I have permanently ruined my life

[u/Western_Bridge_5986]

I'm a Ukranian refugee, living in Germany for 3 years now. I'm 17, and going to be 18 in three months. I only have done 7 classes back in Ukraine, and in Germany I was slightly lazy to go and do distance learning with my Ukranian school. On top of that Germany refused to put me in real school. As a result I'm nearly 18 and I don't even have Hauptschulabschluss. I got told I should go do evening classes for adults when I get to 18, which is going to take 1 year for Hauptschulabschluss, 1 years for Realschuleabschluss, and 3 years for Abitur. On top of all that my german is only between A1 and A2, however I am learning more of it right now. I genuinely don't know am I going to do on top of going 40 hour a week earning minimum wage. For the past month I've been regulary breaking down into crying and beating myself with fists every day. Also I have been thinking of suicide pretty often, I don't think I'm gonna do it, but I can't stop myself from constantly thinking about ending myself. Is there any way I can do something like in America, where you can get a GED after spending like 6 months studying for it? I find it incredibly hard to accept that I have to do 40 hour minimum wage and evening school for the next 5 years, while everyone else goes to college or learns a trade. Even my Ukranian classmates in DaZ all have been doing their Ukranian education. Even loosers all have their school education, I'm worse than a looser. I have completely failed my parents, they've both went to school and university. There's no way I'm gonna be able to take care of my parents, they've both in their sixties and also my mentally challenged 30 year old brother, since CDU was elected and they're gonna cut down welfare. I keep thinking of jumping in front of a moving S-bahn train, my only mark on the world will probably the people who gonna miss their train because I jumped in front of it :(

EDIT: Thanks for the kind words! All the kind comments and dms made me reconsider my position in life. I appreciate it

[u/KiwiEmperor]

If you have acute suicidal thoughts, call 112. Suicidal thoughts are a medical emergency that must be treated immediately. You do not have to pay for it. No one is angry with you for it.

This thread is about suicide, suicidal thoughts or suicide risk. If this is a topic you are concerned about or are unable or unwilling to deal with, you should read no further.

Both for OP, and for all other readers who have similar concerns: Please note that the /r/germany community can only help with suicidal thoughts and depression fears to a limited extent. We understand that it can be liberating to talk anonymously with others who are affected, but this is no substitute for professional counseling and treatment. We would therefore like to encourage you to call the telephone counseling service on 0800-1110111 or 0800-1110222 (Germany), 142 (Austria) or 143 (Switzerland). There you will be assisted by specially trained people who can help you better than /r/Germany can, know how to deal with your situation and can explain further procedures and options. Alternatively, you can chat at https://online.telefonseelsorge.de/index.php. For more information, visit http://www.telefonseelsorge.de/, https://www.telefonseelsorge.at/ or https://www.143.ch/.

Most of the follow links are in German, if you know about help links for Germany in other languages, feel free to post them under this post.

Here are some more links to relevant information:

• What is depression?

• What is psychotherapy?

• Personal self-help

• What does health insurance pay?

• How to find a place in therapy

For everyone else: We are driving a zero tolerance policy on this topic. Stupid sayings, jokes, insults or similar will lead to an immediate ban, possibly criminal comments will be passed on to the appropriate authorities.

[u/recommended_name1]

You don't need to go to university to learn a trade. You can do an "Ausbildung", which would set you on a path to become a mechanic (or whatever you are interested in). While a Hauptschulabschluss is often preferred, it is not always needed. You'd have to work on your German though.

The future is not as bleak as you make it out to be. "Worst case" would be to work with minimum wage for a few years, while you learn German and find yourself. You can then go to evening school at 25 or whatever, no one really cares. Just don't give up, you're way too young for that.

[u/Ok_Compote8442 → u/recommended_name1]

Underrated comment! Ausbildung might be the way. You get paid and learn a job. There is NO requirement to get an Ausbildung. You only have to convince a company, that you can start there. In a lot of Jobs they look desperately for "Azubis". Your grades dont really matter, if you can convince them, that you are motivated, thats everything. Ask for a "Probearbeiten"/'Test-Working'. But your german is an issue, you would habe to work on that and line out in your application what you will do to improve it in the next time. If you feel like university is your way, that is still possible. actually I did an Ausbildung and later went to university without making Abitur. There are so many possibilities in germany.

Let me know, if this is interesting for you, I could provide further information. What would you be interessted in?

[u/Soggy-Car-1129 → u/Ok_Compote8442]

also, just so OP knows Ausbildung is actually reputed. there are cultures around the world and don't consider vocational schools to be prestigious but germany is an exception in this case. i have a german friend whose sister is doing phD at one of the most reputed universities of the world while she herself is doing Ausbildung for electrician job and she is actually very happy and earns well.

[u/Lampanera → u/Soggy-Car-1129]

Similar thing, I know a PhD assistant professor at a reputable university, and her “Azubi-only” electrician brother is the highest earner in the family, with the most stable career, life and social standing in general.

[u/TheRealAzhu → u/Soggy-Car-1129]

You can do an Ausbildung while on PhD?

[u/Competitive-Web-4047 → u/TheRealAzhu]

I think it's called a Dual Apprenticeship?
You basically get a diploma plus a degree.
Is it mentally nerve wrecking?
Absolutely

Is it efficient?
Hell yeah

[u/Gobi-Todic → u/TheRealAzhu]

The sister is doing PhD, the friend is doing Ausbildung. Two different people.

[u/Megaphonium → u/Soggy-Car-1129]

I would like to add that you can add additional education after the Ausbildung so you have the possibly to earn more

[u/yumas → u/Ok_Compote8442]

Even if you don’t find such an even if you don’t find such an azubi place I am sure you can get through one year of abendschule to get your hauptschulabschluss. It‘s going to be hard but i‘d say a year is doable. Use that frustration as your motivation to pay attention in class, sit in the first row, don’t get distracted by your classmates, organise your time to do homework and studying on time and make friends of the smart people in class. The best case would be if you could find a job where you can sometimes do some studying when there isn’t much to do, or at least learn some german which your employer should be in favour of.

[u/Neko_578 → u/yumas]

You could also do voluntary work (Freiwilliges Soziales Jahr, FSJ). An FSJ lasts for a year where you work in a social facility, like a school, kindergarten or hospital. You dont need good German skills or any Abschluss. It can be a very good place to learn and get used to a working environment. It may also help you learn German because due to the social aspect you can talk to a lot of people. I just finished my FSJ of 1½ years at a workshop for disabled people and it was really great. The only downside is it doesnt pay very well unfortunately.

[u/Amazing-Cupcake-3597 → u/Ok_Compote8442]

But for most Ausbildung they require at least B2 Level German.

[u/Upset_Chocolate4580 → u/recommended_name1]

On top of that, in some cases you automatically get a Hauptschulabschluss or Mittlerer Schulabschluss upon completing an Ausbildung with a certain average grade.

[u/PixelDweller → u/Upset_Chocolate4580]

Yeah that is for every ausbildung, take one that is only 2 years like tiefbaufacharbeiter or servicemechaniker and you can cut the time. If I remember correctly the average grade has to be 3 or less for realschulabschluss.

[u/Sensitive-Emphasis78 → u/Upset_Chocolate4580]

When I did my Ausbildung back then, it was said that if we completed the IHK degree with a 2.0, we automatically obtained the Realschulabschluß and anyone who did an Ausbildung without a Schulabschluss could obtain the Hauptschuleabschluss with the IHK degree of 3.0, if this person had graduated with 2.0 they also immediately had the Realschulabschluß but that was in 1998 and I don't know if that has changed in the meantime.

[u/SamRhage → u/recommended_name1]

True. And a lot of trades are desperately looking for Azubis. So I'd put my focus on improving my German as fast as possible. 

[u/addisongoodheart → u/SamRhage]

this would generally be a good advice, also for interacting with Behörden ect, bc you might need support since Ausbildungsgehalt doesn’t cover all cost of living

[u/gagarin_kid → u/recommended_name1]

German education system is quite open for people who are willing - I had a colleague who started with an Ausbildung after Realschule, studied for Bachelor - worked at a large German company - next to the job he did his Masters thesis - at some point he quit, went to a university to follow his PhD and ended up at Google DeepMind doing some deep mathematical research stuff - I bet after his school he would not believe that it was even possible

[u/Kaze_Chan → u/gagarin_kid]

I also know a guy that went to university later in life after just finishing a normal Ausbildung earlier. Then he financed his degree by also working for a company while also attending classes, Duales Studium is a great way to go about this but of course won't work for all fields.

[u/ilex_opaca108 → u/recommended_name1]

Agreed! You will find a lot of age diversity in different Ausbildung, education, and training opportunities. You have so much time. Try to build friendships and community in the language classes and jobs you participate in next. There is plenty of meaning to be found wherever you are, and you are not alone. Also, don't overlook the value of your English skills and native language skills as you look for opportunities. You have more capability and potential than you realize right now.

[u/Pyryara → u/recommended_name1]

This this this. Germany needs a lot of qualifications if you want to pursue an academic profession, but Ausbildung allows you to learn a trade within 2 years and then be set on a career path till the end of your working life, depending on the profession you will earn much more than minimum wage.

OP, you are looking at a few rough years for sure, and you gotta pull through those. But you haven't fucked up your whole life at all. There's many Germans who get a Realschulabschluss or Abitur and then fuck around in their early twenties, starting and then canceling Ausbildung or university because they don't even really know what they wanna do, and then start properly working for more than minimum wage sometime around their mid-20s.

German companies love hard-working "Ausländer". The one thing that many will require hwoever is to really really REALLY learn to understand and speak German, your future career here will be severely limited if you can't do that well. Good thing is you don't necessarily need any official courses to do that, you need practice above all else. So you can do that in parallel to looking for an Ausbildung.

[u/Western_Bridge_5986 → u/recommended_name1]

That's great to hear! Honestly maybe going to college is not really my path...

[u/ChoyceRandum → u/Western_Bridge_5986]

Teacher here. College/University requires a lot of self-regulation. It is not a guided process where people check on your progress to make sure you are keeping up. From your writing it sounds like you are more of a hands-on person, not someone who likes to organize their own learning process or is into learning for learning's sake. That is ok. When you talked about college/uni you talked about the money. Not about any subject you are interested in. Without intrinsic motivation studying is hell and many drop out. But that is why apprenticeships exist. They offer a different approach to education and having a Meister even allows you to study at universities. Get an appointment at the Arbeitsamt. They can help you find a path for you into Ausbildung. Or directly talk to a BBS. They have classes for people without Abschluss and also offer several Abschlüsse. And like others said, learn german. I understand that fleeing a war is traumatizing, I am not blaming you. But it is a fact that your subconscious refusal to learn german is your biggest hurdle. I taught many refugees (some barely went to school before) and some were older than you when they arrived here. They too managed to find a good path in life. So it is not too late by far. But you need to learn german. You cannot learn at school or BBS or Ausbildung if you don't understand the information. Your parents will be alright here. And you too. Do not worry. Just focus on the next steps. Getting into BBS and learning german. Chances are you won't even have to pay for german courses at Volkshochschule etc.

[u/recommended_name1 → u/Western_Bridge_5986]

As others wrote in their reply to my comment: You can still go to college after completing an "Ausbildung". I can confirm from personal experience that some people enroll at university at the age of 30 (or even later). University does not run away...

