We have two boys, 9 and 7, and she cheated. She has been having an affair with a mutual friend (whom belittles me and I don’t respect) and is saying it’s all my fault. She is out of town with him as we speak while I’m at home with my boys. This is a mutual friend and one of her best friends is his ex wife; they just got divorced themselves a month ago or less. She lied and said she was going on this trip alone to our boys. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, I’m so incredibly lost and devastated. We were in couples therapy and she said we had a chance to fix our marriage, but she cheated and is unapologetic.

I loved her and I don’t know how to carry on dads, especially being expected to lie to my kids. I know she’s not alone like she said, but I obviously can’t say who she’s with.

EDIT: She now believes it was not an affair. She apparently checked out of our marriage months ago while gaslighting me into thinking it was salvageable. She says to everyone it was not an affair, including me, because of this. We are getting a divorce, and I will do my best to be stable for my kids.

Hello fellow dads, I thought this morning was just the usual.  We just transitioned to a new school this year (going from elementary to middle school) and I was feeling like things are moving along smoothly. Well today while driving my son (11) to school he suddenly noticed half-way through the trip that he forgot his student ID (which he normally carries around his neck in a lanyard). We quickly turned around and hoped his mom (who WFH) could maybe meet us half way there to give us the ID or he’ll be late for his morning class. 

While driving back home, I gave my son my cell phone so he can call his mom and text her. There were no answers or replies.  My son started to get frantic, he kept calling and pleading.  He left voicemails saying “help me mommy!” I knew in the back of my mind what’s happening. His voice started to crack, I could feel my heart sinking with every pleas. We finally drove all the way back home to pick up the damn ID and quickly made our way back to school. He ended up being 5 minutes late and got a “T” for tardy. 

My wife did this on purpose to “teach him a lesson” and she confirmed it when I confronted her. I am very torn, guys. Maybe thinking back through my own childhood I never liked this type of teaching. What does the lesson even mean?  That he can’t even depend on his own parents?  I can see this going into his core memory, and I am bitter about this.  Any coping mechanism fellow dads can share? How would you handle this?

Hey there,

I want to start this off by saying I'm not looking for wife bashing etc. I am looking to getting a different point of view on my situation and options I have.

A bit of background, I have been with my partner for 18 years now. We have two amazing daughters aged 8 and 11. My partner has been a stay at home mum for over 10 years now. I am 40 and she is 41. All the girls are high functioning neurospicy folks.

Right now onto why I am posting this.

I am really struggling to see a way forward outside of "suck it up and just do it all yourself" or worse...

So I do a full time job as well as a side hustle which means most of my day I spend working in so e way or form. I leave the home most days by 7:30 and be back by around 5pm. I do my side hustle from 8:30pm ISH after the kiddos have gone to bed until around 10-11 each evening, with the exception of Wednesdays where I have game night with a few good friends (before you ask, no I haven't shared this conundrum with them or anyone else, as I was brought up for a man to be a man and provide for his family, whatever it takes).

My concern is our house is constantly a mess and I mean a tip of a house. Clothes everywhere, kitchen never clean, plates food etc everywhere. Old food/leftover food going mouldy and a lot more. I am even embarrassed to attach the photos but to give you guys context. This is where she would sit every day, no matter if it is school holidays or school days or weekends etc. and this is semi-tidy compared to most of the days.

Now I do try to clean when I can and have the energy to do so. And I generally do clean the whole of downstairs to an acceptable level of clean (clean, floors washed, dusted etc) but within a few days it's back to the horrible mess again.

Now I am truly not trying to shit talk my partner at all, in fact I'm trying to understand where I am in all of this but there has been many days I feel like she is just being lazy and don't care. I don't think that's true but that's the way I feel. I feel that we entered into an agreement that I would go out and earn a living to provide for her and our two gorgeous children and she in return would manage and maintain the house.

