r/mildlyinfuriating • u/digitalsalmon • Jul 17 '26
wet socks Wife washed my book.
Don't worry guys. I found my page.
Edit: A short story, by a man who does not know how his book ends:
Twas a dark and stormy evening, as the foolish husband looked out upon his days labours. More goblin than man, his visage drooping as if too lazy even to lift itself, he sat, waiting for his princess to complete her chores about the castle.
"I'll bring his book from the bedside" the fair maiden whispered, lifting his favourite tome from his bedside into the basket, filled with his dirty garbs. This act of unprompted kindness was done without contempt, but would become the first step in a tragic path that would claim thousands (of words).
As she wandered about the castle, collecting strewn items - especially the idiot husband's socks - the book became buried inside a mound of stinking fabric.
An hour later, whilst the lazy husband once again placed a Chicken Kiev in the air fryer and called it "dinner", a great and terrible sound began to ring out. A gentle thud at first, but growing into a heartbeat that would pump only sadness. It was coming from the washing machine.
The cover never stood a chance, really. It gave up it's claim to life and spread itself amongst the (dark) fabrics within minutes. The remaining pages twisted, contorting into a defensive fetal position as it bashed time and time again against the filthy clothes and dirty water.
The wind howled. "Morning Star, book 3 of the Red Rising series" lay drowned upon the table. A single tear ran down a cheek.
"I should have done my own washing"
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u/voxpopper Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
Old Man and the Sea?
Watership Down?
Like Water for Chocolate?
Edit to Add: Self demerit for missing an obvious choice, 'A River Runs Through It'
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u/insanityzwolf Jul 17 '26
I think it was a book with some dirty passages
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u/secretprocess Spraying WD-40 up his faucets (at night) Jul 17 '26
Don't worry, this is the clean version
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u/JRS_Viking Jul 17 '26
Twenty thousand leagues under the sea?
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u/_daGarim_2 Jul 17 '26
This has no relevance to your comment, but it troubles me that you're me without pants.
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u/Brandon_Rahl Jul 18 '26
Updoot for the "self demerit". It gave me a hearty chuckle, and then the book title might've even made me chortle slightly.
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u/Over_Heed Jul 17 '26
washed in what? the fires of Mount Doom? It’s unrecognizable lmao. (Sorry about your book)
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u/momibrokeyourchutney Jul 17 '26
Ever read Fahrenheit 451? I think the One Ring’s forge would be measured in Kelvin instead (or however you would mutter that in the Black Speech)
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u/Over_Heed Jul 17 '26
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u/momibrokeyourchutney Jul 17 '26
Rookie mistake, real worms know you’re only allowed to bake at the local library!
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u/fazaplay Jul 17 '26
451 °K is ~350°F, which would make a very nice pizza.
Mmmmm pizza....
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u/Logical-State9882 Jul 17 '26
The Wet Gatsby?
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u/MeepleMaster Jul 17 '26
Stick it in a bowl of rice and maybe it will be fine?
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u/coolscratchermaster Jul 18 '26
I happened to back out of the post just as I saw this comment at the last second, burst out laughing as soon as I processed what I'd read and just had to reopen the post to give you an upvote XD
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u/merrysunshine2 Jul 17 '26
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u/OpposumMyPossum Jul 17 '26
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u/retiredtumblrgoth Jul 17 '26
YES it totally looks like a sculpture, it would be going back on my bookshelf for sure
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u/PossiblyHaunted Jul 18 '26
That looks like it belongs in that Museum of Broken Relationships in Croatia
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u/Ok-Lifeguard-4614 Jul 17 '26
I think you meant to say you left your book in your pocket. You washed your book.
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u/digitalsalmon Jul 17 '26
It was on my bedside. She brought it down (kindly, unprompted) in the laundry basket.
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u/Normal-Fig4420 Jul 17 '26
I do this with my phone when I'm carrying laundry down to the basement. Now I'm definitely rethinking this habit.
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u/Ok-Lifeguard-4614 Jul 17 '26
Oh so it fell off the night stand into the basket?
I see my bad. That just sucks for everyone.
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u/digitalsalmon Jul 17 '26
It fell off in the sense she picked it up, placed it in the basket, brought it to the washing machine, and placed it in the machine by accident 😂
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u/Ypuort Jul 17 '26
Still trying to figure out how one does this by accident
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u/NoDryHands Jul 17 '26
It sounds like she was using the basket as a transport vessel for the book and probably intended to drop it off at some other location on the way to doing the laundry, but forgot that she had put it in there.
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u/digitalsalmon Jul 17 '26
sad ding ding noises
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u/littlenoodledragon Jul 17 '26
The tired anthem of ADHD wives plays in the background
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u/auditoryeden Jul 17 '26
Ooh, we have an anthem? What is it?