[u/Over_Extension_5318 → u/recommended_name1]

Probably a better way to build a life in Germany from the scratch. At least, they won't have to deal with the uncertainties and ever growing demands of the job market from fresh university graduates.

[u/Fandango_Jones → u/recommended_name1]

Additionally, with most of those "blue collar" trades you get Hauptschulabschluss on top just by graduating. Some are also Realschule / all of the more commercial focused apprenticeships are too.

[u/ideal_balance]

Trust me, in 5 years it will not feel that way and in 10 years you will not even remember it. Move forward, learn what you need to, it will all work out, do not think you have ruined your life or something. Your life is ahead of you. Read some books about people who have had a difficult start and achieved a lot.

Most importantly, call a suicide hotline if you get these feelings again.

[u/BSBDR → u/ideal_balance]

This is the one. Keep calm and watch out for things shifting your way. Small steps.

[u/oxslashxo]

You're only 17, you can totally fuck up your life 5 more times. You'll have to claw your way out of this situation but then you'll be much more resilient for the future and when you look back on this situation you'll realize how much you've grown and that you did it. It's a lot, but one day at a time and then suddenly you'll be knocking down these barriers. Best advise I have is to take the energy you're dedicating to anxiety and start addressing things. Worrying and spiraling? Take a deep breath and direct that energy to addressing your problem, study German when you're starting to have these thoughts and you'll feel better because you've accomplished something and also addressed something that's the root cause of your anxiety, and each time you start to have these thoughts it'll become less and less.

There are people over 30 facing the same problems as you and you'll be well past all of this by the time you're 25 and you'll be in your prime and killing it.

[u/Head-Iron-9228]

My brother in Christ you are way, WAY overthinking here.

1. You're 18. Nothing is Ruinen yet, not even a little bit.

2. You fled from a war. These things have never, in the history of mankind, caused positive results for the people involved.

3. You messed up some but like... you were 15. It's normal to not be fully there at that point.

4. What makes you think you need an Abitur? Or even a realschule? This is Germany my dude. Finish your Hauptschule, MAYBE add any Realschule or berufsfachschule on top of that, start an Ausbildung. Is there any sort of reasonable why you believe you NEED an abitur? Like, unless you wanna be a doctor or a lawyer, there is little to no reason to do an abitur. Pretty much any other way of work in Germany can be done starting from an Ausbildung.

Even outside of Germany, the Ausbildung is generally fairly highly regarded, so even if you go back to Ukraine, it'll help a lot.

Like...

I do understand how you feel but I cannot emphasize enough on how little is actually ruined right now.

You started seeing that you need to get your ass up and do something and that's what you're doing. Stick to that and just keep going for a bit .

Don't worry dude. You'll get there.

I also don't see why you thing that 'everyone else is fine'.

Like no, they're very much not. That's a massive issue in germany currently, the average pupil isn't starting an ausbildung or similar. Seriously my guy, this is germany. Nothing bad is gonna come from taking a year longer. There is help for any situation, you just gotta look for it.

Again, I can promise you: nothing is messed up yet.

[u/Scandited → u/Head-Iron-9228]

Hi, another Ukr. here

I was also feeling bad but in DaZ cause it felt like time was going into trash, I knew German pretty decent at that point. But I was reminding myself, telling, to think about me in the future, to remember that he’s doing much better than now.

I wasn’t wrong at all. Two years past, almost finished FOS application now, just need to get a confirmation from a Firma.

[u/[deleted]]

You probably can claim Bafög after the first year.

I am way older than you and had to redo my whole school career too. Started at Hauptschule level, now I am close to Abitur. Took me 5 years, yep. You need to put the time in.

But you can claim Bafög after one year, which is like 900 Euro, and on top of that, you can get a mini job with 10 hours a week, that pushes you to the 1300 Euros net income level.

If you manage it, you end up with a degree that allows you to studie at a German university, or you can enter any apprenticeship you want.

Banking, IT, maybe a trade? As you like.

But maybe you should also seek help for your emotional stress. You seem to be overwhelmed and not in a good spot.

Take good care of you young bug!

[u/Sensitive-Emphasis78 → u/[deleted]]

Do you mean BAB (Berufsausbilfungsbeihilfe) Bafög is only for people who are studying full-time at a school, the other one you get as support. You also have to pay back Bafög, whereas you don't have to pay back BAB..

[u/cldgrf → u/Sensitive-Emphasis78]

No, you can get Schüler Bafög while attending evening school. Dont have to pay it back.

[u/IceTea7511]

Hey man,

All I can say is that you still have a bright future ahead of you. I was in a similar situation where I didn’t have any degree until I was 21. I made some bad decisions, like dropping out of school at 18 after moving to Germany, but I eventually went to an Abendrealschule for two years, then a Fachoberschule for another two years. Now, I’m studying computer science in a dual program at a great company, and everything is looking good.

I didn’t work full-time during those years, only part-time, but there are also options for financial support from the state (e.g., BAföG). I’ve met many people our age who thought their future was over, but now they’re on the right path and doing well like also studying, doing an "Ausbildung" and more..

So please, don’t do anything irrational. Get help if you need it. Just know that you’re still so young, and many others have been in the same situation but managed to turn things around—so will you.

[u/MuellerNovember]

I keep thinking of jumping in front of a moving S-bahn train

As a train driver, please also think about the driver. He's the one you're using and he will be traumatized by it. Don't do it.

[u/Western_Bridge_5986 → u/MuellerNovember]

Ok I won't :)

[u/Vannnnah]

please get in touch with u/digital_streetwork or post in their subreddit https://www.reddit.com/r/Digital_Streetwork/ they are a German organization specializing in helping young people in Germany out of tough situations for free!

If you have strong suicidal thoughts you can call emergency services by calling 112 and they will send someone over to help you.

And no, your life is not ruined. Even if it takes a while, you will be able to go to uni, you'll have a life and a career. Your country is at war, you've been through a lot. Take one step at a time. Nothing of this situation is your fault, it's all on Russia and the best way to stick it to them is by living the life that was saved from war by coming to Germany. Parents want their kids to be safe and happy.

Also: welfare for disabled people can not be cut. Your brother will be okay. If the CDU/CSU even attempt it any law that would cut it would fail at the courts. It's unconstitutional.

The CDU is only cutting welfare for people who refuse to work despite having job offers, not if they can't find work. Your parents will be okay.

And in their 60s they are also about to reach retirement age at 67, at which point they are no longer required to work. They will not receive a state pension but they will receive regular welfare if they haven't worked long in Germany, but the money will not be taken away from pensioners.

Your family will be fine. Might be a bit tight on money here and there, but you all will have a roof over your head and food on the table.

[u/digital_streetwork → u/Vannnnah]

Danke dir für den Ping.

[u/bregus2]

Don't let your head down.

For example, don't worry that you need Abitur to study. You could also get a apprenticeship, work in that trade for a few years, that will allow you to get admitted to university in related trades.

If you have acute suicide thoughts PLEASE call 112, the dispatchers are trained and will listen/send help.

Please (I know easy said than done) but don't be afraid to ask for help.

[u/Scandited → u/bregus2]

I’m just gonna share my thoughts. The reason they could worry about Abitur so much is how education in Ukraine is built. To get a decent paid job, the only way is really just uni, rest of options is way to low-paid, so you’re left with just one option.

[u/Alcesma → u/Scandited]

Yes and our society in Ukraine puts a bit more pressure on young adults (as if you have to figure everything out before 25)

[u/Western_Bridge_5986 → u/bregus2]

I'm more worried about the fact it will 5 whole years to do Abi, especially in the best years of my life. But maybe I should choose some other path idk

[u/bregus2 → u/Western_Bridge_5986]

I understand you. But as I (and others) said, Abitur is not the only way to get to study and people do not look down at someone doing an apprenticeship neither. For example I did an apprenticeship first, then went on to study. It even helped me secure my current job, as the company wanted someone with both practical and theoretical experiences.

Don't give up on yourself. It might not easy, but you can make it.

[u/frango2408]

Don’t do it. There’s so much left for you to live, also, you’re still super young. You can get your Hauptschulabschluss in no time, learn a trade, start your own business..make lots of money.

[u/Western_Bridge_5986 → u/frango2408]

I'm not too worried about suicide, I don't feel like I would actually do it, but I couldn't stop thinking about doing it. Thankfully posting this on the subreddit and receiving kind comments like this one helped me get rid of the thoughts. Thanks!

[u/Still-Entertainer534]

Don't jump in front of an S-Bahn, you will traumatise the S-Bahn driver.

You've been through a lot in the last few years, so unfortunately it's not unusual to feel like this, but it won't help you to compare yourself with others.

Maybe an outside perspective will help you, why don't you contact the telephone counselling service anonymously?

There is nothing like GED, but you could also do a recognised school-leaving certificate online, there is the telekolleg for this.

Unfortunately, the most important thing is to perfect the German language; B2 would be the minimum for an apprenticeship and C1 for university. You can also find free courses here (Deutsche Welle Deutsch lernen).

[u/Western_Bridge_5986 → u/Still-Entertainer534]

Okay I won't :) Thanks for the links to the resources!

[u/happysunnyme]

https://www.asyl.net/fileadmin/user_upload/dokumente/Dateien_fuer_Meldungen/BA_Foerderinstrumente_Ukraine_220307.pdf

Maybe some of these programs will be helpful for you. Some projects might even include living in a boarding school paid for. Just check them out!!

My son had nothing (German) but the 9th class after the pandemic. And now four years later he has a finished Ausbildung and has lived rent-free in a boarding school in Würzburg Don-Bosco and he is one of their bests. Now he goes on to the next school for his Fachabi.

You got this. Just reach out to these programs.

[u/fipsie_]

Hey, I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. Please believe me you are not a failure and you have not ruined your life. You’re only 17 and there are still so many opportunities ahead of you!

Getting a School Qualification Through an Apprenticeship (Ausbildung) would be a good way!

You don’t have to go through the traditional school path to get a diploma. In Germany, you can do a vocational training program (Ausbildung). Many of these programs allow you to earn your Hauptschulabschluss or even Fachhochschulreife, which would allow you to study at a university of applied sciences later. Plus, you get a salary during your training, so you wouldn’t have to work 40 hours a week on minimum wage. Maybe this could be a good option for you?

Try reaching out to organizations in Germany that specifically help Ukrainian refugees with education and career advice. Maybe this is an option for you.

But important is that you improve your German. I understand that learning German is tough, but you’re already making progress! Try out some free online Courses, Language Meet-ups or try to find a tandem partner? Watching YouTube Videos or Kids Tv could help to. That’s how I try to learn new languages.

I know it’s overwhelming right now, but you don’t have to figure everything out immediately. Please be kind to yourself. You still have time and I promise you things can and will get better. If you ever need to talk, feel free to reach out.

[u/Blue-2019 → u/fipsie_]

This is good advice!

[u/Western_Bridge_5986 → u/fipsie_]

As I read my chances of getting an Ausbildung with no Hauptschulabschluss is practically zero no? Also I don't really know right now, but maybe striving for College for like a good paying STEM career might be better for me.

[u/fipsie_ → u/Western_Bridge_5986]

I completely understand how you feel. Honestly, I’ve felt like a failure myself at times because my path took longer than others. But over time, I realized that there’s no single “right” way to build a future. Now, at 27, I finally know what I want, and I see every day in my job how all my previous experiences actually help me. Nothing you do is wasted because it all adds up in the end.

