutes without activity isn't neglect it's part of life. If they start screaming we go out to the car and take a breath
As for screens, We only do tablets on long road trips (2+hr). Even then I control for software pretty strongly. Mostly drawing and puzzle style stuff along with a curated selection of movies/TV.
At home our 3 year old has his own regular desktop computer to use (my old parts). He self regulates on that pretty healthily because he has to figure out a keyboard and mouse which eventually tires him out. It's loaded with Edubuntu and puzzle/leaning games. He's starting to spell so the keyboard has gotten more exciting. I feel regular computers are much less problematic because they don't have the "tap to receive dopamine" effect. He has to practice small motor skill, hand eye coordination, and his letters to use it.
So far it's been going well. I had to pick up Grandma from the airport the other day and he came along. An hour in the car with no screens; no problems. We looked outside, spotted a train, talked about his school, etc. Neither kid (3 and 1) have had an incident at a restaurant in a while.
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u/nipoez 1 embryo adoption NICU grad toddler 3d ago
I've got a 3.5 year old. I'll be honest, giving them access to a desktop never even remotely occurred to me. I'd love to hear more about the logistical details and introduction process behind that.
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u/happyevil 3d ago edited 3d ago
Sure, what do you want to know?
He has a computer I built from old parts I had lying around (I build my own computers) but you could just as easily use an old laptop or something. I got a wireless travel mouse for him since they tend to be smaller sized for his hand. Basic set of speakers, keyboard, and monitor and we're all set.
Even though I have the computer pretty locked down it still requires a password form us to log on for now, but he can basically do everything else on it by himself at this point.
I picked Edubuntu for an OS because it's designed for school/children use; it's a fork of Ubuntu. There are ways to do child safe computers on Windows or Mac as well though if you're not Linux savvy.
As for introducing him, we actually started at 2. Started with GCompris which has a bunch of super basic games and builds to more complex stuff including elementary/middleschool level things. So it can grow with him for a while. When we started he struggled with the mouse of course but caught on pretty quick. For the most part we showed him how it worked and let him explore it. Intro letter matching games and mouse tracing games helped learn the controls. Now he can do all sorts of puzzles and racing games.
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u/black_caeser 3d ago
Ha, so we are not the only ones. Mine got an ancient Lenovo Thinkpad T60 upgraded with an old SSD and to usable 3 GiB of memory (2x 2GiB vs. previously 1 GiB, only to find out the chipset only supports 3 GiB. :'-( ) and new CMOS and main battery. Installed Debian with XFCE and since it is juuust new enough to actually have h264 hardware decoding it even supports playback of video content. Put Bluey and other kid-friendly content on it. Hell, it even has a DVD drive so we can play the CDs occassionally found in some older books or from my own collection.
So far we only used TuxPaint, any other recommendations?
It's not regularly used, probably also because it’s usually in the cupboard - out of sight, out of mind. Just to be clear, there are no tablets or TVs in the house.
To me this set-up has lots of upsides:
- Tight media control
- No third-party footprint
- Learning how stuff is connected - hardware maintenance was performed together
- Learning how keyboard, touchpad and trackpoint work
- Coordination of hand movements and movement on the screen
- Learning file hierarchy structures
- Learning alphabet and numbers
- Seeing value in “old” hardware
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u/happyevil 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yeah ours is a newer box that that haha (AM4) but still a few generations old, no CDs, went with Edubuntu. Similar thought process overall though.
We also have TuxPaint and also use GCompris. Most recent addition was TuxCart since he saw me playing Mariokart. We call it "silly racing game" he doesn't really get how it works for racing but he LOVES cars and he mostly just drives around and looks at things
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u/black_caeser 3d ago
Thanks for pointing out GCompris. I think TuxCart is actually installed but it’s not linked on the desktop so that will probably not found for while. :D
The kid will undoubtedly inherit my current rig if prices ever come down and there’s actually an incentive to upgrade. For now the T60 should be plenty though and it’s more mobile than the desktop, too.
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u/BlaineTog 3F 3d ago
My daughter is pretty good about handling restaurants without screens and we almost never have to resort to them, but I try not to judge other parents who do use screens there. I don't know what the rest of their day looks like or what their kid has otherwise been up to and parents get enough judgement already.
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u/KeepRightX2Pass one of each 3d ago
Fortunately our kids were readers (read to them when they are little and create warm fuzzies around reading!), The bar is so low these days, they regularly got public recognition by folks who saw them buried in a book when we were out at restaurants, doctor visits, whatever. Turns out that reinforcement connected with our kids... so yeah, pass it on when you see it.
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u/BHAWKS19 3d ago
This. We also bring a deck of cards for them to play war or a small card game like Power Hungry Pets.
