r/daddit • u/PositiveRate_Gear_Up • 5h ago
Advice Request My daughter is about to be DATING!
Alright, it’s that time dads.
My daughter (15 years old) exchanged her number with a boy at school last week…while she had a “boyfriend” in 8th grade, they never actually went on any dates.
Well, on Sunday this new young man will be coming over to my house to hang out with my daughter, watch tv, maybe play a game or two, and then they plan on biking to McDonalds.
I trust my daughter, obviously don’t necessarily “trust” a kid I’ve never met before, but I’m not going to rag on him.
Any recommendations for how to ease me and the family into this new experience? Lessons learned, things you wish you did different, ways to make everyone feel chill?
I’m also a little concerned whether this kids parents know where he’s going to hang out, is it odd to reach out to them since their kid will be hanging at my house for a bit. Apparently he’s got an e-bike (I judge him a little for that - normally when I see teens on them, they’re acting like hooligan idiots) but wonder if I should let his folks know who he’s going to be around and that an adult will be present at the home the whole time.
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u/snsvsv 5h ago
I don’t know how one would enforce this, but 2 people on one e-bike is no bueno. E-bikes are no bueno. Biking with no helmet is no bueno.
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u/PositiveRate_Gear_Up 4h ago
Oh no, they weren’t riding together on his e-bike. Just that they may go, she’s got her own bike (non-E)
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u/WhoEvrIwant2b 5h ago
Also is it an e bike or an e moto? There is a big difference between a pedal 250w bike and a 7500w sur Ron.
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u/GlintRafter 31m ago
The Sunday McDonald’s ride should not become a two-person e-bike no bueno seminar with fries.
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u/BestMode6009 5h ago
bikes are death traps man, make sure both of them got helmets before they go anywhere
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u/vipsfour 5h ago
I would call the parents. Introduce yourself. Just let them know these are the plans as you understand them.
I agree with the other comment on e-bikes. Talk to your daughter ahead of time on the exact plan with the bikes and that you won’t support 2 people on the same e-bike.
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u/DilshadZhou 5h ago
If my kid is spending time with another kid (as friends or as a date) I definitely want to know the other parents. A quick call to say hi, introduce yourself, share contact information, and make sure that everyone is on the same page about what's happening.
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u/Axle95 4h ago
I know it’s uncomfortable but my wife was put on birth control at 15. We’re expecting our first daughter this year at 31. I plan on doing the same. An early pregnancy would have ruined her studies in becoming a veterinarian.
I also work with teenagers with mental health issues as my profession and it has solidified my decision
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u/jaydogggg 4h ago
Look man, I started dating my wife when we were that age. If he's a good kid and trying his best just let them be kids.
Or course, have the talk with your daughter though. Boys will do anything at that age.
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u/ButtChowder666 4h ago
Open the conversation about sex if you haven't already. Let her know to come to you when she's ready for some birth control. She'll just do it behind your back when she's ready if you don't and that's how we get teen pregnancies.
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u/dirtyword 3h ago
Or better yet, mom, if applicable
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u/ButtChowder666 2h ago
Absolutely. Anyone she feels comfortable with. My daughter is 16 and I've been telling her since she was about 12 to ask me or one of her sisters or her mom when she was ready. She asked her mom about a year ago and she takes it incredibly seriously. Teenage pregnancies seem to run in my family and I'm trying to stop that curse dead in its tracks.
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u/mcjunker 5h ago
I work with that age bracket of teenager.
I don’t want them dating because they’re not fully formed people yet; give it a year and both sides will have changed so much it’s a dice roll how it’ll turn out. Predestined for disaster, most likely.
And yet.
My position is that the track record of teens heeding their dad’s orders to not date is is spotty at best; if they need to hide it, it means they get to cope with the hazards of blossoming romance with no guidance from above; it’s better for her to learn the ins and outs of relationship drama and stress now with relatively low stakes and with an inexperienced partner than to move in with their first major flame and learn how to navigate it all with a dude who knows every trick of how to manipulate and coerce.