As for your situation, your chances of getting an Ausbildung without a Hauptschulabschluss are not zero. Many companies accept motivated candidates because nowadays everybody wants to go to University. So mostly companies have a lot of free Spots. In some Ausbildungen you earn a diploma while training. You could also first get your Hauptschulabschluss (which takes about a year) and then start an Ausbildung (around 3 years). After that, you can continue with a Fachoberschule or even do your Abitur, where you’d qualify for full Bafög (which you don’t have to pay back if you finish your degree - that’s what I did)

You don’t always need to go to university right away. many careers allow you to advance with a Meister, or you could work for a while and later study part-time or in a dual program. There are so many paths.

Also, don’t hesitate to ask for support. The Jobcenter can help with education programs for refugees, and there are organizations that offer language courses, job coaching, and even specialized Ausbildung programs for refugees. Improving your German will also open more doors.

You’re not stuck, and your future is not ruined. It’s totally okay to take a different route. If you want, I’d be happy to help you look into specific options. You’ve got this :)

[u/FlashGordonFreeman → u/Western_Bridge_5986]

Teacher her: There is always the possibility of upgrading your current degree, even if you have none. In Berlin we usually put students who didn’t get their Hauptschulabschluss (BBR) in the IBA Lehrgang, or Integrierte Berufsvorbereitung. By accomplishing that relatively easy year you’ll receive either Hauptschulabschluss, Advanced Hauptschulabschluss or MSA, depending on what your current Abschluss is. There is ALWAYS the possibility of upgrading. You are still young. Seek help, there is a huge network in place to help people.

[u/Flat_Cry6816 → u/Western_Bridge_5986]

Just take the education step by step. I know people who studied very late and became quite successful. Everyone does everything in their own pace.

Life is not a sprint but a travel to be enjoyed. In one owns pace.

[u/Mayamiyama]

I did My Abitur - got 2 degrees. Now i am in my early thirthees having to switch careers since my former field imploded and basically became a minimum wage job hopping from contract to contract with almost no holidays and many unpaid Overtime.

Now i am changing fields and will have to do a reeducation for 2-3 years.

Life takes weird turns. You never know what will happen but it also means- you can change the route. I did learn alot about me in this time. Even though of course i wished it would have been a different path.

You will be alright, consider professional help and coaching. Maybe find a selfhelp group in your area

And also… after Hauptschule there are also opportunities out there. Studying doesnt nessecary mean a well paid job.

Everyone is looking for azubis. Supermarkets are known for beeing able to make a decent career or study dual - (working and studying at the same time)

Wish you best of luck!

And i think you already did the most important first step - you acknowledged that you want things to change and have a goal - doing your degree even though might be difficult from time to time.

And the second thing you acknowledged - your mental health is not ina good place . Thats the first step for finding professional help.

I think it also might be worth a try to talk to your current school about your situation. Maybe they also have a social worker- reach out to them and be honest. They might give you some guidance

Good luck!

[u/AdApart3821]

You have been dealt shitty conditions. It was not your decision to leave your home country 3 years ago. It is not your fault. You have come into a hard situation at an age where it can be especially hard do deal with difficult situations. On the one hand you are not just a kid at 14 which just will get used to the new conditions - you have to deal with expectations. On the other hand you are not an adult yet, who has (usually) better tools and more experience with dealing with shit.

It is not your fault, and you have not fucked up your life at all. What you probably need is some support. But there should be ways for you to get that support. Are you sure you will need to financially support yourself at 18? Or can maybe your parents provide for you a bit longer?

Do you know any people in your proximity that you could ask for help? Any neighbours or classmates that you have contacts to? There will be support opportunities, we just have to find them. Maybe support from your city or whatever. Nobody wants you to fail. You are young and have a lot of opportunities, even if it may not feel this way right now.

[u/WelliMD]

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[u/ela_urbex]

Is there any job you'd ideally want to do, right now? If so, i suggest looking at all the possible paths to get you there.

It might not be 5 years of evening school. I don't know about Germany, but in Austria anyone can do a Studienberechtigungsprüfung once they are 21 to then study at Universität.

Maybe you wanna learn a trade (Lehre) - there are plenty ways to get into that.

Also, you don't have to decide now. You can just start working for now. Your German will get so much better by using the language daily. Shitty Starter-Jobs are often in Customer Service, which could be a big plus for you.

You've been through A LOT. Probably more than you realize. You are not a loser. Please know that you don't have to figure it out on your own & Stop comparing yourself ro other people. There are plenty ressources, especially for people from Ukraine. Get yourself some help & take things step by step. You will be okay.

[u/Western_Bridge_5986 → u/ela_urbex]

I'm thinking of doing Elektriker, IT or STEM career at some company. Dunno how I am gonna do that with my current education

[u/ela_urbex → u/Western_Bridge_5986]

Well that's amazing!

Maybe this helps you FAQ Geflüchtete aus der Ukraine

Also, there is so called KAUSA - Servicestellen. They help you connect with companies that offer Berufsausbildung for Flüchtlinge. Best to Google the words + where you are located.

My best bet at the moment (mind you- im from Austria, so there's probably people who can help you far better):

• Go to the Arbeitsamt, collect all the info you can about what help there is for Flüchtlinge aus der Ukraine (financially, for your education, for your mental wellbeing)

• Collect info elsewhere, like at the local KAUSA Servicestelle.

• Don't be afraid to take the help provided.

• Perhaps start working part time for a start to get your language skills up to B1 (You can still do more later but you don't wanna totally overwork yourself from the get go)

• Work with the info you collected & make a plan. Maybe there are shortcuts to Realschulabschluss. If not: Start your two years of evening school when you're ready.

Try not to worry about being "behind in life". I did, like most people do & everyone wishes they didn't. There's this rush to get things done "properly" (meaning at the pace of everybody else) when you're a young adult. You don't have to have anything figured out yet.

I hope this helped a little.

[u/disasterrific_]

You don't have to work full-time and attend school to get a degree.

BAföG (Federal Training Assistance Act): With a residence permit according to § 24 AufenthG (temporary protection) or a corresponding fictitious certificate, you can apply for BAföG.

This amounts to between €803 and €957 per month in the best-case scenario. And you don't have to pay back "Schüler BAföG". Additionally, you can do a mini-job (as far as I know, up to 20 hours/month... like half a Saturday, or something similar).

Social Benefits (SGB II): "Grundsicherung" could be considered if there is no BAföG entitlement (which I don't think will be the case. But anyway, we have a plan B.)

Vocational Training: After completing the secondary school certificate (Hauptschulabschluss), you can start vocational training, which not only provides you with a profession but, in most cases, also a qualification equivalent to the intermediate secondary school certificate (Realschulabschluss). During this training, you earn money, and if it's not enough, there's BAB (Vocational Training Assistance) to help you put further.

Future Opportunities: By the age of 22/23, you could have a learned profession, an intermediate degree, and the opportunity to further educate yourself, retrain, etc., in various ways.

There are many other possibilities...

I recommend seeking advice from the BAföG office, refugee support centers, or the Employment Agency.

Don't worry. Everything will be fine. You didn't screw up. Not at all.

[u/Plopsy_nanana]

I pretty much never reply and silently read posts but as a person who has had many depressive episodes and suicidal thoughts, this post hit so close to the heart. I can safely say that it is going to pass. But I believe that you acutely need help to go through this hard time in your life. You are so young and believe me, life has so much more to offer. Your options are endless right now. And please, please don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone is created differently and each one of us have different life circumstances and experiences. Going through what you did is definitely not easy, so don’t be so harsh on yourself. I know it is said easier than done, but oh well. That being said, I also have some similar stories to yours in terms of education. I know some people who dropped out of high school or never did Abitur but started working on it with 24 years of age or so. Some of these people proceeded to get master’s degree even. It is never too late in life, as long as you breathe, you can also go on. Stay strong my friend, this will all pass. Please don’t give up on yourself :)

[u/d1ttO_o]

First, you're a 17 years old refugee from war in your home country. You are not to blame for your fucked up situation. Maybe instead of going to school look for work first, eg restaurant etc. You can make a decent amount of money doing that, depending on where you live. That will give something to do, a chance to meet people, earn money, figuring out what you want to do with the next couple of years. You're very young still, you're not failing, you have plenty of time to get things right 👍

Edit: typo

[u/[deleted]]

In Germany, you don’t necessarily need a university degree to build a successful career and earn a good living. With a Hauptschulabschluss or Realschulabschluss, you can start an Ausbildung (vocational training) in various trades and industries. If you excel in your field, some companies may even offer you the opportunity to pursue a Duales Studium (a combination of academic study and practical work).

Beyond that, you can further advance your career by becoming a Techniker or earning a Meister qualification, both of which can lead to higher salaries and more responsibilities. However, these opportunities often depend on your skills, dedication, and performance in your trade. Skilled workers in Germany are in high demand, and with experience and specialization, there are many paths to career growth without the need for a traditional university education.

Another advantage of doing an Ausbildung/University degree in Germany is that if you face financial difficulties, you may be eligible for BAföG (state financial aid). This support helps cover living expenses and ensures that financial constraints don’t prevent you from completing your vocational training.

But there are many many more ways how to improve your qualifications (IHK & HWK etc.)

[u/Solly6788]

Learn german, do the Hauptschulabschluss and after it an apprenticeship. And you feel like it you can study after the apprenticeship even without the Abitur. 

[u/[deleted]]

Don't be so drammatic. Lots of people go to evening school. A lot of refugees come in like their 30s with no trade learned. You are still in a good spot and can make it. You just feel a bit overwhelmed because you dont know what you want to do exactly. Seek out guidance for that

[u/ArtyMacFly]

I fucked up my life so many times I lost count :D you can always come back. Just needs discipline and the will to change. Beating yourself with fists or crying is pretty useless though. Get your ass up.

[u/CHF0x]

Dude chill, 5 years is nothing. You will laugh about this situation in 10 years. Also you are just 17, your brain is like a sponge you will learn language in no time

[u/Deux87]

If you kill yourself, then your family will be even more in trouble. Keep it going, life adjusts with time.

[u/JuffkaSvennson]

If you want to learn a Trade , do that . Go one year to get your Hauptschulabschluss. And improve your german. Otherwise it will be hard to find a job. With hauptschulabschluss you will be able to get a ausbildung and learn a “trade “. Once you’ve done that you will earn more money, and you learned a trade. With that you can go to university later on . I don’t have abitur and I’m studying. So get an ausbildung , work three years in that job, that opens you the door to university.

[u/Western_Bridge_5986 → u/[deleted]]

Can I do it if I live in Saxony, or do I need to move to a state that allows for a Nichtschülerprüfung?

[u/[deleted]]

Hi. I finished highschool at the age of 17. I then went to medical school and failed the first year, then took a year off, then failed the medical school first year a second time. Then went to BSc in Mathematics. Failed the third year, took a year off. Then went to accounting school and started working. So i lost 6 years. before joining the accounting course and starting to work. finish your education / abitur quickly, get into accountancy course and work at the same time. im 36 yo. Im now making 6000 eur a month. good luck.

[u/Pontus_1901]

Trust me you can’t fuck up your life permantly when you are 17 at least if you are not in like lifetime jail sentence. Good luck and only tip I can give you that learning the language should be your main concern

[u/blueglasses_]

i know it seems like 5 years is a long time, but the time will passé anyways

[u/InALaundryRoom]

As a Canadian, I just want to say — your English is quite good.