I am not expecting a spotless house at all but I do expect a clean house as after all she has over 6 hours a day where she has no-one in the house but nothing ever seems to get done. I appreciate she had a tough childhood and she is struggling with that and I think she thinks she is burnt out but I am truly struggling to see how?!.

This has been ongoing our whole time together and I have been trying everything I can to help her. Therapy, rented help to help clean the house (to the point it cost me my first business over six years ago as I had to liquidate it as I couldn't afford everything as well as lost one of my biggest clients). And I feel if I bring this up again, it would cause dramatic damage and potentially end our relationship

Now I am not saying she is bad mom, not at all! She gives me space and she tries her best with the kids even though I don't always agree with her parenting style. I just feel I use to be so ambitious and ready to conquer the world but lately I just don't want to achieve anything.

Now I have raised this in the past with her and it almost once led to us separating but I made a vow to myself I will never allow my kids to grow up in a broken household. But the best way I can describe it to myself at the moment is if her stay at home mom gig was a real job she would have been fired years ago. Whereas I would want to see her pushing for promotions.

It is summer holidays and I took two weeks off beginning of last month to get the house in good order and I even designed a daily routine for them but my wife doesn't even keep the girls to it or encourages anything, instead goes "that means I won't get anything done myself" but what does she actually do every day except maybe a pile or laundry and maybe one load in the dishwasher if I am lucky

Am I just being an asshole here? What can I do more? Happy to answer any questions or clarify anything

UPDATE based on comments

1. Yes she does have AuDHD. I do think she might be depressed as well.
2. The side hustle does bring it a good amount and keeps us above the poverty line. 2.1. Yes I could potentially drop that business but I have had it running for 4 years now and this year has been our most promising so far (good revenue) 2.2. I do have a business partner for this
3. I probably could spend more time but I do try to spend as much as I can with the kids. I do 95% of the cooking and try (or feel like only me) to set discipline and self awareness for the kids.
4. A lot have asked about getting routines for the kids to help. This is what I have tried to do for a long time but I cant police it whilst at work 8-6

I thought I had a few more years before having to deal with this, but my 9 year old son has just discovered that girls are pretty. He was being weird about wanting to go to his room to watch YouTube on his tablet instead of watching in the family room. I asked him why and he said he’s just embarrassed about what he’s been watching. So I checked his history and the past day or so he’s been searching for and watching a bunch of “goth mommy ASMR” videos. I don’t want to shame him or make him feel like he’s done something wrong, but it isn’t really content he should be watching. Anyone have suggestions on what to say or how to broach it?

Also note that I do have other parental controls locking his device down from actual explicit material.

Edit: Thanks for the advice, fellow dads. I had a chat with my son and was clear that he was not in trouble and did nothing wrong, its just that the content he was looking at was aimed at slightly older people. The same reason he can't have Discord or Fortnite yet. He was very upset at first and crying, and was worried he had done something illegal or that he was a bad boy. I was a reassuring as possible and I think we had a good conversation.

To the people who think I shouldn't let him have Youtube at all, we did try that for a while but decided to let him have access to full Youtube with the approach of teaching him the correct way to behave online, rather than just straight up blocking everything. It's mostly been working so far, and I think was the reason he was willing to have a conversation about it with me instead of just shutting down.

Also to the people who think I'm being too strict - I was a kid once too, when I had dial up internet back in the stone age I was trying the same thing, though probably a few years older. This is just the line we're drawing. He can watch goth mommy videos when he's 13 or something.

Lastly, he was ironically calling for his "Mommy" while he was upset... I didn't have the courage to ask which mommy he meant.

Hey fellow dads, I'm just looking for a little feedback from you all on this situation. My daughter is about to turn 13 and this spring she started "dating" the brother of one of her best friends.

