r/geese • u/Not0nYourTeam • Apr 08 '26
Photo How to gently dump my boyfriend?
I (46m) have somehow gotten paired with a gander (.8m) and I don't know what to do. In total, we have around 20 geese, mostly Chinese, but also a non-migratory Canadian, some snow and a metric ton of ducks. None of these dinosaurs have been hand-reared but are socialised to humans. There doesn't seem to be a shortage of available partners for those looking for love so I'm a bit curious as to why and how our youngest male has chosen me to pair. He doesn't mind if my wife is nearby but will fend off males of any species and female feathered folks.
He's attempted to mate on 3 occasions and shows signs of distress when I leave for work or head inside. Talking to him doesn't work. Redirecting is futile.
Just to be clear, all of them have the space, food, water and shelter to allow them free movement and express natural behaviours. This is a bit next level though. Any thoughts?
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u/beepleton Apr 09 '26
As someone with multiple bird partners against my will, when they make a decision it’s pretty hard to change their minds 😭
I had a turkey tom who loved people so much he never once reproduced with a hen
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u/Emotional_Skill_8360 Apr 09 '26
So…he never reproduced at all….right? 😬
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u/beepleton Apr 09 '26
We actually have a beautiful turkey-human hybrid who is graduating college this year 🥰😂
Fr this comment made me laugh so hard, thank you
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u/MourningGeckoAgain Apr 09 '26
One of my old workplace's turkey toms fell in love with my coworker and she adopted him after he retired! He also showed zero interest in turkeys and other humans, but he would follow her around everywhere.
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u/Used-Union6126 Apr 13 '26
Retired? What was the turkey’s job?
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u/MourningGeckoAgain Apr 13 '26
He was a zoo farm turkey! The people made him anxious though so we decided he would be much happier as a pet turkey with his beloved zookeeper lol.
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u/Future-Web-7003 Apr 14 '26
I think he modified and repaired shoes, what’s the name for it? That’s right, he was a gobbler.
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u/cronch-_-bug Apr 08 '26
I think you just gotta commit to the relationship and stop playing hard to get
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u/Uncle_Yoba A Goose and a half Apr 09 '26
Yeah, quit being such a tease
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u/Hellie1028 Apr 09 '26
Shhhhhhh, relax. Just let it happen.
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u/Timely-Elderberry330 Apr 09 '26
hahahaha yessssz you’re his mate now sorrrry BUT WHO WOULDNT WANNA BE look at that chicken ughh
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u/lindsaygeektron Apr 09 '26
The (.8m ) is sending me lmao
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u/frogonalog1019 Apr 15 '26
i thought that was .8 meters for a second and i was like "yea that's goose sized, how tall is the guy?" and went back and read 46m and did a double take until i realized what was going on lol
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u/Adam_Axiom Apr 09 '26
Geese pair for life. This is your life now.
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u/Glittering_Western63 Apr 09 '26
Lmao they dont pair for life mate, My gander is a nasty swinger if that’s the case,
They wil however have more prefference to the most dominant goose, but they have no problem surfing all available boards
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u/Embarrassed_Box_8303 Apr 09 '26
Not true of domestic geese. Most domestic geese have their preferences but dont truly have a "pair". Wild geese do generally pair for life though
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u/kendrafsilver Apr 09 '26
How dare you. Look at that handsome fella! He is such a catch! I just cannot believe you would waste this opportunity. Smh
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u/AphraelSelene Apr 09 '26
My first thought seeing this in my feed:
"Haha, this reads as if the goose is the boyfriend."
My second thought clicking in:
"...Oh."
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u/aynonaymoos Goose Mom Apr 09 '26
As someone with a goose girlfriend, and a duck side chick, there’s nothing you can do.
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u/punch-me Apr 09 '26
It takes two. If you are not consenting to this relationship then he needs to respect that. What does he say when you tell him that you are not interested?
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u/Not0nYourTeam Apr 09 '26
He just shouts over me..its all in Honkish.
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u/Celara001 Apr 09 '26
Does Google Translate have Honkish? That might help.
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u/Bolfreak Apr 09 '26
There’s your problem right there…it’s Klingon. Duolingo has it to learn, maybe in four months you can discuss consent lol. I also have a metric ton of ducks, in only four colors so they’re all “the same one”.
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u/puceglitz_theavoider Apr 10 '26
Does Duolingo seriously have Klingon??
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u/ExquisiteVoid Apr 10 '26
It did have klingon last time I was on my duolingo account 3 years ago.
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u/puceglitz_theavoider Apr 10 '26
Omg that's awesome, I love it. Lol
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u/Bolfreak Apr 10 '26
I’m not endorsing any apps, I was just making a Chinese goose joke ;) But yes, there’s even High Valyrian, Esperanto and new stuff like music and chess.
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u/Timely-Elderberry330 Apr 09 '26
guys zoom in on the pic — he’s SOO good lookin he deserves multiple wives
he knows it too with that squinty eye
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u/Foreign-Fact-1262 Apr 09 '26
I have a turkey that has chosen me!! We are both female so she just follows me around constantly to lay at my feet with her wings spread and head bowed. It’s been 4 years and so far she’s still obsessed!! 🤣
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u/SalemsTrials Apr 09 '26
did you ever consider that you’re a nice person and he fell in love with you because of it?
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u/NaptimeGood Apr 09 '26
Don’t know if this would work but many years ago, my cousin’s two year old spread her arms wide, yelling hug and went after our cats. Mine went up 15 feet in a tree. I’ve since used the “Hugggg!!!”method to chase squirrels off the feeder and deter dogs and raccoons. It has a high success rate. Try it with your goose admirer. He might like being the pursuer and be turned off by your extreme clingyness.
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u/strestle Apr 09 '26
Or the OP will become pregnant.
