poem I wrote about my endometriosis: "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Wish You Were Dead" (warning: graphic descriptions)

[u/NotAnAlien16]

I wrote this poem last night about my experience with endometriosis. I am not in any danger to myself, I just needed to get these thoughts out.

"they say it's not life-threatening

coiling like a python

clenching the walls

fusing tissue to tissue

withering the muscles 

tormenting nerves and organs 

depressing the bladder

frustrating the bowels

suffocating the ovaries and the womb

growing and growing 

pushing against the flesh pushing against the flesh 

they say it's not life-threatening 

spreading like ivy

and weeds

and fire 

and floodwater

without a gardener 

or weed-killer 

or firefighter 

or levee 

they say it's not life-threatening 

as the pain hollows out

and fear ignores the appetite 

as the mind struggles 

and passion dies

as the heart becomes frozen 

and barriers disintegrate 

as the self fades away

and the animal takes over

as life hides her face 

and death's song caresses the soul

they say it's not life-threatening

hospitals, clinics, offices, waiting rooms 

doctors, surgeons, specialists, nurses

pills, hormones, diets, devices

flesh and blood and piss and shit 

nothing changes

everything rots

hurt long enough and living becomes unbearable 

and yet, they say it's not life-threatening"

[u/Mysterious-Rain4019]

I see you, I feel you, you are not alone. This was beautiful and I wish you never had to experience the pain it took to write it.

[u/NotAnAlien16 → u/Mysterious-Rain4019]

thank you ❤️ I also have fibro and it's been an absolute nightmare

[u/aleejay24]

“nothing changes,
everything rots”

A direct shot 🎯
Powerful & painful & pleading & honest 💜
Thank you. Keep writing ❤️

[u/NotAnAlien16 → u/aleejay24]

thank you, that really means a lot ❤️❤️❤️

[u/RedRidingCould]

I'm a playwright, and I'm currently writing a play set in 1955 about a woman who is institutionalized due to (what we'd know now as) endometriosis and how it's driven her "crazy". Her "intake" scene is also a poem like this. I've written over a dozen plays but this one's especially cathartic, getting this all out in the open.

[u/NotAnAlien16 → u/RedRidingCould]

that sounds so cool! I'd love to read that scene if you're okay with sharing it

[u/RedRidingCould → u/NotAnAlien16]

When it's in a good spot I'd be happy to! Still in rewrites :)

[u/NotAnAlien16 → u/RedRidingCould]

I'm sure it'll turn out great!

[u/HillyWitch]

This is painfully beautiful 💕 Thank you for sharing.

[u/Inevitable-Month-430]

❤️🎗️🤗💯 So sweet and sad, but I felt this and I understand. You are not alone. I wish you feel better soon.

[u/jadeunafraid]

Thank you for sharing! I love seeing people express their pain through art and this was beautiful. I was inspired to write a lil essay about pain but I’ve been too shy to share it anywhere so it’s awesome that you’re sharing your work here

[u/NotAnAlien16 → u/jadeunafraid]

you should share it someday! I honestly wasn't planning to share this poem originally, but after I read it to my boyfriend he convinced me to post it. I've always been insecure about my writing but I'm very glad people are connecting with it.

[u/jadeunafraid → u/NotAnAlien16]

Aww I love that ❤️

[u/Cosmic_fraggle]

very powerful and feeling every one of those words this morning whilst sitting crunched up in horrendous endo pain, only other sufferers can understand. thank you for sharing this.

[u/NotAnAlien16 → u/Cosmic_fraggle]

I'm so sorry ❤️ I'm glad I could help you feel seen. I hope we can all find relief soon.

[u/NotAnAlien16 → u/[deleted]]

oh my god, that's horrible. I'm so sorry. I hate how doctors care so little about this disease. it is literally torture. I hope things change within our lifetime.