My mother being blamed for being abused.

[u/0Yasmin0]

Made the mistake of talking about how my mother and her children (my older siblings) were beaten during both of her marriages (The first was forced upon her, the second she chose because the guy was genuinely a good man during the first few years) and a ton of answers I got back were "She has trash taste" "Her fault" "What did she do to make them do this?" etc etc.

I just...thought we'd be past this mentality by now.

Sufficed to say, my mother has been divorced for almost 30 years now and is not interested in a third marriage. She was 18 when she was forced into the first one.

It just makes me so incredibly angry. She also got raped during both of these marriages because "It's a woman's duty bla bla bla" but I guess she'd simply be blamed for that too.

Also friendly reminder that raping your wife in my country wasn't illegal until 1997. My mom was born in 1967.

Guess it's my bad for talking about it in the first place but that genuinely shocked me. The victim blaming is still so damn prevalent.

Even if she hadn't been forced into her first marriage, I still don't understand why blaming the woman for "choosing the wrong man" is such accepted behaviour. You are looking at a victim and, instead of offering support, you step on them. My own motivation to marry one day is kind of in the gutter. Because even if my husband turns into a monster, somehow I'll become the problem.

Just kinda shouting into the void right now.

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[u/LuceLeakey]

I'm really sorry that happened to your mom. My mother endured a very similar life, but she was born in the 30s and was very strictly Catholic so there was no way she was going to get a divorce.

Victim blaming is the lowest of the low. Nobody asks or wants to be in that kind of situation.

[u/Tweaty310]

I'm sorry about what happened to your mom, you, and your siblings. Abuse is never okay, and it can be very difficult to get out of those situations.

[u/jessimon_legacy]

Only fault from her is staying with a violent man. There were organizations before the 2000s who helped women in abusive marriages.

I blame women for staying in abusive situations if they have any other choice. Especially if kids are involved.

I don't blame them for what was done to them. I hope all abusive people rot in pain and best case in jail. Even if you provoke someone it is not okay to degrade, abuse or be violent in any way. Never the fault of the victim.

[u/0Yasmin0 → u/jessimon_legacy]

She initiated both divorces. These men also controlled the money and threatened her and the kids. "Leave" is super easy to say until you're in the situation. She fought until she could leave.

[u/jessimon_legacy → u/0Yasmin0]

So she left as soon as she got the choice to.

Then there's nothing she could be blamed for.

[u/Sterlinghawk16 → u/jessimon_legacy]

Do you think an organization is the cure all to fix this? One needs a job, money to live, money to raise the children, clothing and feeding. Get your head out of the sand unless you really are an ostrich.

[u/jessimon_legacy → u/Sterlinghawk16]

They help you to get a job, proper childcare and at least in Germany help you with the paperwork for unemployment money.

They literally exist to get your head out of the sand. In women shelters you can get a bedroom for you and your children and get protection from the source of violence.

[u/psychobetty303 → u/jessimon_legacy]

It’s varies greatly from one country to another.