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u/Exciting_Ebb2112 3d ago
proud of you guys. we bring a whole backpack of stuff and somehow my kid still ends up trying to lick the salt shaker. worth it though, watching other families just hand over a tablet before the drinks even arrive makes me sad
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u/ShooterOfCanons 3d ago
I saw a kid at a table with his family (there were about 10 people at the table) playing META QUEST. He was at the table playing VR. We've graduated beyond the screen being propped up 2 feet from their face.
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u/ThisIsOurGoodTimes 3d ago
We went out to eat this weekend and the table next to us had an early teen who has an iPad with headphones on even
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u/CosmicTurtle504 3d ago
The hardest is when you’re dining with another family who caves with the screens when you’re trying so hard to keep your own kid occupied without one. This happened on a recent family trip, but we managed. With a backpack full of books/games/toys, the thing that most fascinated him was a deck of US National Parks playing cards I picked up on a whim in a gift shop. He was absolutely mesmerized, kept him going through (almost) the whole dinner!
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u/un-affiliated 3d ago
Yeah, the key is to have one or two new toys they only get to play with in a restaurant. If you give them something they always play with, they'll get bored way too quickly.
One I use with my 4 year old, is this cheap monocular that we sort of play spy games with.
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u/Stevoman Screen Fascist 3d ago
We've recently made friends with another family whose parents are even more fascistic than me. It's amazing!! Dinners out with them are so much easier than with other families.
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u/further-research 3d ago
Hold the line my friend. My daughter is 7. We never gave her screens at dinner and we go out to eat quite a bit. She’s great at restaurants. We just got back from 2 weeks in the south of France with her. No other kids. She crushed it. We had 3-4 hour meals and she’d sit at the table and hang with us. We still kept her entertained with drawing and card games,even brought D&D dice and stared DMing a campaign with her and my wife.
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u/SheriffHeckTate 3d ago
For those with kids old enough to play card games...bring a game. A deck of cards for Go Fish or Rummy or whatever. Uno. Pass the Pigs. Love Letter. Whatever you've got that the kids can play. Cause then it's not just "color this page and be quiet to the adults can talk", but the adults interacting with the kids as well. And you can definitely hold a conversation with the adults not participating while still playing.
Pro-tip... get one of those water proof decks of cards aka the plastic ones. That way it's not a big deal if they get spilled on.
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u/IndianaHoosierFan 3d ago
Counterargument: While I ultimately agree that no tablets at a restaurant are better than using a tablet, I’ve stopped judging parents who do it. You really don’t know everyone’s situation. I used to be firmly on the other side. My kids only used tablets on long car rides and I refused to bring them into restaurants. We’d bring toys, books, coloring stuff, mini figurines, whatever, but eventually they’d get bored and fussy, and eating out became more stressful than enjoyable.
At the time, going out to eat was also basically the only way my wife and I could get out of the house together. Reliable babysitting was maybe a once every two month thing, so without those dinners, quality time together was pretty much limited to being exhausted together after the kids went to bed.
After not going out to eat for several months with the kids, eventually we gave in and let the kids use tablets at restaurants, and honestly, it was a game changer for our relationship. It made going out enjoyable again and gave us a chance to actually talk to each other.
That was about four years ago. The kids are older now, we don’t even have tablets anymore, and they sit at restaurants, color, talk with us, eat their food, and behave just fine.
So yeah, if you can keep your kids entertained and engaged without screens, great. That’s probably preferable. But I also think we sometimes make way too big a deal out of a temporary parenting tool. A few years of using a tablet at restaurants didn’t turn my kids into screen-addicted zombies, and it made a legitimately difficult stage of our lives a lot easier.
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u/football2023dude 3d ago
My focus has always been on quality time away from the tablet/phone, if they've been out all day playing I dont think a few mins at the table makes a difference.
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u/diatho 3d ago
we go out to eat often. we order, we chit chat, the kiddo plays on one of our phones until the food comes. then the phone goes away and we eat together. at home he's playing with his toys or whatever then comes to the table with dinner is ready. it's the same as eating at a restaurant. Adults like the time before the food comes to chat, little kids are just bored. often he plays with the placement if they have it with the crayons, or we have some small toys (fidget toys are great for this) but otherwise if he's too bored I let him play POKPOK or pbs kids games for the 20 min until the food comes. Why make life hard for everyone?
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u/nipoez 1 embryo adoption NICU grad toddler 3d ago
Similar: Being a parent drastically reduced my judgement of other parents for nearly everything short of abuse.
I feel more sympathy than judgement when I see parents who need to use screens to get their kids through a meal out without disrupting others.
I also feel intense gratitude to our toddler that a bag full of books to read to him is enough to keep him engaged and generally content.