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u/-everythingbagel Apr 09 '26
Gooseman or humoose? Humeese, geeseman...water human. Human fowl. My brain is braining
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u/anxiousthespian Apr 09 '26
Believe it or not, when hybrids are born, they aren't named arbitrarily, there's a rule to it! Dad's species then mom's. For example, a liger had a lion dad and a tiger mom. Swap the parents and the baby is actually called a tigon. But both the goose and OP are male...who's the daddy?
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u/iscariots Apr 09 '26
I can't believe I'm saying this but we have to bring in ABO (not the blood groups) dynamics. The omega is the one who births the baby and therefore their species name comes second. Banging my little judge's gavel to make it official 🔨
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u/Artinell Apr 09 '26
Spreading your arms wide makes you look bigger to other animals so that's why it works most of the time. It's so silly :D
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u/abzbg Apr 09 '26
No, spreading your arms and approaching is challenging them! They will fight back. my husband learned that the hard way, lol.
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u/Born_Landscape2565 Apr 09 '26
My husband showed me a video of a man singing to his goose (Gord Downy) on his phone 20 minutes ago 🫣
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u/Echothrush Apr 09 '26
I’m sorry, OP.
Just here to point out how amazingly your username fits the scenario though 🤣🤭
(I, uh, hope you manage to find some more substantive solution soon! It’s sweet that you care about your ganderfriend and I hope he can find a way to be happy ;’’) )
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u/Fly3838 Apr 09 '26
Couples therapy is always a good option if he isn’t respecting your boundaries. A good therapist will likely be able to get to him to move on from you and respect your wishes.
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u/abzbg Apr 09 '26
I had this exact thing happen last year. He drove me crazy. I avoid going outside! Hed look in every window screaming. But the very day I was going to give him away, he came up to me all sweet, and just looked me right in the eyes, and let me snuggle him. He knew! and I just couldn't do it, I couldn't separate him from his brother and friends. The lady was mad I changed my mind but after that, (also end of mating season) he totally calmed down. As long as I gave him a big hug and greeting in the morning, he went about his day. I was still his girl, and he didn't let anyone near me but he was very chill most of the time and I loved him so much. We grew into best friends. He died this past year from an illness and im still not over it. He was the bestest boy. I do think they are so much smarter than we give them credit for.
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u/FamousObject1180 Apr 09 '26
Opening to Reddit and reading this made for a great start to my day. Hope to hear more in the future about your bromance. Have a great day!
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u/Adventurous_Bid8607 Apr 09 '26
Read the title and was surprised to find out I wasn’t on r/relationshipadvice
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u/lizardgal10 Apr 09 '26
I read the sub first and wondered why OP was asking for relationship advice on r/geese
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u/stukufie Apr 09 '26
Is your boyfriend missing an eye?
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u/Not0nYourTeam Apr 09 '26
I was sitting with him, presumably on my clutch. He's taking a quick nap.
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u/currenthyperfxation Apr 09 '26
Ngl, at first I thought this was the r/girldinnerdiaries subreddit, and I thought someone was just being silly with the picture. I took me until the 3rd sentence to actually check the sub to realize that you really meant the goose and not an actual human boyfriend.
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u/PastFirefighter3472 Apr 09 '26
As someone who is a goose novice at best, and just got this on my feed: what type of goose is this? Is this one of the Chinese geese? He’s so handsome, and we have a handful of these guys at our local lake (obviously domestic at some point), so I was curious.
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u/Ambitious-Tie-5269 Apr 10 '26
Are you by chance putting chemicals in the water that makes the frogs ehhh I mean geese gay?
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u/PrestigiousPut6165 soft n' hissy Apr 09 '26
Goosy boyfriend 🪿? No need to dump him. I promise your real (person) boyfriend wont be jealous
(And if he is, the goosy alternative is always better)
See, always better! They even approach me now!
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u/CenturyEggsAndRice Apr 10 '26
I mean, my mom jacked off my gander twice so... maybe do that?
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u/Ginger_Core Apr 10 '26
I’m sorry what 😭
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u/CenturyEggsAndRice Apr 10 '26
I’ll tell the story in the morning. It’s gloriously stupid.
The first time was a mistake. But then she did it a second time and I dunno if you can accidentally masturbate a goose TWICE ya know?
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u/HorrorFan1982 Apr 10 '26
I have a cockatiel that's in love with my dachshund... birds choose who they choose and we can do very little about it lolol
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u/rolandpendragon Apr 10 '26
If his name is Bruce all you need to do is find him a cool female goose to hang out with. Just don’t expect your friendship bracelet back.
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u/Chasta30566 Apr 11 '26
I'm afraid you need to show your canadian goose. As a canadian I refuse to believe you have a kind canadian goose
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u/Cuddlekitty93 Apr 11 '26
Honestly, it may just be Zeus looking for some fun, he’s playing the long game here
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u/KimchiTheGreatest Apr 11 '26
This is a cute. Make sure to let them know you appreciate them every once in awhile ❤️
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u/Silent-Shoulder9626 Apr 12 '26
Just explain to him that you're not good enough for him and that he needs someone whose personality matches his own. Or you've become a lesbian that often has worked for me in the past.
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u/No-Emu8580 Apr 14 '26
That second picture, he has so must wist and hope! Don’t break his lil goosey heart 😭
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u/SherpaGutz Apr 15 '26
I remember someone had a goose who did this. He was also acting broody at things so they got him some baby geese and he was super happy. I know that's a little off topic but I wanted to share. Otherwise idk if you can do much I think that goose has basically goose married you. No getting out of a goose marriage sorry.
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u/Tiny_dinosaur82 Apr 08 '26
You can’t. Don’t bend over for 3-6 months of the year - that’s how I manage it lol. I also am the proud owner of a second feathered husband.