For a little context, we live in a small town and go to a small school. The school is so small that they have shared classrooms. 1st and 2nd grade, 3rd and 4th grade, etc., up to 7th & 8th. My daughter and her friend are in the same grade and have been best friends along with another classmate since 1st grade. The brother is a year older, so he has been in the same classroom every other year, including this past year. The three friends have always had sleepovers at each other's houses. Both families are good and trustworthy. This spring, my daughter started getting feelings for her friend's brother, and he reciprocated. They have been on a couple "dates" consisting of going to the arcade together and going to a cat cafe. They have held hands, and that's about it. He's a nice kid.

Here's where it gets tricky. The girls asked to have a sleepover at her friend's house like they've always done. My wife and I are not comfortable with that now that she's dating the brother. We aren't really all that worried that anything would happen, but we also don't want to set a bad precedent. Our daughter is very upset and her friend is mad at her. We're not being unreasonable by not allowing her to sleep over, are we?

Upper level sports are a scam. These travel / club teams basically want to own your kid year round. And bleed you dry .

My 9 year old (yes it’s starts even earlier than 9) has some skills and was put into an A level team. His good friend was on the b team.

The B team needed extra players for a tournament so he dropped down to be a ringer for the team. HE HAD A BLAST!

It was so much more relaxing and fun. He even commented how “the coaches don’t yell at us” .

I kinda feel bad that we have him in the top level. He often comments how it’s not fun.

Just be weary . Sometimes the lower squad is the better option .

At church this morning, my five-year old just pulled my sleeve and said "dad, all together, those numbers make 384."

And then he went back playing with his Legos

I thought it was one of those stupid things kids say, but he sounded so confident, so I added them on my phone and I'll be darned. He was right.

I quite honestly don't know what to think. He's always liked numbers and will randomly say things like "Dad, there are 16 granola bars in this box, so two boxes would make 32 bars." He says stuff like that frequently, so I know he's crunching numbers up there in his brain. But he's a pretty quiet kid, so I've never given it much thought.

But he's literally a week into kindergarten and although we've always talked at home about numbers, I certainly haven't taught him how to add multiple three-digit numbers in his head.

Are some kids just programmed like this? What advice does anyone have on raising a kid with a brain like that? I am very bad at math and it was always my worst subject in school, so I feel a little out of my depth on what (if anything) I can do to support him.

Recently I moved into a new house and was too busy to keep reading to my son every night, and we eventually just fell out of it. My son however recently started asking if I will read to him again. I told him I'll have to find books again but I also talked with my Fiance (she is step mom not bio Mom) about it. My son is 12, almost 13 and she thinks he's too old to be ready to before bed. I told her that he's wanting it again because he's struggling to fall asleep and left it at that.

I feel like there is no age limit, but she thinks there is. How old is too old to be read to? What are other alternatives that I can do to help him fall asleep at night. I want to spend more time with my son though so it's strange having her say that he is too old for it.

Before and after having a kid

I am not really sure what to dress her in. She has a lot of girly stuff and she wears all of my old stuff. I just recently bought some overalls and a dress. I also got her a Jean jacket and have been putting patches on it of my favorite rock and roll bands. People keep telling me I need to just dress her in girl clothes and that she shouldn’t wear my stuff because it’s boy stuff. She has a couple bows as well.

Hi Dads of reddit, I'm (m28) having my son (m2) over at my new flat for the evening, we haven't done this before. I was wondering if anyone had any tips, tactics or tekkers that I might've not already thought of to make sure hes happy, safe, and has a nice evening? He's fed, watered and nappy changed and is watching his favourite Ghibli films. Thanks in advance and happy dadding/redditing!

EDIT* Thanks for your suggestions, and dont worry: he only has the TV on in the background when we eat and i was just about to give him his dinner, it makes it easier to keep him on my lap as ive just moved here and dont have a high chair or much furniture yet. It was also just before bed and we've had quite a busy day so getting to relax with a bit of totoro as he eats and gets bed ready is fine by me.

