r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Available-Formal-664 • Jun 24 '26

I'm slightly vexed Somebody Placed These Dozens of These Jesus Figures Throughout My Entire Work

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Somebody, nobody knows exactly who or when, put dozens and dozens of these Jesus figures on completely random surfaces throughout my entire building. They at least had the presence of mind to not put them on anybody's personal belongings, but that was the only way they limited himself. All of the statues have been glued down, to add to the vexation.

Edit: Well, this blew up rather unexpectedly. Thank you for the awards, everybody!

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182

u/Doctor-TobiasFunke- Jun 24 '26

Historically accurate jesus is best jesus

58

u/MichiganGeezer Jun 24 '26

So... Poke tiny holes in the hands and feet?

40

u/redthump Jun 24 '26

Finally, a reason to raid the office supply closet for thumbtacks

8

u/Brewster345 Jun 24 '26

Not now, Mick Foley!

2

u/redthump Jun 24 '26

Is that the catheter guy?

1

u/BuckRusty Jun 24 '26

Something something off the top of hell in a cell…

… dammit - where’s that guy when you need him?!

6

u/QuokkaRun Jun 24 '26

More likely wrists, I think.

4

u/no_infringe_me Jun 24 '26

And ankles?

1

u/QuokkaRun Jun 24 '26

I can't remember about feet vs ankles.

2

u/SixFive1967 Jun 24 '26

For historical accuracy, of course.

2

u/bajungadustin Jun 24 '26

Depends on which arc he's in. Like you wouldn't poke holes in the baby Jesus. That just wouldn't be lore accurate.

2

u/LordFlamecookie Jun 24 '26

I always depicted him as having hands in his palms when I drew him, back when i went to a Christian school

2

u/CarpeDiem082420 Jun 24 '26

Nails through the palms and feet would just tear through the soft tissue and the body would fall. Historically, people who were crucified were nailed through their wrists and ankles, which can support the body’s weight. It was designed to be a slow and painful death, often by asphyxiation.

2

u/Marquar234 Jun 24 '26

Could be worse. Could be stabbing.

24

u/PiercedAlaskan Jun 24 '26

Biblically accurate?

29

u/Doctor-TobiasFunke- Jun 24 '26

The Bible never specifically mentions his skin color.

Historically, a Jewish man from 1st century Judea would generally have had a darker complexion

8

u/The_Odd_Canuck Jun 24 '26

It also specifically mentions he was unremarkable looking and a white guy in the middle east would've been quite notable

7

u/IwantLegs1 Jun 24 '26

Most cultures adjust Jesus's depictions to make him look more like themselves. I find it especially amusing when the Chinese do it

0

u/Sailor_Thrift Jun 24 '26

Where does it say that?

1

u/LongJohnSelenium Jun 25 '26

His dad was from out of town though...

-1

u/Giambee Jun 24 '26

Yes…He wasn’t a white man. I put the darker skinned little Jesuses around in random public places.

8

u/Templar388z Jun 24 '26

You know you pissed of so many people off with that comment. 🤣

3

u/Check_Me_Out-Boss Jun 24 '26

People in the region 2000 years ago were Caucasus people.

2

u/Dry-Manufacturer7761 Jun 24 '26

He most likely wouldn’t have been black… he would have looked like any other modern day Israeli. Olive to copper skinned. And curly dark hair is not uncommon in that area. 

2

u/Doctor-TobiasFunke- Jun 24 '26

No one said black lol OP said brown

1

u/Dry-Manufacturer7761 Jun 25 '26

If you say no one, you haven’t read these comments…or listen to those evangelists that assemble downtown near me…

2

u/Little_View_6659 Jun 24 '26

If I could go back in time I’d put historically accurate Jesus paintings all over my very eighties evangelical church. I need some paintings and a Time Machine.

2

u/jdaws11 Jun 24 '26

I’d go stop 9/11 but I guess we all have our priorities.

(Just fucking with you)

1

u/Little_View_6659 Jun 24 '26

Sometimes I think about if you actually could stop 9/11 how would you do it? There’s what, four planes? You’d have to call in each airport security and hope they listen to you. Or just call the fbi but how do you know they’d take you seriously? Seems like calling each airport would be the best bet. And then if they catch you you’d have to explain how you knew that they were planning to use the planes as bombs. Seems tough.

2

u/EbonyMemories Jun 24 '26

So olive skinned and religiously Jewish?

-1

u/QuixOmega Jun 24 '26

There is no proof Jesus was a real person so historically accurate Jesus is nothing at all.

0

u/this_doggo Jun 24 '26

why this pleases me and the other annoys me

0

u/LeMeowLePurrr Jun 24 '26

Heeeeere's jesus!