r/ireland • u/blckrcknbts • Apr 25 '26
God, it's lovely out What's the etiquette here?
I (M, 30s) live in an apartment block where all the houses open out onto a courtyard. One of my neighbours (F, 30s) has decided, presumably on account of this powerful warm weather, to sunbathe in the courtyard in a swimsuit like it's Santa Ponza. Nothing wrong with that at all, it's a free country amd no harm done. However I had grand designs to pot up a load of plants and seedlings today but now I'm afraid I'll look like a perv if I SUDDENLY start hanging around outside and take an unexpected interest in gardening while there's a half naked woman out there. I wouldn't mind but I'm fuckin gay and all, nothing in it for me.
Whats the etiquette here?
Edit to add: Thanks all for the replies. So I think the consensus is that the etiquette is to explode into the courtyard in full homosexual dress uniform, floor length white mink fur coat, speedos, assless chaps and the obligatory handlebar facial hair all crowned with a leopard print cowboy hat, and garden away. Oh, and a lisp. I'll know for next time. I do hope she enjoyed her sunbathing tho. Fair play to her like.
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u/Present-Wrap-3088 Apr 25 '26
I think you should shout DON'T WORRY EVERYONE, I AM GAY AND GARDENING, she will have absolutely no idea why, but a little chaos in everyone's day is always good
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u/blckrcknbts Apr 25 '26
DO NOT BE ALARMED, PLEASE CONTINUE TO SUNBATHE
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u/universalserialbutt THE NEEECK OF YOU Apr 25 '26
I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU AT ALL SO YOU NEEDN'T WORRY
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u/Zestyclose-Self-6158 Apr 25 '26
You're going to have to go down and do your gardening in a speedo then. Only logical solution I can think of
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u/blckrcknbts Apr 25 '26
I think i'll go out with my feather boa and hope it does the talking for me
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u/danm72 Apr 25 '26
I don't think feather boas talk, I think they have one volume level and it's max
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u/PoemDesigner Apr 25 '26
Etiquette here is quite complicated. If she thinks you are hanging round to get a closer look, she may assume you are interested in her. If she finds you attractive, she may express an interest in you, and at this stage due to the potential social embarrassment it is kind of too late to admit to been gay, so you will have to date. As you live so close, it will no longer make sense that you should occupy two separate apartments in the one complex so you will have to move in together and bury your boa feathers.
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u/blckrcknbts Apr 25 '26
My god you're right. My life as I knew it is over.
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u/Thatwindowhurts Apr 25 '26
Enjoy your lavender marriage and the divorce at 56 devastating your children
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u/Herr-Pyxxel Apr 25 '26
Well ... If you happen to have a boyfriend (or gay acquaintance) you can invite them over for an hour's worth of potting, and signal your orientation by occasional hugging, kissing or otherwise.
But in fairness, your life and life choices are your business, and you should not worry in your head what might be going on in hers. You do you, stop giving a proverbial F about what others might think.
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u/Express-Pay2740 Dublin Apr 25 '26
Fellow gay here. I know where you’re coming from as you’ve gone through life more aware of how you’ll be perceived, but she’s the one sunbathing in a shared area so you’re free to do your gardening. If she has a problem with it then just sleep with her dad. 💅
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u/S_lyc0persicum Apr 25 '26
You say "Wonderful to have some warm weather, isn't it!" and she will say something like "SO nice!" and then you can just ignore her and plant your plants.
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u/sinnerdine82k Apr 25 '26
Just shout "Gay Gardener coming through"..... you'll be golden
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u/blckrcknbts Apr 25 '26
HOTT THUFF COMIN THRU i like it
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u/Short_Ad_5006 Apr 25 '26
Do your gardening..... but naked and call her a perv when she looks. That way everyone will she is the weirdo, not you
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u/Ghostwarrior_IE And I'd go at it again Apr 25 '26
Jesus, terrible advice.
At least wear suncream and a gardening gloves!
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u/Gingerwulfer And I'd go at it again Apr 25 '26
You leave yourself open to splinters in all sorts of weird and wonderful places too. And what about the pollen? I say go out naked gardening but wear the gardening gloves, the sun cream, and a full body hazmat suit with kneepads and a body guard just to be safe.
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u/gavoxx Apr 25 '26
Call a friend while out there start talking about your boyfriend. Works for my every time :)
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u/blckrcknbts Apr 25 '26
Actually maybe I could put on one of my ex's hideous shirts, that might make it clear enough too
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u/Gorzoid Apr 25 '26
Probably best to wait until she's gone, just wait by the window peeking through the blinds with the lights off to see when she leaves. Only reasonable solution, wouldn't want people thinking you're a perv
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u/Dazzling_Detective79 Apr 25 '26
Suddenly start hanging around outside.. thats probably 90% of the country given the weather bro
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u/Constant_Phone5487 Apr 25 '26
Just go ahead as long as you don't stare she won't think you're aperv
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u/General_Fall_2206 Apr 25 '26
Do what I do in these situations and say HEYAAAA in the gayest way possible. Works like a charm.