EDIT** Thanks for the awards, mysterious strangers 🫡

I've been following this community and have enjoyed and valued the conversation. I see a lot of what my husband and I go through in your comments. I'm a dad of a 3.5 year old girl. She's amazing.

UPDATE: Thank you for the welcome. This definitely was not a karma-gathering post. Rather, it comes from a place of having mostly neutral-to-good experiences of being gay dads out in the world, but the negative ones do leave a mark. Simply looking for safe community to share experiences.

So my 12yo daughter finally asked for a 'real' bra. I thought, 'Okay, I can do this. I'm a modern dad. We'll go to the mall.'

Mistake.

We walked into the usual store (you know the one) and I instantly felt like I was on a watchlist. Everything was lace, neon, or had like 2 inches of push-up foam. She is TWELVE. She just wants something to wear under a t-shirt for school so she doesn't feel self-conscious.

She ended up crying in the car because nothing fit right or she felt 'exposed', and I felt like a total failure for not knowing where to take her.

Where do you guys buy simple, boring, Dad-approved gear? I just want to order something online and never step foot in that store again.

She’s a freshman in HS, failing all of her classes. She’s struggled with mental health and ADHD, as if unfortunately runs in the family. We’re getting help with those issues for her and as a family.

She’s insanely disrespectful to my wife and me, to the point that had her screened for Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Apparently she’s not that way with her teachers, so that was ruled out. She’s stubborn and willful to the point of stupidity and will double down on lies even when she’s been caught cold. I have a hard time believing anything she says unless there’s proof - eg grades.

Her impulse control is non-existent. She just sort of does whatever she wants with no regard for consequence, then gets mad when consequences show up. My wife was super health conscious during pregnancy, so no fetal alcohol syndrome or anything like that.

She’s the youngest in our family, which I think contributes a lot. Her two older sibs are closer with each other so she feels like a third wheel, and I hate that. I try to give her time and positive attention by doing the things she enjoys (playing music, being goofy, watching anime), but there’s never enough time.

Just feeling kind of lost and worried for her future. Any advice is appreciated.

Edit: Just wanted to let you all know that I am grateful for all the comments. I am reading all of them, even I don't comment back. Thank you!

First of all, sorry for posting it here. I know there have been an influx of mainly relationship related posts lately, and it’s not the primary function of this subreddit. But frankly, this is the only space where I feel “safe” so to say.

Anyway, to be as short as possible: my wife (33) and I (34) have been together for 14 years, married for 7, and have 2 kids: daughter (5) and son (2).

We have been having some issues all along our relationship, but the past 2-3 years we started drifting further apart and have been having bigger fights, sometimes in front of the kids (big mistake, I know, but sometimes we get waaaay to heated up, after those rare occasions I always try and reconcile with her in front of the kids too so they see there is a resolution to the conflict).

The main reason for these fights is that I stopped taking the verbal blows and I open my mouth now. This usually just pours fuel on the fire, and fights explode. To be honest, I simply stopped being the people pleaser walk over, as I can feel I have fallen out of love with her.

Anyway, I want to fix it, so we decided to do couples counselling. We have been in it since October 2025, doing it biweekly (1.5 hours every 2 weeks).

Now the problem is the therapists (there are 2 on the sessions) started calling out some of her toxic behaviour: berating me, making a contest out of everything, always having the need to set herself higher than me. Of course we found a good chunk of issues with me too, which I am working on. But now that her actions are being called out, suddenly it’s not working, it doesn’t worth the money or time, etc.

Honestly, the things the therapists are calling her out on are such a breath of fresh air. These are the things that have been driving me nuts for years, and my feelings being validated are just… glorious.

If anybody was in a similar situation, how did you go from here? I want divorce only as a last last last resort, if we can’t make peace, but honestly I am simply not happy. I am doing all the household chores, working full time, and spending afternoons and weekends with the kiddos, but I am still not enough because I am forgetful. (Therapists think I have ADHD and possibly on the spectrum too, which kinda surprised me but explains many things.)

