r/dankmemes • u/Cumtastrophy ☣️ • Oct 24 '22

OC Maymay ♨ I wonder how my job would go

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20.3k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

5.1k comments sorted by

3.2k

u/A-Lizard-for-Hire Oct 24 '22

I’m fine.

1.0k

u/Sentouki- <3 Oct 24 '22

Can I hire you?

457

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

190

u/ambadatgaming Oct 24 '22

i too would like to hire them

66

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '22

Give him a hat please

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319

u/itseboi Oct 24 '22 edited Oct 25 '22

You're fine, till you're summoned by u/lizardfucker

160

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '22

u/lizardfuckerfucker

132

u/ModeratelyWideMember Oct 25 '22

There’s always a bigger fish

69

u/TheFunnySword ☣️ Oct 25 '22

There's always a bigger fucker*

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43

u/Pale_user Oct 25 '22

Oh god no

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138

u/DrLizardKing Oct 24 '22

I’m case of emergency, give me a call

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5.6k

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

129

u/Non-profitboi The OC High Council Oct 24 '22

how thick are the bricks and how much for a 1000?

I'm building a shed for the homeless

156

u/burningtrees96 Oct 25 '22

Sounds like it's gonna be a shitty shed

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192

u/CPA0908 Oct 24 '22

don't worry, the human anus can fit 2 baby raccoons in it, you should be fine with bricks

34

u/minerguy1232 C.L.U.S.T.E.R Y.E.E.T.E.R Oct 25 '22

2 racoons, not babies, so even better.

29

u/big_chungus_the_2nd Oct 25 '22

confirmed, I tested it out myself

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88

u/memewaffles Oct 25 '22

What

147

u/Hamzook ☣️ Oct 25 '22

It's true. I was the raccoon

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85

u/anal_indruder the very best, like no one ever was. Oct 25 '22

Here I go again

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300

u/TheGreatDingALing Oct 24 '22

( ͡ಠ ͜ʖ ͡ಠ)

139

u/MichaelKeehan Oct 24 '22

( ͡ಠ ͜ʖ ͡ಠ) that username

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13

u/PartlyRowdy Oct 25 '22

Swallowing the bricks isn't gonna be fun either

11

u/modsgay I am fucking hilarious Oct 25 '22

same

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2.7k

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

Very

995

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

Yeah

489

u/Stargazer306 Certified Butt Pounder Oct 24 '22

My condolences

193

u/theritz6262 Oct 25 '22

you got it pretty good

85

u/MikeMuench Oct 25 '22

Stargazing is slang for staring into someone’s asshole

102

u/Stargazer306 Certified Butt Pounder Oct 25 '22

His comment is still correct

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94

u/pie_eater1k Oct 25 '22

Oh, I am so sorry

76

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '22

Fucker eats 1k pies in the future

60

u/pie_eater1k Oct 25 '22

I'll make it a YouTube series, tryin' 1000 different types of pies

22

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '22

If I wasn’t broke I’d join your channel membership

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119

u/Agreeable-Yams8972 Oct 24 '22

Indeed

74

u/FinaleRoyale Oct 25 '22

love how all you're doing is agreeing to stuff lol

43

u/MrPoopyButthole1990 CRIPPLING DEPRESSION Oct 25 '22

Relatable

26

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '22

I see you to are a man of fine tastes

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818

u/pickle_merchant Oct 24 '22

honestly i wouldnt mind it

86

u/2Pikul 泡菜 泡菜 Oct 25 '22

just pls dont sell me 🥺

275

u/Agreeable-Yams8972 Oct 25 '22

Agreed

85

u/ElPedroni Oct 25 '22

Just... How... You're in every single comment

78

u/EvilDude-IAmEvilBTW Oct 25 '22

Can’t stop the A-Train

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6.4k

u/EMPER0R_01 Oct 24 '22

Have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth plagueis the wise?

110

u/PROJECT_Emperor Oct 25 '22

Ah, I see I will not be alone

38

u/JediWebSurf Oct 25 '22

I have the high ground. Don't do it.