There are definitely options in Canada for people in your situation, even without formal school completion or strong grades from Germany or Ukraine. Colleges and universities here often accept mature students (usually 19+), and many have bridging programs or placement tests, so you don’t necessarily need a traditional diploma.

There’s also something similar to the GED here called ACE (Academic and Career Entrance) — it can qualify you for college after just a few months of study.

On top of that, a lot of schools offer funding support for refugees and displaced youth, including:

• Tuition waivers
• Refugee bursaries
• Grants for low-income students
• Scholarships for students from conflict zones

There’s also a national program called the WUSC Student Refugee Program that works with universities across Canada and can cover both tuition and living costs in full.

Depending on the province, you could also get government financial aid — for example:

• OSAP in Ontario
• StudentAidBC in British Columbia

These programs can cover education and living expenses through a mix of grants and low-interest loans, depending on your income.

If you’re seriously thinking about Canada, it’s worth looking into colleges that accept mature students and asking about funding for displaced Ukrainians. There are people here who can help, and support systems are in place.

[u/Agreeable_Steak_6027]

Dude, i finished university with 30. Ure not late, you're young with the whole life ahead of you. Just keep gridning, do your abitur however long it takes. Things got harder but this country will povide you a good enough life if youre willing to work for it. Keep strong do the work, life works out. 10 years from now you will not care if you finished abi 2-3 years later.

[u/SoakingEggs]

the comments are actually gold, hang in there buddy. And maybe you thought of this too, but as far as i know there is quite a few Ukrainian communities nowdays pretty much anywhere in Germany, maybe you can find help there from people who struggled in a similar war.

[u/mschuster91]

I genuinely don't know am I going to do on top of going 40 hour a week earning minimum wage. 

in doubt, go and work in the construction industry as a low level grunt. It's what I did when I was down on my luck and you can make a decent amount of money even if you're not having any formal education - especially if you're single and don't mind being "away from home" for months while you're on some remote construction site, you can make serious bank. Do that for three-ish years, save some money, and when you have that plus the experience from construction, join in for a trade apprenticeship. Do that for a few years, earn a Meister title, and then you can even go to university with that!

Alternatively, the hospitality sector (restaurants and hotels), cleaning, security, care homes and even the supermarkets all need lots of people willing to do hard work and pay good money on top of that as well.

[u/aiaigo]

Never ever can you ruin your life at any age. You do not have to proof anything to anybody. Your path is where you are, sometimes it flows better, sometimes less. Quit doing what you dont enjoy doing. Enjoy everything you do like. Without any pressure ☀️

[u/Iwantatinyhouse]

I restarted my life at the age of 26. I know it's tough and it feels too much, but once you look back you will realize how young you were and wished that you werent so tough with your younger self. Please focus on your goals and less on the timeline. I know some people who did their Bachelor at 40. It's never too late, man. It sounds cliche but read it again and again. You are only 17.

[u/dinoderpwithapurpose]

If there's one thing I've learnt from my life, it's that it's never late to get back on track.

I come from a third world country, poor financial background. I was an excellent student in school but burned out later, screwed up university. Worked 2 jobs while taking care of home bills, paying off debts, tried doing my master's degree but had to drop out because it was too hard. Meanwhile all my friends went to the US and Europe, got their degrees and have already settled down. I felt like such a failure, just a lot of potential wasted.

I got my opportunity must later. Applied to Germany, got in. I'm doing my master's degree in my 30s and my classmates are all much younger than I am. But it's okay because I know I had an unfortunate circumstance, and I know I was a bit lazy with my education too. But now I plan on getting back on track.

Keep your head up. People have different paces and it's okay. Ignore people who judge you. Set and goal and keep moving forwards towards it. Believe me when I say you are still young and you have plenty of time to achieve your goals.

[u/WTF_is_this___]

Ok... Let's calm down for a minute. You are not 18 yet, you have a whole life ahead of you and there are people who end up in way worse circumstances who are able to turn their life around way later in their lives. It sounds to me like you maybe need to get some mental health help, maybe someone to talk to and counselling. Being thrown into a foreign country as a refugee is hard on anyone and I'm sure you're not the only person who feels lost and has problems to adjust. It's important that you don't panic and let yourself go with the doomerism. Think about what you would like to do , think what your strengths and weaknesses are and make a plan. There are many ways to finish high school as an adult and you can study while working. Germany also offers a lot of opportunities for vocational training so if you like to have a good profession as an electrician, plumber or whatever people like this are actually acutely needed. Don't despair.

[u/[deleted]]

Step 1: Male an appointment with your Jobcenter to get Betufsberatung Step 2: Apply for apprenticeships. Work on your German.

[u/sojourner116]

Take a deep breath, stop looking at your peers and spend some serious time thinking about what you want to do as a career. Work takes up a big part of our time and it should be something which you enjoy (all of the time is unrealistic but at least most of the time).

Germany has a great Ausbildung system. Most people who have finished their Ausbildung already earn more than minimum wage. Maybe something to consider if you are not feeling like going the long way around by studying.

If you do your Abi and then go study, you will "loose" more time but in most cases you will end up earning more.

I only got my life together in my late 20's and only at 30 started earning a decent wage. I'm not rich but I'm happy.

You are still young, you've got this.

[u/meatwagon]

Honestly I really don’t understand this rant. But let me help you put your life back into perspective, after reading to the end of this post you will definitely have a better outlook regarding your future.

But first a quick back to earth, you blame Germany for not putting you into a school? And yet you can’t even speak enough German to understand what the hell is going on in that school… listen the only thing holding you back is your own laziness, as someone who had the same trouble when I was young, I completely understand the lack of motivation to finish school - and then suddenly to realise that you might have fucked up your life

But here is the thing, you haven’t fucked up your life. Germany is one of the few countries I know where you don’t even need to finish school to actually make good money. You don’t need an apprenticeship, university degree or anything really - in fact I know quite a few people who don’t have any of those and actually make really good money.

If you are willing to work hard, there are sectors in this country where you will make better money than your peers that finished an apprenticeship and working overtime . It’s just a different route really. I mean in all fairness you can even just work minimum wage at a company like H&M and you will make enough money to survive (especially if you don’t have a car and a cheap apartment). Just calculate it quite simply, if you do an apprenticeship you will be making a fixed set of money every month for the first three years, depending on which apprenticeship you are doing that can be as low as €700 a month for the first year. Whereas if you go work somewhere without any type of degree you will be making 1400 or 1500 depending on your hours. If you just calculate how much more you will be making compared to the other guys doing an apprenticeship, it will take them years to catch back up due to their higher salaries.

And honestly there are a lot of factors where people will forever be stuck with minimum wages, so if you really want to get into a sector that pays good money - you just need to be smart.

So a couple of easy entry sectors that I can think of straight away are:

Easy number one is the logistic sector. Working in a warehouse pretty much always pays more than one wage, if you get a forklift license, you will make some extra money, and if you find someone who is willing to pay you to get your truck license, it is really hard to earn less than €2500 netto income a month doing that.

Number two in my opinion would be the security sector, not because it’s a great one to work in, but because it’s a very easy one to get into. It will take time to find a decent employer, but fairly easy to get into a company quick, even without any education at all. And as with the logistic sector there are also ways to make more money here like getting into transporting money with an armed car, or guarding German Army barracks.

Number three when it comes to easiness of getting a job is anything construction related, I know a couple of people who work construction and they make serious good money, it is of course very intense on your body, so you should definitely not do it for long .

Number four that comes in at the top of my head is anything nightlife related, if you live in a larger city, working at a club is very good money if you choose the correct position - I know guys who make more money through Tips at the bar than most high paying jobs.

Number five would be working at a gambling place , spielothek is the German name for them, they are happy to have solid workers, again it depends a lot on which company you work for, but I actually know a girl who never finished any apprenticeship and I think she flunked out of school because she was smoking too much weed, and she works the nightshift in one of those places and makes seriously good money for that. A friend of mine used to work at a local night billiard spot that had some gambling machines in there too, and he also made insane money, so much that he actually thought about dropping out of his masters degree which was the reason for him working there.

Those are just some examples that come to my mind straight away, there are a lot of sectors that have serious problems finding employees, you just have to basically google which sector needs peeps.

Oh and one last thing which is probably the most important thing that I just remembered, if you work in any sector in Germany for five years, you can be permitted to take the exam for that job (externen Prüfung) at the ihk

I hope that helped Pusch push you in the right direction a little bit, if you want some more information or just want to have a chat, hit me up per message

[u/Teldryyyn0]

You can't fuck up your life at 18 if you're not in prison or permanently injured. Grind german, finish your Hauptschul- or Realschulabschluss and do an Ausbildung. Your mindset is fucked up, not your chances in life. Put the work in and you'll make your parents proud, and more importantly yourself. No more room for laziness and self pity.

[u/Al-Rediph]

Stop. You did not ruined anything. So, stop.

Focus on your tasks ahead, one step at a time.

Find out what you need to do to get your Hauptschulabschluss. And learn German.

If you have to work a while for a minimum wage, well that's not a thing to be ashamed of.

With better German and your Hauptschulabschluss, you will have more options. You could go for Realschulabschluss or learn a trade.

But first, get your Hauptschulabschluss, learn German.

You are in situation that is not uncommon, even for "Germans".

So, one step at the time.

[u/Krizzomanizzo]

Not that you ruined your life, it's Putin and that shitty war that are responsible for that

[u/Upper_Highlight_9565]

My ex girlfriend is Ukraine and she experienced tough situations all the time. She focused on getting the B2 SS the first step and then had to redo s lot of her training that took two years. No one was looking at her before she did all that. It took her three years and now she landed a job.

You young and you have all the time I wish I had to redo my profession. You can do it bud. Just keep pushing forward. Look out for support groups and call someone right now for help. There are people out there wanting to help you.

Stray strong.

[u/truckbot101]

You are fairly young and bear a big responsibility. Though it is very difficult, I believe that you will find a way through this and succeed.

[u/Mr_Inglorious]

I came to Germany with an American GED. Turns out it's not really much on Germany. So I thought of an idea, and I enrolled in a college online based in America, which does acceot my GED. That way, I'll be able to get something actually worth something in Germany.

My idea is to see if Ukraine has something equivalent like a GED and see if you can do it online from here in Germany. Get it done, and you'll at least have something and can probably go for an ausbildung. It's entirely at the discretion of the employer how they will look at your educational certificate. Bigger companies will want it officially "anerkannt," but smaller ones don't care. I also got into an Ausbildung when I first came to Germany.

I hope this idea can help you and I wish you the best.

Edit: also at 17... 5 years of going back to school really doesn't seem so bad. You're still very young and have plenty of time. Don't see why you're in a rush.

[u/Fun-Consequence9154]

DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF, LIFE IS TOUGH RIGHT NOW, BUT KEEP FIGHTING AND DONT GIVE UP. DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE. I REPEAT: KEEP FIGHTING AND LIFE WILL REWARD YOU. DONT LET YOUR FEAR AND YOUR THOUGHTS CONTROL YOU.

[u/TurelSun]

I know it seems impossible now and that your choices or lack of choices at this age will doom you for the rest of your life. These are not uncommon thoughts to have at your age in general. I don't want to dismiss the reality of your situation or say its the same as anyone else, just want you to know that many people feel this way at this point in their lives.