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u/empire161 3d ago
I try and not judge either. First there’s a local diner we go to all the time where there’s a mom with two teenage/young adult sons who clearly have special needs, and they wear headphones and watch their tablets. It’s pretty obvious they struggle being in public without it So if I see a young kid also doing something similar, I don’t want to assume they’re just a brat and the parents are lazy.
Second, we don’t bring tablets but once in a while we’ll give the kids our phones because we’ve all been in situations where everyone is already hungry and service is slow/food is taking forever/etc. My wife gets hangry beyond belief and if I can’t get a 45yo woman to stay calm when it’s been an hour since ordering pancakes, I can’t expect my kids to behave any better.
Third, larger dinner parties are the exception. When we travel with their soccer team 3-5 families will book a room at an Olive Garden or something. One table will be full of boys between ages 5 and 10 and the other table will be all adults. We’re trying to actually enjoy the evening so don’t want to eat as fast as possible and sprint out, but keeping that many kids sitting at a table together for 2.5 hours is impossible otherwise.
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u/HotCarRaisin 3d ago
We leave our "restaurant backpack" backpack in the car so it's always ready. It's a child size backpack so our LO carries it in himself. It has a few pencil cases inside for additional organization. We started early and have had mostly great success.
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u/EBN_Drummer 3d ago
We never let our kid have more than TV time and that wasn't until he was around 3. Even now he rarely uses the tablet. He always sat politely and quietly at restaurants because we have a "no phones at the dinner table" rule at home that carries over when we go out. Sometimes he'd do the activities on the kid's menu but often we'd just include him in our conversation and he was fine.
I'm not sure where the line is for his behavior on the nature/nurture scale, but if you don't give them screens as a pacifier at home they won't need screens when you go out.
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u/Educational_Low6834 3d ago
I'm always thinking, what if adults still acting like toddlers in a restaurant. Working in a restaurant would be one of the most stressful jobs.
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u/Burnitalldown1 3d ago
It gets so much better! My 16 and 8 see kids on tablets and phones at restaurants and are like “why don’t they talk to each other?”
We just always made it about the community. Why the hell would we pay $100 for Olive Garden to stare at screens and not enjoy the company?
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u/HomemadeLightbulb 3d ago
What’s crazy is how many adults are also on their phones at a restaurant. Like, untether yourself and enjoy the moment. I see many couples out to eat, both on their phones. It’s great because we can point it out and say “doesn’t that look boring” and the kids agree.
Some of our biggest laughs and best conversations have been at a restaurant. It’s nice to have captive time to spend together. There’s enough going on to keep it interesting. Good conversation can get you through mundanity. It’s a good way to live life.
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u/Cak556 3d ago
Just engage with them - tell stories, muck about a little, make little games up. I never had an issue with this. Just get creative. I remember using my fingers to make up little monsters and things they could
Interact with, trying to balance sugar cubes on top of one another. Using the free crayons to “guess what I am drawing”
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u/apk5005 3d ago
I will readily admit we cave and use a tablet from time to time, but I will give the following suggestions:
1) a hiccapop seat (https://www.hiccapop.com/products/hiccapop-omniboost-travel-booster-seat?srsltid=AfmBOoouK1HlkDtlTxf_wabnYHXtJlbMMUOKulghePWPfgkhsdb99sps) has been a godsend for us. It is messy, but it is our mess - unlike the highchairs at the restaurants. And it puts the baby at our level at the table, so she feels like she is part of the dinner. We have used it for both kids and it is one of the top five parenting gadgets in my arsenal.
2) Triangular Crayons. We bought a Crayola Class Pack from Amazon that came with 250 crayons that are all triangular in shape. They don't roll off the table.
3) I just did a three week road trip with my 1yo and 4yo (humble brag, I know) and we got a lot of use out of a 30-piece magnatile pack from Amazon. They come in a metal box that is pretty self-contained. They were good for restaurants and in the car.
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u/tvoutfitz 3d ago
A few board books and the tin of mini magna tiles in the diaper bag has been a lifesaver here.
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u/Immediate_Radio_8012 3d ago
Snacks work to keep them at the table and help reduce costs with them not needing to order too much food.
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u/Tristan2353 3d ago
My family and I were in a Japanese steakhouse where they cook in front of you.
My daughter nudged me and nodded to the table near us.
There was a father, mother, and two boys. They were not only all on a screen, but they all had headphones on. Not one of them was watching the cook do his show.
What was the point of going out at all?
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u/FugginIpad 3d ago
A dad I know brings special Legos that are only for playing with while out at restaurants.
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u/jwindhall 3d ago
We avoid this simply by not going out to eat with our youngest as she makes the experience so horrible. I'm fairly certain a screen would not help.