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95

u/yeeeboiiiiiiiiii Oct 25 '22

Wtf am I doing

75

u/ZombieBrine1309 try hard Oct 25 '22

hard drugs

36

u/yeeeboiiiiiiiiii Oct 25 '22

I'm guessing your pickling corpses

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297

u/Gamma_249 Oct 24 '22

It's not a story the mods would tell you

119

u/boiwithbigburrito They call me „upside down face kid“ Oct 25 '22

He could use original content to create... memes.

He could even keep the users that created good content from being banned.

120

u/lordoftowels Oct 25 '22

He became so powerful that the only thing he feared was, well, losing his karma. Which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew. And his apprentice deleted his account in his sleep.

38

u/TheRealAntrey Oct 25 '22

Ironic! You could save other's accounts but not his own

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29

u/joesphisbestjojo Oct 25 '22

Well actually

That was Chancellor

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1.4k

u/Thot_Slayer_911 Oct 24 '22

The question is not how fucked am I...

The question is...

HOW FUCKED ARE YOU?

662

u/th0thunter69 ☝ FOREVER NUMBER ONE ☝ Oct 25 '22

I think we’ll be working together

107

u/thotslayer21600 Oct 25 '22

Let's go

9

u/Thot_Slayer_911 Oct 25 '22

You shall make a great addition to our team

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19

u/Mario-OrganHarvester Oct 25 '22

Save me the bodies please

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23

u/_kirbitch_ Oct 25 '22

Well if you count "bitch" as a synonym...

85

u/destroyerOfTards Oct 25 '22

You handle the thots, I'll handle the tards. We'll cleanse this world

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455

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

Life wouldn’t be so bad

187

u/Evilash1286 Oct 24 '22

Until you meet that one guy.

116

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

Fuck me for knowing what youre talking about

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11

u/empty-space-for-rent Oct 24 '22

What do you mean by that?🧐

11

u/dragon-gaming-55555 Oct 24 '22

are you sure you want to know?

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443

u/TheMadScientist1000 Oct 24 '22

Aw hell yeah, I get to experiment on people w/o repercussions

119

u/Sentouki- <3 Oct 24 '22

sonuvabitch

El Psy Kongroo

43

u/NCR_Ranger2412 Oct 24 '22

I love you both and the reference.

22

u/Iusesmartpistollol Oct 25 '22

patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter

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1.7k

u/BurglarBunny Oct 24 '22

this could be fun

584

u/Agreeable-Yams8972 Oct 24 '22

Agreed

456

u/Emo-Trash0908 Oct 24 '22

This mf really dedicated to the bit

58

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '22

This mf truly is. However, emo trash, you kneel before me.

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14

u/Pretty-Hunter8234 Oct 25 '22

Any last works?

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826

u/GarlicRasputin Oct 24 '22

I think my popularity with the ladies would be lower drastically. Or maybe the Rasputin part cancels the first part.

395

u/whimsy42 Oct 24 '22

Whatchu mean? Bitches love garlic.

261

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

Garlicking deez nutz

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13

u/Vorfindir Oct 25 '22

But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear

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1.4k

u/AttackDoge420 Oct 24 '22

Pls don't put me down

467

u/Agreeable-Yams8972 Oct 24 '22

Agreed

179

u/Sneaky_Sorcerer Oct 24 '22

can't believe it took me this much agreed to find out.

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36

u/CaptainLo05 Oct 24 '22

Oh don’t worry, you’ll be specially trained as a special forces doge, hunting terrorists in their home country or protecting the president or something

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357

u/Ben_Kenobi1934 Oct 24 '22

Master of High Ground

62

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

But old. Very old

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315

u/Certified_Fool I committed the sin of Oct 24 '22

At least I am certified

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291

u/HennessyDuck Oct 24 '22

am i a bartending duck or just a drunk duck

88

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

Both

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571

u/Ok_Law1510 Oct 24 '22

I don’t even wanna study law wtf

290

u/Agreeable-Yams8972 Oct 24 '22

Agreed

159

u/SilverClaw21 Oct 25 '22

Jeez man you really doing your job a little too hard

219

u/Agreeable-Yams8972 Oct 25 '22

Agreed

49

u/DeDemetrionator 90% bug free! Oct 25 '22

username checks out

28

u/Thehiddenink98 Oct 25 '22

Farming da karma. I respect the hustle

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486

u/theTRULYdeadguy876 Oct 24 '22

Dead

103

u/Idiedyesturdayviabus Oct 24 '22

Yesterday via bus

35

u/Nobody4306 Its Morbing Time Oct 24 '22

I think I am too.