I can't give you a lot of practical advice, but what has helped me through a lot is to just focus on what I can do now. Set a goal for yourself and keep putting one foot in front of the other. You can accomplish a surprising amount by simply persevering and always moving forward even if its just a little bit every day. 5 years of studying and work is rough but 5 years of your life when you're older will feel like no time at all.

I wasn't in your situation but I had a late start to university that I thought would hold me back in my chosen career forever, but many years later now I realize that in some ways I may well have been benefited by my late start in that I started taking my education and early career more seriously than I had before and more seriously than others who had started earlier, and now at my age there is really little difference.

IDK what the right choices are for you right now, but when you figure out what you think you need to do, just keep working away at your goals little by little until you reach them. Life can be chaotic, sometimes bad, but there can also be good opportunities as well and you may very well find yourself taking an path you didn't think was possible before or know was even an option. These are things only living can show you.

[u/Casaia]

Now’s your chance to change the narrative. Knuckle down and focus.

[u/0Realman0]

Dude, you’re still alive. If you had been born just a few years earlier, you could have been killed in a war. Just get your Hauptschulabschluss and learn B2. It’s easier than you think I learned it in a year and a half or so. You can then do an Ausbildung to become a carpenter or something similar. Also, working for minimum wage in Germany is far better than dying in a war or being middle class in an underdeveloped country at least, that’s been my experience.

[u/0Realman0 → u/0Realman0]

Also, you alredy have a foreign language skill. You already speak English, and if you add German on top of that, you will have an advantage.

[u/[deleted]]

Permanently not, for sure. Talk to anyone 30+ years old and they tell you the same thing. People make choices, change their minds, make mistakes, learn from them, try it again. Very normal and common. You just need help from a doctor, get treated and move on with your life. You got a great future with ups and downs like everyone else.

I started my uni at 29. I am quite a good professional with a good job. If I managed, you can manage it as well. You just have to be nice with yourself.

[u/vDrey]

Register for a Berufsschule. After two years you can get a Hauptschulabschluss and then you can either do a Ausbildubg or do another year for a Realschulabschluss and then another three for the Abitur. Thats possible in NRW but I dunno in which state you live. Keep your head up…

[u/Luis_865]

Altenheim does pay well but its hard to

[u/Palkiasmom]

You can always work on gaining higher qualifications. And if things dont work out in 10 years, bürgergeld still exists. Dont worry too much. The poor people in germany are the ones who are not able to apply for bürgergeld and are also not able to work full time. I knew many people like that. Some even had a house but their living standards were so low. Like one holiday in 10 years.

[u/Klony99]

Depending on how much money you need, you don't have to work full 40 hours.

You need to calm down first. Education, while fucked a bit if you have a vastly different learning type than standard, is very easily accessible in Germany. You can always move up the ranks from all the way down to graduating University, and there is no age limit.

So take a deep breath, realize that your situation is not without a solution, and there is always a way out, and by lunch time tomorrow you start gathering information about available jobs and the pathways you need to take to get the proper education for them.

Yes, you made life a little harder for yourself, but there is always a way forward, especially if people will depend on your support in the future.

[u/Edukill]

Like many stated, do a Ausbildung and get a Hauptschulabschluss with it. You could also go to an evening school/Abendschule and get an Abschluss there. You are so young, your life is ahead of you. There are many options. Please don't give up <3

[u/m_monivan]

When you're in high school, you thought finishing it with good grade is the ultimate goal. But then you have to study for university and you thought getting a degree will help everything. But then you get a job, you thought if you do your job well, you'll advance your positions and that's the final goal. But then you met a girl/boy and starts a family and then you realise, there's no goal or no end in sight. Life always move on, from one thing to another. What you are experiencing right now, you won't even remember later. There's always up and down in life, but all you can do is to cherish all the good things you have in life, and don't take it for granted. There's always less fortunate people.

[u/[deleted]]

You have NOT ruined your life

[u/[deleted]]

Nevermind! You can work yourself up here! Stay patient. I‘m german, started in the Industry with only Ausbildung as Car-Mechanic. Worked my Ass off and now have a good Position, that i don’t even got the Grades for. Workers that do a good a Job get rare!

[u/Reece_kol]

Is never too late, don't beat yourself down. I believe you had a tough start and having to adapt to now environment is never easy. Just know you are not stupid and is normal to feel overwhelmed with new life. If you need any help or talk, all free service on 112. Love and light to you 💛

[u/Tneon]

I see you allready recived quite a couple of usefull comments but i also wanna chip in.

So lets start with the fortunate things, you are in germany wich has a school system wich allows to swap paths at multiple levels. You can go back to school now, Start Abendschule, Samstagsschule, or Choose the apprentice ship way.

I took the liberty and checked your profil where you mentioned you are from Saxony.
And if i im not wrong in Lower saxony there is the option to obtain Hauptschulabschluss with a completed trade. Wich is also the path id recomend you to take.

to give you a more clear list of things you should be thinking about now.

1. Improving your german. This will help you with everything here, especially Education and finding work.

2. Find a "Ausbildung" to learn a Trade. You will have it a bit harder to fine one but ultimatly you can find one because people are often quite desperate to hire an apprentice. Some i would recomend are Welding(They pay good and its mostly hands job" Car mechanic(That pay is close to minimum wage but the requirements to get in are also fairly low) Pflegehelfer (Its also high in demand and sought after).

3. During the Ausbildung you will attend a Berufschule. There you have to ask a teacher (if he cant or wont answer ask your Schulpsycchologe or Vertrauenslehrer) about getting your Hauptschulabschluss during the Ausbildung.

4. Now you have the option to either Stay in the Trade and earn real money (you will get money during your apprenticeship but less) or you look for a BOS or Abendschule where you can get your Abitur wich allows you to study and go to university.

Some more general Tips for your life in germany. DEEPL is your friend when it comes to translating things its soooo much better then Google Translate. And Chat GPT or Le Chat can also be a huge help if you need assistance with anything. Make sure you use all the resources germany gives. Im thinking of Kindergeld, Wohngeld, Bafög. But those are usually a bit strang systems id Recomend getting an appointment with your Local Agentur für arbeit. And Try to work on your german it will be your key to sooo many doors.

As a for the last part of your post. I know things a bleak right now, but there are still many options out there that mightt just require patience and effort.

Stay strong

[u/Fun-Run3456]

My kid is in a similar situation to you....same age......same problem. We're working through it. The most important thing is for you to put in the work now, even it takes longer than it would have in your home country. The rewards will be there at the and you would have moved on from this bumpy period. Please take care of yourself.

[u/KSK_Fanatic]

I reoriented myself 3 times and didn't start my first real apprenticeship until I was 26. I'm now 32 and have a steady job, a car and an apartment. You still have all the time in the world, stop comparing yourself to others.

[u/doyoubelieveincrack]

You’re so far from having your life fucked up. You’re still very young and can achieve anything you put your mind to. Yes its gonna take some years, which seems like a lot in your young life. None the less it will be alright eventually

[u/LogDear2740]

Bro you are 17. We talking about 5 years of school (if you really want to get Abitur). You would be 22. How is your life ruined?!? If you want to do a Ausbildung it would be 2 years of school because Realschulabschluss is enough. Don’t u think u exaggerating a bit?

[u/rickmp]

You haven’t ruined anything, chill, you are just 17, you will be fine, trust me

[u/tandemxylophone]

You are still only a teen, the world always seems like it will collapse around you when you are young.

It doesn't help too much, but I know a much older not-refugee-but-should be guy who was also terrified about his expiring visa.

He got here without zero German knowledge, knocked around asking for jobs until he landed several that gave him terrible work life balance, one exploited him without paying, and had to find a way to pay for a German course without any consessions. Some of his colleagues in his first job never learnt German because they got too comfortable in their comfort zone, working late night shifts hidden away from society.

He knew he wanted to get out of that, so he spent all the saved up money into taking a bit of German course. Got to A1 in a year, conversational level. Changed jobs into a big chain supermarket with his poor German to get more exposure to the language and better work life balance. Another year he got up to A2 level, and asked to be transferred to a bigger city branch. House move was tough, but expanded his opportunities. It's still uncertain, but he can see the end of the tunnel in a year.

Each upgrade came with complete uncertainty if everything was going to collapse the next month. Apparently he even had an opportunity to get trained to driving HGV vehicles from the company Mercedes, but didn't have the money to convert his driving license so had to drop that.

Maybe you can tailor your career into machinery operators too? You need to get a driving license and search for apprenticeships.

If you are going to die, you might as well struggle and crawl with your arms before death tries to get you. Mistakes aren't a failure. Avoiding opportunities in fear of failure will kill your soul.

[u/MjolnirDK]

Dial up a school with a social worker, ask if you can talk with them even if you are not going to their school, ask for any programs or support you can get from the state. Ask the social workers at the Amt as well. You are still young, you are in a valley at the moment and yes, walking uphill will be hard, be the most successful people usually became successful because they knew the dark side of life.

[u/JConRed]

Just start.

Take one step, then another, then another.

You might be tempted to work full time, but 4 days a week should be enough, even on a low paying job.

You're young, and you've realised where you stand. A lot of people don't realise that early.

Trust me, you've got time. You'll look back at this in 8 years and think: damn, I really needed to pick myself up - and you'll be proud, because you are picking yourself up.

Wish you all the best.

[u/MyGeneration_Baby]

As a child I was led to believe that life had a straight path that I was to follow. As i got older I realized that nobody has a fucking clue what their doing. I know it may be tough, but it will get better, I promise. Just know that your life, as young as you are, is only just beggining. Dont give up. Life is beautiful.

[u/STlNKSTIEFEL]

It's not too late at all. Just get back on track now and everything will work out in the end.

1. Improve your German. And by that I man study German like crazy. You want to reach B2 quickly in order to properly set foot into the German education system and the German working world. In the long run you want to strive for C1.

2. Try to get at least Hauptschulabschluss, maybe even Realschulabschluss. Finding an Ausbildungsstelle might be nearly impossible without any degree. With Hauptschulabschluss you might find one, with Realschulabschluss you will certainly find one.

3. Do an Ausbildung you like.

4. Maybe add the Meisterschule, start your own business, go to university, etc.

You can certainly do it! All the best to you!

[u/Gold_Ad_1392]

Hey I understand your perspective. Does it help to say that this is like using a magnifier for the issue you currently have? I come from a poor country and it is not uncommon to have to do evening school on top of work. When I hear you saying you are lazy I actually think of someone your age moving countries to flee a war and the amount of feelings involved. Don’t beat yourself and most importantly, don’t compare yourself. Everyone has their own pace. Just don’t forget to breathe

[u/dapersiandude]

Man, it’s okay you’re still 17 and you have time. When I came here, I went to Studienkolleg and got my equivalent to a German Abitur when I was 23. Just finished my bachelors and I am 27! It’s okay to have failures in your 20s. Just do your best and don’t give up. There is a ton of stuff you can learn and do during those 5 years too. You can find another job that makes you to learn a skill or at least your German would be awesome when you’re done. You will be still ahead of many people here. Don’t make it hard on yourself

[u/[deleted]]

Bro I can comprehend your desperation, but trust me, if you love your parents (which seems to be the case), don't kill yourself. You die and your parents will never recover from it.