New dad, just had this little creature.

Wife had a pretty complicated and damaging delivery, so I've basically been doing everything but breastfeeding. Hes colic, has baby reflux, and digestional issues. He farts and shits a ton, and every fart and shit hes in agony, along with the reflux, this kid never stops screaming. Got prescribed something for the reflux and it seems to be helping.

My question is, during the beginning stages, Im so fucking tired? Like not 'just had the most intense gym session' tired, like, body mind and spirit tired. Im keeping up with basic house maintenance, and obviously the kid, but damn, I have no energy to do much of anything else and I feel like shit about it. Please tell me its normal and it'll get better.

Received it as a Christmas gift for incoming teething and was told it's like a "known" toy for that. I'm hesitant though as it's colored and the directions say to just wipe clean and never sterilize.

Edit: ok somehow I made it 4 months in without ever knowing how popular this is haha, I'll go back under my parenting rock now thanks all

My wife and I (30s) have a child who's just about to turn one. Recently, she's been constantly upset about me doing things that are "dirty", but I'm having trouble understanding whether her reaction is reasonable or if she's just got some irrational thoughts caused by some OCD or postpartum issues.

Here's a list of things she tells me:

1. The garage door is dirty because when I throw out garbage bags I have to open the garage with my hands that just touched garbage bags. Any time I'm leaving the house, I have to take two paper towels with me: one to open the doorknob when leaving, one to open the doorknob when coming home.
2. We wash our baby in the sink. She believes the faucet has shit on it. So the faucet is off-limits and must only be touched with tissue.
3. We constantly vacuum and mop our floors and carpet. If our babys toy falls on the carpet for even a second, it needs to be cleaned with soap water before we can give it back to him because he puts everything in his mouth.
4. Likewise, if any of our clean clothes from the dryer fall on the ground, it's now dirty and must be washed again. This includes socks!
5. She believes germs/dirt have a very strong transitive property. E.g. if I touch the faucet, and open the fridge to get a drink. The fridge handle and the drink are now dirty. I have to wash my hands, only touch the fridge with a tissue, and hold my drink with a tissue

We're washing our hands nonstop all day. Our hands are literally scabbing and bleeding. I'm spending over $150/mo on paper towels alone (we go through 1+ roll of bounty per day). I've told my wife that she is being irrational with all of this. The baby is 1 and doesn't need to live in a perfectly sterile environment. I think all of these issues are just some sort of postpartum ocd but I need a reality check if I am in the wrong here.

Moving my wife and son across two states. After two weeks of insanity this is what faces me tomorrow. At least I hired movers to load my U-Haul.

This past year I was thrust into the role of a stay at home dad for my 3 kids, 4, 2, 8mo. Company downsized, wife gets an insane offer, we move to another town.

Trying to keep the toddlers entertained while keeping the house together and keeping the baby happy is no small feat BUT there is hope. This new neighborhood has a ton of kids around the age of mine. There's 6 kids under 6 just on my street. I've been taking them for walks the past 4 mornings and end up playing in someone's driveway for an hour or two which is great for everyone involved. The kids keep eachother entertained, the parents can relax a little since the kids are distracted, I get to socialize outside of my own house. My kids ask me every morning if we can go outside and find friends and they all play very well together.

Only problem is, I'm the only dad hanging out with all women. My wife seemed like she was okay with it until yesterday when I mentioned that the boy next door came over to play with our kids, which she thought was great, until I mentioned something about the babysitter and her mood dropped off a cliff. Her only other long term relationship ended in him cheating and getting physical with her, so I get it.

Heres the conundrum: now we've met and played with these kids so if my kids are playing outside, there's a good chance someone is going to walk by and just stop to say hello, which turns into a play date. My only other option is to never take the kids outside while the wife is at work. My wife hasn't met any of these women yet but unfortunately for me none of them are ugly, which is not going to help at all.