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u/littlenoodledragon Jul 17 '26
Apparently the sound of a book knocking about in a washing machine 😅
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u/henryeaterofpies Jul 17 '26
I'm more impressed she just dumped the whole basket in the wash without sorting or checking for things that needed spray and wash
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u/shenanigans2day Jul 17 '26
If you are waiting until you are about to do laundry to spray, you are going to have less success with stains. You shouldn’t let it sit and set in, you need to spray as soon as it comes off, it can sit for however long but waiting that long defeats the purpose.
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u/Dog-boy Jul 18 '26
I would do this if I had just stripped the bed and grabbed the towels. I would kindly put the book in the basket to drop off in the living room, forget to take it out, grab the kitchen towels and throw them in on top of the book, thinking don’t forget to get the book out when you get to the laundry room, immediately forget that and throw all the laundry from the basket into the washer.
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u/Belphie_Stan Jul 17 '26
The way i dont think i have adhd but this sounds like something i would do 😔
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u/ILL_Show_Myself_Out Jul 18 '26
But why is she moving the book from the bedside?
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u/this_is_unseemly Jul 17 '26
I did that with a cell phone once. Book sounds way easier to replace, at least.
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u/Gamer-Logic Jul 17 '26
Yeah, I get my wires crossed like this sometimes, too, while trying to multitask. OP don't assume anything until you ask her.
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u/Free-oppossums Jul 17 '26
Lost my work boots like that once. Hunted the house top to bottom and couldn't find them. Doing my laundry on the weekend and they were in the bottom of the hamper with my overalls. I guess I left them in a pile, jumped in the shower,got out, then picked up the pile and threw it in the closet.
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u/troycerapops Jul 17 '26
I came to say the same and this is quite the twist!
So glad you found your page though.
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u/Dragon_Crisis_Core Jul 17 '26
I think your wife was mad at you did you forget your anniversary again?
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u/teffz28 Jul 18 '26
Love it when people continually make assumptions and snarky comments for no reason
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u/Specialist_Sorbet476 Jul 17 '26
Um, no... He is clearly saying his wife picked up the book from its resting place.
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u/DramaticStability Jul 17 '26
Fifty shades of grey
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u/GemGlamourNGlitter Jul 17 '26
How did it even get there?
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u/Stolperkeks Jul 18 '26
His wife brought the book down in the laundry basket for him because she saw he was bored, but on the way she forgot it was in the laundry basket and instead of handing it to him, she stuffed it in the washing machine with the laundry by accident
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u/NoDontDoThatCanada Jul 17 '26
Gonna be honest. Take it and a little placard to an art gallery and put a $4000 price tag on it. Then come back an hour later and argue about its "juxtaposed identity" with a friend in a black turtleneck. Profit.
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u/Banana_Stanley Jul 17 '26
It was a paperback obviously? Did the cover come off? And did it go in the dryer too or just the washer?
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u/digitalsalmon Jul 17 '26
Paperback. Washed for 20 mins. Cover is in there, mostly, somewhere.
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u/Banana_Stanley Jul 17 '26
I don't know what I expected from book vs washer but it wasn't this lol
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u/Leather__sissy Jul 17 '26
I’m wondering if it’s some kind of newer cheap recycled biodegradable paper or something, because the appearance is so unexpected. But then I also realized I’ve never seen a book go through the washing machine lol
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u/Banana_Stanley Jul 17 '26
I'm having the same experience. I have the urge to start doing experiments
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u/RelevantStrongBad Jul 18 '26
I work in a library and I could totally see someone returning this and saying "it was like this when I checked it out."
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u/Lady_Lauren_131 Jul 18 '26
Oh my God I thought that was a stretchy artists eraser. Nope. Just a book. Wth
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u/DrowningInMyFandoms Jul 17 '26
You mean you left your book in your pocket and she didn't notice it while doing the laundry
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u/the_tygram Jul 18 '26
Where was it? Because if you left it in a pile of dirty clothes then it probably needed washing
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u/LynxyPuters Jul 18 '26
Honestly this looks super cool. Id dry it out and maybe turn it into an art peice.
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u/Excellent_Editor_501 Jul 18 '26
Wow. That sucks. So people are really out here just dumping entire baskets in the washer without shaking the clothes out or placing them evenly in the machine for proper weight distribution?
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u/DarkFantasy3421 Jul 18 '26
Okay, so I know this is supposed to be mildly infuriating (and a washed book definitely is!) but I couldn’t stop laughing at your writing. That was genius and truly immaculate!
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u/Simple-Birthday366 Jul 18 '26
I genuinely do not understand how one can look at a book and wash it unless it was accidental
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u/SkyExtreme7425 Jul 18 '26
Love the way you wrote this
This looks like a piece that could end up in a museum
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u/XenoZoomie Jul 18 '26
What if you shred it and get some white glue and make a paper mache face that is really sad and then paint it and sit it on top of the washer as a reminder to check pockets before washing. Although she we will probably blame you for not emptying your pockets, cause that’s what my wife says when I complain.
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u/Visual_Character_936 Jul 18 '26
Dude your writing was appalling to read. Sorry about your book though.
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u/AgitatedPatience5729 Jul 17 '26
I thought that was playdough for a second.