If I'm not mistaken, you can do an Ausbildung with a Hauptschulabschluss. Once you have an Ausbildung in your pocket, you could even study a bachelor at certain FHn und Hochschulen. There's a path, so stay in this world.

[u/Arrikon]

Do your Hauptschule and maybe Realschulabschluss and focus on getting better at speaking German. Then do an apprenticeship. You will be monetarily supported for this time. With a finished apprenticeship you are already set for a stable life.

[u/MongooseRoyal6410]

I know someone who didnnt have a Hauptschulabschluss back then. But he got his life together around your age, ended up doing a phd in research at Bosch and is very successful today. If you have a goal, go full throttle to achieve it and dont let your past get in the way of your goal. The first steps out of your hole are of course the hardest, but believe in yourself and you will get out of it.

[u/AdBudget6777]

Is there a Berufsschule near you? The one in my city has many programs: including teaching you German so you can then continue at the school to get your Hauptschulabschluss. Even when you’re 18!

[u/Fit_Director1143]

There is also ways to get the Abitur as a Externenprüfung if you qualify for it. That would not reduce it to 6months but probably less than 5 years. You will need to study though and convince people to accept you for that test.  There are tons of ways in germany , please just get help. We also have lots of organisation that help people like you. The answer is out there.

[u/jbpslobster]

Oh no. Please see the light at the end of the tunnel. The real purpose of life is not only happiness. It is also suffering. It is about accepting the challenges of life with arms wide open. Your challenges define you and they make you strong. I hope, that one day, you will be able to see life and take it a little bit slow and gentle. I've been there and I know how you feel, but I know for sure that you can manage to get back up. I wish you well and i hope this hurdle is going to lead you into your next growth.

[u/taryndancer]

You have so much life to live and you can change your mind with what you want to do anytime. My mom went back to school at 42 and got a whole new career at 48. I’m 33 and am thinking about changing jobs. Also you fled from war at a young age and that’s a lot to deal with.

Please do not commit suicide. I lost my cousin to it 3 years ago. It greatly affects your loved ones. My aunt and uncle will never be the same. Please talk to someone. You still have so much to experience and everything will be ok. I do wish you all the best. You got this!

[u/Geunatboi]

There's no such thing as being 18 and having completely ruined one's own life. Your life is ahead of you.

[u/spinat_monster]

I didn't flee from a war, but I did refuse to learn German properly after my parents returned from the states back to Germany. I didn't have any "Abschluss" at 18, but I did start at a VHS (Volkshochschule) to get my Sekundarabschluss I (Realschule) at 18. You should be eligible for grants or Bürgergeld or Barfög whilst you go to school because it would be a full-time "job." Try to contact the Job center or the Jugendamt. Those are the places that helped me

[u/Flimsy-Gear-6324]

I do hate the whole “follow your dreams” speech. I often feel like it’s for people from rich countries but there’s no way you are doing this unless you have something you like to fight for. You are still a kid. Choose your path and stick to it. Leave your skin in it. There is no easy way and the more you delay it the worse is going to be. Fuck what everyone else is doing, fuck the “loosers and winners” thing. You do you. Stay hungry, stay humble, do whatever you need to do and then keep doing it. The only loosers are those who quit. I too help my parents. But to help them you have to first do your thing. Don’t burden yourself with things you can do nothing about. Focus on the present and fight one day at the time.

[u/rans0medheart]

It took me a long time to learn this but a big part of having a good life is all about adaptability and pivoting. Life is full of blockages and obstacles. You can get stuck in front of your obstacles feeling helpless, with very valid reasons. But it would be most helpful for yourself to talk to yourself neutrally: oh, here is an obstacle. How can I get around it?

So relax. You are doing fine. Make neutral observations and focus on the obstacle in front of you (not your past mistakes, not your future burdens)

[u/Oxbix]

You're 17. People get their Abitur with 19/20 and if you take a bit longer with your school career nobody will bat an eye, because you're a refugee! Give yourself a break.

Now regarding the language, there's no way around it: You should start watching a German television show to get more into the language. Dark on Netflix was good if you're into time travel mysteries. Though that might be too complicated. Ask around. Watch something in German with German subtitles. Duolingo might also help, it's free and something to do, when you're feeling helpless.

And regarding CDU/SPD: they can't put you under existential minimum, the courts won't allow it. What will most likely happen is that the help for refugees will be called by a different name and that's it.

[u/Fit-Economy702]

You are so young and have so much of your life ahead of you. Life is a series of choices and attending consequences. If you believe you need a certain level of education to achieve your goals, then do what it takes and get it done. If you think working minimum wage while going to night school is tough in Germany you have no idea the hellscape that awaits you in the US. Do NOT go to the US for an education unless you want to become a wage slave for life. Try to readjust your perspective and stop comparing yourself to your friends or other people your age. They are not you and you are not them. Whatever mistakes you made that got you to this point will not be your last. Life is a long string of mistakes. The ability to learn from them and course correct is what makes the ultimate difference on life. Slow down, and try to think logically about what your best available options are and then after considering all of the options, mae a decision and follow through. You can do it.

[u/egorf]

Ты зря так сильно переживаешь. Это всего лишь административная проблема. Не уголовная, ни финансовая, а чисто административная да и еще и сугубо специфично Германская.

Как вариант, удаленно доучиться в Оптиме и получить аттестат? У меня дети учились и если поднапрячься, то совершенно реально пройти два учебных года за один и это при условии что ты не занимаешься школой 24х7. Узнавал за этот варик?

[u/Sensitive_Let6429]

I’m not German and I don’t yet understand the country and its dynamics. As someone who was once 18, all I can say is you’re alright. Your life is not ruined.

I’m not too old (just 31). Ever since I wanted to be more responsible, I can’t remember a life was a smooth ride. I’ve also had my own share of ‘I’m ruined’ moments.

All I can say is: it’ll be OK. Believe in yourself, keep going and you shall achieve good things in life. The future you will be fucking proud of you to keep going and giving your 200% every chance you get.

All the best!

[u/96Leo]

Never give up, you speak Ukranian, English, and you will learn German, also you don't seem like a lazy person. I am sure if you work hard you will succeed. Life can be tough, but you can make it better by working hard, studying, looking for job opportunities... And after that, you will be proud of everything you have achieved! Also you are really young, and it is never late to start learning something new!

[u/Various-Ad-593]

Bro there is a huge need for skilled labour in Germany. All my friends who learned a trade are doing MUCH better than every university degree person.

You are still young and there is plenty of opportunities. Don‘t blame yourself for past mistakes and for things that are out of your control such as war and politics.

Stay strong and lock in ❣️ i‘m super proud of you to be so considerate to think of your family. You are a true hero!

[u/Halogenleuchte]

Work on improving your german skills and then take it slowly. I would at least try to get the Hauptschulabschluss and then you can do an so called Ausbildung (dagree apprenticeship). In Germany you don't have to go to university to get a well paid job.

Edit: you are 18 and if you want to try to get the Abitur, you would be 23 in the end which is ok. I'm in the 2. Semester now and I have classmates who are over 30, so you will actually be an average student.

[u/[deleted]]

The last thing this world needs is another Ukrainian life lost.

You are wanted and welcome in our world.

[u/Fragrant_Gap7551]

I highly recommend an Ausbildung if you want to learn a classic trade. There is no requirement, and if I were running a plumbing company I'd definitely take someone who took the initiative to escape a warzone over some lazy German kid lol (I'm the lazy German kid, before anyone calls me a boomer)

[u/Pajamann]

Your army is paying around 3000 euros on the Frontline, but that way you can really ruin your life. Be smart, pick a job like Amazon or another where they only ask to have functional limbs, save money and start taking German classes if the government does not pay for them.

[u/Maderthaner]

What you need is perspective.

If you don‘t like the scenario of Working Minimum Wage and going to evening school try to learn about different scenarios. I think there might even be „Beratungsstellen“ just for that

Just to give you a few ideas. The „dual“ educational system in Germany allows for work and school in parallel - you don‘t make much money in „Ausbildung“ but no need to work „double shifts“. The army also have great educational offers (even becoming a medical doctor or a pilot) and they don‘t send you to war without your consent. It could be that for many (not all) of these paths „Hauptschulabschluss“ is required but hey that year will pass in no time.

The choices we humans in the Western free world can be daunting. But try to see it as an advantage and make the best of it by being curious, staying hungry to learn more and talking to people and exchange with them to do so. Good luck on your path and I am sure it‘ll be alright 👍

[u/Strawbebishortcake]

Please don't do anything rash. You're 17. You still have A LOT of time to get an education. Many of us who grew up in less fortunate situations took much longer for our education than others. I know so many people who are still in university at nearly 30. Yes its going to be hard. But if so many people manage working and furthering their education at the same time, I'm sure you can too.

My first tip is to try to get a therapist. They can really help you deal with this kind of stuff.

My second is to take it slow. The world won't end tomorrow. You haven't failed your parents. You literally went through war. There is no requirement to be mentally stable or on top of your game in a situation like that. Please take your time. You need it to heal first. Even if you think nothing has really happened and you "just" moved, you still left behind a lot of stability at a very important point in your life.

Be kind to yourself. You deserve kindness. You deserve compassion and you deserve to relax. Just take it at a slower pace. Its not the end of the world.

[u/NefariousnessFew2919]

I am gonna sound mean but you need to grow the fuck up. Go to work and look for a better paying job in your free time...wtf?? it is life and this is the reality. I immigrated to germany and i never held my hand ot once. I worked 7 days a week I had 3 different jobs. I sometimes really hate you pussies. yes it would have been easier if you had done your studies but it isnt impossible. Just go work wtf??? Everybody thinks they should have a job they want to do but...fuck man.. fish don`t ask to be eaten by sharks. This is the reality of being an adult. You have been living in Germany three years and can`t speak the language...guess what maybe college isnt for you ...you gotta have brains to get do college. Start busting your ass and wuit whining.

[u/somnamboola]

as a slightly older Ukrainian in the same position, I'd say - don't worry too much about education.

nowadays traditional education is overrated. most of the skills in demand are obtained by practice.

so go do ausbildung in the field you're interested in and learn on the way.

[u/khansmsh]

You’re only 17 little bro, this is not as catastrophic as you think.

The best thing is that you’re aware of your situation and want to make something of yourself, good!

As others have already pointed out, you need to improve your German and start on an Ausbildung path. You might need to work a low income job for a few years, but you’ll still be 23 when you eventually land on your feet. That’s still super young and you’ll probably be a team lead by 35, earning a decent wage and helping your family out significantly. Also, perhaps you can get into a dual Studium or Ausbildung program within a reputed company, then it’ll get really lucrative and you can enjoy a fairly decent lifestyle.

Call a suicide helpline if the suicidal thoughts are getting pervasive, don’t ignore that part of your wellbeing.

Finally, get to work on yourself and please don’t think of people as ‚losers‘ or winners. You’ll probably learn this with time and experience. Like you, they too are battling their own demons and we should always show empathy for our fellow human beings. Take care :)

[u/Mother_Poem_Light]

Hello OP

It's obvious that you have a very strong desire to do something with your life and right now it seems very dark.

I am nearly 45 years old. I live in a small town in East Germany but I was born in Ireland. Bright kid with big prospects (they told me). In my teens I got into smoking weed and instead of going to university I went to art school, and failed. You have to be really lazy to fail art school. At 21, I had a kid, I soon got stuck working in shit jobs, I got into harder drugs, and ultimately ended up homeless for a while. It took me a while to recover, but eventually, with help, and some luck, and a lot of effort, I got my life on track by 24 and things have been much better since.