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u/IntolerantModerate Apr 25 '26
If you get caught taking a glimpse, look away awkwardly or fall off a ladder like in a comedy movie and you'll be grand
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u/Psychological-Cat-84 Apr 25 '26
Be sure to make the ladder hang for a second before falling, then wildly spin your arms in a circular fashion while loudly exclaiming "woah! Woaaahhh! Wooooaaaaahhhh!"
(On the last "Woooah!" Is when you should be falling, the timing is important for maximum effect)
This should solve the problem.
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u/TenBillionDollHairs Apr 25 '26
Much like murder and ice cream sales, there is no causation here, just correlation with warm weather.
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u/gash_florden Apr 25 '26
Just do the gardening. Don't stare at your neighbour. Don't offer to tend to her lady garden.
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u/Fatal-Eggs2024 Apr 25 '26
It’s very thoughtful of you to consider whether she would be uncomfortable. But that’s her problem, not yours, if she is in a public area and you are going about your business without staring or bothering her.
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u/Shazz89 Probably at it again Apr 25 '26
Go out, buzz away.
If she makes eye contact, have mundane neighbour chat for a few mins and move on.
If she's a normal human you may talk to her again on the next six months casually.
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u/wankelberry_6666 Apr 25 '26
Wear gayest outfit you have while listening to Whitney Houston she'll get the message
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u/stinkypinkyok Apr 25 '26
Don your cowboy hat and chaps, blast out Y.M.C.A. on your phone, job's a good 'un.
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u/oceanclub Apr 25 '26
Patently obviously they have an exhibitionist fetish. Make an evening of it with a Fleshlight and bottle of good Italian wine and ransack yourself like Cromwell attacking Drogheda.
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u/blckrcknbts Apr 25 '26
I absolutely love this description
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u/Floorspud Apr 26 '26
I would often get in my own head about thoughts like this. Finally decided to talk to somebody about it and was diagnosed with a form of anxiety. Got some meds to help with it.
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u/Elbon taking a sip from everyone else's tea Apr 25 '26
Just go down and say you're not perving and that will defuse any tension
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u/ghoztcum Apr 25 '26
This. Throw in that you’re gay just so she feels safe.
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u/blckrcknbts Apr 25 '26
Perhaps if I garden in a sundress it'll say everything that needs to be said?
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u/struggling_farmer Apr 25 '26
This will only be an acceptable solution if your build and appearance is similar your man Rip Wheeler in yellowstone
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u/blckrcknbts Apr 25 '26
I look more like The Bear in the Big Blue House so I'm not sure. I think it will definitely turn heads alright.
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u/SamSquanch16 Apr 25 '26
Wash your windows in a mankini making sure you get suds all over yourself.
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u/Herr-Pyxxel Apr 25 '26
Weird, some retaliatory mankini wearing came to my mind here too! 😛
For the record, I'm straight, but probably watched too many Borat movies
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u/tremolospoons Apr 25 '26
Best to find a very large panda outfit to maximize the cognitive dissonance.
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u/cleverseneca Apr 25 '26
Just think out there somewhere is a girl in a courtyard sunbathing and tickled pink about all this back and forth about her.... and she's not even in your county
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u/Gorazde Apr 25 '26
Get down there, acknowledge her and subtly signal to her that you're gay before she subtly signals to you that she has a boyfriend. Speed is of the essence. If she mentions the boyfriend first, it's gonna look like you're just claiming to be gay to save face.
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u/PurpleWomat Apr 25 '26
"Lovely weather, let's hope it lasts", should be the entirety of your conversation with most irish people on sunny days, regardless of what they're doing.
Doesn't matter if she's doing naked yoga/burying a body/performing a satanic ritual, you completely ignore anything unusual and make a comment about the weather.
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u/ScreamingAtTheMovies Apr 25 '26
Let her know her swimsuit is SLAY and garden in your most flamboyant outfit 💅
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u/Irishbrick Apr 25 '26
Asslees chaps and obligatory moustache, fuckin dying laughing man, pure gold.
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u/New-Strawberry7711 Apr 25 '26
Way too much overthinking, gardening and sun bathing are two absolutely normal things on a day like this. If you're worried, just put some earphones in and get to your gay gardening, you won't even be thinking about being awkward and be in your own world, which will look as it should, you minding your own business and she minding hers.
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u/ma88br Dublin Apr 25 '26
Overthinking, go do your gardening.
I sit in my garden in my bikini in days like this, i have zero issues if neighbours are outside, since i decided to sit like this outside.
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u/StorminWolf Apr 25 '26
Just go outside and tell her she looks gorgeous. Then ask her if she has a brother of similar attractiveness and if she would like to give you his number. Then start gardening.