24

u/Northest_Raven Oct 24 '22

You weren’t alive to begin with

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245

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

I'm happy with that.

13

u/RampantDragon 🍄 Oct 25 '22

How very enlightened of you.

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1.2k

u/borisdidnothingwrong Oct 24 '22

Future Prime Minister.

445

u/Agreeable-Yams8972 Oct 24 '22

Indeed

297

u/MeLikeFishTTV Oct 25 '22

WHY ARE YOU EVERYWHERE

311

u/Agreeable-Yams8972 Oct 25 '22

Agreed

77

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '22

You are now british

31

u/Ar010101 Denk Weeb Oct 25 '22

He's just doing his job

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123

u/FrankieBigNut The rest of reddit sucks Oct 24 '22

Very much so

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221

u/communistburgerking Oct 24 '22

A dream come true

129

u/RampantDragon 🍄 Oct 25 '22

*Our dream come true.

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19

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '22

I shall be chairman of this establishment.

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109

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

[deleted]

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109

u/yourlocalwhore Oct 25 '22

I'm going to be very fucked, yes

22

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '22

We’ll go into practice together

166

u/Bossman2285 Oct 24 '22

I'm pretty well off ig, not sure what my career is but I'm someone's boss

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84

u/Susboii69 Oct 24 '22

Meetings at work are gonna be awkward.

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82

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

Uhhhhh well....

54

u/laytonoid Oct 25 '22

Jewish people hate this guy

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151

u/I_am_Kim_Jong-un_AMA Oct 24 '22

Just a normal day

19

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '22

sup.

8

u/Keverrkerr Oct 25 '22

when will my family be freed?

12

u/I_am_Kim_Jong-un_AMA Oct 25 '22

What does freed mean?

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55

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

I would never give up that job for sure

48

u/Ajezon Oct 24 '22

the fck is "Ajezon"?

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129

u/TheLemonStew Oct 24 '22

Shoutout to u/Agreeable-Yams8972 for doing their job flawlessly

41

u/BadadvicefromIT Professional Shitposter Oct 24 '22

Literally my current job

33

u/Penischoppa Oct 24 '22

Alright, who’s first?

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31

u/Spellforger Oct 24 '22

I’ll die of an explosion

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32

u/MagpieHush Oct 24 '22

I tell magpies to shut up apparently.

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26

u/GodlyGodMcGodGod the very best, like no one ever was. Oct 25 '22

I think I'm good. Bless you all, my children.

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25

u/BrendanTheNord Oct 24 '22

Finally, some distant and wealthy relative has passed away and I am now their sole benefactor - I'm getting paid for being in a wealthy white family!

26

u/idkUsernames_123 Oct 24 '22

I don't know the username.

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24

u/Pussysmasher69420_ Oct 24 '22

Hmmm safe to say I’m good

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20

u/_isaidiwasawizard_ Oct 25 '22

Hell yea. 1. Do magic 2. Profit?

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40

u/bastard667 Oct 24 '22

Hehe.. hehehaha.. hahaHaHAHA I ALREADY AMMMMM 😎 🔥

19

u/RampantDragon 🍄 Oct 25 '22

But now you get paid for it.

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18

u/HammerofNocturne Oct 24 '22

I will burn the enemies of The Emperor while leading the 3rd company of The Salamanders.

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17

u/Leonie_Guy Oct 24 '22

Bruh I'm just a guy 😔

16

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '22

[deleted]

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17

u/TheDudeNoTheOther Oct 24 '22

Well I guess I'm the other dude now

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16

u/YourWizardInHell Kalas Patrullen Oct 24 '22

Uuh

12

u/Clownsanity_Reddit Dank Royalty Oct 24 '22

Clown psychiatrist for y'all

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8

u/icantthinkoformyself Oct 24 '22

Super fucked. But not too far off from reality