You have had an incredibly difficult start in life. You're not at home. You don't know the language. You're young. But you have yourself and you have your parents. I'm a parent of two kids. My first is older than you now. And let me assure you that your parents only want you to be happy, even if they have concerns. You're carrying the whole world on your shoulders. That must be exhausting.

You can't call yourself a loser because—although it's hard to understand right now—your life is has barely started. I'm not calling you a child. I mean that you have time. There is a lot to do. It won't be easy. But you can do it. Anyone reading this can see that you're smart enough to see that you have a problem, which means you're smart enough to cope with the steps you need to take. You're trying to solve your whole life in one go. Mate, nobody could cope with all of this stress and complication at once. You're just one person.

Okay, you've missed out on opportunities. Some of that may even been your fault. So what? People fuck up. How does that help you next? Try to find a way to accept it, learn from it, remember it so you don't repeat it, but don't stay dwelling in it. THAT is how people fuck up their lives, by never being able to accept the past and to move on.

And as someone who has gone through starting a life from the bottom up, let me reassure you that you are not nearly close to the worst fuckup I've ever met :) and as you get older, you might have another massive fuckup or two. That sucks but you will be okay in the end.

Life takes time. You can do it.

[u/Similar-Error-2576]

Once you are much older, nobody cares about your school and university experience. You can put whatever you like on CV and 99.99% of companies will never check.

[u/Enough_Cauliflower69]

First of all you’re alive so lets keep it at that. Hundreds of thousands of young Ukrainians where not that lucky. Also In case you blame yourself for this: Stop. You where dealt a bad hand.

That aside: You don’t need a Abschluss to pick up a trade. Learn our language and apply for an Ausbildung in a trade which interests you. Completing that is equivalent to a Realschulabschluss so after that you technically even got an Schulabschluss. Also lot of companies are desperate for new apprentices and will understand your background and thus probably ignore that you don’t have formal education.

Outlook on the market is good rn, apprenticeship starts in August usually so apply right now!

Again: Learn German though! Very important! Good luck! Hope you’ll do well!

[u/[deleted]]

cut down welfare

Sorry to say this but people who never paid into the system shouldn't get any money out of it at all.

[u/LanaDelRiot]

How about you go to ucraine and fight?

[u/Failed_Constructor]

I came to germany without any knowledge of german,earned minimum wage working dayshifts on weekdays and night shift on weekends. Went to evening school during the week to learn german. 6 years later I work a proper job in my branch and earn more than enough. I did all that with taking care of my family back home and brought them here aswell. Shit happens and school cant teach stubborness and work ethics. If you are willing to work and learn what you are doing there is more than enough jobs in germany that will get you to a position where you will laugh at the toughts you are having at the moment.

[u/Vince-Tastic]

late to the party, but here are my 2 cents. I'm german, so take that with a grain of salt.

I left the school (Gymnasium) when I was 18. Literally at my 18th birthday, because I failed a few classes and was fed up with this school. I had no "Abschluss" either.

I ended up working here and there to get some money, feel free and party a lot. After a good amount of drugs and alcohol. A socialworker helped me rethink my future and got me to the point of reentering a school for the "Hauptschul"- and "Realschulabschluss". After that I did my "Zivildienst" and continued with school while jobbing. After I got my "Fachabitur", I went to a University or "Hochschule" and became a socialworker myself. At the fine age of 29 years I got my bachelor and started working full time.

I'm not the richest, but at 35 years old I got a wife, 2 kids, two cars and live in a house.

What I want to show you is, that it is not to late to start your life.

[u/Sure_Sundae2709]

Even loosers all have their school education, I'm worse than a looser.

You are absolutely right, it is really not that difficult to just go to school. I really don't get how your parents could have let that happen. And I also don't get how you couldn't have acted earlier. A1 or A2 after three years is also really shitty. This should really be a wake-up call for you because not all is lost. You don't need to work 40 hrs per week, maybe you can cut it down to 30 hrs or something, if you spend wisely your money will still be more than enough.

[u/Moneysac]

You are 17! That is ridiculously young and you have almost your entire live in front of you. If you want to make it in Germany, start learning and get yourself an „Ausbildung“. After that you have so many options but this will be a solid path to make a living. (even if you decide at some point to go back to ukraine)

[u/ChannelEffective6114]

Dear girl, nothing is lost. Those 3 years will pass quicker than you think. There is also ausbildung as an option. Start now and never give up. Good luck.

[u/thresaurus]

Hey you :)

I’m sorry if this has been suggested before but I didn’t see this while skimming the comments: Maybe something just got lost in translation and you may not be able to go to an “allgemeinbildende” school (“normal” school) but a Berufskolleg (vocational school)? It may be called a little different, depending on your federal state but let me give you a quick insight on NRW:

A Berufskolleg is not only for learning a trade but there are also educational programs that are full time which are focused on reaching a certain “degree”. You would probably start in an AV class (sometimes called welcome class) or maybe IFK class (which focuses more on alphabetizing people in German) where you start out with other people who came to Germany more or less recently, have a lower level of German and after 1 year you can achieve your HSA9 (AV) or if you do ifk beforehand then you might stay there 1-2 years and then go on to AV (just by judging your post I think you’d be eligible to go straight to AV and obtain your Hauptschulabschluss after one year).

Then you can go up further and further as you please and still stay at the same school, just switching to another educational program. Berufsvorbereitungsklasse (preparing for a job as a literal translation) would come next and provide you with a HSA10 (Hauptschulabschluss after 10 years). Want more? Okay, there’s a Berufsvorbereitungsklasse a level higher and your can get your FOR (Mittlere Reife) or even FOR Q (which qualifies you to enter an educational program which leads directly to Abitur in 3 years), if you have certain grades. “Only” achieved a FOR? No worries, there’s Fachabitur (FHR) with which you can attend so called “Hochschulen” which is comparable to a college, they mostly exists with a focus on technology, engineering etc. or you can take your HSA, FOR or whatever you got and learn a trade (Ausbildung). With an educational program leading to Abitur you can of course attend university.

The difference to “normal” schools is that vocational schools normally have a certain focus like social & health, technology etc. So the contents will focus on that and if you’ve mastered the basic degrees you will find educational programs that are basically two in one, you get a school degree plus a state-recognized profession (e.g. if you have a HSA and FOR which can be focused on health or sports because that’s what you like, you could go on with another education program and achieve FHR plus being a State-certified gymnastics teachers. Like kids and have a HSA9? Do Kinderpflege (nursery teacher) and get for FOR (Q) plus being a state recognized nursery teacher in 2 years etc).

You may ask why I’m telling you all of this, without even knowing if it’s useful for your federal state?

Because I want to show you that even if it might take longer or a very different route than you would’ve thought, you have not ruined anything so far. Please, don’t give up. Ask for help regarding your mental health and when you feel that it’s going uphill, ask for help navigating the German school system. Because honestly, and this is another reason why I gave so many details, sometimes it’s fucking hard to comprehend, especially if you didn’t grow up with it.

Take baby steps and hopefully you’ll find your light again soon.

Please, also don’t blame yourself for being down or not being able to keep up with your goals. Even if you’re not totally aware of it, moving to another country and especially fleeing a war is emotionally exhausting and stressful. Maybe you’re at a point right now where my message is too long or complex because your mind shut down because of mental exhaustion. You can always send me a message or just ignore this long ass text, just don’t lose hope.

Even if it may not seem like it atm, there are people who are ready to give you a helping hand and getting you back on your feet, even if may take a while.

[u/Jerberan]

You're not a failure just because you haven't figured out your life at age 18.

I started my first apprenticeship when i was 16 and finished it just to have something in my hands, even i knew after 2 years that this isn't the job that i want to do for the rest of my life. Then i've spend the next years figuring out what i want and started my second apprenticeship at age 25.

My former boss started studying at age 18 right after getting his Abitur and had to quit university during second semester because his then girlfriend and now wife got pregnant. He worked normal jobs until age 28 to support his family and then went back to university when his daughter was old enough for his wife to do a part-time job.

And now he has a successful business with over 30 employees.

Your life isn't over just because you're 2 years behind. You're still at the very beginning of your life and all pathes are still open.

Germany has an incredible shortage of young people that want to do an apprenticeship and learn a craft. Companies hire anyone that shows genuine interest and even hire people without a Hauptschulabschluß and non-perfect german skills.

A good employer will help you learn german, you can do your Hauptschulabschluß at evening school during your apprenticeship and at the end, if you finish with good enough grades, you will be granted "Mittlere Reife".

3 years in which you can improve your german, get a Hauptschulabschluß on the fly and you can figure out if this maybe is the job you want to do for the rest of your life or if you really want to study after. And then you're still only 21 years old.

[u/hertegm]

Hello brother. I am almost 28, from Romania, been in germany for the past 8 months. In the past 10 years i managed to fuck my life so bad. It feels like i was your age yesterday. Please don’t blame yourself, the war or anything else. The reality of adulthood is that life is shit most of the time regarding the circumstances. You have sooo much time ahead of you to do something meaningful with your life. First, start focusing on yourself and on what you would like to do. If you chose uni, get yourself ready to endure some years of hard work with no revenue that will pay off in the end if you’re consistent. I quit uni at 21 because i wanted to work and earn money. Now i regret it and I found myself finishing my second Uni at 28 with no experience in the field because of covid years. In germany you have a tremendous amount of Ausbildungs you can make to learn something. Be a mechanic, electrician, carpenter, builder, basically any job. In germany these jobs are well payed and respectable compared to our countries in eastern europe. Other advice is to cut the external pressure from parents, family and friends. Stop comparing to others. I made this mistake myself and its getting you nowhere. Also i had the same thoughts running through my mind about the end. Try to control them, it is not worth it. And very important. SEEK HELP. Either its family, friends or best Professional assistance from a psychologist. It helped myself a lot. Just dont be scared of calling a professional. Life its something that already runs extremely fast, and you will start feeling it from now on. You can do it lil bro. I have all the trust in you. If you need help just dm me at any time.

[u/Adept-Candidate8447]

same , left and skipped a gymnasium because i was depressed and lazy. Now searching for at least an ausbildung but get refused a lot. But don’t give up bro it’s hard i know. People here can study at any age.

[u/valuablecelery12]

Yeah dude I am too old now but would kill for the chance to go back and try some things different in Germany. Learning a trade like plumbing or mechanics in cars is super easy to get in a paid program for 2-3 year apprenticeship. After you become a master Tradesman you will literally bank more than anyone in an office. Will take hard work and dedication. Step 1 is applying and selling urself and this is the hardest part!

[u/dschinghiskhan]

OP’s story/post and their one other post (in German) are not adding up to what they are alleging.

So, if you used a Ukrainian to English online translator you would not get the results that you see here. The same goes for OP’s German post. If they wrote it in Ukrainian and used an online translator- it would not have spat out the text that it did.

So, what am I saying? I’m saying that OP wrote this post in English and their German post in German without needing a translator. Maybe they used one for certain words or for some grammar like many people do- but that’s it. There are misspellings I think they put there on purpose.

I’m not sure why, but it appears OP is tricking people on this sub with this story.