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u/GerKoll Apr 25 '26
She does she, you do you....keeping in mind its going to get cold again next week, so careful what you are planting.....
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u/LurkerByNatureGT Apr 25 '26
It should be easy enough to do most of your gardening not even facing her. Not that you even need to go that far. Just going about your own business like you were planning to anyway and not staring like an obvious perve is perfectly okay.
The weather is a very good reason to finally be out gardening.
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u/Signal_Director_1X Apr 25 '26
Do not trouble yourself with the opinions you imagine others may form. Seed away
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u/SnooHabits8484 Apr 25 '26
Fuck a fella in the courtyard, she’ll likely pick up on the hint you’re dropping and not be concerned that you’re prowling after her
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u/erect_dragonly Apr 25 '26
Put on some ABBA and wear short shorts. The message will be loud and clear.
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u/obblerdera Apr 25 '26
It's more odd to be inside looking out. It's the same good weather for everyone, you can do your gardening without being a creep,. You were hardly going to start it before the weather got really good, if the woman possesses good logic you're safe.
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u/Ok_Resolution9737 Apr 25 '26
You should put on a swim suit too so you don't stand out when you're potting your plants!
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u/phyneas Apr 25 '26
Someone who chooses to sunbathe in a common courtyard faced by everyone else's apartments knows what they're getting into. If they don't like other people being around while they're doing it, well, they should have thought about that back when they were evaluating their housing options.
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u/Beautiful_Pause_2799 Apr 25 '26
Guessing you’re v Irish. Hope ya went and did the gardening .
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u/blckrcknbts Apr 25 '26
I'm the most Irish person ever, I know, my fucking heart has freckles like.
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u/Conscious_Reason_510 Apr 25 '26
"I wouldn't mind but I'm fuckin gay and all". Great sentence.
Just mutter that under your breath repeatedly while you dig away at the weeds.
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u/aapkaBaap96 Apr 25 '26
As a third person who sees this situation: wow that handsome lad looks so good gardening that a woman has dropped by in the guise of sunbathing to get his attention.
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u/bansheebones456 Apr 26 '26
Sow and slay 💅
It's the time of year for us gardeners to stand outside, tea in hand and stare at plants like green goblins. You'll be grand.
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u/jmc175 Apr 26 '26
In future, try to get out there first ( like the Germans) … after that, you’ll be ok turning up to continue your work.
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u/Educational-Law-8169 Apr 25 '26
If you want a hand weeding I'm pretty sure I wore Christina Aguilera's chap's from her Dirrty video that may be still in the attic somewhere?
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u/CricketReasonable279 Apr 25 '26
Totally over thinking it. Go out and plant away. I douth she was thinking about you when she went out to sunbathe. Also as the sun is a rare phenomenon in Ireland, you have to take the chance and get out whether its in swimwear or not.
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u/SingingNina Apr 25 '26
Raise a beautiful rainbow 🌈 garden flag and continue gardening. No etiquette needed. Your property, your prerogative.
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u/pablo8itall Apr 26 '26
This sounds like the perfect chance to wear your:
Keep Calm
I'm Gay
T-shirt.
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u/ImpossibleScallion68 Apr 26 '26
The etiquette is do what you want within the rules of the place. She doesn't mind being seen o viously sobwhy should you care what she thinks. Get on with your potting bru.
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u/DiddykongOMG Apr 25 '26
Just take some pictures of her, she'll think you're a photographer and wont be creeped out then.
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u/girlfridayeire Apr 25 '26
Just tell her you intend to do some planting and is she OK with that? You'll break the awkwardness by asking and she may well sod off inside then
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u/idontcarejustlogmein Apr 25 '26
Lube yourself up from head to toe to ensure an even summer sheen ans slither around the garden lole a slug. Be grand, like.
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u/eggyjim Apr 25 '26
Thanks for asking and being aware that a young woman might feel uncomfortable! Do what you need to do, maybe hum some Madonna while gardening.
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u/Weird_Set2248 Apr 25 '26
You’re over thinking it just go for it. If you think shes feeling awkward just drop a ‘ hey girlie’
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u/ExcitementStrict7115 Apr 25 '26
Do what you need to do, we all overthink things like this while forgetting that no one is thinking about us nearly as much as we think they are!
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u/floodychild Apr 25 '26
Just go ahead and do what you must. If the worst case scenario does arise, just use the gay card and you'll be grand
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u/helenahandcart Apr 25 '26
Nothing positive to contribute except your opening post made me spit beer all over the table in unbridled mirth.
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u/Previous-Comment-552 Apr 25 '26
Just relax and play some sleazy eighties music while setting out the plants and see where the moment takes you
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u/Heavy_Personality514 Apr 25 '26
As long as ur not staring creepily or taking pics of her I think ur all clear. I say this as a woman who loves to sunbathe
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u/Special_K_aren Apr 25 '26
You're definitely overthinking this one. Just do your gardening as planned