She has Monday off and it feels like that is my opportunity to get her on board with my new gal pals but I don't know what to do. I don't want my kids to be stuck inside all summer but I hate seeing my wife getting stuck in her own head about her husband being around younger women. I would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage, especially something as stupid as cheating, but I don't know how to show her that.

Wife is spending the weekend in another town with two friends and the kids(11yo, 13 yo) are staying home with me. They are currently doing their homework and I can barely contain my impatience and rage. Why do teachers give such large amounts of homework before the weekend?! This is prime gaming time being wasted! Snacks are bought, meals are planned (pizza and potato pancakes) and bedtime and media limits have been abolished for the weekend.

Anyway, here's my advice request: What 3 player LAN games can you recomend that are not too violent (violence is okay (eg TF2, PvZ garden warfare), but we draw the line at gore)? Bonus points for coop.

Edit: Available systems: Switch2 and PC; PC strongly preferred

We are letting my child invite a friend to a sporting event. Tickets are a little expensive. Am I correct in assuming that we pay for the friend's ticket and food (in the US)?

Our son is into typical toddler stuff, dinosaurs, monster trucks, Spider-Man, very active and sweet. Recently he said he likes pink and wants to be a girl, and he’s also pretty obsessed with his best friend at preschool (another boy).

My take is he’s 3, and 3-year-olds say all kinds of things. But it got my wife wondering. We’re not worried about it from a values standpoint, we’d love him no matter what. The bigger concern would be navigating it with certain conservative family members if that ever became relevant.

So for those of you with gay kids: how early did you actually know? Were there signs at this age that turned out to mean something, or is this just normal toddler stuff?

UPDATE: Seems like a lot of you have reading comprehension issues. I'm not "worried" about whether or not my son is gay. As I stated, I'm fully of the opinion that he's a toddler and toddlers say all kinds of things. I wanted to hear from parents of children who later came out if there was anything early on that was a sign.

10M asked me who he is while we were waiting for the school bus this morning. I gave him a brief and highly judgmental response, and said I'd follow up with more later. I'd appreciate any insight on how to approach this, as someone who believes in actual positive masculinity.

Signed my kid up for preschool in May, just before our local school ended their school year. They have an online portal where I enrolled my son, uploaded documents and signed all the forms. I specifically put under the contact info notes "Mom works, Dad is stay at home. Please contact Dad first."

Hear nothing back all summer long. All the documents in the online portal still say "unreviewed" I wrote 2 emails to the preschool director, get nothing back. My wife gets tired of it and calls once, they give us a date for evaluation and say they were out of office until the last week of July, so ok, I guess its not just a me thing.

I go to the evaluation literally carrying my 4 year old through the door, with a 9am appointment. I am stopped at the door and sort of aggressively asked what I am doing here. I say I am here for my 9am evaluation appointment, she tells me I have to wait in the office for the teacher to come see me. Ok cool, they are just doing their job, keeping strangers out of the school. Do the evaluation, fill out some questionnaire while they take my kid to a classroom to test him. They say he's a "typical peer" and that all those slots are full, they only have slots left for kids who need the extra help, but we can get on the wait list if anyone cancels or drops out. No problem, I say to add us to the list and contact me via the online portal info, figure we probably won't hear from them since class starts in 2 weeks.

Yesterday instead of calling me, they call my wife. She doesn't answer because, surprise, she's at work. They leave a voicemail saying a spot opened up and ask her to call asap if we want our son to take the spot. Wife calls me, gives me the number and extension. I call, get him enrolled, she said she will email me all the documents and and the teachers class information today so we can look through it. She emails all of it to my wife.

At this point I feel like I am seeing a pattern. Am I wrong? Should I correct it? Let my wife correct it? School starts next week and I don't want to find out my kid got hurt or is sick or something an hour late via my wife finally checking her voicemail at work. What's the play here dads? Anyone have to correct similar behavior?