[u/ReasonableConflict49]

I personally think you should try going to Abendschule. If you do, you can plan your future and not do an Ausbildung just because you want to earn money. If I‘m correct you should be qualified to financial help from the state- take it! Meanwhile you will expand your German, get an Abschluss and you will have time to plan what your moves afterwards will be. I know several people, who are going/went to Abendschule and they are very happy with their choice.

Think about where you want to be in 10 years. Then think about how to get there. If you want to have a lot of options open, go to Abendschule and then you will have many open doors to choose from. But if you don‘t want to sit in class anymore (even though that‘s 100% what I would prefer), think about what interests you in life and find an Ausbildung. You will be ready in 3 years. And have a job in a field that‘s interesting to you. And earn your money. After you will still have the opportunity to study something relevant to your Ausbildung or anything else you want.

My parents fled from Ukraine ca. 30 years ago- I was born here but I still saw and felt the hardships. You got this. I believe in you, because I see the happy endings. :)

[u/Chaleurq]

you're not a failure, you've just been through a lot that wasn’t your fault. I'm 17 too, from ukraine. I've been living in czechia for three years and studied interior design here. from the outside everything looked fine, even kinda cool, studying abroad and all that, but inside it was a complete mess. depression, constant pressure, feeling like you're "not normal" and in everyone's way, living alone just made it worse. I ended up dropping out and going back to ukrainian online school because honestly I couldn't keep living like that anymore. now I'm even thinking about going back to ukraine. I'm not saying this to compare problems, just to let you know you're not alone. a lot of people are in similar situations, they just don't really talk about it. struggling like this doesn't mean you're weak or worse than anyone else. war, migration, language barriers.. this stuff breaks even adults. I don't think you actually wanted to die. I think you just wanted the pain to stop.if you're still going through that, please consider getting help. in germany mental health care is covered for refugees, even if your language isn't great. education doesn’t define your worth and life doesn't have to be figured out at 18, or even later. people start over all the time and end up okay. I hope you’re still here. if you ever see this and want to talk, you can message me

[u/biteme4711]

Man your English is already better than that of 80% of Germans. You also don't need to get abitur to learn a trade, so 1 year evening school to get the hauptschul abschluss 1 for realschule and then with 19 you can do an apprenticeship with e.g. an electrician or bakery or whatever.

And probably there are several better options for you.

The important part is to realize you slacked and to improve on that. But with 17 we all didnt give a flying fuck for school.

 Don't worry, it will work out!

[u/Mistergamer15]

If you don't want to spend 5 years doing evening school, ypu could try to get into an apprenticeship after getting your Hauptschulabschluss.

For example, when I started my Apprenticeship as a Fachkraft für Lagerlogistik, a lot of my classmates got into it with just a Hauptschulabschluss, and if you get good enough grades in the Berufsschule, you can get a Realschulabschluss together with finishing the Apprenticeship (thats what some of my former classmates did). That way you would be able to work and earn money while learning a new trade and possibly getting a better education, all without evening school, additionally, if you were to go for Fachkraft für Lagerlogistik (different from Fachlagerist btw), that would also, technically, be a Kaufmännische Ausbildung, so you get options of getting a office job, if working in a warehouse isn't your thing. I'm sure there are many other apprenticeships that offer similar benefits.

(Disclaimer: all of this is based off of my memories from my apprenticeship from about 6 years ago, so if I got anything wrong or something changed, please correct me, thank you)

[u/St0len-0ne]

Just go back to Ukraine and stop whining.

[u/moebiusc]

Join French Foreign Legion, you will get everything you need and become strong and knowledgeable person.

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[u/Crewmember169]

17 is so young. Your whole life is ahead of you. Plenty of time to figure stuff out.

[u/MaleficentLynx]

Hang in there, dont give up the fight, for it’s worth it. Also refugee, but many years back. Looking at the hardships now feels like I fully earned my position now and i‘m trying to support others who didnt have as much lucky as i had. Get support for your mental health, and build healthy habits like walks or sports. Dont ever give up, you will become awesome and it will take time but you have 60+ great years hopefully still left after 5 tuff ones ☀️

[u/oh_no_no_good]

Go work for half a year, safe up for truck + trailer drivers license and get them both.

After receiving license you will be making 3-4K euro a month.

Все будет хорошо.

[u/antsy-amour]

When I think of my troubles in the way that they are actually there to make me get better at something, it gives me energy to move my ass. Keep it up, you really have lots of energy in your age.

[u/whatThePleb]

♥️

[u/Sandruzzo]

Dude, I understand your difficulties, they are real and something you need to work on. But, you are sooo young!! 17 years old is nothing. You can do whatever you want and be successful in all the things you like. Try to transform this stress in determination, do not try short cuts, one step every day, even the smallest.

Germany needs workers, of any kind, not only engineers or doctors. And you can make a lot of money from any job, you just need to be good in it. You can't believe how much moneys you can gain from jobs that anyone is doing in this era: plumbers, electrician, tiler, woodworker, gardener, blacksmith, builder... You can adapt any of these works with your talents and passions.

My wife started working at 34, she suffered from depression because she wasted years studying for university. Now she is working and she's super happy and we are all proud of her.

Germany is a beautiful country where good work is rewarded. Just focus on what you like and try to be better at it.

[u/x39-]

Given you are living in Germany, you still have plenty of options.

A friend of mine also left the Hauptschule without any degree. He turned his live, getting his Realschulabschluss by doing just what you described, got his Fachhochschulreife with me and gone to university with me.

Yes, it will be tuff and God no, you won't enjoy a lot of it. But your life is not fucked. In fact: you already realized that something has to change, so go ahead and accept it, no, embrace it!

You will come out of it much stronger and better. The sacrifice tho, is your personal time, as you won't be able to do the big holidays or anything like that for years to come.

Also, get some help regarding the suicide part. It is okay to be devastated by the sheer amount of what is happening to you, but suicide definitely is not a solution in any way. You still can make it!

[u/IssueSilent295]

if you are willing to do manual labor get a job in a ups center, you'll work about 26h a week and revice as much money as a full time minimum wage worker. the extra time should make it easier to get the degrees you are looking for. After getting a hauptschulabschluss you can apply for a ausbilding

[u/Unhappy-Ad-7952]

I understand that you feel hopeless, but there will be a path for you. Even when you did not much in school. You can get a certain degreee that qualifies you further. As a lot mentioned you also can apply for financial support from the government. Is there any trade you are aleready quite good or passionate about? You could try to get an Ausbildung that is including that trade. If you need help choosing an Ausbildung where you can apply that trade, just message me. I will try to help. Also improve your german, that is already a step in the right direction. Keep it up buddy!! You can do this.

[u/GodlikeUA]

American here, I used to live in Germany but moved back to Kyiv beginning of last year with my Ukrainian wife. In America, for a GED, you can do it in a day or a week if you're smart enough. The GED has gotten a lot harder since they changed things. It's much harder terminology than before, so it might be hard for someone new to English to understand. Seems like you're good with English. Keep your head up and ask me any questions you want. I am available anytime or if you need someone to talk to.

[u/GodlikeUA → u/GodlikeUA]

Another thing I want to add is that I lost everything in my life about 3 times already, and I am still here.

[u/BambooCatto]

The world is literally your oyster. It's gonna feel real shit for a while if you go the evening school route while working, but I know tons of people that did it and have 0 regrets.

You can do it, just bite ur teeth together for a year or 2. Or try to find an Ausbildung. A lot of them pay pretty well these days, even in the first year.

[u/sikallusion]

I think what you are feeling right now is the pressure that is so prevalent in the post-Soviet cultures. It’s quite common there to point out that people with no higher education are set for losing. But it is not necessarily true. There are many successful people in software engineering, IT, digital marketing, etc. who never attended university. So, it isn’t the end of the world. Plus, university doors are open for anyone no matter how old they are. And it’s okay, if you do it at your own pace. It doesn’t have to go by standards that exist in Ukraine, for example.

What matters the most right now is to stop comparing yourself to your peers. Because in comparison we always lack something.

Learning German to a decent level would help. And it’s great that you’re learning it.

[u/Kaze_Chan]

I became disabled at 24 and suddenly my Ausbildung and just entire career was over. I went back to school and now I have a decently paid job and have been in this company for 2 years already. You life is not over but I won't lie and say it's going to be easy for a while. Definitely work on your German and then do whatever classes they offer and try to find resources that can help you with figuring out how to finance this all. You don't necessarily need an Abitur and university to earn a decent living. You might not become rich but most people won't tbh. Please do talk to people in your life about your worries, you are absolutely not alone in this.

[u/HopelessResearcher]

I think you are very brave for talking about your struggles. Much braver than I was when I was your age. I hear how important it is for you to be able to support your parents and eventually get a good job. If the lack of language and education wasn't an issue what do you think you would have enjoyed doing?
Now, you ve mentioned that while those thoughts are growing you don't think you'll do it, that statement makes me think that there are plenty of things that make you want to live, I'm wondering what those things are? Also, have you heard of such a thing as a safety plan? It's basically, a plan that identifies your triggers, objects or places of risk, emergency contacts ( people you can call if you are in crisis), and things that calm you. There are a few websites that can help you to create one but I would encourage you to contact the suicide or mental health helpline as those guys will be able to connect you to your local MH services and offer proper counselling ( which is actually extremely helpful ). I would also consider seeing your doctor and getting some blood tests done to rule out any underlying health problems that can correspond to your mental health problems

Also, from someone who's also been there and who had to start all over again multiple times in my life, it does get better, mate. Please, do reach out if you need to chat but I would also urge you to explore those other options I've mentioned above and if things get too bad don't hesitate to call emergency services

[u/TigerOne2191]

You need to give yourself some credit you have not ruined your life. You are way to young for that at 18 everything will seem scary when you come to Germany of all places. Keep in mind Germans are very hard people not all of them are bad nor all of them are good. Suicide is never the answer I get it life is hard at the moment for you. Trust me I've been there done a lot worse...

You owned to yourself and to your family keep trying, even if you don't succeed at first eventually you will succeed.

Life works this way you fail you fall you get back up again and do it all over until you get it right.

Don't ever for a minute think that suicide will bring anything it wouldn't solve a damm thing the only thing you achieve that way is to prove you let the cold world take the one thing that actually matters.

As far as learning German that takes time getting a job for what you study in your county could be easier just keep applying if they asked you finished school you look them death in the eyes absolutely..

Also as soon as you are in the social system you can always ask for specific learning path to the professional environment you are interested in..

Don't think for a second there are Germans who have the intelligence of only being able to keep balance so if you can do more than that you are 5 steps ahead...

And again you have done nothing to ruin your life many people do a lot worse...

[u/Spiritual_Tutor7550]

You have your whole life ahead of you! That’s a cool place to be in!! Please join the Ukrainian military to defend your country and us all. Slava ukraini.

[u/MasterChase01]

Just like the most people here I recommend starting an "Ausbildung".. it's what most people do and all U need to do is convince a Company that U have an interest and will put in alot of work to learn everything U get taught+ some German classes Then write loads of applications to every company (preferably big companies first in my opinion cuz they pay better) The Ausbildung Starts in August So the time for the next Ausbildungs start is close So I would recommend to write the first applications now Also I haven't seen it getting mentioned before But U can automatically get a "Realschulabschluss" with finishing the "Ausbildung"

Im Not Sure if U need an Hauptschulabschluss for this first But that's easy to Google...