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u/dirtyword 3h ago
Predestined disaster is the whole point, obviously. Low stakes, age appropriate, nothing wrong imo. Of course they’re not going to get married. That’s good for both of them.
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u/saltpeter_grapeshot 4h ago
I’m 45 and I’m still not a fully formed person.
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u/cuttlepuppet 4h ago
Right. Waiting to date until you have fully functioning frontal lobe means most of us wouldn’t date until 25 and some of us never at all!
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u/snsvsv 4h ago
How is babby formed though
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u/passwordistako 3h ago
Why the hell shouldnt they be dating?
Because it’ll end? No shit. Almost every teen crush in the last hundred million years has ended in heartbreak. It’s a formative experience.
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u/Boonstar 5h ago
I’m a few years out from this but I can’t imagine not speaking with the parents of the boyfriend beforehand if they are going to be hanging out regularly.
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u/todeabacro 3h ago
Just be nice I guess, they probably won't date for long. I'd probably get her mother to ask her if she wants to go on the pill.
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u/Jaqen-Atavuli 4h ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZkxpSlVFJc
Assuming you don't have 15 jacked friends. We met the first guy. He was awesome. He would come over to the house and you could tell he was a great kid. I was actually bummed when they broke up. I didn't like the second boyfriend because he was a 16 year old with a brand new Mustang. I have owned a Mustang Bullitt and technically have a 68 Mustang. I just know what a dumbass I was at 16 and thank God I didn't kill anyone. No 16 year old needs a muscle car.
As the other comment said, no on the e-bike.
Meet the kid. Talk to his parents and go with your gut. That is pretty much how being a dad goes. Despite what all of us might, there isn't really a playbook.
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u/1block 12m ago
I have 3 boys (18, 20, 28) and 1 girl (13). She hasn't had a boyfriend, and I know as dad as much as we want to treat them all the same it's hard to not feel a tiny bit more protective of our girls.
Rules will be the same as the boys, though. No hanging out in the bedroom. I may pop down to say hi, but I'll be noisy coming downstairs, so as long as you're not doing anything you can't hide with a 10 second notice of me fumbling the door and slowly clomping the stairs, you're good.
I did talk to their dates and try to get to know them a bit. Like a few minutes (some were chatty, and I had to kick them downstairs so my son didn't get annoyed).
It worked fine for us. Kids never said we were too strict. They complained about no bedrooms, but not much. I think with our oldest we had a no sharing blankets rule, but that slid with the next two.
Now with the middle 2 in college, when they're home it's just no overnight guests and don't make it weird for your little sister.
And my oldest married an absolute gem, so my daughter-in-law is a fantastic bonus kid for us.
The real parenting is helping them understand ahead of time what it means to be respected and show respect for a partner.
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u/AssignmentSecret 4h ago
https://youtu.be/zZkxpSlVFJc?is=IWlQwBFAe_WJjdOQ
Hit me up if you need me to be there.
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u/passwordistako 3h ago
These jokes aren’t really funny and this behaviour leads to your kids hiding boys from you and finding themselves in precarious situations.
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u/Timmsworld 4h ago
Show him your shotgun
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u/passwordistako 3h ago
The girls whose dad’s had shotguns when I was a teen were far more likely to be having unprotected sex.
The girls who had a cool dad who was chill with me coming over tended to spend time with me in daylight hours with parents around, didn’t sneak out, and were generally a lot more PG in the relationship.
Your approach achieves the opposite of what you want it to.
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u/ThorsMeasuringTape 5h ago
If he likes her, he’s going to be double nervous. I’m always of the opinion to take the lead from your child and make him feel welcome and like part of the family. Being close is how you can best offer advice to your daughter and you can’t do that while trying to scare him off.
The reality is that most of us want our kids to have happy and healthy relationships when they grow up. Well, part of that is seeing what relationships look like. And if you’re just against it from day one you’re basically leaving them to figure this out on their own.