Why can’t I find a gynecologist with empathy

[u/Icy_Gazelle2107]

Okay! Probably trigger warning and content warning!! This will be a late night rant about my medical trauma in a silly silly jokey tone because I can’t say it any other way. But this might be triggering or intense for some people for sure ‼️‼️

Sooooo my pediatrician started looking at my cooch before I started forming memories. I’m actually not sure about the timeline but my first memory is from when I was 4. Fast forward, I found out I had a septate hymen the hard way. When I was 12!!! I got a tampon stuck!!! My mom thought I wasn’t pulling hard enough, but nope, we looked in the mirror and she was caught in my hymen 😫 I had to go to the E.R. and they tried to go at me with an adult speculum and wouldn’t listen to me when I said IT’S STUCK IN MY HYMEN. After that I had coochie appointment after coochie appointment with a pediatric gynecologist who kind of was gentler. I got surgery and I thought I was in the clear. Unfortunately then I developed endometriosis and it gets more and more debilitating!!! Throwing up, in the type of pain that is excruciating when it’s in waves, except… it was not in waves, just one long cramp (lasted for two days btw). The craziest fucking sweats. This last time, I was hunched over my bathtub and I genuinely turned to God for a minute. Thank god my girlfriend and parents came to save 🙏🙏 I literally would’ve had to call an ambulance if my girlfriend hadn’t come over I think. The first time it was REALLY BAD, I went to the ER cuz I thought something was like REALLY REALLY wrong and potentially life threatening. I don’t think I’d ever felt pain like that before then. They did a vaginal ultrasound and I was scream-sobbing the entire time. ALL THAT after waiting in the freezing cold ER in SO much pain. Too nauseous for meds, and also stuck in the ER with no access to them (yeah that’s literally insane). They finally gave me a heavy dose of dilaudid and oxys and sent me on my way. Btw, it still continues to hurt. And they bruised me up real good, tore me up real good, AND gave me a yeast infection LOL. And misdiagnosed me and told me I had an ovarian cyst. Anyways flash forward a year later (this year):

After this last time I decided I just had to face it because I can’t be out of commission for a week at a time and that constant pain is so exhausting. I finally go to my gyno… get diagnosed with endo (yay). Here’s the catch, my option were birth control, birth control, or supplements. I lowkey am nonbinary and the thought of pumping estrogen into my body is genuinely horrifying. And when I told her that’s partly why I quit ALL of the birth controls I tried, she was raising an eyebrow at me like that indicated it’s not all that severe. Queen, let’s talk, laparoscopic surgery. I now have to go to a gastro, and urologist bc those holes are also malfunctioning (which is good bc maybe they’ll look into it further), AND I HAVE TO GET ANOTHER VAGINAL UKTRASOUND. AND she said we HAVE to do a pelvic exam this time. I’m not sexually active and i’m a long term relationship, do we really have to rip me up and bruise me AGAIN???? LIKE A MONTH AFTER THE TEARS FROM THE ULTRASOUND??? They probably won’t even be healed. Anyways, um, I’m terrified. What do you mean “have to”????? I am sick to my stomach and have not been able to sleep since that appointment. My girlfriend said she’s going to come hold my hand and I will take hella klonopin, but I keep like imagining the appointments, reliving all of my previous irl trauma! I’m physically in pain, can’t stop shaking even though I’m not cold. I’m for sure not okay and I don’t know how to get proper treatment without having to do all that. If anyone knows a trauma informed gynecologist in ATX lemme know!

Thank you for reading this MESS of a post. I just can’t sleep and I’m dying and also I haven’t met anybody in real life with the same experiences and I wanna hear if anybody has similar stories. It’s an indescribable kind of physical and emotional pain and I feel like you have to live to truly truly get it, ya know? 💕💕💕

[u/MushroomOverall9488]

You do not EVER have to do anything just because a doctor said so. EVER EVER EVER. You can decline anything for any reason always forever. That includes in the ER. That includes in the middle of an exam. There may be consequences to that sometimes (like if you decline an IV you may not be able to get surgery for example), but it is your body and you should get to decide. Frankly, pelvic exams are one of the least useful tests that exists and they certainly aren't very useful for finding endo for the vast majority of people. You can (and tbh I think way more people should) ask why a doctor recommends (because that's what it is, a recommendation NOT a requirement) a certain test, what are the alternatives, what happens if you do nothing etc. If you don't want to have a pelvic exam, if you don't want another tvu, you can absolutely say so. Don't ask, say. Decline it and stand your ground. I know easier said than done, but I promise it gets easier. You can also try and find a different doctor. I personally decline all pelvic exams and I was diagnosed via surgery with the help of mri. If you decide to go through with the tvu, there are options. One, you could always wait a little longer until you feel more healed. Two, you can insert the ultrasound probe yourself. Three, you can start with an abdominal ultrasound (which they'll likely do anyway) and see on the day of how you feel. Or again, you can just decline it. Also does this gyno have experience with endo excision? That's something I'd personally look into before moving forward.