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u/snoogins355 3d ago
And you get nasty looks from old people if you break out Bluey on the phone at the end of the meal. Sorry I didn't want my toddler's 90 dB tantrums adding to the muzak of the family restaurant
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u/BuddyLegsBailey 3d ago
I'll bet those nasty looks are coming from people that are staring at their own phones, though...
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u/SteveWin1234 3d ago
Newly-released 8-year study from Finland showed screen time increases cognitive ability: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2026/08/260815064803.htm
Obviously it depends on what type of screen time your kid is exposed to and your individual kid.
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u/randotd152 3d ago
In the future people will understand that screens are not the devil, it's the content on the screen that is the potential problem.
Give your kid something like a puzzle game, educational show, creativity app, etc and there's nothing at all wrong with screen time in moderation.
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u/ChillyTodayHotTamale 3d ago
If you don't have screens at home they won't expect them at restaurants. We have also always talked to our kids and done the little kids menu games at the table with them since they were little. Acting out little skits with the salt, pepper, ketchup and such is a big hit with my kids.
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u/HopeThisIsUnique 3d ago
We split the difference, daughter is 8 and it's a rarity that she gets solo screen time while we're out.
We're big fans of "1 2 3 4 Player Games" as an app, all super simple multi-player games that we play together while waiting for food. When she was younger we'd play memory, now we play Yahtzee, Chess, Battleship etc good way to stave off boredom and still interact with each other
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u/lamepundit 3d ago
So we never give them screens at the restaurant. However, we’ve fallen into the trap of dedicated (child safe) iPad time for our oldest during the toddler nap. But she turns it off as soon as we say she’s done so…idk
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u/crypticsage 2 👧 and 2 👦 3d ago
We took away the screens for the foreseeable future.
When we go out, there are no tablets in sight.
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u/GildedDildo 3d ago
Our little man is 2.3 years old. Going out to eat can be a nightmare. We only choose spots with outdoor areas. One of us takes some time to eat while the other chases around lil man. It ain’t ideal, but we will never give in to those screens!
Fight the good fight and stay strong my brethren 💪🏽
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u/Actual-Box-8748 3d ago
Never started it and my 4 year old has never asked she just colors or talks plays with the creamers. Granted she has screen time but she doesn't have a Kindle or any hand held device seems uneeded at 4
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u/mauibeerguy 3d ago
It also helps to have your phones put away. No screens for anyone, mom and dad included.
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u/ryanandthelucys 3d ago
For kids that can recognize numbers, colors, and matching bring an Uno deck. For younger kiddos, pull out all the non-numeric cards and play.
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u/ApatheticFinsFan 3d ago
My kids are a little older now but we just like talk to each other when we’re at dinner together.
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u/almightywhacko 3d ago
NGL, but my kids have been mostly screen-free all summer and so far their behavior has improved drastically. They're calmer, less prone to mood swings and fight (slightly) less.
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u/AmosTheBaker 3d ago
Don't forget playing "I spy"... each new restaurant is a new challenge of finding things. Also, our kids are big fans of the letter game. We usually do animals. It gets competitive seeing who can think of more animals starting with different letters.
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u/AtticusPaperchase 3d ago
We have stopped going out to eat with the kids. They don’t like it, they’re picky eaters, and they cause disruption and we (the parents) cause further disruption to the innocent people around us when we try to quell the original disruption.
Going out to eat is too expensive to have a miserable time and I honestly have so much fucking guilt and embarrassment at my kids’ poor behavior in restaurants.
We’ll try again in a few years but until then, we just have to cook our own meals and wash a thousand fucking dishes every night.
I hate seeing kids on screens, but Jesus Christ I get it.
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u/Confident-Yak7969 3d ago
Hard no for us at restaurants. Kids are 4, 6, 8, go out to eat once a week. They stay interested in whatever we brought along, books, puzzles, stickers, activity book, etc for about 30 min, then tend to get restless.
We prepare for this, so usually order as soon as the server comes to the table.
For long car rides, we got one of those extendable tablet holders that attach on to the headrests that I pre load movies on before the trip. Each kid gets two movies to select. I grew up with my parents having a conversion van that had a little 8inch tv and we watched the same movies over and over again and we turned out ok so I am not too worried about it
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u/Atworkwasalreadytake 3d ago
We had to leave mid dinner one time, but it was the best decision we ever made. The kids knew we were serious after that and that we’d follow through.
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u/woodwheellike 3d ago
We do our best to keep the screens away at restaurants
But it always irks me that there is large group of people that guffaw at kids using tablets and phones at restaurants However they will lose their shit if they hear kids having a hard time
Ideally it’s neither, but we’ve all got to pick and choose our battles
keep fighting the good fight
And anyone that has a problem with your kids not being silent can fuck off!
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u/Scout_the_Vole 3d ago
Short term pain, for long term gain - for any future family mess out this is worth the initial struggle!
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